Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Dear God,                             i know you made me imperfect, but this battle: could be, very well, to strong for me to fight. I've had chances of being ina relationship with wonderfull guys. I missed out on my teen life as a girl. It was a 2 out of 2 chance, that i would be born in the right body, what happened? I weap because it hurts but i smile because i have flown but when i fall i break a wing and stumble to get back up again. lord, i pray to you, if theres any chance in the world, to allow me to wake up as a girl in the morning physically. Amen.

14 years, almost every night...

I stopped too.

Quote from: RoseBlossom on April 11, 2011, 12:29:29 AM
Dear God,                             i know you made me imperfect, but this battle: could be, very well, to strong for me to fight. I've had chances of being ina relationship with wonderfull guys. I missed out on my teen life as a girl. It was a 2 out of 2 chance, that i would be born in the right body, what happened? I weap because it hurts but i smile because i have flown but when i fall i break a wing and stumble to get back up again. lord, i pray to you, if theres any chance in the world, to allow me to wake up as a girl in the morning physically. Amen.

You know it might seem kind of the opposite of what normally happens but transition has brought be closer to god not farther away.  I did the same thing you did for years, especially in my teens.  I found out late that i could indeed change who i was and have a chance at passability.  Then i remembered "God helps those that help themselves" I truly believed it, so on prayer just before i was ready to start transition i said, i will do my part, i will give this 100% and help myself, but your going to have to do the rest, the things i cannot control. 

So I started my transition a 210lb slob of a human being with not much to work with and bad health.   3 years later i am a passable woman with a career, lots of friends, look average in a bikini, and even have a fiance.  Life could not be better, however it was hard work, and still is. 

I quit about 20 years ago, when I figured out there is no God.

Dont think that God does not know how you feel about this. I realized that God is going through the samething that we are on a spiritual level. the body (Christianity) does not reflect how God feels on the inside and is going through changes to correct this missake. God looks on the heart; not on the outward appearance. Not to mention, knowing that God sees me as myself has made me more out going as myself. The old man is crucified with Christ so we can married him that is alive from the dead. I would not have seen that God was going through transition also if I had not been created this way. But God being my friend wanted me to know this secret just to share it with all of you. we get to see God change into something Beautiful. so watch for it.

Quote from: Janet Lynn on April 11, 2011, 11:34:33 AM
I quit about 20 years ago, when I figured out there is no God.

Right there with you on that one.... I was never the most religious person in the world, but during my teens I thought there could be a God and would cry myself to sleep begging and pleading to wake up a girl... a common theme among those who are trans from what I hear.

I've not believed in the existence of a God for many years now, as stated even back then I didn't necessarily believe...... just didn't necessarily disbelieve either.

I still believe in God. I just want to be able to bring myself to be thankful to that being for this process one day. I'm still a little bit mad at him/her.

If there is a capital g God, I doubt very much that he/she/it gives half a ->-bleeped-<- about what we want.

:icon_hug:

Brings back many sad memories of a young me.

I think that our transitions are a direct chalenge by god to us. Our chalenge is simple, how much ->-bleeped-<- will you be willing to take to be true to your self?
How can we be true to God/dess is we are not true to self?

There is a reason you were born. There is a reason you were dealt this, burden and cross to carry. There is a reson for wanting to change what is wrong. There is a reson for every tear, every lament, every painful moment you have experienced. There is a reason for you being a beautiful woman you are. There is a reason for your life, your love, your passion. You have touched me right now and made me cry, as for many others as well. There is a reason for you to go on, fulfill whats rightfully yours and bless this world with your beautiful presence.

Quote from: alexia elliot on April 11, 2011, 02:29:20 PM
There is a reason you were born. There is a reason you were dealt this, burden and cross to carry. There is a reson for wanting to change what is wrong. There is a reson for every tear, every lament, every painful moment you have experienced. There is a reason for you being a beautiful woman you are. There is a reason for your life, your love, your passion. You have touched me right now and made me cry, as for many others as well. There is a reason for you to go on, fulfill whats rightfully yours and bless this world with your beautiful presence.

Alexia well said. 

I know we all have our ideas about God.  I choose to believe there is a loving God who cares.  I believe there is because God sent His Son to save us. I know the pain however of praying and praying and praying to wake up a girl and to be changed to a girl.  I imagine someone who is born and can not walk and lives life in a wheel chair says prayers about their thing -"Oh God let me walk and run and jump!"

