Susan's Place Transgender Resources

I am a believer that sexuality and gender identity are 2 completely separate issues. I am asking this merely out of curiosity. It seems the overwhelming majority of girls at my trans-meetings are lesbian. While a large percentage of guys seem to be gay.

So I wanted to explore this further by gathering information from a larger sample size. Sorry the pull is aimed more at females than guys, sorry to all you guys who might like to get in on this.

Feel free to discuss too!

Edit: fixed a typo that I didn't seem to catch before.

Even though I have a g/f, I classify my sexuality as Bi.

Was straight before HRT (or so I thought) and straight after.  Not sure my sexuality did a 180.  Think it was just a correction of how I felt my whole life but was too scared to admit.

I'm straight in my preference for a partner, but might still be asexual.  I just don't know.  All I know is that I hated sex, so maybe I need an experience in a corrected body before I know for sure.  Good luck trying to find a guy who doesn't care about not having sex though.  Ugh. ::)

Last time round, I voted bi, this time I decided to go with straight, although who knows what will happen in the future. :-\

Before, I was 100% interested in women. Now, I currently describe myself as 95% into men. The 5% is because I'm not going to say no to the right woman.

Up until recently I think I was confusing Gender and Sexuality, and questioned myself on this for a very long time.  As I will be relocating interstate I am not looking for any sort of relationship at the moment, and probably not for some time anyway.

I have now come to the conclusion that aside from the usual  insecurities of my teenage years, any attraction I felt for guys was more a result of unresolved GID causing me to react subconsciously. I have sort of experienced a full 360 degree turn in a way and now feel an attraction to women only.

Having tried a relationship with a man in the early days of transition I was pleasantly surprised to find myself reacting emotionally and sexually as a woman. Ultimately the relationship ended as he was basically a closeted gay man who couldn't get his head around my situatuion. I also feel it was unsatisfactory because I found a lot of male attributes such as dominance, aggression (even at it's mildest), and being gratification centred, unattractive in the extreme.  If I compare both my partner's attitudes and those with which society attempted to condition me, to what I feel now, I am reacting as a woman rather than vaguely male.

A short time after we split I attended a GLBTIQ festival locally (Chillout, at Daylesford, good fun.) and was totally unprepared for the different atmosphere when I was in the presence of the male part of the crowd on the one hand (not all gay) and the transwomen and lesbians on the other. It was if I could smell the testoterone in the air and didn't like it.

I have been discussing the whole Fem/ Butch situation with a number of women and am still working out what it all means for me in particular.  I have a feeling I will probably end up a generic dyke-on-a-bike, neither wholly one or the other.  Any future partner is also likely to be problematical and it probably won't matter whether they look like The Governator's twin sister or Elizabeth Taylor as long as there is genuine affection.

Karen.

Used to be a "bisexual man", but now seem to be a polysexual woman instead. Which turns out to be a very different thing, and is specifically different in the plane where sexuality and gender meet and commingle.

Before HRT I was only interested (sexually) with woman. However men were interested in me sexually, I was often propositioned, I took no offence, and always gently, and politely, rejected their advances.

Now a days I have no sexual interest in woman and an ever developing one for men. But I also find most men unattractive, I don't like smelly people, and many men don't seem to wash very well ::). I also don't like to be leched, and drunken men, and many sober ones have difficulty talking to anything expect my boobs.

I'm also reasonably intelligent and want conversation beyond did you watch the football, basketball what ever ball or car race. The answer is no and end of conversation ::)

Cindy

NEVER had interest in guys.  And even in high school, I had no real romantic interest in straight girls.  Gaydar functioned even back then...a fact 'confirmed' when one of the few people I stayed in touch with from high school later came out as lesbian after having tried to do the whole married thing. 

And no, there was never any interest in trying out the new equipment with a guy just to see how it felt...

I do concur with the proposition that gender orientation and sexual orientation are indeed two separate entities.  I'm not sure I agree with a premise that HRT can change orientation.  I would be more inclined to agree with a premise that the transsexual who transitions feels they are more able to explore suppressed feelings about dating prospects.

