Susan's Place Transgender Resources

If Brooke decides to go thru transition (even if it is partial by hormones) how much will it change how she feels about me and will the new found freedom and feelings take her away from me to someone new?
Has anyone here dealt with this issue?
I guess I am concerned that finally being able to be herself she will want to explore with/be with other people. Does being part of the loving support structure bring us closer or will it inevitably pull us a part?

TogetherweCan,

I would like to give you my opinion, but please remember - this is just my opinion.

I have rarely known a married transsexual that didn't transition after trying hormones. And the ones I have known have delayed this at a great expense to themselves and loved ones. I am sorry, but in my opinion I think you need to steel yourself for this.

I think your worry about your relationship is probably unfounded. Most transsexuals are beyond commited to their relationship. Most M2F transsexuals are lesbians! So - I would not have this being your primary worry.

It is true that most marriages do not survive transition. But - I think it's important to remember this is a choice between the two of you.

Bri

Together, I would not have left my SO.  I loved her dearly.  Oddly enough she loved me as well.  But the society we lived in would not allow it..... she could not allow it.  We were part of a very conservative Christian community.  It could never have worked fior that reason.  

Now this is my life.  I can not say what you and your SO will experience.  From what I have seen, those in solid relationships before have a very good chance of surviving the transition.  Everyone that I've ever met who commit to stay together.... are still together.  They have beat the odds of what the standard divorce rate!  Of course this is only my perspective.  It is anecdotal.

Now with that said, if your relationship is just getting started, I'd keep it at the friendship level for just as long as you can.  It is a very troubling time for her.  It is a very selfish time for her.

Cindi

Quote from: Brianna on February 05, 2007, 12:09:04 PM
TogetherweCan,

I would like to give you my opinion, but please remember - this is just my opinion.

I have rarely known a married transsexual that didn't transition after trying hormones. And the ones I have known have delayed this at a great expense to themselves and loved ones. I am sorry, but in my opinion I think you need to steel yourself for this.

I think your worry about your relationship is probably unfounded. Most transsexuals are beyond commited to their relationship. Most M2F transsexuals are lesbians! So - I would not have this being your primary worry.

It is true that most marriages do not survive transition. But - I think it's important to remember this is a choice between the two of you.

Bri

Bri, I totally understand this and believe you are right. I think once Brooke begins there will be no turning back. I think she is going to love how the hormones make her look and feel and in all honesty I am excited to see, touch, feel. If she decides for full SRS that is her decision and I will support it 100%, no problem there.
She is not sexually attracted to men so I am not worried about that however that leads me to another question...can the hormones themselves gear an attraction that has never been felt before?
There is a teenness to her already (just from finally telling asomone)  which I have read much about. Good thing I raised 2 teen girls and understand the angst and just the weirdness of being a teen girl - not to mention lived thru it myself lol. I guess because she has never been allowed to be herself that I am concerned she will want to start experimenting just being the girl she is and how others react to her and possibly attract her and vice versa because it will be new.

Quote from: Cindi Jones on February 05, 2007, 12:15:43 PM
Together, I would not have left my SO.  I loved her dearly.  Oddly enough she loved me as well.  But the society we lived in would not allow it..... she could not allow it.  We were part of a very conservative Christian community.  It could never have worked fior that reason.  

Now this is my life.  I can not say what you and your SO will experience.  From what I have seen, those in solid relationships before have a very good chance of surviving the transition.  Everyone that I've ever met who commit to stay together.... are still together.  They have beat the odds of what the standard divorce rate!  Of course this is only my perspective.  It is anecdotal.

Now with that said, if your relationship is just getting started, I'd keep it at the friendship level for just as long as you can.  It is a very troubling time for her.  It is a very selfish time for her.

Cindi

We are in love. We have made love several times, it is more than just friendship. I am commited.

Well, togetherwecan,

Hormones did strongly increase my attraction to men, even though I had only dated women previously.

I can look back and see my own attraction to women was confusion. I  wanted to be one, to the point of glorifying them. I wanted friendships with them as an accepted equal to the point of ignoring sexuality. As I went into full time, I began to feel very strongly about my previous bisexual feelings. And then, what used to be glorification for women became just close assexual freindship.

