Community Conversation => Transsexual talk => Female to male transsexual talk (FTM) => Topic started by: Devyn on April 13, 2011, 03:55:38 PM Return to Full Version
Title: Gender dysphoria is back.
Post by: Devyn on April 13, 2011, 03:55:38 PM
Post by: Devyn on April 13, 2011, 03:55:38 PM
It got so bad this afternoon. This guy that always talks to my girlfriend is determined to prove I'm a girl, and keeps asking random people in the hallway if I'm a boy or a girl when he sees me.
Today, he whispered to my girlfriend that everybody thinks I'm a girl, so I turned around and screamed at him. (My girlfriend supports me and sees me as a guy, and calls me her boyfriend and whatnot.)
I'm sick of that kid so much.
If I talk about getting suspended from school tomorrow to you guys and girls, it's because I want to punch this kid. He's the only one that CONSTANTLY gives me a hard time about being trans. And I'm having terrible gender dysphoria today, and it may or may not carry on to tomorrow.
My voice is too light.
And it's killing me that I can't grow facial hair.
And my suicidal thoughts came back. I sat in my room, had a severe dysphoric attack, curled up on my bed and cried, cut myself, and then started writing a suicide note, but stopped because I couldn't figure out who to address it to.
Then I went to the kitchen for comfort food.
When is the gender dysphoria going to stop? I hate it so much. It ruins my life.
Today, he whispered to my girlfriend that everybody thinks I'm a girl, so I turned around and screamed at him. (My girlfriend supports me and sees me as a guy, and calls me her boyfriend and whatnot.)
I'm sick of that kid so much.
If I talk about getting suspended from school tomorrow to you guys and girls, it's because I want to punch this kid. He's the only one that CONSTANTLY gives me a hard time about being trans. And I'm having terrible gender dysphoria today, and it may or may not carry on to tomorrow.
My voice is too light.
And it's killing me that I can't grow facial hair.
And my suicidal thoughts came back. I sat in my room, had a severe dysphoric attack, curled up on my bed and cried, cut myself, and then started writing a suicide note, but stopped because I couldn't figure out who to address it to.
Then I went to the kitchen for comfort food.
When is the gender dysphoria going to stop? I hate it so much. It ruins my life.
Title: Re: Gender dysphoria is back.
Post by: Konnor on April 13, 2011, 08:12:04 PM
Post by: Konnor on April 13, 2011, 08:12:04 PM
That really sucks! I'm sorry man. :( That kid definitely sounds like a jerk! Have you talked to your gf about how much that kid bothers you? Maybe if she isn't friends with him any more, he will lay off you. Kind of sounds to me like he might have a crush on her and is trying to invalidate your identity because of it. So maybe you should have a talk with your gf about it? I think that might help. Maybe she has no idea how upset it makes you.
I don't really have any advice on the dysphoria, because most of us struggle with it. You just have to remember that eventually it will get better. Until then, try to do things that make you feel more masculine. Wear your favorite guy shirt, wear cologne, shave, do anything that boosts your ego. & it definitely helps to talk to people about it, so vent!
I don't really have any advice on the dysphoria, because most of us struggle with it. You just have to remember that eventually it will get better. Until then, try to do things that make you feel more masculine. Wear your favorite guy shirt, wear cologne, shave, do anything that boosts your ego. & it definitely helps to talk to people about it, so vent!
Title: Re: Gender dysphoria is back.
Post by: GentlemanRDP on April 13, 2011, 10:08:42 PM
Post by: GentlemanRDP on April 13, 2011, 10:08:42 PM
I agree with Konnor's idea about talking to your GF about it.
And also like Konnor, I don't really have any ideas on how to deal with your dysphoria. From what I can tell, it seems like dysphoria hits all of us differently. There's not really a cure-all for it, and unfortunately, there's no telling how long it's going to last. I don't deal with dysphoria constantly, but I do have my fair share of it, along with a lot of anxiety when I'm in public - it took me years to realize that I was having this anxiety and panic attacks due to my trans...uhm..ness. Now when I have issues like that, I do things that force me into feeling more 'manly,' maybe it's lame, but it works for me.
If you've got a therapist, you could always ask them if there are medications that can help with the dysphoria that you're feeling. Even if you don't ask about meds, it might be a good idea to look into a therapist (if you don't already have one,) since you've admitted to having suicidal thoughts. Thoughts like that are really hard to get rid of on your own.
I wish you the best! Keep us updated on how it's going!
And also like Konnor, I don't really have any ideas on how to deal with your dysphoria. From what I can tell, it seems like dysphoria hits all of us differently. There's not really a cure-all for it, and unfortunately, there's no telling how long it's going to last. I don't deal with dysphoria constantly, but I do have my fair share of it, along with a lot of anxiety when I'm in public - it took me years to realize that I was having this anxiety and panic attacks due to my trans...uhm..ness. Now when I have issues like that, I do things that force me into feeling more 'manly,' maybe it's lame, but it works for me.
If you've got a therapist, you could always ask them if there are medications that can help with the dysphoria that you're feeling. Even if you don't ask about meds, it might be a good idea to look into a therapist (if you don't already have one,) since you've admitted to having suicidal thoughts. Thoughts like that are really hard to get rid of on your own.
I wish you the best! Keep us updated on how it's going!
Title: Re: Gender dysphoria is back.
Post by: Mr.Rainey on April 14, 2011, 12:15:47 AM
Post by: Mr.Rainey on April 14, 2011, 12:15:47 AM
Lol some guy said I didn't have a dick IDK if he was joking because no one seems to decide wether or not I am male or female. I told him I would slap him with my dick if he denied its existance, the whole group laughed.