The generally held opinion on HRT seems to be that it doesn't affect orientation, however there seems to be some evidence to support a change in emotional responses. 

Over the last couple of weeks I have struck several situations where I have become quite upset in a way I didn't while transitioning, prior to HRT.  Previously I would have expressed concern or felt sympathy, now I find myself on the verge of tears or unable to continue with watching something.

I think this increased sensitivity, coupled with being more self-aware has allowed me to clear up some of the confusion and ambiguity I previously experienced.  As I venture out into the world as Karen I will be interested to see how I react to any advances by others. 

Karen.

boys are yummy =)

When I was younger, a combination of a not very high sex drive, extremely low self esteem and my hatred of my own body meant that I wasn't really attracted to anyone, sexually or otherwise. I suppose I identified as asexual, though it was less an identification and more the automatic result of the sheer terror that the idea of being in a relationship as a man filled me with. The few times I imagined myself eventually being with someone my partner would always be female, but I think that was less a result of any orientation and more down to the fact that I got along better with women, and felt alienated and out of place around men due to the pressure I felt to be like them. In the end, I got to twenty-four years of age hardly ever having felt anything for anyone that went beyond feelings of camaraderie, and the few times I was asked out I politely declined.

Now... I don't know. The more comfortable I become with the idea of life as a woman, the more I feel that someday I might like to meet someone and fall in love as a woman, and even that I might want to have sex as a woman, provided I found the right partner. What's surprising is that I now regularly find myself thinking of that someone as a man. Other people's gender has never been hugely important to me, and I'm sure if I met the right woman I would love her and be very happy with her, but more and more I find myself starting to notice boys. It's a sticky situation being that I'm actually still a little bit terrified of the male gender, and I'm still not comfortable with the idea of being in a relationship with anyone while I'm physically male. I'm also hopelessly naive due to my having had no experience with relationships before, and I fear being taken advantage of. So suffice to say I'm not about to rush into anything. Still, I've started to think that someday if I were to meet the right sort of boy - someone who shared my geeky interests and was kind, sweet and gentle, but still a little bit boyish - maybe falling in love wouldn't be so bad. And that though I don't ever think I'll be the sort of person who places a lot of emphasis on sex, being able to be so physically close with him and know that I was making him happy might be quite nice too, once I got over the adolescent embarrassment I still carry for all things sexual. :'D

So I'm a pansexual woman with increasingly straight leanings, I suppose. :D

I have only ever liked girls before transition and now that I am "post transition", I still only want girls.

pansexual omnisexual¿?¿!!!!

???

Quote from: justmeinoz on June 15, 2011, 07:00:44 AM
The generally held opinion on HRT seems to be that it doesn't affect orientation, however there seems to be some evidence to support a change in emotional responses. 

Over the last couple of weeks I have struck several situations where I have become quite upset in a way I didn't while transitioning, prior to HRT.  Previously I would have expressed concern or felt sympathy, now I find myself on the verge of tears or unable to continue with watching something.

oh absolutely...I know that I teared up much more during the past 20 years than I did in the life before that.  I do attribute a lot of that to the HRT. 

pre-hrt i considered myself bi, mainly because I found the idea of me, as a guy, with another guy disgusting and grotesque, so i pretty much convinced myself i liked girls. But since I've been on hrt and able to express myself properly, I'm pretty sure I'm 200% into guys :)

not sure if that makes sense..

I agree that sexual orientation and gender identity are two separate things.
I voted for bisexual, because I had experience with both genders and I liked both. But I think I'm leaning towards pansexual in some ways, gender doesn't really matter to me, I try not to categorize myself because I just don't like titles I guess.

Quote from: JadeS on June 15, 2011, 09:25:10 AM
pre-hrt i considered myself bi, mainly because I found the idea of me, as a guy, with another guy disgusting and grotesque, so i pretty much convinced myself i liked girls. But since I've been on hrt and able to express myself properly, I'm pretty sure I'm 200% into guys :)

not sure if that makes sense..

