Susan's Place Transgender Resources

I'm sure there are multiple threads with this general sentiment already, but meh.

This pisses me off to no end.  I got it when I first started coming out and when I first started transitioning.  The "but you're such a pretty girl, why would you want to change that" crap.  As infuriating as it was then, I find it even more aggravating almost a year into transitioning.

Not only does it incorrectly assume that I was ever female [umm, nope, never was, thanks], but it also implies that being attractive should be a huge priority for someone, AND that I'm somehow unattractive now.

I'll have you know, I'm the sexiest 27 year old man who looks like a 16 year old boy you've ever met.  So there.

Also infuriating?  People who continue to include me in those stupid Facebook "change your status to this secret girl messages".  Umm, hi? 

I'm done whining now.

Hahaha. I've only gotten that from ONE friend.  But I have gotten the .. (while touching my face) 'Oh please don't grow a beard! Your face is REALLY SOFT" ... uh ... yeah ... it's soft ... because I shaved right before I came to the bar .. (so no it's not a thick dark beard ... but I grow a crazy thick and long amount of peach fuzz, so I shave, at least weekly, if not more) aaaand because I know about moisturizer.  Ha.  I'm 26 ... and last summer I went with my little sisters school to a water park (she's 12 now) ... some one asked her if I was her older brother ... and then some kids asked me if I went to there school (which granted is 6-12th in the same building).  I also got ID'd at the mall a couple weeks ago ... to make sure I was over 18 and allowed to be there during those hours.  Really?  REALLY? ... I have 4 visible face piercings ... and visible tattoos ... I know high schoolers are getting piercings and such now but DAMN ... seriously.  Ugh.

I'm not really out yet, so I haven't gotten that, but I did recently change my name on Facebook and I've gotten several people telling me they like my girl name better.  Uggh.  And I do hate getting those "post this secret girl message" things on Facebook even though I shouldn't complain about it because I'm not out.  I probably hate it because they always seem to word those things in a way that would have made me sick to my stomach even when I thought I was perfectly happy being female (I've always hated being called "ladies" and talking about putting one over on men).  Plus I've always thought chain letters were stupid and this is just a new version of a chain letter...

I hate being told "you were so pretty!" i get that alot and i want to slap them!  >:(
its like, NO ONE ASKED YOU!!

well I plan to say but I will be a handsome guy too....I haven't transitioned yet and I get the ur a pretty girl thing quite a bit....u guys all look so handsome...looks arent everything but in my mind im thinking, pretty as a "girl" means that those looks will translate to handsome as a guy once the T kicks in....

My theory on that one is ... .. well ... just look at some of the famous 'GORGEOUS' actors out there ... Johnny Depp ... Orlando Bloom ... they all look pretty frickin feminine to me ... and everyone pretty well swoons over them ... I'm set.  LOL

yeah where do you think the term "pretty boy" came from...i plan to be a pretty boy too some day

I'm pre-everything but out to all my friends and family and I get this all the time. They act like I could have chosen my genetics of something and therefore I chose to look "pretty" and then decided to change it up again. It really infuriates me. Not to mention they're always trying to give me make overs or get me to go to the mall. I was surprised really recently I was up at a gay pride function and I was talking to a guy and mentioned that I was trans and he said "Are you sure? You're gorgeous; maybe you just want to get with pretty gay guys." I was so infuriated and hurt.

I feel you...my mom was going through a bunch of old photos the other day...saying things like "you were so pretty" and begging me to come and look at them...hoping it would change my mind. Yeah, no thanks, mom.

My dad once told me that I look so pretty as a girl and that he didn't understand why I'd want to be a man. Are you kidding me?! I'm an ugly girl, I look so much more handsome as a man! (In hindsight, I think what someone deems "attractive" is from their own perspective. What one person thinks is attractive, the other can think it's unattractive just as easily).

I'm pre-everything, and my friend keeps asking me why I want to transition, he says stuff like "but you're a hot girl, why don't you like your body?" I think the next time he says that I'll say "Even though I don't look like it right now, I'm a guy. If you're attracted to me, you must be gay." Maybe that will shut him up!  :P

Ah, I remember that. I still have my mother's comments about how disappointed she is that I'll grow facial hair because she doesn't like facial hair or whatever.

They imply that I'm not going to be attractive if I transition. There's no significant reason why I wouldn't be lol. Also, they imply that how pretty I am should matter more than whatever internal conflicts I am facing. It makes me feel slighted to hear it.

