Actually, what I meant to say is that I didn't expect to be in an andogynous position. I don't see myself wishing to be androgynous but ended up for the time being because of my inner conflict about my gender identity. I've wanted to transition to be a woman for some time but have conflicts with parts of me, like the one that values social and family acceptance, and the ego part of me that values power and security. My desire to transition is still strong, but because of these parts of me, I've been forced to settle for the time being on an "in between" state, that I don't identify as male and see myself as "divorced" from the male gender, yet I'm not quite female in that I still have to preserve my old persona (in order to "act acceptably" and get around the world without a problem) and I won't be able to see myself until I get hormone treatment (to unleash my highly suppressed inner femininity / womanliness.)
In the meanwhile, I'm in this androgynous state in looks (long hair, soft face, shaped eyebrows, a not so masculine body) and in mind (with some of my old masculine persona traits and feel but otherwise identifying more with women, and I still wish to have a female body.) And in being in this state, I'm starting to not understand both men and women in terms of sex and attraction and roles. I mean, I'm starting to not understand a need for being with someone "of the opposite sex" or being with someone in large part because of their gender. I'm starting to not like the idea of being a woman with a man just like a man being with a woman. I feel more like I want to be with someone because I'm attracted to them as a person, not because of their gender. I feel like this "gender limitation" should be taken out. I also am starting to think that both genders should have "looks and behavior limitations" taken out, and obviously the male gender much more than the female gender. Females in general should be ok with being more assertive and even bold and males shouldn't have to maintain a significant (and imprisoning) ego.) Both genders are unnecessarily limiting life's richness and experiences by being in their own gender boxes.
Even though I'm in this state of being androgynous temporarily, I've been seeing more things and have started to see outside of both gender boxes. Now, I still desire to be female because I still enjoy and feel strongly deep on the inside about having a female gender identification, but I obviously wouldn't be on board with all of the traditional things that are in the female role. Luckily, so aren't many other women, and they are still women regardless.
I think you touch on some important things. Many people tend to define themselves according to some kind of behaviour, according to the sex they wish to be, whether they are cisgendered or trans. I think it also creates a lot of unnecessary stress to fuss about such things.
Translated some of my feelings :)
can totally relate, I feel that on a deep level that I'm much more female than male or androgynous yet there are other parts of me that suggest androgyny. I used to ignore or play down these parts of me as I had a goal and nothing was going to get in the way of that. Now I look back and I'm impressed with my relentless ways to be who I feel that I am but now I feel that I can no longer put up this shroud in my mind and feel that I have to accept my limitations.
Some say we are who we are on the inside and that our body is just the vehicle for our soul etc etc and I used to think "damn straight!", but now I view it as being...well..... we are both of those halves, we are who we are on the inside and we are ALSO who we are on the outside. So the dream was to transition and have my body change to the point where it would match who I am inside and things have been changing but.... is it enough? IS it enough for me to say "Oh I have arrived", or "I can see that I will arrive!". Self identity is one thing but I consider the majority of people can only really view you as your outer shell, that is all they see of you and that is there understanding of you.. and there is more of them than me. I don't feel like I can ignore that any more I have to accept that people will view me for who I am physically or in ways that are not 100% female. Recently I've felt conflicted by this... saying things like "I'm female" to someone and seeing in their eyes that they have doubts.. in a way it's saddening but also a slap of reality to me. I no longer worry about the androgynous label I kind of feel that on a larger scale it feels more right, at least at this point in my life.
I know I value other peoples opinions more than the average person in regards to who I am, but I know we live in a sensor (physical) world and they place more truth on that than who we are on the inside. I guess you could consider it adaptation, I know who I am but no amount of screaming and correcting will change the outside world.. at least in my eyes in my lifetime.. I'm not pissed about that, it just is and it makes me feel more flexible.
Quote from: Stratovan on June 28, 2011, 10:37:34 AM
I like your last avatar pic much better. But, even that on just let a sliver of you show.
How about this one? ... lols.
I hope your journey continues on speedily and smoothly. And at the same time, maybe a bit of understanding or glimpse can be seen of the androgynous world, be it androgyne, transsexual, agender, or cisgender androgynous. There are some androgynes as well as other genders that enjoy androgynous expression, about half or so. Though the other half or so don't care for androgynous expression.
Androgyne gender identity is more about the soul and self. Not all androgynes are androgynous in other words. And not all androgynous people are androgynes.
We welcome any friends of androgynes.
kendall