Susan's Place Transgender Resources

hi my names kayla. well my girl names kayla. im a boy but really a girl and iv known about it for a long time. im just having a really hard time right now and i just wanna vent some. need a little advice too. well i think im going crazy. my brains rejecting my body so to say. i have these little attacks lets call them where i get actually sick to my stomach. and the room starts spinning where it ends up me punching, kicking a wall or something harder.. i wanna be a girl so bad! i even cry. i get these attacks sorta when i see this little girl. im no stalker lol or a bad pedifile. im not gunna hurt this girl but i see her at the bus stop with her hair in a pony tail everyday and i tell my self does she know how lucky she is?! im just envious. its just how i wanna look if i were a girl.

i know that sounds a little creepy and even to me thats sounds creepy but id never hurt her. i never go up to her, i stay back but school just ended thursday and im not gunna get to see her. again creepy yes i know but thats how i vented wishing it was me getting on the bus going to her classes being her. around the last day of school they have whats called casual day where the girls wear scurts and boys wear tuxs whatever and i saw her in this dress, is pretty much whats hurting me now. whatever i think now is pretty much why arnt i a girl? i wanna be a girl! has any 1 been thru this? and how do u cope? i been sleeping like crap and losing energy because im tossing and turning all nite and losing my mind! i cant do the surgary. i know ill never be a girl so i just need a vent or how to cope a better way then looking at that little girl at her bus stop. im not old creepy man lol 23 but thats still old enough to be bad

im not confused or anything. i know who i am. its not just i think i wanna be a girl, its cuz i am. lets go with saying traped? being smoothered? sorry im rambling on lol but i guess im asking if any1 has had this same thing can we email or txt? please write

Hi Kayla, :icon_wave:

Welcome to our little family. Over 6900 strong. That would be one heck of a family reunion.

Feel free to post your successes/failures, Hopes/dreams.  Ask questions and seek answers. Give and receive advice.

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Hugs and Love,
Janet

Hi Kayla, welcome to the site! There's lots of friendly people here and tons of information including how to cope. Try the wiki section, hugs, Tracey

thanks tracey. ill check it out. i have to use my phone for now but when i get net back ill go see.

Hi Kayla,
       My heart goes out to you.  I've been there, and it does get better, if you are open with yourself.  Get yourself into counseling, there is no shame in asking for help from an unbiased person.  There is nothing wrong with wanting to be a girl.  Be confident in who you are.  You can get through this.

thanks julya well yeaa i was thinking about that but i dunno if he could really help. talking about it does help a little it helped a little after i post so maybe.. but he isnt gunna help remove parts of me i dont like. thats a different doctor lol i might try it tho thanks

its not really like tho im gunna hurt myself. i mean i do i break my hand sometimes when it goes thru a wall lol but im not gunna go jump off a bridge. what i believe, and people dont gotta agree but i believe in reincarnation. if i do something to myself i just have to come back to this life. if i wait then next life ill be that girl i already know :) but its hard! when i was a teenager i had my 1st attack.. and i took least 20 asprin and 3 beer and 5 teqila shots later i was scared dont die dont die! i wont get what i want.. i just gotta wait. i dont know if most believe in god or what it doesnt matter but i dont wanna get any1 mad saying o thats not true! its just what i believe. but see i may not hurt myself but in a way i still do. i drink like crazy! smoke marry j lol but i have this thing growing on my neck and i dont go see the doctor.. its gunna pop i know it will and i dont think that will end pretty.. but it will get me closer. and its not directly hurting myself if i do go...

sorry im writing this on my phone and the batterys dead so ill check back later

Kayla,
       Therapists work directly with medical doctors, some are even doctors themselves (with Phd, after their name).  They can help, and they can reccommend steps to help you live a fuller happier life as your full self.  Research ones in your area that have experiance with Gender Identity Disorder, or Gender Dysphoria.  You can also look up trans-friendly Physicians.  They're there to help.  Look at the, "resources" section on the main page, the info in there might be what you need to find; if not google is a great tool.  Stay strong and don't beat yourself up about it.

