Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Okay so stealth doesn't really have much to do with the topic.

So I am out to my family that I live with and they are very supportive. However, being on my cycle is very embarrassing/humiliating and I have been trying to hide it my very best by even hiding the empty hygienic product wrappers. I put them in a plastic bag in my drawer and throw the bag out once I'm done with my cycle. However, recently my step-mom was rummaging through my drawer looking for my brother's jeans and found the bag along with my stp. She has not said anything about it, but it is super embarrassing just knowing that she stumbled upon all of that.

Basically do you guys have any alternatives? Like what to do with the wrappers and stuff when I'm done with them and all of that. Idk how to ask the question without it being awkward =[ This is really an issue for me though and makes me very dysphoric...

I would suggest a Diva cup --- you empty it once a day and rinse it out ... no wrappers ... stays in you while your on the cycle & when your done just put it in a zip lock bag & it looks like a circle plastic rubbery thing

I might start to do the paper bag thing...That's a good idea actually.

Anyway, I just squirrel them away in a drawer that my family thinks I use for old papers and useless stuff. Or I bury them in my garabage, paper plates work well at covering them if you have a little bin. Then I just take out my own garbage so no one sees.

Glad to see I'm not the only one who hides them. I thought I was strange. XD

Edit to add: I just remembered another method I use. If I ever have any food bags, like potato chips or something, I leave it in the garbage and fill it with wrappers. Since no one is digging around in garbage, no one notices.
Also, these methods only work if your garbage isn't completely gross. I suggest just having a little bin in your room if you don't already have one.

Quote from: Rob on May 17, 2011, 10:17:09 AM
I would suggest a Diva cup --- you empty it once a day and rinse it out ... no wrappers ... stays in you while your on the cycle & when your done just put it in a zip lock bag & it looks like a circle plastic rubbery thing

I agree, this is a good suggestion.

But if for some reason you don't have transportation or are unable to send mail deliveries to your house, perhaps you could use the tampons with cardboard applicators? They're entirely flushable, wrapper and all, if you don't have a septic tank. Or just the tampons without applicators, then all you have to deal with is the box and the tiny plastic individual wrappers. I know tampons cause some people more dysphoria than they alleviate, but it may be an option for you.

UGH! I'm horrified! Are you serious?? I had to look it up, I've never heard of a diva cup. For real you stick a CUP up there? Wouldn't that feel like walking around with a dildo in?  That so wouldn't work for me, not the way I used to flood.  ::)

The diva cup is about the same size as an expanded tampon so if you use tampons it's not like some huge leap. You also don't get TSS from the diva cup because it's made of silicone. Could always wrap 'em with toilet paper and throw 'em in a trash bin.

You know, I've never used a tampon in my life. It always seemed disgusting and wrong to shove something up there.

I'm pretty sure your family expects that you get periods. I understand hating getting your period, and finding it embarrassing, but what's the point in hiding that you menstruate from people that already know you do? Isn't that just adding extra steps to taking care of something you already hate doing? Wrap it in TP and throw it out in the bathroom trash can. It will just blend in with the other trash. It's not like they are going to investigate and dig through the trash to see if you got your period. If your fam doesn't say anything when they come across a random bag of discarded feminine hygiene products, I doubt they will say anything if they find a wrapper in the trashcan. Especially since that's at least half expected. Don't you think dealing with it more efficiently will make it less of an issue?

And you can't be stealth to people you are out to.

Sharky - I'm another hygiene-product hider. I started bleeding when I was 12...4 years later when I was 16 my mother started talking about taking me to the doctor because I hadn't gotten my period yet. lol.

It's not so much about hiding the fact that we menstruate, as not wanting other people to think about it...not producing physical evidence that forces them to be consciously aware of it. Yeah, people who know our bodies are female probably assume we bleed sometimes, but they don't know when, and they probably don't think about it much.

I agree with Kyril. My boyfriend never thinks about it. Even when I was presenting as female that stuff never crossed his mind. The only time it ever came up was in a sexual context, and even then he would blink a few times and then go "OOOHHH." Guys don't like to, or want to think about it. If everyone in the house knows you're trans, or at least that you are bio female, don't let it stress you. There are so many other things to worry about!

Sharky, I realize you don't understand the impulse to hide from personal experience, but it is a legitimate and strong urge. I have hidden in the past, though perhaps not as extensively as others. It doesn't have to stand up to infallible logic and efficiency, because emotional discomfort doesn't follow those rules. For example, my girlfriend obviously knows I am female bodied and that I menstruate, but I try my best to never let her see or know. Not because I think periods are dirty or gross, but because I feel I shouldn't have a cycle myself. I don't like it even when it is strictly personal. But letting other people know makes it harder to forget in the small ways I still can. Really, we are a community that should be understanding of "unnecessary" habits to help us feel better about our bodies for the meantime.

