Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Strangers that I will never see again and that don't mean anything ask me my name. I'm dressed to the point where no one has called me 'she' or 'miss' all day and have been feeling pretty confident. I think about it way longer than I should with an awkward silence, and finally I quietly say my birth name. I feel so disappointed in myself. I have come out to my friends and faced endless rejection and criticism from my parents from telling them and I have been brave and confident about all of it. But still I get this inability to simply say "Vincent" or "Vinny" to a stranger who only wants to hear my name. (Every time I have to fill something out, I also put my birth name because I feel I have a legal obligation since it's not been legally changed yet. I realize on certain forms that it is legally binding and understandable, but on everything I fill out on paper I feel like this.)

I guess I just feel disappointed in myself mostly because I have been so tough about it up to this point, even telling my friends on facebook "Accept me or defriend me. I don't care how long I've known you." But yet complete strangers that I will probably never see again- I get cold feet.  ???

Huh, I've got no idea what to say to that. I'm actually the opposite way, I hesitate every time I'm filling something out because I KNOW my legal name, but it's to the point where it doesn't feel like my name at all. If someone calls me that name, half the time I don't even respond because I forget they're talking to me and if it does register, all I feel is this mix of mild anger and disgust.

I kind of do the same thing but rather than blurting it out, I accidently start writing it or my last name. Like I used to sketch M's all over my paper because it was the first letter of my name and it's more like just a force of habit. Good luck with that though, I'm not really sure how to break off from doing it but I'm sure you'll get it eventually.

See its like the exact opposite with my friends. I don't respond if they call me by my birth name- and I even forget my parents are talking to me when they call me by my birth name. But I guess I just have the fear of being called out on it in public, so I tough it out and put up with having to hear my birth name. Also with the forms, its like a fear of breaking the law for me. Like they would accuse me of funny business if I put anything but my current legal name on the paper.  :-\ I need to stop being so fearful I suppose.

Oh wow, I totally do that too.  I've legally changed my name and my family is getting used to calling me by it.  but then total strangers I feel ashamed to give my new name, or something.  I know I will never see them again so I don't get it.  I think if I just keeping trying I will get used to it and it won't make me feel weird anymore.

After a while you will feel more comfortable giving people your real name not your birth name.

Until then wear a name badge with Vincent or Vinny on it.

Quote from: JohnR on March 27, 2011, 03:48:48 AMUntil then wear a name badge with Vincent or Vinny on it.

Oh, this is a very good idea, imo.  If I did that, then I would be forcing myself to tell people my real name, since they would be like "why does your name tag say otherwise?"  And I need to force myself to do things that I'm otherwise too embarrassed to do.

I have a really hard time with the "writing down your legal name because you don't want to break the law" thing too Vincent. I hate that I have to write down my legal name JUST because it was a name I was given at birth and I had no say in the matter. Isn't it ridiculous how humans treat names like that? It's like a slave name, and you have to jump through so many hoops to set yourself free if you don't like your given name.

About telling strangers my birth name, I only would tell them if they pushed the issue. For example one time at work:

Customer: Koh? Is that your legal name or nickname?
Me: I'm legally changing it soon.
Customer: What's your birth name?
Me: *hesitates* ... *blurts out birth name*

Actually talking to strangers I find is the best way to try on a new name. I'll tell them my new name and see what their reaction is, and gauge if the name is right for me and whether or not I should legally change it. Wearing a nametag with your real name is a good idea.

Quote from: N.Chaos on March 27, 2011, 12:44:11 AM
Huh, I've got no idea what to say to that. I'm actually the opposite way, I hesitate every time I'm filling something out because I KNOW my legal name, but it's to the point where it doesn't feel like my name at all. If someone calls me that name, half the time I don't even respond because I forget they're talking to me and if it does register, all I feel is this mix of mild anger and disgust.

This describes me so well my birth name doesn't even sound right to me anymore.

Or instead of getting a name tag you could get a mechanix shirt with Vinny embossed on it. :)

It took me awhile to get ussed to my new name. Even after I changed it I would still acidently use the old male name on occassion.

Personaly I find it more disturbing when I am talking to myself and I use my old male name than when I use it with other people.    ::)

It took me a while to get used to it, but I think I got a kick out of it when I did. I know a woman, a cis gendered woman, who didn't like her name and thought her name was awkward so she just began introducing herself as someone else. Now, it's what everybody knows her as. That simple fact blew my mind so now introducing myself to others I just use the name I prefer.

Sometimes it's a hard habit to kick, but you can call yourself whatever you want and people generally won't question it. The legal issue gets me more but when I have to enter it I make sure it's my business and no one elses. It still makes me feel a bit sick, but I do prioritize. Something going to the college records is treated differently than signing up for a mailing list. I s'pose we just all have to cope until we can get our names legally changed...

>.< I'm srry hun, it must have been embarrassing. I hope I don't do that, although I probably will..... >.>

I used to do that all the time. Or I'd use a gender neutral name because I panicked. A lot of it was not being able to go automatically to "Nikolai," so I hesitated so much I had time to back out. I think the best way to get over it is to completely absorb your new name so it doesn't feel like a pseudonym anymore, or just an optional thing. Repeat it to yourself, write it a lot, use it when you talk to yourself. Eventually, it will feel odd to tell anyone anything else.

Quote from: C.J. on March 27, 2011, 03:44:12 AM
When I have to say my birth name I feel like I'm lying and am afraid to be "found out" haha.

Oh man, I feel the same exact way, I hate it.  Especially when I'm dealing with online stuff, selling my paintings, they've got to be wondering why they're filling out checks to someone named nicole when the person they're buying from is named Nick. And very obviously not a girl.
I just hate it.

I get that same thing! I punch my friend about six times per schoolday because he uses my 'old name' to get to me, but when a doctor calls our house asking for me by my old name, I just say "speaking," though I know I sound like some boy they don't know.

I wish this beaurocratic society didn't make it so hard to literally make a name for ourselves.

Quote from: Nikolai_S on March 27, 2011, 04:13:21 PM
I used to do that all the time. Or I'd use a gender neutral name because I panicked. A lot of it was not being able to go automatically to "Nikolai," so I hesitated so much I had time to back out. I think the best way to get over it is to completely absorb your new name so it doesn't feel like a pseudonym anymore, or just an optional thing. Repeat it to yourself, write it a lot, use it when you talk to yourself. Eventually, it will feel odd to tell anyone anything else.

On that note, the first time I told my friends my new name at school, this awesome girl went overboard with it because she knew how shy I was with it. She literally said:

"Hey, ZEKE. How are ya, ZEKE? I've been good, ZEKE." And people around her asked, "Who's Zeke?" and she explained it to like 20 people. After that she proceeded to hook me up on a double date with my girlfriend of seven months. She is fecking AWESOME.

I get the same way. I want to say my name is Brent but I end up hesitating. I'm never sure what to say. I don't know why it's so hard for me.

Quote from: Ezekiel on March 30, 2011, 01:46:44 AM
On that note, the first time I told my friends my new name at school, this awesome girl went overboard with it because she knew how shy I was with it. She literally said:

"Hey, ZEKE. How are ya, ZEKE? I've been good, ZEKE." And people around her asked, "Who's Zeke?" and she explained it to like 20 people. After that she proceeded to hook me up on a double date with my girlfriend of seven months. She is fecking AWESOME.

Lol, my best friend/boyfriendthing does a similar thing, he'll say my name constantly. Even when it's just me and him talking, he'll start his sentences with it. Hell, even if we're the only ones in the house he'll do it. It'd be annoying if it wasn't so funny (and oddly sweet).