I think I now like men for the same reason other women do. It's not that I think men are so attractive in the same physical way I understand women are attractive. But - men just complete me as a woman. I want their strength. I want to be held. I want to complete them as they complete me as a woman.

And it's just, well, GROSS to think of women sexually - even though I find them very beautiful.

That was what my own progression twords being straight was like, at least. I hope that makes sense.

Bri, your illustrious party princess

Quote from: Brianna on February 05, 2007, 12:30:24 PM
Well, togetherwecan,

Hormones did strongly increase my attraction to men, even though I had only dated women previously.

I can look back and see my own attraction to women was confusion. I  wanted to be one, to the point of glorifying them. I wanted friendships with them as an accepted equal to the point of ignoring sexuality. As I went into full time, I began to feel very strongly about my previous bisexual feelings. And then, what used to be glorification for women became just close assexual freindship.

I think I now like men for the same reason other women do. It's not that I think men are so attractive in the same physical way I understand women are attractive. But - men just complete me as a woman. I want their strength. I want to be held. I want to complete them as they complete me as a woman.

And it's just, well, GROSS to think of women sexually - even though I find them very beautiful.

That was what my own progression twords being straight was like, at least. I hope that makes sense.

Bri, your illustrious party princess

Brooke said all these years part of her confusion was that she was NOT attracted to men.
I am still learning about what the hormones will and wont do. I really am unsure how they affect the thought process itself because I do beleve it is possible once the testosterone is diminished and the girly hormones start pumping their way thru she may decide women are gross too. I am not a lesbian. I am bi. Heh, never said that out loud, funny I never have said it to anyone except Brooke and that was only because she asked me (before I knew she was a she).
Anyhow...I just want to know what the possibilities are so that I can be as prepared for whatever as possible.
Bri, thanks so much for responding. I really appreciate it.
Party on Princess!  ;D

It's no problem, togetherwecan.

I love your positive attitude and open mind. Brooke is one lucky chica. Feel free to stop by our #chat support anytime, where the real party is. :)

By the way, I've got to tell you this. When she does got on hormones, she is going to be so much happier. It was like my brain stopped shorting out. I know you will like this person so much more.

Brilala,

PS- I think bisexuality is normal. My therory is that women find them to unremarkable too act/worry about, and that men are so threatened by them they lie about them.

Quote from: Brianna on February 05, 2007, 12:49:50 PM
It's no problem, togetherwecan.

I love your positive attitude and open mind. Brooke is one lucky chica. Feel free to stop by our #chat support anytime, where the real party is. :)

By the way, I've got to tell you this. When she does got on hormones, she is going to be so much happier. It was like my brain stopped shorting out. I know you will like this person so much more.

Brilala,

PS- I think bisexuality is normal. My therory is that women find them to unremarkable too act/worry about, and that men are so threatened by them they lie about them.

hehe thanks! I am dying to get into the chat but my laptop wont let me load active x (which the chat requires) for some reason...if Brooke were here right now she would know how to resolve that for me lol but she is not so I am locked out unless ya all know the trick?
I am looking forward to whatever is going to help Brooke become who she is in a more physical sense. She is already there inside, it's time to let her see the light of day outside. I love her and I am not uncomfortable with any of this. I just want to learn what I can and be there for her.

*I agree with you on bisexuality...this damn cornered and labled world we live in really sucks.

Heythere Together we can...

While I was with my Ex, I thought of noone but her period hands down no ands iffs or buts....

After the breakup, a few months down the line I discovered somewhere in the journey I had aquired a like for men...  *Shrugs*  Its totaly normal to me now.  I cant say weather or not that would or wouldnt have happened if she hadnt called everything off...

So far as chat goes... Rather than trying to use the client we provide, use chatzilla by mozilla, or download a coppy of MIRC at www.mirc.com    Im not sure where the setup instructions are but the server is irc.susans.org  just fill that in and log in,  choose a name first and we'll be on our way to some fine conversations  :)

Quote from: LynnER on February 05, 2007, 01:49:37 PM
Heythere Together we can...

While I was with my Ex, I thought of noone but her period hands down no ands iffs or buts....