Damn it... I hope this do not happen to me

I would have to classify myself as bi, to me gender does not equate to sexuality

I'm straight & exclusively attracted to men.  I did try to have a relationship with a woman pre-transition, but it was pretty miserable for both of us so I just gave up on that idea.

Quote from: Zoë Natasha on June 14, 2011, 11:42:53 PM

I'm straight in my preference for a partner, but might still be asexual.  I just don't know.  All I know is that I hated sex, so maybe I need an experience in a corrected body before I know for sure.  Good luck trying to find a guy who doesn't care about not having sex though.  Ugh. ::)

There are men who identify as asexual, though they seem to me less common than women who do the same. You would probably have to specifically seek them out though.

Men who are not interested in sex tend to not be very open about it though because other people will make a big deal about it. That's true for women too but more so for men.

Quote from: Debra on June 15, 2011, 08:21:14 AM
boys are yummy =)

Well described.

After reading some very good, but long posts, this one was refreshing!

Pansexual

I want to lick your brain :)

I am attracted to both men and women - but in different ways. I imagine men loving me, and am aroused by imagining the interaction. Oh there are a few men that make me drool. I am facinated by women, which used to be vaugely embarrasing. Now I realize my facination includes looking at their clothes and wishing I could look that good in that outfit. For both men and women the "vibe" is more important than the "look." I am not dating at the moment because figuring myself out seems more basic than finding a mate. I looked for the wrong people in the past, because I did not know myself.

Good question!

  I am still attracted to women even though I put down asexual.  This 7 months of the stuff that I am on has dampened the sex drive to nil and curbed my lust towards them in a more clean direction.  I am still not attracted to men.  I am looking at women in the face more now and not the boobs.  If at their boobs now, It's the "No way José, you're going to develop like those"!  I am getting jealous. 
  Joelene

6 and a half months and I'm still gay :)

Hi there. I used to chase women all the time and some chased me. I have since become attracted to men mostly now and Ive found out that the girls that liked me were Lesbians or Bi. I only want a relationship with a man now because men make me feel really good and feminine. When I look at a girl and desire her something clicks in my brain and I start thinking Im a guy which is not good as Im a girl.

I liked girl before and pretty still like them now.  Though being with a girl now feels so right in a way it never did before.  I think it's to do with the difference between straight relationship dynamics and lesbian relationship dynamics.

I am not sure what my sexual orientation is.   I am not attracted to men at all.  However, I have realised that my 'attraction' to women is really an attraction to her clothes, her hair, her face and her being etc.   I would love to have an emotional relationship with another girl, be close friends and wait and see if love and physical intimacy arose from that.
  I am worried that I am going to spend the rest of my life alone as living with a man will never happen, and I strongly believe that non-gay women want a man for a romantic partner.  Lesbians can also be particular in that they often want a genetic woman for a lover.  I want to be a genetic woman's wife.

Lesbians are generally pretty accepting to trans girls (at least in my generation) so I'm not sure if you have to worry so much about that.  Certainly better than your chances with men.

definetley bisexual.
although looking at women has started to become a comparison thing, although when I see a really attractive girl I still get an exhilirating feeling.
with men, its more of a physical thing since, I dont feel beautiful inside. I do find myself wanting to be desired hoping that will make me feel beautiful, but I know my physical and mental are not on par.

i wasn't much of a boy when i was still male and pretty much enjoyed feminine activities back then, though i would still look at girls especially when a pretty one walked past me. so you could say i'm pretty much straight as a male.


after transitioning and starting on hrt, i posed a question to my therapist abt the possibility of still being attracted to women after hrt since i was a straight male before that, and she said it depends for different pple. when the hormones finally had an effect on me not too long after, i realised i was seeing women in a different light and found myself looking at and attracted to men gradually. it was unsettling at the beginning (because i found it odd being not attracted to women anymore) but as i explored my feelings along the way i found it fun checking out cute guys in the lecture hall and enjoying the attention i get from some of my male classmates.

so i supposed that makes me a straight woman now that i'm attracted to men. and in a way, it really depends on the individual like what my therapist says about hrt rewiring your brain during your transition.

