Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Hello all,

At the request of Sevan I am posting on the Androgyne forum. I am biologically female and have had no surgeries or hormones. I have only recently even begun questioning things like gender. I never did like being female all that much even as a kid. Wearing women's clothing/make-up makes me feel disgusting and it's like an out-of-body experience. I just want to crawl into a hole and die when I wear that stuff, but at the same time I don't think FTM is right for me at this point in my life. I don't want a penis. I find them repulsive. (No offense to any of the dudes here, it's just me), but I have thought about top surgery and T, but I just don't think full transition is right for me. I don't know if Andro is a right label for me, either because I don't consider myself having any female characteristics other than whats biological. So I don't know....I think genderqueer is my best bet, but I do use a female name and pronouns. I just don't know if using male names and pronouns is right for me, either. I might fit in here better than on the FTM forums, but I do envy the guys who look so good on T and sometimes want that for myself. Gender is crazy! Just thought I'd drop in here and get some feedback or something.....

Welcome to our little section of the forums! You don't have to be androgyn identified to be here! Genderqueer, third gender, 2 spirit, nutrious and anything else I haven't mentioned!
Gender is crazy and well worth exploring :)

There are many well worn paths in the Unicorn Forest. I hope you find the right ones for you!
Ativan

I use a male name, male pronouns - I don't even keep my hair that long anymore because I can't keep it nice, anyone looking at me would tend to assume me male. But that doesn't mean I am not androgyne because I know that were I female with a female name and pronouns I'd feel pretty similar.

Now, sometimes I wish I were female, but I've noticed that I only ever want to be a pretty girl, or more often that not, a little girl - it reveals to me that I appreciate the ideas of pretty and cute, and those are the elements I'd like for myself, not so much the femaleness. Similarly, I sometimes get irritated with my male genitals, but mainly because they spoil the smooth line or cut of some clothes.

It's an odd place to be by some, but when you explore the realms and wander through them, they can become home. I remember that when I was growing up I often felt like 'half a person' or as you said 'an out-of-body experience'. After nearly 5 years exploring this stuff I now feel like a whole person, and that is a good thing.

Androgyne doesn't necessarily mean both male and female...it just means not exclusively one of the two.  :D  Welcome to the Unicorn Forest!

I'm an androgynous woman. No one would call me womanly, except in which restroom I chose. No one would call me manly, except when my chores put grease under my fingernails or something.

I'm just me.

Thanks guys. I guess Angrogyne means something different for everyone? My therapist said it was between a man and a woman, but I don't feel that way. Sometimes I don't feel like either. Although, I more identify with FTM's.

Quote from: Fumbling Towards Ecstasy on June 05, 2011, 09:54:20 AM
Angrogyne means something different for everyone?

Labels are slippery that way.

Quote from: Fumbling Towards Ecstasy on June 05, 2011, 09:54:20 AM
Thanks guys. I guess Angrogyne means something different for everyone?

Pretty much.  Some people prefer genderqueer as the umbrella term, some androgyne.  It's all about what feels best to you.  This is kind of uncharted territory, so we just have to make it up as we go.  :)

Quote from: Jaimey on June 06, 2011, 02:21:15 AM
  This is kind of uncharted territory, so we just have to make it up as we go.  :)

Sorry to butt in. This statement sounds like life to me. We are born, we explore the world around us and how we fit in (making it up as we go), we die.

Quote from: Jaimey on June 06, 2011, 02:21:15 AM
Pretty much.  Some people prefer genderqueer as the umbrella term, some androgyne.  It's all about what feels best to you.  This is kind of uncharted territory, so we just have to make it up as we go.  :)

See that's interesting because a lot of androgyne people here seem to feel like they have both characteristics of male and female and I really don't feel that way. I mean, I am biologically female and therefore have all the bio stuff that goes along with that, but apart from all that stuff it's pretty much male. I don't want a penis, but sometimes think about hormones and surgery. I don't want to quite make the jump to FTM because I don't think that suits me, either.

Welcome aboard.  I tried to reach out a bit to you on the FTM forum because something in your posts led me to think you might decide to wander over here.
If it helps at all, I could have pretty much written your post.  Being unique doesn't make you alone.

Quote from: Fumbling Towards Ecstasy on June 06, 2011, 09:35:04 AM
See that's interesting because a lot of androgyne people here seem to feel like they have both characteristics of male and female

...I'm not sure I've had the same experience with people on here, but it may just be different interpretations.  There are definitely several people who have mentioned going between or having aspects of both, but I think there are just as many who don't and we do seem to have a million terms to choose from.  It's just a difficult thing to understand.  And labels are just that: labels.  :)

Quote from: LilDoberman on June 06, 2011, 05:42:39 PM
Welcome aboard.  I tried to reach out a bit to you on the FTM forum because something in your posts led me to think you might decide to wander over here.
If it helps at all, I could have pretty much written your post.  Being unique doesn't make you alone.

Thanks. You were quite helpful with binders.

Quote from: Fumbling Towards Ecstasy on June 06, 2011, 09:35:04 AM
See that's interesting because a lot of androgyne people here seem to feel like they have both characteristics of male and female and I really don't feel that way. I mean, I am biologically female and therefore have all the bio stuff that goes along with that, but apart from all that stuff it's pretty much male. I don't want a penis, but sometimes think about hormones and surgery. I don't want to quite make the jump to FTM because I don't think that suits me, either.

That's one of the things that makes this corner of the unicorn forest interesting - although we share a similar journey none of us is exactly the same, and none of us will ever tell you that you are doing it wrong. We welcome all that want to come visit our little group, and hope that some find a home here. The only requirement for you to belong here is for you to feel like you belong here.