After the breakup, a few months down the line I discovered somewhere in the journey I had aquired a like for men...  *Shrugs*  Its totaly normal to me now.  I cant say weather or not that would or wouldnt have happened if she hadnt called everything off...

So far as chat goes... Rather than trying to use the client we provide, use chatzilla by mozilla, or download a coppy of MIRC at www.mirc.com    Im not sure where the setup instructions are but the server is irc.susans.org  just fill that in and log in,  choose a name first and we'll be on our way to some fine conversations  :)

Thanks Lynn! I will give it a shot, but first want to talk to Brooke and make sure she is cool with it. She knows I joined the site (I don't think she is here lol...yet). She know's I am posting and feeling my way thru. I am sure she would be fine with me chatting as well. It is what I do best lmao! I just want to be sure she doesn't get overwhelmed with how much I have jumped into the fray of this new life!!! ;D

I would have been thrilled if my Ex (before she became such) or my family had shown such support and intrest  :)  Heres cheers to you.

Quote from: LynnER on February 05, 2007, 02:00:07 PM
I would have been thrilled if my Ex (before she became such) or my family had shown such support and intrest  :)  Heres cheers to you.

well I think a lot of it has to do with a few things like my background that I mentioned , but also, Brooke and I are political activists. I had only known her as a man (for almost 4 yrs) until a few days ago. We had just been friends all that time with me knowing none of this. I have had this weirdmessage board crush on her for a long time. Then all of a sudden sumthing just happened and the next thing you know we were flirting like mad and just having such a good time getting to know eachother in a romantic way. I loved everything about her even though I didn't know she was a she. When we finally met face to face she had dropped a lot of hints that I couldn't quite put together into a tangible something, ya know. But, the days we spent together were the best of my life. It was so hard to leave and both of us felt it. We both cried (not in front of eachother lol). I still didn't know the truth. Once we both got to our homes we were pretty crazily devasted being so far away from each other. The feeling is almost ridiculously urgent like we HAVE to be together NOW. I have never felt this before in my life, I am 38 yrs old. We are totally connected. There is no question.
When she finally told me, it was via email. She warned me that it was huge and she was terrified to tell me and thought I would be "sickened"...my firsat reaction was the giggles and not becuase I was laughing at her, I was relieved for one and the other reason for the giggles was because I was so totally ok with it.

I think the largest single problem to a relationship in this predicament has already been sidestepped. Most SOs have a VERY hard time with their spouse being TS. VERY hard. Being able to walk into it eyes wide open should work out well.

The only problem I foresee would be if she ends up liking guys, but frankly it sounds like she HAS thought about the sexuality subject enough to have a clue by now. If in doubt ask her about that, and let her be free to like whomever she naturally likes.


As for my own 'evolution' I always identified as a heterosexual male, I did probably have more 'gay' thoughts that the vast majority of heterosexual males but, in my opinion, I still fit solidly in that category. On transition I reflected and especially after seeing thoughts, opinion and reactions of heterosexual identifying people I came to the conclusion that I am anything BUT heterosexual. I was honest with myself and opened up to the possibilities and as near as I can tell I am bi, albeit still asexual more than anything. (stupid body, single, etc.). For whatever that is worth.


Please feel free to invite Brooke to these forums; Being a transsexual can be very trying at times.



^*curtsey*

Quote from: Kimberly on February 05, 2007, 02:48:34 PM
I think the largest single problem to a relationship in this predicament has already been sidestepped. Most SOs have a VERY hard time with their spouse being TS. VERY hard. Being able to walk into it eyes wide open should work out well.

The only problem I foresee would be if she ends up liking guys, but frankly it sounds like she HAS thought about the sexuality subject enough to have a clue by now. If in doubt ask her about that, and let her be free to like whomever she naturally likes.


As for my own 'evolution' I always identified as a heterosexual male, I did probably have more 'gay' thoughts that the vast majority of heterosexual males but, in my opinion, I still fit solidly in that category. On transition I reflected and especially after seeing thoughts, opinion and reactions of heterosexual identifying people I came to the conclusion that I am anything BUT heterosexual. I was honest with myself and opened up to the possibilities and as near as I can tell I am bi, albeit still asexual more than anything. (stupid body, single, etc.). For whatever that is worth.