yeaa i looked that up and i found a doc in my town. i knew him a long time ago when i was little. was my family doctor. but i guess he can deal with GID what the web site said anyways. thanks 4 ur help

You are most welcome.  I hope that you can find solace in feeling that you are not alone; that there are others that have been there before you.  But, in that the only person who can truly help you is you.  You do that by being honest with yourself and your therapist.  That is what they are trained in; is helping you help yourself...

actually yeaa lol i knew there where other trans but i didnt know this many. did u have the surgary? how did u even tell ur parents? i have a cousin that sorta knows but not 100% she walked in on me putting her shirts on when i was like 6 and she was all hey! so u wanna be a girl? i ran out the door really quick but she came up to me saying if i didnt let her put me in a dress she would tell my friends. so went back to her room and i tried on some things. then she brought out her make up i told her no way! then she said ill have to tell ur friends! so i had to let her. she did that for a long time til we moved. for years lol she did that. have sleep overs and call me over so they had a life like dress up doll. she would call me baby girl sometimes under her breath. but i know she didnt cause this. she didnt help any either but i already knew things where different. anyways i guess she sorta knows ill see if i can find her. but thanks julya helping out ur kind :)

There are over 700,000 that have had surgery, the exact number afflicted with GID is unknown.  With those numbers it is more common than cleft palet, club foot, spina bifida, and downs syndrome.  GID is considered a birth defect, as are the others.  It is typically not due to anything you've done, nor that's been done to you.  Personally, I have not gone through the surgery.  I am just getting starting on that road.  I am not yet on hormones, nor started facial hair removal (though, I will be starting this soon).  I am semi-out.  Which is to say, I still need to tell my dad, his side of the family, and those at work.  Everyone else in my life knows, and most have been supportive.  Those that have not been are of no great loss to me, for it is they who will suffer the loss of knowing the whole me; and in my opinion, I am awesome.  I have been coming out as transgender since November, and just getting it out has been very theraputic in of it's self.  But, I suggest looking up articles or publications about coming out transgender to parents.  The more information you have when you do this and your place in it, the easier it is to explain.  I am happy that you've found this site, there is so much support, and so many great people on here it makes it a valuable refuge to expess yourself openly.  Be who you are, be honest with yourself, and the rest will be what it is.

Welcome to Susan's Place kayla. I'm sorry to hear that your GID is so intense as to be making you feel ill. Hopefully some summertime fun will ease that.

Seeing that doctor you mentioned sounds like a good first step toward becoming whole. That is all part of the journey toward HRT and surgery. The doctor can also help you with coming out to your parents and soliciting their approval and help to start puberty blockers.

You may need some help if you decide to transition while still in school. You and your parents can find help with that at TransYouth Family Allies. <imatyfa.org>

Patience is necessary. This is not a short journey, nor is it an inexpensive one. So be sure to get a good college education and a good job after that.

Robyn

A good book is, "Mom, I Need to be a Girl"

i saw a page about coming out. but im on this crappy phone so got this small cliff notes verison but i kinda get it. ill be on my comp here real soon so ill get a better look later. how do u think ur gunna tell ur dad? i looked up that book and found a pdf im guessing thats the book. ill get it when im back up.

I will do this face to face.  He lives about an eight hour drive away, so it'll take some planning...  But, I feel that the best way for me will be to explain that I've been seeing a therapist for gender dysphoria, and that I plan on going through a real life test to gauge it's effectiveness as a solution.  I will reassure that it is not caused by anything that has been done to me, how I was raised, nor that could have been avoided.  I will prepare myself with as much information from studies and publications as possible; to preemptively answer any questions before they get asked. Blunt honesty will be the best policy in my case.  I will also be telling my, aunt, uncle, and cousins on that side of the family while I'm out there, so I'll have it all done except for at work once I get back.  In a lot of respects I have been the black sheep of the family, and as such have sub-consciously set the bar pretty low for myself on that side of the family.  I have prepared myself for the worst, but I'll hope for the best...  I am confident in the path I have laid before me; unfortunately it is up to them whether they want to find out how awesome I am as my whole self.  I came out to those I was fairly sure would accept me no matter what, first.  By doing so, I have a strong support system in place for if things go poorly.  It will be hard if it does, but I know how resilient I am, and it's effect on me will fade with time...  I will mourn their loss, but it doesn't change what I need to do for myself; in order to be the best me I can be for those around me.