Interesting... I'm glad Sharky asked because I was going to. And reading the responses I guess that makes sense. I never really thought of it that way. I was never that bothered by people in my house knowing and I hid them in the bathroom garbage anyway. I was more embarrassed in public washrooms though.

Yeah...Jay, I was embarrassed by me knowing. If anyone else knew when I was bleeding, I would have been utterly mortified.

(A lot of the time, I didn't even use commercial hygiene products, just folded up toilet paper. I refused to carry the things with me, so that was my only option in public. And I also sucked at keeping them in stock at home because I hated buying them.)

kyril and Mikah explained it really well. In my experience, it makes me feel better to just have everyone forget I have a period, including myself. As long as it doesn't become an obsession, which it hasn't, I don't see a problem with it. I used to have the same issue when I wore women's underwear. Obviously my family knew I was wearing them, but that didn't stop me from burying it out of view in my hamper.

It doesn't make much sense to tell someone to stop a non-destructive habit if it makes them feel better. That would be the same thing as telling a transguy that they shouldn't bind since all of their friends know they have boobs anyway. Same logic, isn't it?

I agree with the suggestions already mentioned, try hiding it in the trashcan. Cover them in tp or put them inside a bag.

I feel the same, I don't want anyone knowing. Esp those I live with. It may seem natural to everyone who knows me, but its not to me. I've always disliked it. I try my best not to think about it, so I hardly notice myself.

KYRIL I thought I was the only person... I refused to even use pads or tampons I literally only used toilet paper because otherwise it seemed so wrong.

I got my period at 11 and I didn't tell anyone because I hated having a womans problem. Getting my period was a really big reality check to me. It's when it sunk in that I wasn't going to grow up to be a man. Getting it did make me dysphoric and I was afraid my mom would make a big deal out it and try to celebrate it. I only told her because I needed her to restock, and that was a couple years later. I simply just wrapped it up and threw it out, since she never felt the need to check the trash can she never found out by herself.

I understand getting it brings on the dysphoria, I feel it to. I understand why someone would want to hide it. You don't want the fact that you have lady parts brought to the attention of others. Or even worse for them to talk to you about it. No FTM wants to have to deal with getting periods. Unless you're very lucky, or are at a point in your transition where you don't get them anymore, it's something you have to deal with.

Conformer's methods of dealing with it seem to be adding to the problem. He is obviously unhappy with his methods or he wouldn't be asking for alternatives. Since he is asking for suggestions I assume he can control these impulses enough to change methods. Is creating more steps to the problem really making him feel better? Or is it just making it a bigger problem and breeding more emotional discomfort?

I'm not saying the urge isn't legitimate, but having the impulse doesn't mean you should follow it. If playing in to these unnecessary urges is creating more emotional discomfort I don't see how it's healthy for him to continue.

I am understanding of his problem and related emotions, that's why I offered a logical solution. I think his methods could have the opposite effect. If I lived with an FTM and forgot they could still get periods and came across a wrapper, it would simply jog my memory that they are capable of getting periods. Then I would forget about it a few minutes later. If I came across a bag of used products I would find that really bizarre, and that would be something that would stick with me.

Wow I'm honestly surprised that so many other people do the same thing :p I thought I was just weird hah.

I appreciate the suggestions, diva cup could possibly be a solution, but I will probably stick to the traditional hygiene products...it doesn't sound very comfortable.
For now I'm just hiding the stuff somewhere else. I hide the stuff

Kyril and Mikah basically explained my reason for hiding...somehow hiding the evidence just seems to alleviate my worrying about the people in my house being aware that I'm on my cycle. It's kind of hard for me to explain it in my own words.

I started mine at 11 and started tampons soon afterwards.  It is the best way I have found for me.  I didn't like pads, had to deal and see with them every time you peed and then how to dispose of them.  I can flush or wrap a tampon in tp and hide it in the trash.  I can't use the non-applicator tampons have to polk your finger inside to get them in place.  I had heard about the cups, but don't see how I put one inside me and then get it out again, to much handling of my parts down there.  I get cramps for about a day each month and that is a biggest problem for me.  I get continuied reminded that I have those parts for a day to day and half. Using tampons I only have to deal with them about twice a day most days.  I think other can tell when I have cramps much easily then knowing I use tampons. This is a very interesting topic for me to follow.