Quote from: Carbon on June 15, 2011, 10:56:39 AM
There are men who identify as asexual, though they seem to me less common than women who do the same. You would probably have to specifically seek them out though.

Men who are not interested in sex tend to not be very open about it though because other people will make a big deal about it. That's true for women too but more so for men.

Thank you for making me feel real special like.
I used to always classify as asexual.  I was however, fairly outward about it [mostly because people would ask if I was gay, and I loved to give them a real, REAL shocker].  Then my girlfriend happened. Been over 2 years together.  She flaunts the fact that I was asexual until I met her.  We have our... activities... But odd as it is, as the woman, she likes it more than me... so much more.  I do not like sex at all, still, though I have been with her and actually committed the act by now [as people say, once you do it, you will change your mind.]

I dunno, every time I do it, I feel violated more than anything.

Though I have no interest in sex, I still do have interest in females, but I think that is more tied to the fact that I envy them, and to me girls are like smooth glossy stones, while men are like large boulders.  I prefer my pretty rocks.  I am fine with other forms of pleasing, but I think that is primarily out of fear that, as someone who prefers not to have sex, my partner will feel I am inadequate.  Or maybe it is simply that if I can diffuse her before we have sex, than we simply will not need to have sex.


I suppose I am a hetasexbian.

Yeah, well that's less than 40 votes out of a membership of over 7200, so don't take it as too representative :).

PS I like your avatar! I envy your waves...

Speaking as an mtf I shall never be interested in men.  In fact I would like to quote the Rev. Ian Paisley 'Never, Never, Never!'.   Nietzsche wrote that a man gets his ideas of what women are from his mother.  I got my ideas regarding men from my father, that is why I have zero attraction for males.  Besidea I am a mummy's girl.  :) lol

Before transition girls, after transition guys......mmmmm, but they must smell nice and dress well.

Well, admittedly, I was at one point probably more bi than anything else. I didn't mind men, though I think I preferred women. However, as I began to develop myself, and choose what I wanted to be, I explored the possibility of men more than I had before. I was only sixteen, so I imagine my sexuality was still quite malleable - and is presently, to a point. I became very split between the two.

However, now at eighteen and six months on HRT, I fully consider myself straight. My interest in women is insignificant... I could not have an intense relationship with another woman, for both the romantic and sexual reasons. I just can't do that.

Additionally, though, I'm really a little asexual as sex is not very fun at all at my present pre-op stage. I just can't stand having that thing still around - I pretend like it doesn't exist, and I don't like it one bit that it has to come to play.

So, I'm asexual with a chance of heterosexuality, pending my SRS. My boyfriend doesn't mind; he's more straight than bi anyway. I'm sure being pre-op is not helping things for him either. However, being the person he is, he's too sweet to say he minds...

I answered "straight" as I doubt I will remain abstinent post-SRS.  :)

I would have to say I'm bi, but it's an odd kind of bi. I can find girls attractive, but guys, I just can't really see it. When I try imagining me with a guy though (mostly as a woman) it feels right, and I just get all excited and my heart beats faster. I don't usually see that with girls though, it feels right if I imagine being with them, but it just doesn't have the same feeling as being with a man.
Note: I have never been a relationship, so my sexuality hasn't been, say proven.

Huh!! Learn something new every day,

I just voted Bi-Sexual.  Having now just learned what Pansexual was, I will have to change my vote to Pansexual because, well, that is what I am ... I love people of all kinds both sexually and emotionally.     ;D


Kalie

Could it be the fact that, pre-transition, many of us grew up with guys, friends with guys, and learned guy things?  I know I did, and I therefore am putrified by most men.  Guys tend to talk to other guys about women and its gross.  Why would I ever want to be with such creatures? They are so awkard....

Quote from: Sera on June 19, 2011, 09:36:06 AM
Could it be the fact that, pre-transition, many of us grew up with guys, friends with guys, and learned guy things?  I know I did, and I therefore am putrified by most men.  Guys tend to talk to other guys about women and its gross.  Why would I ever want to be with such creatures? They are so awkard....