People are just really weird about stuff like this. They can't put themselves in our shoes, I guess so they just blindly stab for negative things to say.

Quote from: Muddy on April 13, 2011, 06:04:10 AMI'll have you know, I'm the sexiest 27 year old man who looks like a 16 year old boy you've ever met.  So there.

Lol.

imo you guys look cute
there are lots of us out there that prefer younger men  ;)

but you guys got the best of both, cant ask for more
smarter, calmer, and more life experience factor; but with all the zest and that adorable baby face
just want to give them lots of hugs

Quote from: Kohdy on April 13, 2011, 12:56:42 PM
My dad once told me that I look so pretty as a girl and that he didn't understand why I'd want to be a man. Are you kidding me?! I'm an ugly girl, I look so much more handsome as a man! (In hindsight, I think what someone deems "attractive" is from their own perspective. What one person thinks is attractive, the other can think it's unattractive just as easily).

I actually took this 'facial attractiveness' test where you put certain points on your face to determine proportions and the machine analyzes it for you, and it said I was a better looking dude, hahahaha.

I haven't come out to any family who would say this yet, but I KNOW it will probably be the first thing most of them say, since it has been the first thing out of all their mouths since I've been cutting my hair short (every time, 'but you look SO pretty with long hair and girly!') lol. Mkay, they are all SERIOUSLY shallow if that is what they think would 'change your mind'.

Ive gotten that "but your so pretty as a girl" by so many people. no, i was never a girl, and why does it matter. makes me angry too.

When I came out to my mom, that's the first thing she said. =/ "You're so pretty! You'll be an ugly boy!"

I've always thought I was ugly, and just recently started to see myself as attractive, but now I'm thinking that I will be an ugly guy... Of course, it still doesn't change my mind. =p

Ah, and my brother kept telling me all these comments that guys would say about me when I wasn't there, but he quit when I made it clear that I was serious about transitioning.


@ Asher; Do you have a link to that test?

man, i just don't respond to that anymore. a friend tried to convince me not to transition, saying i was such a pretty girl and if i were a boy, i'd be ugly.
well what do you know, several months into my social transitioning and people think i'm a cute guy. :V

I hate that.. as if we should all be so shallow to give up our comfort and mental well-being simply for the sake of being physically pleasing to another person.

In my experience, hot girls make damn sexy boys.

Lol for me I'd take it as a compliment if it was reversed but I guess it's different for other people, especially a guy XP

Lol, my dad told me he thought I was a sexy female (bartering when I came out I think)... anyhow I looked like an man in a dress. Def not sexy, though I make a decent looking guy.. haha. Still not cool words to hear.

Quote from: Logan on April 13, 2011, 06:25:39 AM
But I have gotten the .. (while touching my face) 'Oh please don't grow a beard! Your face is REALLY SOFT"

I absolutely ABHOR when this happens to me! Usually total strangers too (men have a tendency to be more TOUCHY towards my body).  They'll go for my face or caress my shoulders.  It's ->-bleeped-<-ing gross and creepy; what makes them think they have the right to DO that?  Eventually I just got so sick of it and my mom noticed how depressed I was and so when I told her what was up, she taught me some self-defense moves I can use the next time some man takes it upon himself to put his hands anywhere on my body while "complimenting" me.

Women aren't necessarily excused here either....while I've yet to have ANY woman touch me while making comments, I still get those comments. Mainly from straight and bisexual women....lesbians I've noticed tend to either leave me alone or curiously ask me questions, which I'm totally cool with.

I had a friend tell me that maybe people say things like that to me because they think in some way they're just trying to be nice or compliment me.  While that's a possibility, I highly doubt it because it seems (from my perspective) as though they're horrified I'll no longer be a "->-bleeped-<-able" woman who is "attractive" and they have to end up questioning their own sexuality.  So, as a result of their insecurities they end up thinking they can actually change my mind.

I got so sick of it that as an April Fools Day joke this month I posted a status update on facebook saying the following:

"After being told for the 200th time how much of a beautiful woman I am I decided that I'm actually a female after all. Testosterone be damned! Someone hand me a dress..."

Luckily for me, most of my friends caught on to the fact it was a prank.  Because that exemplifies just how LUDICROUS it is to me!

Quote from: 420NEKO on April 13, 2011, 04:57:45 PM
@ Asher; Do you have a link to that test?

