Susan's Place Transgender Resources

This may get a bit long and rambly. But pardon that. And I'm pretty sure this comes under this category. If it doesn't, pardon that too.

I'm fed up with a ponytail. I've never liked anything remotely ado with hair, and thus never - and when I say never I mean never, pic of me at 3 has the same ponytail as now- worn anything other than a ponytail, because it's out of my face and out of the way. So, come the end of June, and thus high school, I'd like to cut it, be able to pass better (despite a gigantic poofball behind me head, I do pass on occasion o.0 ) go by my male name in uni, if not at home right away, and thus begin life how it should be. The trouble is, my parents have had it up to their ears with a "tomboy who never grew out of the tomboy phase". They let me wear boys clothes, but refuse a haircut even if i use my own money to the point where they threaten to throw me out of the house (on my mom's part), and my dad doesn't want me to look like a guy.

Short of coming clean out of the closet, I've tried several excuses. I have extremely curly hair, so I claim a military-esque cut would solve my poofball woes and not cause an afro. They claim it will look worse. I say it's easier to ride with short hair (riding helmet + poof tucked up in there = itchy in hot weather), they don't care. I say it grows back, let me "look bad" and suffer, they say no. Even if I did convince them, I'd rather my interfering mother not come, so I can avoid her asking the person cutting my hair to "feminize" the style.

I'd rather not have to come out over a freaking haircut (I'm a coward) and have that be on better and my own terms, but it's beginning to look that way. Any suggestions?

Don't come out.  All the reasons you suggest are sound reasons.  Show your mom pictures of women with short hair, tell the stylist you want a short hair cut and leave it at that.

Just go and get a buzz cut and then that's it done - they can't make you put it back on :). (Oh, and you can donate it to me...)

Are you going to be living at home when your at uni?  because if you're not, you could wait until you move out, and then get a men's hair cut.  the first time i got my hair cut short, i asked for a short, androgynous hair cut and no one questioned it- but when i passed, everyone did think i was gay (which i am so i didn't really care.)  now i have an actual men's hair cut, and the only thing i can think of to hide that from my parents is a wig.  lots of women have short hair.  especially with summer coming up it's completely understandable that you'd want something more comfortable.  all of your reasons are good reason to get a short hair cut, so i would just do what regan said.  good luck  :)

Regan - I've tried that, her general response is total and complete disgust, irony here being she has short hair herself. Do you have any ideas how to turn her around, or am I simple just screwed in convincing her? If so, I guess I'll just cut it anyways. 

Padma - Sure, if you want this stuff, you can have it. =P

As for your questions, Alex, I'm going to be living at home, provided I don't get kicked out. But I'm unwilling to wait another 4 and a half years before I can cut my hair. That seems excessive. An androgynous cut would be fine, though.

its your hair, do with it as you please :)

Quote from: Dax on May 23, 2011, 01:28:05 PM
irony here being she has short hair herself

Have you tried saying that you like your mom's hair and would like a cut just like it?  It might not be your preferred style but maybe it gets you closer.

Just a thought.
Julie

Thanks for all the input. =]

I probably will just cut in and smile. I guess enforcing I'm happy with it will help them deal (mostly my dad). It is my hair, like said...

Julie - As for saying I want a cut like my mothers, she and I both know I dislike her style. However, should she change it in the next few month or so, that seems like a very wise plan.



Given I have a bit of time to wait, do you think it would be wise to broach the subject now? I have before, but never consistently brought it up, only when the conversation just kind of happened.  You know, sort of ease them into the fact that my hair is going to be cut one way or another? I'm thinking If I print out enough pictures of androgynous cuts (and maybe magically they get even shorter at the hair cutters somehow, but shh) and show them, they might come around? Or should I just pull it off as suddenly as possible?

Quote from: Dax on May 25, 2011, 05:54:05 PMGiven I have a bit of time to wait, do you think it would be wise to broach the subject now? I have before, but never consistently brought it up, only when the conversation just kind of happened.  You know, sort of ease them into the fact that my hair is going to be cut one way or another? I'm thinking If I print out enough pictures of androgynous cuts (and maybe magically they get even shorter at the hair cutters somehow, but shh) and show them, they might come around? Or should I just pull it off as suddenly as possible?

I really couldn't say.  Bringing it up it could help get your mom used to the idea, or it could just give her more time to try to talk you out of it.  If you're headed for college, though, I'd say you're more than old enough to make decisions about your hair.  Sounds like your mom just hasn't come to terms with it yet. 