Theory doesn't hold much water as there are A LOT of straight, bisexual, and pansexual trans women.  The number of lesbian trans women are far outweighed by the other three categories when combined.

Prior to realizing what I was, I would've classified myself as "straight w/ bi tendencies"  After finally figuring out and accepting that I was trans, I would classify myself the same way, only with the genders reversed, obviously.   

Quote from: halcyonix on June 19, 2011, 10:22:35 AM
Prior to realizing what I was, I would've classified myself as "straight w/ bi tendencies"

There is a cool new term that I recently learned that would describe this well. "Heteroflexible" [Link] (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Heteroflexible).

QuoteHeteroflexibility is a form of a sexual orientation or situational sexual behavior characterized by limited homosexual activity despite a primarily heterosexual sexual orientation that is considered to distinguish it from bisexuality. It has been characterized as "mostly straight". Although sometimes equated with bi-curiosity to describe a broad continuum of sexual orientation between heterosexuality and bisexuality, other authors distinguish heteroflexibility as lacking the "wish to experiment with ... sexuality" implied by the bi-curious label. The corresponding situation in which homosexual activity predominates has also been described, termed homoflexibility.

Quote from: Maga Girl on June 15, 2011, 09:48:45 AM


Damn it... I hope this do not happen to me

I don't know, it's a bit hard to be unhappy about it, guys are so hot!

a lot of guys are shallow a**holes.. you can say the same about a lot of girls though

Quote from: JadeS on June 19, 2011, 03:30:34 PM
a lot of guys are shallow a**holes.. you can say the same about a lot of girls though

This is it exactly, there are good and bad people of any gender.

As to the topic I never say never, but I haven't ever been attracted to anything but women and I don't expect that to change. I have to admit I have never had any emotional attraction to men either. So I picked lesbian.

If I imagine being with a man, as a woman, it appeals to my deepest emotions and turns me on unlike anything.  It also makes me wish to be submissive to him, which is an interesting experience since I like being in control.  Now if I think of being with a woman as a woman it's not outright disturbing but it just doesn't make my pulse race and warm my whole being like the opposite does.  So, I naturally conclude this means I'm a straight woman.

But then rarely, out of nowhere, I'll see a female who just has something about her that makes me very attracted.  And then... the moment passes and I wonder why the heck I felt that way.  Yet during these moments I could easily see myself as a lesbian.  This happens no more than maybe once in a month, but I'm a little bewildered and unsettled afterward. 

It may just be a "relapse" from being raised as male and expected to marry a girl some day.  Or maybe it's genuine, who knows.  Despite this though, I don't think of myself as bisexual since my attraction to guys isn't nearly so random or wishy-washy.  If I ever get married, it will definitely be to a guy.  =)

I think that omnisexual and pansexual is = Bisexual...   

but asexual is different..

I think the poll is wrong..  and bisexuals are more..   (sorry my english isn't good)

Guys tend to talk to other guys about women and its gross boring.  Men say very little beyond noting that they got some.  You want vivid, detailed and graphic accounts of sex, get girls talking to other girls.

I'm not sure if me identifying as straight would be correct, it's just easier to say, I guess I'd go with androsexual more than anything.

Quote from: Hikari on June 19, 2011, 03:41:54 PM
This is it exactly, there are good and bad people of any gender.

There is some truth to the bad stuff. But having seen things from a guy perspective , I don't think there is any reason to feel gloomy at all. So true.

I used to identify as heterosexual.
I like womens bodies. Now very often I feel mentally all females bore me.
Some males look handsome. I dunno how I can bond with them mentally.
So I say I just don't know.

I like people, just people :)

Quote from: Samantharz on June 19, 2011, 02:48:36 PM
There is a cool new term that I recently learned that would describe this well. "Heteroflexible" [Link] (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Heteroflexible).

Hehe, the term is anything but new.  New to you perhaps.

I guess I would be considered as Pansexual. I have been in relationships with cis gendered men and women. Intersex people, trans, genderqueers, etc etc

For me, I become really attracted to someone's intelligence and personality. I know that is a phrase that is SOOO overused but to me, I really am attracted to someone's personality way more than anything else they present.

