It's always happened, I just never realized I was doing it, but when I look in the mirror I've always imagined myself as a boy, sort of like a way for my mind to cope with the issue that I'm not. It's like I've trained myself to see the proper me, although of course my breasts give me away and eventually I look away.
But anyways, when I look at myself, my hands especially, and my feet sometimes, they feel very right and male to me. It's like anti-dysphoria... (I don't really like that word, I don't think I'm mentally ill, but whatever..., it describes the feeling accurately). It's so awesome! I've always felt this, but now that I know I'm transgender and everything, I'm not ashamed of the feeling, or confused by it. It feels good, like part of my body is actually right.
Anyways, can't wait to start binding. I tried to make a homemade binder but it is crap so I'm saving money to buy a real one as my mom agreed to buy it (She's been far more supportive of the whole situation lately, it's really nice). I can't wait to wear it out. I always noticed that when I went out as a "tomboy" (before I knew transgender people existed or that I was transgender) I felt extremely comfortable and confident, and a bit sexy, lol. I'd always get this weird feeling when people confused me, it felt good, and I never knew what to make of it, but now I just embrace it. Same with seeing parts of myself as male, I embrace it when before I didn't that much, I was afraid of what the feeling was. But anyways, it'll be great just being myself once I get my binder.
So does anybody have similar experiences? Do you like parts of your body, do they feel the right gender? Or does your entire body feel off?
Edit: I don't think i made it clear, but, I mean before you transitioned, did some parts of your body feel the correct gender. I'm pre-everything which is why I find it... uh... fascinating that I feel some parts of me already feel masculine and always have.
Sounds like you are slowly getting to know your real identity. I started to notice my legs didn't look like "Guy's legs" once I started to epilate, and was more comfortable with my face once I had laser.
I'm a work in progress. Thanks to HRT there is movement on the Boob front, and some fat redistribution. I want to see a lot more of both though, it would be nice to have hips and a waist.
The only part of me I am not satisfied with, apart from the obvious, is the male pattern baldness. It's not bad, and my hair is much softer and shinier now, but means I have to wear a fringe and sides hairpiece (bangs) to pass readily. A hair transplant is on the cards in the near future.
As you get older you get to have back problems etc, so take care and look after the one you have been issued with.
Karen.
I get something like that now that all I shave is my face. For a while there I was shaving just about everything (which was a pain in the ass because I'm pretty darned hairy). Once everything was covered in a proper layer of hair again it became a lot easier to see parts of my body as male. Now I just need to get my dad to stop giving me crap about my "hobbit toes." ::)
Yes I do. For me it's my feet. I have very small feet for a male. They look more like women's feet than a lot of women I know. In fact I buy women's shoes and not just heels (which I do have way too many of). The work shoes I am wearing right now are women's hiking shoes. They fit perfect. I do have to keep the hair shaved off and I keep my toe nails polished. From the knees down I see all girl!
Quote from: JulieC. on June 21, 2011, 06:52:30 PM
Yes I do. For me it's my feet. I have very small feet for a male. They look more like women's feet than a lot of women I know. In fact I buy women's shoes and not just heels (which I do have way too many of). The work shoes I am wearing right now are women's hiking shoes. They fit perfect. I do have to keep the hair shaved off and I keep my toe nails polished. From the knees down I see all girl!
I find it helps with dealing with the dysphoria a lot, does it help you? I often find myself just staring at my hands, it's kind of calming.
Actually, I've always been doing this, along with other things to help me cope, help me see myself as male, I just never realized I was doing them. It's kind of weird now, finally identifying all those confusing feelings and behaviors from before I knew I was transgender. I just realized the other day why I could never write the book I'm writing from the female characters point of view. I could never relate to her and would always ask myself why? And now I know. And why when I tried to act super girly in school I failed, like a man forced into drag.
So weird... I'm in this like stage of discovering myself all over again.
That seems like the same kind of process I have been slowly going through. I know that for the longest time i would still see a guy when i looked in the mirror and after i was on hormones for about three months I slowly began to see my female self emerge in the mirror. every once in awhile my guy self comes out and I see a guy in the mirror, but not really very often anymore, even on my worst passing days I still see my female self. Where my male self registers is in photos. I cant see a photo of myself without seeing a guy, unless its just of my face, then i only see a guy some of the time.
i hope this helped, I'm not sure if it was clear at all...
oh and btw im Mtf just in case there was confusion :)
Sometimes...I've had those times. Despite lack of transition, I sometime have times where I can't help but feel that I'm feminine, it's pretty uplifting and encouraging! ^^ And...then...I have times when I see so bluntly a male and it's a really depressing experience. D:!