That said, if you think there is actually the possibility of being thrown out, I'd proceed with caution until you're in a more stable position, perhaps cutting it in stages, getting progressively shorter so it's not that big of a change at once.

Quote from: Beth Andrea on May 23, 2011, 01:44:53 PM
imo, most parents are bluffing when they say they'd kick out their own kid.

Agreed.

My mom cried when I called her bluff and moved out.

Cutting it in stages might be wise, but that could get expensive and I'm really not sure what to do with it somewhere between ponytail and short short, but that's another story. I can't call her bluff like Regan, though. I have a childhood pal and her family would let me stay with them for a time, if worse really came to worse, though, as I learned from hair-unrelated problems a couple days ago - she even told me she'll tell me where the spare key is hidden, if I need it. 

Hmm. Well...we'll see. Thanks for all the inputs, guys & girls. =]

Personally I think your mum will never be happy.

She already knows you are not particularly girly and it is her own fears and prejudices getting in the way. Any mention of it is just sending her into a panic.

mmm so what options do you have? Well, personally you are old enough to decide how you want your hair. Just cut it and tell your folks "whatever, get over it"

Perhaps more constructive is to find out why it freaks out your mum so much, it is just hair, what is she afraid of, and that it is kind of ridiculous she would kick you out over a haircut. 

good luck!

another thing you could try is getting some cheap hair-dye with a rather shocking color. after a couple of months it would be obvious how much more pleasant short hair would be to look at..

i also used to have a nice poofball at the back of my head. my hair got so much better after i cut it shorter and thinned it out a lot

Quote from: explorer on June 12, 2011, 08:45:28 AM
another thing you could try is getting some cheap hair-dye with a rather shocking color. after a couple of months it would be obvious how much more pleasant short hair would be to look at..

this.  i used to dye my hair crazy colors, so my mom was actually relieved when i showed up with a men's hair cut and my natural hair color.  actually, she didn't think it was a men's hair cut and thought it looked 'cute.'  ::)  everyone else realizes it's a men's cut though  :D

my leg hair, on the other hand, disturbed her.   :P

i had my fair share of crazy colors last year. my mom's least favorite was the light blonde, she thought it made me look like a hit-man for the russian mafia. i'd probably easily passed as a guy if i'd only thought of it at the time. she was so relieved when i finally cut off the unnatural colors, i think she'd have agreed with any hair cut. i chose an androgynous variant though

I've always thought about waking up with gum "accidentally" stuck in my hair.

  I'm in the same place, every time I get my hair cut I go a couple inches shorter than before.  First 11 inches off (brought it to the middle of my back) then another 6 ( just past my shoulders) this time I had another four cut off and that put it just above my shoulders. All of these cuts took place within 6 months and about 2 months inbetween all.  And next time I plan on going shorter...after I'm out of the house of course.
Good luck.
~Aiden

I sort of unintentionally did the same thing as Aiden.  It used to be down to my butt, and I got it cut a few inches shorter each time.  Now it's a mens' cut (shorter than in my picture), but most of the people who know me as a girl just say it's "cute" and suits me.  Most people don't worry about short hair on a "girl."

Personally, I'd rather not have funky colors on my head, but that does sound like a different idea. xD

Quote from: KrisRenee on June 13, 2011, 05:31:41 PM
I've always thought about waking up with gum "accidentally" stuck in my hair.

  I'm in the same place, every time I get my hair cut I go a couple inches shorter than before.  First 11 inches off (brought it to the middle of my back) then another 6 ( just past my shoulders) this time I had another four cut off and that put it just above my shoulders. All of these cuts took place within 6 months and about 2 months inbetween all.  And next time I plan on going shorter...after I'm out of the house of course.
Good luck.
~Aiden

Gum....heheheh. That could work.
I'm already running a cut that can range anywhere from brushing my shoulders to about the earlobe. Don't ask me to explain it, I'm no hairdresser, but as my hair dries it gets shorter and curls more (frizzes more, too) but while it poofs up and everywhere, it doesn't go down. Go figure.  :P
I've started to work out a plan - it's going more for shock value than anything else and damage minimizing. I have a childhood friend who'd go out with me to get the cut, which could stay her nerves some - but just about where I'm going...which is a lie. We go to the hair cutter, and then back to her place for the evening. Or something. I'm not out or anything to her, but she clearly thinks me genderqueer and has no issues with that, so she feels the haircut just makes sense. I have a RL ally of some degree.