I've been with some attractive guys and girls but the relationship was very short because they lacked a personality I could get behind.

90% of my attraction to women in the past has been as role models.  I did get married, then divorced (for reasons other than my gender), and am now a friend and co parent with my Ex.  She was the agressor in our relationship from the get go, and the fact that we were simply good friends before sex and marriage entered the picture, I enjoyed her physical attention and affection to the point that sex, as the "bottom" for me was OK, and we did have 3 children that look too much like me to be able to blame the milk man.  When she divorced me for reasons of her own mental illness, I never did even seriously try to establish a relationship with other women, two dates I had since the divorce 26 years ago were "set up" dates by other family members, and were very un-satisfying.  (I was also too busy since I had custody of the children as a single parent.)  My relationships with other parents of either gender for 20 years were through the children and their activities, and none of them resulted in dates for me.  I did not want any.

Two years into HRT, I find that I do have fantasies about relations with both sexes, but with me always in a female role.  Some of them are real hot too.  My fantasies about males do involve some types of sex, and I often look with some interest in typical het fashion.  I am however too darn gun shy about most men since I have done the CD thing in the past, and Admirers are not my idea of possible partners.  I may turn out "Try-sexual" but it hasn't happended yet.  Fantasies with women seem to include more of a "mind" relationship with a very good looking woman who can still help me be a woman.

Quote from: tekla on June 20, 2011, 07:04:46 AMYou want vivid, detailed and graphic accounts of sex, get girls talking to other girls.

lol this is very true :laugh:

And count me as another vote for boys are yummy (https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.cosgan.de%2Fimages%2Fsmilie%2Fliebe%2Fk050.gif&hash=9f4808de9da3f590c195d232e7507886b61e016e)

I have to agree that if you want all the details listen to women's conversations!  I used to work in a nearly all- female workplace and sometimes they would forget I was there.  Many men's performances were discussed 'at length'. :laugh:

Yeah I do have to admit that I know a few guys that are not such bad people.  But then I have some close friends that I just get over the fact that they are disgusting..

Quote from: Debra on June 15, 2011, 08:21:14 AM
boys are yummy =)

To quote When Harry Met Sally...

"I"ll have what she's having."

Triple scoop yummy.  ::)

I've had a lot of time, and experience to settle on this. For me it's, with no doubt, to the ladies. A cute face goes a long ways for me. And of course, without saying, that extends right on up to some of our friends here.  ;):angel:

For me I'll take a straight big man any day!, It just feels so normal to make a man happy & be myself, let him watch his football game later while I do my nails, go shopping or take a bubble bath, shave my legs nice & smooth.

Quote from: Samantharz on June 14, 2011, 10:49:25 PM
I am a believer than sexuality and gender identity are 2 completely separate issues.

Often confused, little understood.  Yes, sexual orientation and gender identity are two distinctively different things that have no relationship to one another.

Always sexually attracted to women, always will be.  At one guy's insistence, I kissed him.  Might have well kissed a wall.  Not once in my life has a male human sparked a sexual stir in me.  I can appreciate an attractive man but he does nothing for me sexually.

Over the last couple of weeks the feeling of a change of orientation to totally lesbian has become a lot stronger.   
I can remember having a relationship with a guy, and know I enjoyed it at the time, although even then I felt what I can only call a pronounced female response.
Now I just can't understand for the life of me how I did it.  ???  It's totally incomprehensible, like waking up one morning and  not having the faintest idea how to read and write. 
Karen.

My sexuality has certainly been evolving for the last year.  For a while I thought I was going to be straight until I got a crush on a girl I know.  So I guess I'm actually bi/pan.  It definitely depends on the person, because I'm not attracted to the vast majority of people in either sex.

While I'm not totally turned off on the prospect of dating a girl, I just don't find them attractive... When it comes to certain guys... Well that's an entirely different story. While I'm still inexperienced dating post transition, my relationships have been "good" as a general term.

Contrast that to my limited encounters with girls pre-transition which usually ended up with me crying...