Please feel free to invite Brooke to these forums; Being a transsexual can be very trying at times.



^*curtsey*

Thanks!
I have invited Brooke here. I think she is letting me find my place with all of you and just letting me do my thing and adjust. I think there is a part of her that thinks I am going to change my mind. I am not. I can tell you she is amazed at how much I have picked up here and other places and I am pretty direct as you can all tell so I have no problem asking her straightforward questions even though they are not easy. Probably easier for me to ask then for her to answer, lol. Part of why I am participating so much here. I don't want to overwhelm her.
Although I haven't seen "her" in person because she presented as "he" when we met I have now seen pics of her as she prefers to be. It didn't freak me out. In fact I thought she was pretty sexy and she looks better in a skirt than I do!!! If she decides she wants men down the road I admit it will break my heart because I am in love with her in every sense of the word, but this is all about what is right for her and if in the end we are just friends that is still a gift I will treasure.

Quote from: Brianna on February 05, 2007, 12:30:24 PM
Hormones did strongly increase my attraction to men, even though I had only dated women previously.

I can look back and see my own attraction to women was confusion. I  wanted to be one, to the point of glorifying them. I wanted friendships with them as an accepted equal to the point of ignoring sexuality. As I went into full time, I began to feel very strongly about my previous bisexual feelings. And then, what used to be glorification for women became just close assexual freindship.

I think I now like men for the same reason other women do. It's not that I think men are so attractive in the same physical way I understand women are attractive. But - men just complete me as a woman. I want their strength. I want to be held. I want to complete them as they complete me as a woman.

And it's just, well, GROSS to think of women sexually - even though I find them very beautiful.

Oh my god, we are SO alike. Practically ripped from the pages of my journal.

Yes, this has been my experience as well. The evolution actually began *before* hormones though, when I started to really, truly accept who I was. I mean I knew I was TS, but knowing yourself as a diagnosis and accepting yourself as a female are two different things - at least it was for me.

I don't find women in general sexually appealing (aside from admiring their beauty), but I DO find that my wife arouses me still... simply because it's HER, the person I'm in love with. But if we break up, it's likely my next partner will be a guy - if I should get so lucky. Other women are just... women. No spark, no mystery, no polar compliment.

So even if she does find her interests in men awakening, it doesn't necessarily mean that her existing feelings for you will change.

Kate

You know what? That is exactly my very worst fear about my relationship! We are a lot alike, you and I, it's kind of scary!  ;D  I am also bisexual and I can't wait until Jocelyn has the proper parts, because I'm not allowed to touch anything that's already there (you know what I mean?)

So, lemme ask you this:  How long have you two been together and what stages in your lives are you at? Curiosity, really, but it'll help me dole out the sage-like advice that I never follow myself! Just kidding. ;D I have no sage-like advice, just good ol' feminine intuition!

Basically, to solve my own insecurity about the possibility that you and I both fear, I simply rationalized that no matter what relationship you could be in, there is always the possiblity of being left for any multitude of reasons. Look at the divorce rate among the general public. And besides, you're probably not the only one in your relationship that fears rejection because of transition. I know for a fact that Jocelyn is every bit as worried that I'll leave her for a man as I am worried that she'll leave me for a man. She's probably even more worried because I could potentially leave her for a woman that already has all the "woman parts".  And we can promise each other until we're blue in face that we won't leave, but I don't think the fear ever really leaves either of us, but somehow, that's okay.  Life is about chances, and anything that's not worth the risk isn't worth it at all, right?  That's how I see it, anyway.

Quote from: angelsgirl on February 05, 2007, 03:13:21 PM
You know what? That is exactly my very worst fear about my relationship! We are a lot alike, you and I, it's kind of scary!  ;D  I am also bisexual and I can't wait until Jocelyn has the proper parts, because I'm not allowed to touch anything that's already there (you know what I mean?)

So, lemme ask you this:  How long have you two been together and what stages in your lives are you at? Curiosity, really, but it'll help me dole out the sage-like advice that I never follow myself! Just kidding. ;D I have no sage-like advice, just good ol' feminine intuition!

