Susan's Place Transgender Resources

This is a rant/question. See where I work guys do this regularly. I've seen men trying to "catch a peek" over the urinal wall at another guy. Also there is a bathroom in the locker room at work and guys walking in frequently saying hello and having casual convos which makes me nervous because my voice isn't quite there, it's still in the deeper for a woman/ higher pitched for a man range which is awesome but still a little worrying. I never know if it's better to do the nod or say hello back in the most masculine voice I can, what do you think?

So do any of you guys find other men looking in the bathroom and talking? Just wondering if it's odd because I hear so many people saying don't worry and guys don't look, guess I got unlucky with one of the few places they do look.

I've never experienced guys peeking at me, but I'd probably muster the dirtiest 'you freakin' weirdo' type sneer possible if I did catch someone..

As for saying hello, the acknowledging nod would be fine in response if you're not comfortable talking. The get in/get out mentality is a general rule in the men's restroom, so I doubt anyone would think twice if you didn't linger and chat, even if that's what they were doing.

If they say something just be like "bitch stop trying to look at mah junk!" and then they'll leave you alone because they don't want people to think they're gay. Or you know, come up with a consistent story that involves a freak accident. ;D

Nobody- yeah I tend to stick with the nod but I just wondered if it seems rude?

~RoadtoTrista~  :D Yeah I probably would say something like that. I forgot to mention that the peeking was just a casual observation though. I don't use an STP so I don't use a urinal especially not after seeing the peeking that goes on!

THe last time I used the guys bathroom there wasn't any talking. One guy looked at me but I didn't look back. I figured he just happened to look my way because I was walking in as he was walking out. I just try to act confident.

either these people are on to the fact that your trans and are wanting evidence. or gay perhaps? Hetero dudes and even most gay dudes I know aren't trying to catch a peak.

I'd say just be careful.. and I wouldn't worry about the voice so much. Just don't talk much.. haha

Once in a while someoen will say hello to me in a bathroom.. or if they know me talk to me in the chnagerooms.. but not to worried about the people that know me, and well it's just a hello with the strangers.. so meh.

DUDE! What kind of guys are you working with? That's unheard of in any bathroom (pre-transition) I went in. You walk in, you go to the urinal, you pee, you MAKE NO EYE CONTACT, you may, MAY mumble "sup" but that's it! NO SMALL TALK! It still freaks me out when I'm sitting on a toilet in a girl's bathroom and someone is talking to me, I'm like "um, can we NOT do that please, I'm peeing here and I'm pee shy!" I hate when girls talk through stalls. On cell phone? NO PROBLEM, lol. I do miss that about guy bathrooms. Walk in, do your business, leave. Peeking over walls, jeez Andrew, there may be something else going on. Maybe they want to hook up with other dudefolk? It just starts with eye contact and a glance, sometimes a foot tap :) Meghan

lol, some guys go so far here to avoid loooking, that they take in their ipads - hold them above the urinal.. and read the news while peeing. It's a little ridiculous.

At my school, guys talk in the bathrooms all the time.  Especially in the locker room.  I've held entire conversations with people in there.  I've never noticed any peeking, though.

It is a myth that guys never speak or look at each other in the bathroom.  I can't count the number of times another guy has made eye contact or talked to me in there.

I think it depends on age, maturity level, confidence, and familiarity, among other factors (location, norms of that location, etc).  How old are the guys you work with?  How close are they?  Do they use a lot of sexual or "raunchy" humor with each other? 

I've found that, amongst strangers, sometimes older gentlemen will attempt a conversation with me.  Younger men just make brief eye contact and a nod of recognition.  A lot of guys, though, are the stereotypical avoidant type.

This all changes at school and work though.  Like Liam, I've also held conversations in the bathroom with my classmates (I'm in college).  I let them initiate it, however.  I say as little as possible without being rude because I'm uncomfortable with talking in the bathroom (mostly because of things I've read from other trans* people).  One guy will piss at the urinal and talk to me while I wash my hands.  It's a little odd, but he's also a very confident guy and we've known each other for 2 years now.  It's actually fairly normal for the guys in my class to joke or talk to each other in the bathroom.  I haven't seen anyone try to peek, but I wouldn't be surprised.

Well, looking over everyone's comments, with the exception of a couple, I guess I just got unlucky. I mean it's cool that they aren't staring at me like a freak so I'm not ungrateful but I'm like you Meghan, i've always thought it was weird that girls talk in the bathroom. I just want to get in and get out because it's just kinda awkward.

Adio- maybe they are just confident. Many of them are very confident and look about middle aged.

Tad- haha taking their ipad in to read the news while using the urinal?! Wow... I'm all for avoiding people looking but still just wow.

I mean I am confident in there because I've been using the mens room for years now but I've not really come across it until now and wondered if I'd just been lucky until now. I've never really had to use a locker room until now and the only bathroom this happens in is the one that is part locker room too so I wondered if maybe I had missed it before because all the other bathrooms I used I went in, did my business, and got out. I didn't rush but I didn't really take my time like I do now. 

My thoery is that the rare guy who "sneaks a peek" is insecure about their size and is trying to discretely compare themselves to other guys >.>

Alot of guys just nod when people try to make casual conversation, others engage in conversation when provoked. there is no one correct way to act.

Unless they were friends, and I mean friends not colleagues I haven't come across guys talking to each other as they pee in the urinal. There is an exception in pubs when semi drunk, "I've spent $50 putting it in and 5 mins pissing it out" Is about as friendly guys get. As for sneaking peeks. Hmm. Weird. I have to admit that it is many years since I have used a urinal, even spelling the word grosses me out.  :embarrassed:

Cindy ( have to go and wash my hands :embarrassed:)

Uh-oh, this sounds like nostalgia, but it isn't!

Some pubs used to frame a page of the daily newspaper directly in front of the, ahem, "stand-up facilities".

@CindyJames: I agree on the gross-out bit.

@Meghan: Chatting between stalls in the ladies room is normal. >:-)