Haha, yep! http://apps.atamagroup.com/face/ (http://apps.atamagroup.com/face/) It's pretty fun to do :laugh:

Quote from: asher on April 13, 2011, 07:39:52 PM
Haha, yep! http://apps.atamagroup.com/face/ (http://apps.atamagroup.com/face/) It's pretty fun to do :laugh:

Awesome! Thank you! :D

Sorry for posting here,, but I had to chime in.. When I came out to my friends and family all I kept hearing was "But your such a good looking young man!" or "its always the good looking ones that are gay" and I was not gay from a gentic standpoint, or the best one was "What a Waste"
Made me feel great yeah rite!

I haven't gotten the, "You're such a pretty girl," yet, but I have gotten, "Your hair was so pretty long!" Uhm, no. I looked like a mix between a junkie and a bird's nest. I've also had, "I'll put some makeup on you for you!" and "We can go shopping for cute clothes!" which is equally ridiculous. This is by people who have known me since elementary school. They should know by now that "cute" and "girly" is NOT my style.

It comes across to me as if they pity me. Like they assume that since I don't dress feminine enough that I have low self esteem. Well I'm sorry to disappoint, but my self esteem is high enough to be classified as egotistical. Please leave me alone.

Huh...I'm a friggin' weirdo, lol. Once again, I've got the opposite. Back when I was still trying to be girlie, I had a lot of people tell me "Well yeah, you technically look okay in a dress, but you'd make a much better man". In high school even, there was a rash of "straight" girls that developed these creepy crush/obsessions on me for no discernible reason. Actually, always kinda made me happy though.

The ONLY person who's ever given me anything along the "you'd be pretty" lines is a friend of mine who went on a "it's wrong to get your chest fixed because boobs are awesome" rant which was promptly, and loudly, ended.

Quote from: Muddy on April 13, 2011, 06:04:10 AM
I'll have you know, I'm the sexiest 27 year old man who looks like a 16 year old boy you've ever met.  So there.

GOLD!!!  :D

I think a lot of us can certainly relate to this post. I remember my Dad (who is not a man of many words) telling my mother (whom both dislike each other immensly) that I was the weed of the family who had blossumed into a beautiful flower. By weed he was referring to the fact that I had aways been a daggy tom boy, and all of a sudden I was becoming a lady. I was around 16-17 when I tried to conform with society and try the whole make up and dresses bullcrap, going to the high school formal etc. Once I came out my sister used to tell me I was going to be an ugly boy because I was such a beautiful girl, hahaha. I just look back and we all laugh together. I have a very supportive family (even if it may not sound like it haha), I am very lucky.

Now I am just a scrawny young bloke with really pretty eyes   :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

there is a thread on the "just for us" section that showcases how many of us were good looking before transition, also shows that we all look really good after transition too :)

I use to get this line all the time as well. 

It was said in the assumption that I was transitioning in a effort to get more people to sleep with me?  I think or whatever nonsense is going through people's head which I can not attest too.   

Transitioning had nothing to do with making myself more attractive one way or another.  It is all about feeling more comfortable in my own skin, which I am completely entitled too. 

Quote from: FinnBear on April 13, 2011, 11:59:40 AM
I was surprised really recently I was up at a gay pride function and I was talking to a guy and mentioned that I was trans and he said "Are you sure? You're gorgeous; maybe you just want to get with pretty gay guys." I was so infuriated and hurt.

I'm really sorry this happened to you.  This isn't really what this thread is about but one thing you should understand is how cruel gay men can be.  Most especially with anyone they consider a threat.  Which clearly he did in this case.  If you are going to be in that world you need to toughen up and learn to give it back just as hard as it is dealt. 

Yeah I may be generalizing a bit but I've hung out with both gay men and straight men.  The straight guys tease each other a bit but that's it.  The gay men rip each other to shreds with their claws.  It's not personal, it's just the pecking order. 

In the situation you outlined above a good come back would have been, "It seems that leaves you out then.  If you need me I'll be over there with all guys that don't even notice you.  Okay, bye bye."  Delivery of course is also vitally important.  Say it more like you are teasing than you are actually angry.  Throwing in a few off handed gestures wouldn't hurt either.

I actually havent had anyone tell me that yet, luckily cause I know it would piss me off, I was a pretty average, not attractive, but not ugly girl, but I feel like an average, slightly attractive guy.

Quote from: Squirrel698 on April 18, 2011, 05:14:54 PM
I use to get this line all the time as well. 

It was said in the assumption that I was transitioning in a effort to get more people to sleep with me?  I think or whatever nonsense is going through people's head which I can not attest too.   