Basically, to solve my own insecurity about the possibility that you and I both fear, I simply rationalized that no matter what relationship you could be in, there is always the possiblity of being left for any multitude of reasons. Look at the divorce rate among the general public. And besides, you're probably not the only one in your relationship that fears rejection because of transition. I know for a fact that Jocelyn is every bit as worried that I'll leave her for a man as I am worried that she'll leave me for a man. She's probably even more worried because I could potentially leave her for a woman that already has all the "woman parts".  And we can promise each other until we're blue in face that we won't leave, but I don't think the fear ever really leaves either of us, but somehow, that's okay.  Life is about chances, and anything that's not worth the risk isn't worth it at all, right?  That's how I see it, anyway.

excellent post. I want to reply to this, but need to boogie down the road for a bit to get my son from school and run a couple errands. Should be back in an hour to reply. Thanks!

Quote from: angelsgirl on February 05, 2007, 03:13:21 PM
You know what? That is exactly my very worst fear about my relationship! We are a lot alike, you and I, it's kind of scary!  ;D  I am also bisexual and I can't wait until Jocelyn has the proper parts, because I'm not allowed to touch anything that's already there (you know what I mean?)

So, lemme ask you this:  How long have you two been together and what stages in your lives are you at? Curiosity, really, but it'll help me dole out the sage-like advice that I never follow myself! Just kidding. ;D I have no sage-like advice, just good ol' feminine intuition!

Basically, to solve my own insecurity about the possibility that you and I both fear, I simply rationalized that no matter what relationship you could be in, there is always the possiblity of being left for any multitude of reasons. Look at the divorce rate among the general public. And besides, you're probably not the only one in your relationship that fears rejection because of transition. I know for a fact that Jocelyn is every bit as worried that I'll leave her for a man as I am worried that she'll leave me for a man. She's probably even more worried because I could potentially leave her for a woman that already has all the "woman parts".  And we can promise each other until we're blue in face that we won't leave, but I don't think the fear ever really leaves either of us, but somehow, that's okay.  Life is about chances, and anything that's not worth the risk isn't worth it at all, right?  That's how I see it, anyway.

Brooke and I have been online friends for years, but I only knew Brook as a male. A few months ago our friendship took a wonderful turn that neither of us expected. It was something that just happened. We live on opposite coasts, sigh, but have in fact met face to face recently, again Brook presented to me a man not herself. Our feelings for eachother were alreasdy over the top by time wet met face to face. When we saw eachother it was the most natural thing in the world to touch and be together. We had sex, lots of sex. So it wasn't a no touch zone and she seemed to enjoy it. All this is of course from my perspective and I didn't know what I now know. I just knew something was different, but it wasn't in a bad way. We had an amzing time together and when we had to leave one another it was horrible. I posted most of this in another thread somewhere...anyhow...we keep growing together in love and she finally told me a few days ago. I don't feel tricked or confused or uncomfortable. I simply love her and want to be with her and as far as I am concerned this changes nothing between us. It certainly doesn't change how I feel about her. She is still her and I love who she is.
What stage are we in? That is hard to say without Brook. I would like to think we are in a stage of "moving forward" together, but alas there are some issues so I am in a holding pattern. I think when all is said and done Brook and I will be together and not a country apart.
WRT the possibility of all of this changing her sexual tastes all I can say is I hope it doesn't, but as I am discovering today it could. Something for me to pray about I suppose.
I don't want to hold her down. That would really suck for her. So all I can really do right now is be here, learn and keep loving. Whatever will be will be revealed when the time comes. At the very least I would assume anyone who goes through all this would want to at least experiment a LITTLE. I would want to I think.

I can not speak for Nikki, but I can for myself. That is not a worry that I have that she will leave me to go look for another. I know that she cares very much for me and would and does make sure that I know it.
I am still new to all of this, but am learning more everyday.

Quote from: Berri on February 10, 2007, 02:33:08 PM
I can not speak for Nikki, but I can for myself. That is not a worry that I have that she will leave me to go look for another. I know that she cares very much for me and would and does make sure that I know it.
I am still new to all of this, but am learning more everyday.