Quote from: riven1 on June 09, 2011, 05:41:44 PM
That's one of the things that makes this corner of the unicorn forest interesting - although we share a similar journey none of us is exactly the same, and none of us will ever tell you that you are doing it wrong. We welcome all that want to come visit our little group, and hope that some find a home here. The only requirement for you to belong here is for you to feel like you belong here.

Why thank you! I think it's an interesting journey for sure. I can't wait to see what happens!

Today I got a call from the hospital that would be doing my reduction. They still need my Dr.'s referral. My Dr.'s office said they sent it, but the hospital said they never got it. Typical. I'm thinking I might get the reduction first. I'm not sure if I should bring up the idea of a chest reconstruction with the surgeon if I'm not 100% sure I want to do that. I do want to know it won't cause any issues if I decide to do it in the future. I'm also concerned it might put him/her off of surgery or might mess with my insurance. Any ideas?

Gender is crazy!

And beyond that, the people who think it's somehow 'important' tend to be insane.  So think of us as the gender dropouts. 

Most of those people are 'staunch defenders of the gender binary' to which all I can say is:  "Hey I can count past two, watch me... One, Two, Three!  Want me to go further?  I can."

I refuse to think of us as the gender dropouts.

We are a part of the future were this insane concern about gender will subside.

We are the 'Gold Standard' so to speak of the future.

If the population was truthful to themselves, there would be far more Androgyn (as the umbrella term) than any thing else.

We are the 'Genderplex', that people will make all comparisons to. They will wonder if they are even in the top ten, with us being #1.

I refuse to be looked at as a dropout of any kind. Let the binaries be their own staunch defenders of an archaic philosophy.

We are the beginning of what the gender world is going to be.

Tune in, turn on, drop out.

I don't want to be genderplex or gender fluid, I want to be one or the other. I want to be male or female not both or neither.

Are people upset with what I wrote or something? Seems to be a lot of sarcasm here.....

I don't read sarcasm but I could be wrong.

Quote from: Fumbling Towards Ecstasy on June 10, 2011, 12:15:10 PM
Are people upset with what I wrote or something? Seems to be a lot of sarcasm here.....

Sarcasm is a way of life here :)

Oh, and beware of any androgynes bearing fruitcake or bacon :P

BACON! mmm...

Quote from: Fumbling Towards Ecstasy on June 10, 2011, 12:15:10 PM
Are people upset with what I wrote or something? Seems to be a lot of sarcasm here.....

There is sarcasm all over the place. Watch where you're stepping or just do like most of us and ignore it with a smile.

Looks like I'm wrong.
Probably why I can't connect.

Quote from: espo on June 10, 2011, 03:13:30 PM
Looks like I'm wrong.
Probably why I can't connect.

You're connected here....Tangential drifting is a part of the normal conversations. You can bring them back to where you want them, without any ill will. But that does become an invitation to silliness, such as fruitcake and bacon. It's all done with love, so don't worry.

Is the fruitcake soaked in rum?

Maybe.

Quote from: Darrin on June 10, 2011, 12:15:10 PM
Are people upset with what I wrote or something? Seems to be a lot of sarcasm here.....

I didn't read any sarcasm, but we are prone to thread drift.  Feel free to remind us to get back on topic.  :police:

Quote from: Darrin on June 09, 2011, 06:03:27 PM
Why thank you! I think it's an interesting journey for sure. I can't wait to see what happens!

Today I got a call from the hospital that would be doing my reduction. They still need my Dr.'s referral. My Dr.'s office said they sent it, but the hospital said they never got it. Typical. I'm thinking I might get the reduction first. I'm not sure if I should bring up the idea of a chest reconstruction with the surgeon if I'm not 100% sure I want to do that. I do want to know it won't cause any issues if I decide to do it in the future. I'm also concerned it might put him/her off of surgery or might mess with my insurance. Any ideas?

Meanwhile back at the original topic ranch, Darrin has a question I'm not even somewhat qualified to answer.

Thanks man.

I actually don't mind if things go off topic. I've been on internet message boards for close to 10 years. I know how they work. I just thought I wasn't getting taken seriously.

Our seriousness is sometimes filled with silliness and drift. It's up to the OP or someone who has a serious answer to get back on track sometimes. Unfortunetly, I haven't even a glimmer of an answer for you.

Oooh!, glimmer...something shiny....

The question was essentially, "I don't feel fully male or female, reckon I could call myself andro?"
The answer is, "Yes."

Oh was it more complicated?

I don't know anything about the issues with having both surgeries, except that there are two different types of final surgery depending on the current size.

I would think that you could raise the question of how small doc could go without raising any eyebrows.  Seems to me to be a normal question and I'm sure they'll ask you what size you're planning on.  I would just ask them at that time what your options are.  I think that would tell you a good bit about their feelings on it.

Perhaps someone on the FTM board might have more info or have done this before; have you tried them?   I'm not sending you away, just trying to help.  Come back here and let us know if you find out anything and definately let me know how the appt. goes.

I think LilDoberman has the right idea.  The FTM boards probably have more information about top surgery and any complications that might go along with it.

There aren't that many of us who are transitioning (at least at the moment), so it's harder for us to answer that question.

Yeah, that makes sense. I did post the question to the FTM forum as well. Waiting on a reply.

I've seen people define "androgyne" as "having both feminine and masculine characteristics or not identifying strongly with either." I assume people wouldn't write things like that if you were the only one who felt like you.

I'm still trying to figure things out myself but I think you got the right idea.

Thanks!

I talked to my therapist today and I'm going to see if I can use my name (Darrin) in school to see how it feels. I think it's a good step in figuring out the right path for me...