:) i wish i could be like u. i have no idea how id tell my mom.. im gunna have to be drunk to tell her... and i dont think thats how it should be done lol but im just speechless when i try and tell her. it almost came out 1 day and she asked me what do i have to be stressed about... my dad wont know about me lol i cant find him so im not really intrusted in if he finds out about me. actually i remember back then he was a little fem lol so i dunno does this run in the family? i think my mom will be ok with it. its just finally getting the courage i guess. i still need to read more 1st. i skimmed this stuff when i was a teen but didnt think it would matter. i HATE docs lol i dunno how thats gunna go. i am gunna try and see a doc tho so he can least give me something for those episodes.. and see where it goes from there. i g2g tho so ill be on tomorrow. hugs and thanks 4 chatting :)

You're welcome.  It is theorized that it can run in the family, but no conclusive evidence has been documented.  You'll be where you need to be when the timing is right for you.  You've got a long journey ahead, but hopefully through research and support, you'll have some bearing with which to follow...

well i get my net back today so ill be in my full html mode lol ill beable to research things a little faster and more text to see. at 1st my intentions when i came was to find a better way of venting my girl side and being able to hide it in real. but i think i might try and come out. this new year the only thing came to mind. i dont give a (lets call it) duck lol and in the past i always worried how people see me. and i was up late last nite here surfing, and this morning i started thinking well i dont give a cluk if my mom disapproves. she cant kick me out lol titles in my name. i pay the rent and she sits at home playing a virtual monkey all day. has no job. anyways hugs! morning!

I caution you against stuffing it down her throat, so to speak...  Something like this takes time, and you don't want to be miserable living together.  Tack, kindness, and confidence will always get better results...  But, good luck, and I hope that it goes well for you.

i been reading that book, have you read it? i only stopped at chap 1 cuz its already 1 my time and im pretty dead tired. went to bed at 1 last nite too so thought hummm yeaa. its hard getting me to read books trust me lol i always told my mom NO BOOKS! so me actually finishing this 1s very strange for me. lol but anyways omg! danelle is so lucky! starting off that early and with her mom and brothers being so nice.. my brother is werid and i dunno how he is on this sorta stuff. might be the hardest. my sister would make fun for sure lol its just how our family is but she would accept me. i think... well i g2g so hugs all around! hope all had a great day!

I'm glad you like it.  All the world's knowledge is in books; they are the gateway to freedom.  I am happy to be of help, and am glad you came to this site when you did.  I'll be here whenever you need.

:'( i love that book. i need to go buy it so when i tell my mom, i can give her the book. that was really fast tho, only 2 years? and in high school! times gunna fly by either or. wish i could of found this when i was 15. i dont think i woulda been ready til 17 but time moves on if ur ready or not. im 23, and hairy beard lol. i have kind of a fem voice. i actually have to push to have my deep voice but when im just chilin it gets softer and high pitched. which is good later on i guess lol still need practice of course. i think im coming out soon tho. what do u think if i just put the book somewhere she can read it while im at work. and she asks whats this? and i tell her ima girl.. or should i tell her before i give the book? im getting anxious

Only you know what will work for you.  You know yourself and your mom...  I try to ask myself how I would want something of this magnitude brought up to me, if I were them.  Each peson is different in how I present it because of that.  Find what works for you both, but plan on having the answers to the questions, even if the answer is, "I still need to figure that out once I'm there".

well i tried to come out to her last nite. got pretty drunk lol but what happening instead of just saying it i got sick... lol all of her! she still doesnt know but she knows somethings strange now.. i guess i need more time.. i got the answers tho. had few years to think about it. i read where ur suppose to just come out with it and leave details for a later time. i finally gotta work today so i better get ready. hugs to all! have a fun day!