I feel Brooke's feelings are solid, but she is finally emerging and I am well aware that although she will always love me anything can happen along the way. I hope that all that I do is positive for her because it is also positive for us and those around us.

Really glad you are here Berri! *hugs*

I wish I could speak with as much confidence as Berri does. But this is a time of change and lots of it. When I look at how much hormones can change you, stories of discovered interest in men, and how much whats important to me can change on a day to day basis, yes this is a concern. Talking to another member here did a lot to relieve that concern to the point I don't think about it much. But it does nag at the back of the mind... what if? And the points you brought out are among the ones that make it so hard to disregard the question in spite of how I feel now.

For the record Berri is my SO and I'm the one moving through transition.(albeit slowly at the moment)

Quote from: Nikki_W on February 10, 2007, 02:59:28 PM
I wish I could speak with as much confidence as Berri does. But this is a time of change and lots of it. When I look at how much hormones can change you, stories of discovered interest in men, and how much whats important to me can change on a day to day basis, yes this is a concern. Talking to another member here did a lot to relieve that concern to the point I don't think about it much. But it does nag at the back of the mind... what if? And the points you brought out are among the ones that make it so hard to disregard the question in spite of how I feel now.

For the record Berri is my SO and I'm the one moving through transition.(albeit slowly at the moment)

Nikki, thank you for sharing that with us. Brooke said about the same thing. I know our bond will last no matter what as will your's and Berri's. Where there is love and understanding there is growth.

You two are great! Soooooo glad you are both participating! Let's keep this forum moving so we can help the rest of the world transistion with us all!

*wink wink nudge nudge to all the SO's who are already here and to those that finally arrive*

Quote from: togetherwecan on February 05, 2007, 12:03:23 PM
If Brooke decides to go thru transition (even if it is partial by hormones) how much will it change how she feels about me and will the new found freedom and feelings take her away from me to someone new?
Has anyone here dealt with this issue?
I guess I am concerned that finally being able to be herself she will want to explore with/be with other people. Does being part of the loving support structure bring us closer or will it inevitably pull us a part?

Gill would be able to answer this so much better than I can as she sees the issue through the eye's of an SO and not a TS, but she is in Colorado Springs for a week.  Your concerns are very valid there is no doubt in the world that those who transition will change as that is what transition is all about as what would be the point in transitioning.  A mtf who transitions will be living their life as a woman and so there will be changes that have to be made, name, clothing, etc. and with these all these changes there is going to be an effect on the person, and it's hard to predict what those changes will be and how they will effect the relationship.  Thats why it is so important to go in with your eye's wide open.  There is no doubt that a person who is transitioning will want to explore, it's human nature, and as Gill said to me when we were discussing the topic of SRS "You're going to want to try it out aren't you", and you know, she is right.

Gill and I have been married for 33 years, and transition has definitely changed our relationship.  She will be the first to tell you that she is not a lesbian, and neither am I, we both like men, so you can see that although we are still married our relationship is quite different now.  Don't get me wrong we still live together and we love each other very much but we live as room mates now and as times goes by we are more and more living separate lives together.

However having said all that there is the very real possibility that even after all the efforts of you both you find that you are unable to stay together.  Transition puts enormous pressure on relationships, as it affects everyone from family and friends to the work place.  So yes there will be changes, some good, some bad, but there will be changes.

Steph

Brooke said all these years part of her confusion was that she was NOT attracted to men.
I am still learning about what the hormones will and wont do. I really am unsure how they affect the thought process itself because I do beleve it is possible once the testosterone is diminished and the girly hormones start pumping their way thru she may decide women are gross too. I am not a lesbian. I am bi. Heh, never said that out loud, funny I never have said it to anyone except Brooke and that was only because she asked me (before I knew she was a she).
Anyhow...I just want to know what the possibilities are so that I can be as prepared for whatever as possible.
Bri, thanks so much for responding. I really appreciate it.
Party on Princess!  ;D
[/quote]

I believe -- if you chat with most mtf transsexuals the sexual attraction that you have throughout your life does NOT change when you are on hormones. Hormones alone have nothing to do with the attraction (ask any lesbian or gay guy). However, if you surpressed your true sexual feelings because of your gender and a fear society would judge you poorly (even as society is especially accepting of gays and lesbians today) and hormones and sexual reassignment have now set you free ... that is another matter.

