Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Hey guys,
I had no idea where to put this so I'm putting it here for now. Okay, I have decided I want kids in the future, and for now, I am thinking about the option of egg extraction and transfer? I plan on getting a surrogate mother and using a sperm donor. I have a few questions for you guys though: if anyone here has had it done (or know anyone else who has gone through it), how much does the whole process hurt? What are your opinions on this? Do you think the procedure will improve in the near future and make the likelyhood of conceiving more possible? How much does the whole thing cost (the getting the surrogate mother, sperm donor, and egg extraction procedure) in total (I live in Canada)? Eager to hear your responses,
Josh

Hurt mentally/emotionally or physically?

In order to harvest some eggs you're put on a large amount of female hormones and other various fertility drugs which have a fair risk of negative side effects. To get the eggs out a long needle is poked in. Don't know how physically painful it is but I'm not a fan of my own shots so it can't feel too good.

Prices vary but these are some costs (in USD) that I can think of:

Legal aid: $10,000-$30,000
Surrogate's fee: $10,00-$20,000
Prenatal expenses: $10,000
Sperm donor (depending on if you want a known donor or not): $400-$2,000
Single cyle IVF: $10,000
Embryo transfer: $2,500

Some sites are quoting $100,000 or more in various costs for a surrogate.

At least in the US, adoption from state foster care is virtually free.

Would not be an option for me, I don't want to take all the female hormones and have all the female type pains from taking them.  My eggs can stay where they are until I can get a total hyster.

Oh crap. I didn't know they put you on female hormones for that. I know they'll only do it to super skinny people though. I've already looked into selling my eggs years ago, since I never planned on using them.  :P

Some very high dosages of the hormones, you can get bad PMS, pg and menopausal effects from them.

Quote from: regan on May 30, 2011, 07:57:36 AMAt least in the US, adoption from state foster care is virtually free.

This.  Plus, I just think, why bring another kid into this world when there are already so many without parents and loving homes.  But I realize children and adoption isn't for everyone, unfortunately.

:/  so it will never be less painful or complicated as technology advances?

gah, i didn't realize you had to take loads of female hormones either.  :( i was hoping to do egg extraction too, as i'd love to have my own biological kids.  i know there are tons of kids who need homes anyway... but still i was hoping.  :-\

I saw a documentary from Canada and apparently surrogates in Canada are free, it's illegal to pay them. I was like :O But who knows how that works, you should probably just do some research about it online at sites for those sorts of things to make sure you're getting accurate information. My sister has already said she'll let me have her eggs as long as I pay her (she's as selfish as that sounds), so I don't got to bother with all this. Anyways good luck with this whole thing, I would definitely not be into the overload of female hormones, that freaking sucks.

Jay, I guess if you look at it that way, having a family member around is always helpful. I wonder if my sister or cousins would help me out. ...What? Surrogates in Canada are free? I gotta look into that :P and yeah. The female hormones part is kinda sucky. Not looking forward to it one bit. I hope it works out somehow.

A word of caution regarding surrogates. They give birth, they may not give up the baby no matter how much money you paid them. Legal battle time if that happens. Emotions change over time and pregnancy is well known for them to run high and changing. That mother/ baby bond happens and can be hard to separate.

Quote from: LordKAT on May 30, 2011, 09:33:35 PM
A word of caution regarding surrogates. They give birth, they may not give up the baby no matter how much money you paid them. Legal battle time if that happens. Emotions change over time and pregnancy is well known for them to run high and changing. That mother/ baby bond happens and can be hard to separate.

A friend of mine and his partner had eggs implanted in their surrogate mother, because in the US this circumvents custody laws. If the eggs are implanted, the surrogate mother has no legal custody. At least, I'm pretty sure this is the law in the US, thought I'm no lawyer.

A word of warning about free surrogates: this just means the government banned paying a fee, it doesn't mean that people are lining up to do it for free. It probably, from an economic standpoint, translates to lower supply, under the table payment, or both. Hopefully this doesn't make it more difficult in Canada.

In the US you are allowed to sue (or try) anyone for any reason. That came from a lawyer dealing with the laws affecting custody of minors. I do not think emotions are legal or illegal anywhere and I know not in US are emotions illegal. They exist and you will have to deal with them.

Dealing with them or not, I'm pretty sure that as long as you use eggs that aren't her's and you're the biological parent, she'll never have legal custody over the kid.