I'm going to add my two cents here on this topic. Before I switched to a menstrual cup, I had been using tampons and I couldn't stand them. Damned things would leak all the time. Before those I was using pads and I hated them just as much as tampons...I hated the thought of walking around feeling my menstrual flow in my underwear right up against my body...it would be so messy and disgusting and get all over my pelvis. Yuck. Way to remind me I'm capable of bleeding!

So I switched to tampons and couldn't stand them...I *always* felt them, they *always* felt uncomfortable, and I *always* had to change them at least every 4-5 hours.

However, menstrual cups are not as bad as people think at all. I would only have to dump it out once in the morning and once at night. The hardest part is insertion...removal is pretty easy cause it feels kind of like a suction cup when you take it out...but I could never feel it during the day. Commercials claim you can't feel tampons...well I felt lied to for sure cause they always irritated me. And of course it felt nice to not have to try to hide tampon and pad wrappers in the garbage anymore. Most people don't know what it is when/if they find it.

I suppose everyone is different.  because I can't feel tampons in me.

Quote from: conformer on May 17, 2011, 08:33:51 PM
Wow I'm honestly surprised that so many other people do the same thing :p I thought I was just weird hah.

Me too. It's so funny to see other people with the same weird quirks I have. I've always hidden my hygiene products, even when I lived alone. I don't want to think about that time of the month and I sure as hell don't want to see any evidence of it.

I also had my parents buy the stuff for me until I was probably in my 20s 'cause it's just too embarrassing to stand there with the package at the register. No idea why I thought it was better to have my dad handing me a package of maxi pads...ick.  ???

Quote from: Espenoah on May 17, 2011, 10:29:55 AMI just remembered another method I use. If I ever have any food bags, like potato chips or something, I leave it in the garbage and fill it with wrappers. Since no one is digging around in garbage, no one notices.
Also, these methods only work if your garbage isn't completely gross. I suggest just having a little bin in your room if you don't already have one.

I used this method a lot back when I had roommates. Most people won't go scrounging through a soggy bag of fast food, so it works pretty well.

Quote from: JohnAlex on May 18, 2011, 10:58:19 PM
I suppose everyone is different.  because I can't feel tampons in me.

I normally can't unless I do something wrong.
Fun Fact: my grandma's junk is crooked so she could never comfortably ware them. She just randomly told me this one day. XD

Once the tampon is in place I don't feel or know it is in their.  I have no problems with them leaking, I do use the super size so I can usually need change only morning and evening.  Buying them is worst part right now, I guess letting others see I need these things.  I am dressed as a guy most of the time now, so why would a guy need them.  Hopefully they will think they are for his gf.

so, i'm going to slightly derail the topic- sorry  :P

I tried diva cups, but they leaked every time, and I HATE pads.  So, I use tampons.   :-\  The problem with those is that on the first two days I have to change them every two to three hours at times.  And I'm going back to school this semester, and my school doesn't have any single stall or unisex restrooms.  The best solution I've thought of so far is just finding a restroom that isn't used often, waiting until no classes are changing, and then making a run for it.  But that obviously could go very very wrong.  Any ideas?

And I always hide tampons too- even from myself.  Actually, I have a habit of carrying a swiss army knife with me and cutting part of the string off since they're like four times longer then they need to be.  That way, if I'm just peeing I don't notice the string.  I usually just wrap them in lots of TP and then put them under things in trash bin in my room. 

On a side note, one of my worst memories comes from an incident that happened before I even realized I was trans.  I was living with three guys over the summer, and I did everything I could to make it seem like I didn't have a period.  Then one night one guy invited a crazy (really, she was out of control) girl over, and I fell asleep to her fighting with them.  Late next morning I woke up, walked into the bathroom that we all shared, and since we didn't have a trash can in the bathroom, sitting on top of the counter was a massive, bloody, brown pad.  :o  I wanted to faint, but I just removed it, and sanitized the area.  :embarrassed: god that was horrible. 

Alex, I feel for you having to change every 2-3 hrs for a day or two. I used the super size and on the first day probably change twice during day, after that only morning and evening.  I am in school and use a restroom in another building when there are few guys there and wrap it up in tp and push it deep in the trash.  Never though to cut the string shorter so not to be so noticeable.  I don't feel it once it is place so half the remember to change before I leak.

I sure like the guys restroom, no machines to remind you all the time that you get the red death every month.  Also no bins in the stalls with part of a pad or tp hanging out to remimd you again.  Sure wish I could master a STP and had the balls to use the urinals.