I think you may know the real Brooke and should not worry your acceptance and love are to be further tested by HRT. Most transsexuals remain attracted to the same gender they have been attracted to since puberty. Count on it! (Even as there are rare exceptions).

Just last night I was telling a friend of mine how I felt the hormones didn't change me all that much.  I still feel pretty much the same person.  What had a profound impact on me was ending the denial.  I am more open, more loving, more caring.  So many of the qualities my wife complained I didn't have which surfaced after coming out of denial.  Unfortunately I and my wife of 23 years divorced in June '05.  There were many reasons but there was no doubt she didn't want to be married to a woman.  She isn't prejudiced or intolerant, she just said she wasn't a lesbian.  She wanted a man and I certainly don't fault her for that.

My sexual preference is still women and I suspect it will always be.  I've been on HRT almost two years so if that hasn't changed by now I doubt it ever will.  Very often I have been asked why I want to transition if I don't want to be with a man.  I usually reply, "If wanting to be with a man is the only reason for transitioning why are there so many gay men who don't?"  I was never confused by this because I just followed what was in my heart.  Rather than thinking about it I just let myself be me.

I have many TS friends and it looks like I am the only die hard lesbian in the group.  All are MTF, all were married and all are now divorced.  Most have children.  To the best of my knowledge few of them had any attraction towards men prior to beginning their transition but they may have been in denial.  I've heard it said many times they were hetero before and they are still hetero but now to their identified gender and not their born gender. 

All I know is I love women and men do nothing for me.  And there is a bit of subtle snobbery from a few of the TSs I know, I suspect because of that.  I get the feeling sometimes they don't see me as TS because I'm lesbian.

Overall, I'd say the majority of MTF TSs prefer men.  If Brooke says she isn't attracted to men, take it at face value.  There are those of us who aren't and never will be.

Julie

Well, my experience is before I transitioned I would have sworn I wasn't attracted to men at all and actually growing up I felt some confusion about my feelings because I wasn't attracted to them.  Now I find myself bi.  I still feel more attracted to women than men, but I realize now I did secretly find a few men attractive and I also have some issues from something that happened as a child (and even something that happened last year).

Melissa

More men for me. I like that.  ;)

Karen Lyn     :icon_female:

Very interesting posts.

I guess what it bottles down to is that both of you need to be very honest and up front with each other.  If the attraction to whatever sex is there then the other person needs to be told.  Nothing is more gut wrenching as when you are told you're the I want to spend the rest of my life with and then when all is said and done your told that you're not the one.....

So yes get to the truth right from the get go, that way a lot of broken hearts won't be happening.  Now whether this has anything to do with the hormones (the changing of attractions), I can't be sure, but in my opinion (and it is only that) the attraction was always there but just denied as someone has said previously.

Gill

Now, I would like to put my two cents worth in. When I was in my early teens(stone age time) I did try haveing a relationship with a guy. I didn't like it and was not comfortable at all with it. I was not all that attractive to women, only that I like being around them and would rather be romantically involved with a woman rather than a man. I still feel that way. My wife (37years) is not a lesbian, so she sees our relationship, if romantic, a lesbian relationship. So we are just friends now. If she ever wanted to forget the stupid labels that we assign ourselves with, I think that our love would grow even more. For now, I only wish that she would have some sort of romantic feeling for me, the person who married her, not my ex penis. I have no feelings for having a man at my side or anywhere near me. Now, I do see men and think they are attractive, but I see women the same way and I have always felt that way, but do I want a relationship with any of those people, NO. If we would get a divorce today, I would live alone and not have anything romantically with any other person. If I can't have a relationship with my wife, then I don't want another relationship. Now, this is how I feel. Everyone has a different opinion on this subject. It doesn't have anything to do with hormones nor does it have anything to do with SRS. It is how you feel inside and the way you want to express it.
Sheila

Really wonderful responses because you have all been so candid and open. Thank you very much.