Transitioning had nothing to do with making myself more attractive one way or another.  It is all about feeling more comfortable in my own skin, which I am completely entitled too. 

I'm really sorry this happened to you.  This isn't really what this thread is about but one thing you should understand is how cruel gay men can be.  Most especially with anyone they consider a threat.  Which clearly he did in this case.  If you are going to be in that world you need to toughen up and learn to give it back just as hard as it is dealt. 

Yeah I may be generalizing a bit but I've hung out with both gay men and straight men.  The straight guys tease each other a bit but that's it.  The gay men rip each other to shreds with their claws.  It's not personal, it's just the pecking order. 

In the situation you outlined above a good come back would have been, "It seems that leaves you out then.  If you need me I'll be over there with all guys that don't even notice you.  Okay, bye bye."  Delivery of course is also vitally important.  Say it more like you are teasing than you are actually angry.  Throwing in a few off handed gestures wouldn't hurt either.

This is not related to the thread but I had to reply to this because...
Wow, I have a lot of really close guy friends, and all of them are gay. I don't mean a couple, I have, and have had, many. I've had a lot of straight guy friends too over the years and I have yet to see an example of what you just said. Every single gay guy I know is extremely nice and friendly and has reacted to my coming out amazingly well. Granted there are some bitchy guys but the straight guys I know are the ones who rip each other to shreds... is this a generational thing or something? Or maybe regional... every gender and orientation has their jerks and nice people though of course but this statement kind of surprised me. And I don't know... this kind of seems more like it would be related to specific social circles than gender and orientation...

Quote from: asher on April 18, 2011, 09:50:55 PM
This is not related to the thread but I had to reply to this because...
Wow, I have a lot of really close guy friends, and all of them are gay. I don't mean a couple, I have, and have had, many. I've had a lot of straight guy friends too over the years and I have yet to see an example of what you just said. Every single gay guy I know is extremely nice and friendly and has reacted to my coming out amazingly well. Granted there are some bitchy guys but the straight guys I know are the ones who rip each other to shreds... is this a generational thing or something? Or maybe regional... every gender and orientation has their jerks and nice people though of course but this statement kind of surprised me. And I don't know... this kind of seems more like it would be related to specific social circles than gender and orientation...

Asher, do you watch Modern Family?  There was a recent episode called 'Boys Night' where the gay couple went out with friends and spent the evening just insulting and laughing at each other.  That's what I mean when I talk about 'claws'.  I could have chosen words better because I didn't want to say 'mean spirited'.  Only just a lot of pecking at and teasing each other.  In a sort of 'cock of the walk' way. 

Also you have to consider if the gay guys you are referring to think of you as one of them or not.  They will behave differently depending on how they view you.  However you are right in the end it has more to do with the people involved than it does in their orientation.  I've just observed more 'one upping' with gay men than others but that is just my experience and my experience alone.

Quote from: Logan on April 13, 2011, 06:25:39 AM
I also got ID'd at the mall a couple weeks ago ... to make sure I was over 18 and allowed to be there during those hours.  Really?  REALLY? ... I have 4 visible face piercings ... and visible tattoos ... I know high schoolers are getting piercings and such now but DAMN ... seriously.  Ugh.

LOL same thing happened to me a couple of weeks ago. I'm 28 btw.

Three years into transition and this is now my mother's favorite line.

Just because I looked pretty and feminine she thinks I could not (should not) be trans.  Well I was a good actor, playing a part I didn't want to play, because I thought I had no choice.

This is the REAL ME, who I always was, hidden behind a phony facade.  Deal with it.

And I'm a better looking man IMO.


Jay

One lesson of this thread (and my own life); family is going to see what it wants and it's not likely to have any relevance to reality. My entire experience before transition around non family was that of the tall girl who wore boys clothing; I couldn't even go into public bathrooms without risking being chased out as a troublemaker by old men. Yet even into my 20s I was so handsome to my mother and grandparents.  :P

Quote from: Silver on April 13, 2011, 01:34:45 PM
They imply that I'm not going to be attractive if I transition.

Having seen your picture, I can only say that you are a very attractive boy and will likely be a damned attractive man. But then, you're smart and articulate. That makes people even more good-looking to me.

Quote from: Heath on April 13, 2011, 07:23:41 PM
I absolutely ABHOR when this happens to me! Usually total strangers too (men have a tendency to be more TOUCHY towards my body).  They'll go for my face or caress my shoulders.  It's ->-bleeped-<-ing gross and creepy; what makes them think they have the right to DO that?  Eventually I just got so sick of it and my mom noticed how depressed I was and so when I told her what was up, she taught me some self-defense moves I can use the next time some man takes it upon himself to put his hands anywhere on my body while "complimenting" me.