God allows suffering for some reason. I surely don't have all the answers.  I have lots of questions for God when I get to Heaven. More questions than answers probably!  I think one of the things my GID has done for me is make me care about others who suffer.   No I don't know why God created us with GID.  I believe I was born that way. As a little child I wanted to be a girl , not a boy that I was born. And I still do...being a girl living in a boys body has been very hard for me.  I still pray to God and I have seen many many prayers answered in miracle amazing ways.   I think for me the question God has for me, is "Amelia will you still trust me and love me?"  And I say yes, Lord I will.  Each of us has our own experience with God. I am not saying you all who don't believe in God are wrong. I am just stating where I am at and why I still believe.  Love to all. Amelia

Proof that I am a god and that She does answer prayers: I have made myself the woman who I wish to be.

:-)

Gods throughout history only help those who help themselves.

I used to do this to, but I stopped.

I believe there is somthing out there, but I don't no what... And at this moment in time, I don't believe it's god. Just my thoughts.

Reminds me of the Garth Brooks song, Unanswered Prayers.

I prayed this many times in my teens, 20's and 30's I now know why they were never answered. Three of the answers are currently sound to sleep.  :)

I always thought of what my life would of been like if I transitioned at 25 (very close to doing it) I realize now I would of never found out how great it is to be a parent. I even had the chance to be a spouse albeit a husband and it ended in divorce but is still something I cherish. There is a reason for everything. We may think we're in control but we're far from it.

I do catch my self praying almost this same thing at times but now just for the plumbing to be correct, I'm already female.

Shelly

The question about god or no god is difficult. But we can state that if there is one, god is not both allmighty and good, otherwise you wouldn't torture people and demand they belive in you in order to get saved, that's sick perverted and pure evil.
We are born and chances are big that things will not run smooth, people tend to seek for a meaning why everything is so bad in order to make it more barable, beliving can be a relief because it gives one the save fealing that there is a purpose for everything and I'm fine with that, as long as people don't go about telling other people how horrible they are because of what some rich men have written down 5000 years ago.

P.S. Shouldn't this be moved to the spiritual section of the forum?

The religious piece of this isn't my thing, but I also am incredibly happy that I did not do anything earlier in life because I'm fairly certain my kids would not exist if I had. They redeem my unhappiness earlier in life.

Your mileage may vary.

Quote from: Caleb_ on April 12, 2011, 07:51:05 AM
Shelly, that's so beautiful. Tearing up a little. And I love that Garth Brooks song.

Motion seconded. I wouldn't trade my baby for things to have gone a different way- that doesn't mean I wish it hadn't, though. That song actually helped me through this when I was younger. (does that make sense?)

I used to pray too every night when I used to be believe. I haven't believed in nearly a decade and I don't pray. I stopped as well. I have given up on the divine and I have put my faith in moi-même. I will bless myself with children and only then start with a social transition.

Years ago, I was given the wisdom to give thanks to any and all higher powers simply at each dawn for the gift of a new day, and then to see what the day would bring.  "Why be thankful for a day that can be lousy or unfulfilling before it has happened I asked my mentor at the time?"  I was told again, that in the day to come I would have the chance at taking the gifts that were going to be available to me.  I however must learn to look for the gifts and make my own choices of their own rightness for me, I would get help in my choices, but the help was a gift as well that I had to choose. 

It has been on the days that I did not give my thanks for a dawn that I have made the worst choices of my daily gifts, and come near to taking the gift of death.

We have the gifts of people who have been trained to counsel us, provide our medicines and surgeries.  We have many other gifts to help us on our individual journeys.  Why pray for miracle at night when we can take it only for the thanksgiving of a new dawn?

Quote from: Serra on April 11, 2011, 12:24:02 PM
If there is a capital g God, I doubt very much that he/she/it gives half a ->-bleeped-<- about what we want.

Ayuh. Sorry to invade your thread ladies, but I just wanted to say I've been in a similar boat as a lot of you.
Ridiculous as this sounds, I stopped praying and believing in a God when I was in fourth grade, and I prayed to just not wake up the next day. Story behind that is long and pathetic, but I genuinely couldn't take it, and I had no way out of the trauma I was stuck in, and I just wanted it to end. When I woke up the next day, and it carried on worse than ever, I gave up.

I think to each their own, though. What it comes down to, to me at least, is whatever the hell gets you through the night.