I believe that what Brooke and I have can last a lifetime.

Sheila, that's so sad.  :'(  I'm kind of wondering now...to those of you who have remained married but have "roommate" status, what is it that makes you stay? I don't think I'd last very long in a relationship with someone that didn't love me romantically (or sexually...I'm too much of a horn dog!) so I'm interested in your point of view, and hope I'm not stepping on toes, here!

Angelsgirl, what makes me stay? Well, for one thing I love my wife very much. I didn't love the fact that she had boobs or that her hair was long and blonde, I loved her. I didn't love the fact that she was female, I loved her. It was the person that I loved. We have changed over the years, gained some weight, lossed someweight, been through hell and back and we still talk to each other as people. Yes, we have our arguements, but we will settle them and go on with life. We have enjoyed a lifetime of accomplishments in all aspects of our lives and we have endured failures as well. We share them together. To me that is worth more than sex. Yes, I do miss it at times, but it was a small part of our life together. We both look at other people, but would not even for a moment think of dating another person, male or female. We go out together, not with another person. I guess you would call it connected at the hip. We both agreed that if we ever wanted to have another relationship with another person, then we would divorce. We are married and I take my vows very seriously and so does she. We are not religious people, never go to church. We don't believe in church. So, I guess that is how my relationship is. Love is unconditional.
Sheila

I think I understand you a little better now.  :D  It's just that it had at first sounded like your love wasn't being reciprocated and so I wondered about that, but now I see that she must love you deeply but that her issue lies with physical attraction. I'm pretty vain, so I think I'd have a hard time with that.  >:D   I'm not talking solely about sex (yeah, I'm a horn dog but I'm not male after all  ;)), but I find that the intimacy involved with sex is a neccesity for me, it's like I don't feel like I'm really being loved unless I'm made to feel desirable in all aspects. I'm having a hard time explaining my feelings, I just think it's kind of sweet but sad in a way to be lovers that don't physically love. It's kind of a pining love. You yearn for her to love you the way she used to and she yearns to love the past you while still feeling love for the present you.  I mean, I'm kind of happy for you both to be so committed to each other and to your love, that's rare in people and I understand why you'd treasure it. It's just that I'm kind of sad for you both, too.

Quote from: Melissa on February 20, 2007, 02:38:49 PM
I don't think you understand angelsgirl.  They've only met once in person, but have known each other through long distance communication for a long time.  Right now they both yearn for each others' closeness again.

Melissa

lol, I think she was talking to Sheila, not me hehe

Oops, you're right. :icon_redface:  I just saw that you started the thread.

Melissa

Oops, I probably should've clarified that! My bad!

Quote from: togetherwecan on February 18, 2007, 05:23:32 PM
Really wonderful responses because you have all been so candid and open. Thank you very much.


I believe that what Brooke and I have can last a lifetime.

She is so lucky to have such a lover/friend/partner as you. You obviously have something very precious there: a complex, honest and caring relationship. Why would she try or want someone else? I wish you both a fullfilling journey together and may you two be a beacon to others.

All the very best of Irish luck to both of you : "Go n-éirí do bhóthar leat. Bail ó Dhia ort. Go dté sibh slan."

With Love and Respect.
Maebh

Quote from: Maebh on February 20, 2007, 05:03:01 PM

Quote from: togetherwecan on February 18, 2007, 05:23:32 PM
Really wonderful responses because you have all been so candid and open. Thank you very much.


I believe that what Brooke and I have can last a lifetime.

She is so lucky to have such a lover/friend/partner as you. You obviously have something very precious there: a complex, honest and caring relationship. Why would she try or want someone else? I wish you both a fullfilling journey together and may you two be a beacon to others.

All the very best of Irish luck to both of you : "Go n-éirí do bhóthar leat. Bail ó Dhia ort. Go dté sibh slan."

With Love and Respect.
Maebh

Thank you that was very sweet!

It is hard to explain really how I feel it is with Brooke and how it can be with Brooke.
We have a really cool connection. We compliment eachother I think. All I know is I met this really awesome person and I want to spend the rest of my life with her, whatever that life will bring will be special and unique to us.