True, regardless of such a suit never winning, a surrogate mother could sue for custody and that could ring up court fees, time and other expenses if the case isn't dismissed. Although, I don't think that hormonal levels  and the release of psychoactive bonding chemicals associated with pregnancy are enough to lead most surrogate mothers to ignore the print of the law and pursue such a lost cause, especially since legal consult would be a must. Not saying it couldn't ever happen, but I don't think it's the biggest cost/risk involved.

Not that eliminating or minimizing this cost/risk makes the process easy and free....oy, it's expensive and invasive no matter what. If nothing else, I wish that harvesting eggs didn't involve feminizing hormones and heavy risks.

Anyway, sorry for following that tangent.

Mikah,
Not a problem. You gave me some helpful information and things to think about. I want biological kids very badly. I think it might seem hopeless now though :/  sigh. I don't suppose there's any other options (not including adoption).

Quote from: Josh T on May 30, 2011, 11:12:01 PM
Mikah,
Not a problem. You gave me some helpful information and things to think about. I want biological kids very badly. I think it might seem hopeless now though :/  sigh. I don't suppose there's any other options (not including adoption).

Having your DNA without eggs? No. The best option is to do the egg removal, but you'll have to pay for freezing as well until they are used. But I mean, it's an option. A great one to consider before you start transitioning and can deal with the hormonal treatment better then after transitioning.

Recently, they took the DNA from bone marrow and fertilized an egg, but it's not really a technology that's practical for humans currently (lots of health complications and short life span of child). Maybe in the future, though. This one I've more come across as hearsay in the LGBT community, and I couldn't provide links or anything. So although I don't think it's just a wishful rumor, it may be exaggerated in its potential human applications. But I've got my fingers crossed, I'm just not holding my breath.

Something a lot of people do, of course, is to have a close male relative as the sperm donor, that way the child is genetically similar. Something I've thought about as a possibility, if you can get past the weird.

http://www.allaboutsurrogacy.com/surrogacylaws.htm (http://www.allaboutsurrogacy.com/surrogacylaws.htm)

The above is a link to some laws regarding surrogacy in the different states. This is something worth looking into as some states don't have laws regarding it, some only married couples, some not for same sex couples, one not at all, 2 seem to be safe to try.

QuoteEvery surrogacy agreement terminates the parental rights of someone who has a legal claim to parentage,

This quote is from the Delaware pages but it is also in other states. The birth mother has rights. I am not saying don't do it, I am saying use caution.

Well that link just crushed all my hopes and dreams, at least for single parenthood. So if I store sperm here and then move to a country overseas, can I still use it?

Quote from: Mikah on May 30, 2011, 11:50:56 PM
Recently, they took the DNA from bone marrow and fertilized an egg, but it's not really a technology that's practical for humans currently (lots of health complications and short life span of child). Maybe in the future, though. This one I've more come across as hearsay in the LGBT community, and I couldn't provide links or anything. So although I don't think it's just a wishful rumor, it may be exaggerated in its potential human applications. But I've got my fingers crossed, I'm just not holding my breath.

Something a lot of people do, of course, is to have a close male relative as the sperm donor, that way the child is genetically similar. Something I've thought about as a possibility, if you can get past the weird.

(Not that I have an issue with this) but I heard if you take DNA from the bone marrow that the baby will be female because of the two X chromosomes and there's no chance of it being male. Any more info on this? And about using a close male relative as a sperm donor, I don't find it so gross, however my worry is my family members (and/or close male relative) will find it weird. But the only problem is, the closest male relative to me is my first cousin. And because of personal issues with that side of the family, that is the only thing that would weird me out with him being the sperm donor. But like you said, it's definitely a possibility.

I've been told freezing eggs is very hit and miss, anyone have more info on this? I went to a discussion on this the other day and they said they could freeze an embryo, but they couldn't be sure that with freezing eggs they would store well or still be viable later on.

Quote from: LordKAT on May 31, 2011, 01:13:40 AM
http://www.allaboutsurrogacy.com/surrogacylaws.htm (http://www.allaboutsurrogacy.com/surrogacylaws.htm)

The above is a link to some laws regarding surrogacy in the different states. This is something worth looking into as some states don't have laws regarding it, some only married couples, some not for same sex couples, one not at all, 2 seem to be safe to try.

This quote is from the Delaware pages but it is also in other states. The birth mother has rights. I am not saying don't do it, I am saying use caution.

/sad face. I wish it was more accessible and protected for people. Personally, it won't be necessary for me, but some of those laws are dismal. This really is just an issue of free-contract, not a moral family-mold issue. But thanks for the link, that clears some things up

@Josh T: unfortunately, I don't know much about it, I've mostly just heard a lot of people talking about it at my campus LGBT center. Sorry I can't provide any more information or links :/

Okay thanks Mikah