Women aren't necessarily excused here either....while I've yet to have ANY woman touch me while making comments, I still get those comments. Mainly from straight and bisexual women....lesbians I've noticed tend to either leave me alone or curiously ask me questions, which I'm totally cool with.

I had a friend tell me that maybe people say things like that to me because they think in some way they're just trying to be nice or compliment me.  While that's a possibility, I highly doubt it because it seems (from my perspective) as though they're horrified I'll no longer be a "->-bleeped-<-able" woman who is "attractive" and they have to end up questioning their own sexuality.  So, as a result of their insecurities they end up thinking they can actually change my mind.

I got so sick of it that as an April Fools Day joke this month I posted a status update on facebook saying the following:

"After being told for the 200th time how much of a beautiful woman I am I decided that I'm actually a female after all. Testosterone be damned! Someone hand me a dress..."

Luckily for me, most of my friends caught on to the fact it was a prank.  Because that exemplifies just how LUDICROUS it is to me!

AH HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.  The ONLY guys that touch me are my friends.  I apparently give off the 'don't touch me or I'll break your face' vibe very well.  And ... I'm still unsure if they were using the excuse of not wanting me to grow a beard as an excuse to just touch my face.  Whatever.  They weren't ugly girls.  One was rather hot.  Hahaha.

And actually, the majority of men that touch me, are gay men.  And it's usually an 'OMFGIHAVENTSEENYOUINFOREVER' hug.

I get this reaction so much from my mom since my coming out to her. "You are such a pretty girl why would you want to change that?" Well for one I don't feel 'pretty' because I am a girl and instead feel self-conscious out of my mind. I understand now that she's trying her hardest to keep her 'little girl' but frankly I'm getting quite frustrated about it.

I had some idiotic woman a few months ago loudly tell a friend of hers, "Such a pretty face.  And she wants to mess that up by becoming a man."  I almost busted out laughing...I've never been in danger of being what could be called pretty and I think that's the first and only time anyone's ever accused me of being pretty.  Though I think I make a decent-looking guy.

I got that too, "but why would you want to change yourself like that, you're such a handsome young man." "Uh, I don't care, nor do I think so, and well, once I start going through the changes I'll make an even prettier young lady." I hated myself then, and being called handsome was the last thing I wanted to hear.

I've heard this a few times, sadly. I'm afraid that my parents might say something of the like when I finally tell them but I'm really hoping they won't. My ex also said things kind of like this, but luckily the person I'm with now says things like "I do like how you look now but I know you'll look like a really handsome guy some day."

I don't think that everyone who says "But you were so pretty/handsome" means to hurt us by saying it, but you know that the people who don't approve will say it just because they think they can (in a vain attempt) try to "talk" you out of transitioning. Hurrr durrr.

Although I realize the rage this causes many, it made me laugh a wee-bit.  In my early stages of transition I hated hearing it.  In fact, I still don't like to hear it, but know it makes me laugh <internally> and realize, hey it is what it is.  Hey, some can be a pretty girl, and a hot guy, you know?  Or neither.  Or one or the other.  We're all good looking to someone so it's really all irrelevant, but it still bounces off the brain.

This situation has one OUCH to me, because of my transition, my one teacher whom I was close with in HS knows of it, is fine with it, a little "upset to see the girl of me go," but is totally accepting.  And I'm accepting of the slight nasty tone that leaves.  Hey, different generations have a stereotype with them, you love 'um or leave 'um, and I know she means well.   But, she said to me, "I have to say though, I don't think this would sit well with Mr. W.  I won't bring it up for fear on how he'd react.  He always thought you were just the prettiest!  He _blahblahblah_ more stuff." 

It sucks!  He was a bastard of a teacher, honestly.  However, I had it made-- the guy used to pick on my mom back in the day, so when I rolled in he assumed I was a nightmare like she was. But I wasn't, so I had this sort of funny path to be the kid that got humorously tortured daily and it gave me something to look forward to on a daily basis.  I wrote him a few times via snail mail to say what's up, but since transitioning, I know seeing him would probably not go over to well. 

Then again, many people can surprise us.  But with her advice on it, scared me, and saddened me.  Thinking of that VERY STUPID, yet ultimately depressing insult, "WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS TO YOURSELF?"

Hm.  I had no clue it was criminal to be me.