Quote from: alexia elliot on April 11, 2011, 02:29:20 PM
There is a reason you were born. There is a reason you were dealt this, burden and cross to carry. There is a reson for wanting to change what is wrong. There is a reson for every tear, every lament, every painful moment you have experienced. There is a reason for you being a beautiful woman you are. There is a reason for your life, your love, your passion. You have touched me right now and made me cry, as for many others as well. There is a reason for you to go on, fulfill whats rightfully yours and bless this world with your beautiful presence.

I agree, there is a reason.
I will admit, my personal faith has really wavered, weakening greatly at times, mixed with guilt, then I find my strength again etc. I have always been a Christian. And these past 5 years during my transition I have struggled. Ive felt so angry at God, like you said, it was 2 out of 2, there was a 50 50 chance U would be male or female, instead, Im ftm. Ive felt so angry that things have been this way. I dont want what can sometimes feel a half life, my childhood lost, and now Im 20, (I know still young) I feel my teenage years have been lost to a depressed fraud too.
   But then, we just have to stop and realize all we do have. We dont actually have to do much to realize ad ackowledge there is still so much to be thankful for. And I believe that aslong as we persevere and work hard for ourselves, for others, things will improve. We cant give up.
There is a reason, and that reason wasnt to feel complete anger forever, or to give up etc.
God is working behind the scenes.
I still struggle, but my faith gets me through.

And I quite like how youve put your opinion N.Chaos!

Quote from: RabbitsOfTheWorldUnite on April 11, 2011, 06:29:44 PM
Proof that I am a god and that She does answer prayers: I have made myself the woman who I wish to be.

:-)

Gods throughout history only help those who help themselves.

"are ye not gods?" "If he called them gods, unto whom the word of God came, and the scripture cannot be broken;" The body of Christ is female

Quote from: justme19 on April 11, 2011, 06:53:37 PM
I believe there is somthing out there, but I don't no what... And at this moment in time, I don't believe it's god. Just my thoughts.

It my sound strange but you have more wisdom than any person that I knew going to church. If only everyone could understand that would be great. I am happy that you have chosen not to form gods in your mind. If only everyone could have thought  like this. I think I may quote you in a book for everyone to read.

I have sent out similiar prayers but quite honestly glad they were never actually manifested.  With as crazy as this world is, if that miracle was ever answered can you imagine the science experiment you would become.  You never been seen or heard from again.

You know what, I think I'll try this out for the first time since I stopped believing there was some kind of higher power.

Before my breath slows it's rhythm I'd like to see my thoughts gain solidity. I ask for little, or not at all, and hope all that somehow makes this the one to answer. I pray to you, the cosmos, the ghost in the carbon, the entity that allows me to feel the wave of language wake, please let my fear go and let my aspirations ascend to post need. Let me fill myself up with the feminine spirit to gleam a life that will make me happy. And soon. I ask for soon...

I have no belief in gods, but I do believe in humanity, another dying belief I fear :'(.

But I keep going everyday to, hopefully, move myself forward, help someone who needs help, and if I can annoy the hell of another jackass who thinks people like me shouldn't exist, it's a joy >:-)

Cindy

I said something like that prayer very night for nearly 25 years. During much of that time i had to contend with being "close - but no cigar" as the Marx brothers would probably have said. I pretty well lived the life but didn't have the body. Every night I dreamed that it had finally happened and every morning I awoke to disappointment.

Then one glorious night in my 25th year I knew I could stop praying because I had taken the step of faith needed to make my dream come true. I had voluntarily climbed onto an operating table and put my life into the hands of a skilled surgeon.

Does God exist and answer our prayers. Yes, but the answer lay in the fact that SRS was invented.

I can remember at some point in my childhood realising that that sort of prayer is not what it's all about, because magic like that doesn't happen.  Prayer is about something totally different to such childish selfishness, which I deserved not to have  answered.

I didn't just pray to the Judeo-Christian God, I prayed to all gods, demons and other deities I could think of. "Dear God, Jesus, Buddha, Krishna, Vishnu, Set, Anubis, Amaterasu, Satan, Beelzebub, Cthulhu, please make me wake up like a normal boy, like my dream is." Despite being an atheist I still prayed like that. It never happened, of course. It just got worse and worse. I also had some vague idea of how I should go to the school nurse and ask her what to do if you had the wrong puberty, and when I would be like the other boys in class. I was 12 or something when I thought like this.

Nowadays, I don't pray. I just believe in the future, no gods or other deities. The future is what we make of it.