My dad says the majority of people like us lead very unhappy lives. Please tell me the truth, are you happy?
I haven't even started to transition but I've started on the path of being able to and just that makes me incredibly happy at the thought of being able to transition so I can only imagine how much happier I'll be when I do.
It's not much but it's all the input I can give. D:
There are unhappy and happy people from all walks of life and situations.
Personally, I am not full time or anything yet, but even working towards my goals slowly I feel very happy about things. I don't anticipate transition to end all my problems, after all I am still me, and I have problems unrelated to it all, but I am very confident in the quality of life improving. Even now, just telling those around me how I feel has already made me a happier person.
And to be fair, what does your dad know? I mean, I have my doubts that he is some expert who researches transgender people's happiness, and if he isn't an expert in the field he is just another person with another opinion, an opinion that is likely based out a desire to protect, but still not one that is more informed than anyone else's opinion.
What I am getting at is this, I married a African-American woman, a few people told me some pretty crazy stories about how interracial couples get attacked, harassed, etc. They were trying to protect me, but the truth of the matter is they have no clue what they are talking about, 7 years later and the things they mentioned have yet to come to pass. Basically, even well meaning people can worry themselves into saying things are aren't true based on their perceptions of reality, and I don't doubt some couple somewhere is getting harassed, but certainly no majority.
The point is, doing what you feel is right is the most important thing, everyone loves to make up stats and generalize to try and keep other people from doing what they want to, sometimes they even mean well by it.
Since when did your dad become an expert on "us"? Don't be afraid you suggest how silly he makes himself sound with such assumptions and absolutes. :P
And also... suggest that perhaps if any do it's likely so because of prejudice bigots amongst society that expect everyone to be and live the same way, those few people like "us" that may be treated badly do have the potential to be much more than happy if people don't try and crush any form of diversity in to the ground without any soul, compassion or consideration.
Oh my! </flustered rant>
no lol...
but transition did improve it somewhat
I think Hikari had some pretty good points.
.
Personally, I'm happier than I was before I started transition. I'm not quite where I want to be yet, and I'm still healing quite a bit from damage from the past, but I'm moving in the right direction at least. So I'm not as happy and complete as I would like to be...but I'm getting there...slowly but surely.
.
Of course...another question you could ask is this: How would you feel if you had to hide who you are inside for the rest of your life? A life where you're nothing more than an actor playing a part. Always on the outside looking in. A life that doesn't have meaning for you. One where "who you are" is someone that isn't welcome...someone that doesn't matter? What sort of life would that be? Would you be happy? Or would you just appear happy on the outside for everyone else's sake, and feel absolutely miserable inside? I did that for many years, until death became my only friend...a release that I yearned for, but could not allow myself to embrace due to the obligations I had to others. That was not a happy life...it was a tortured existence. Even if I can't say that I'm completely happy yet...I can say that my life now is a great improvement over the life that I had before.
.
.
.
Also...I think you also need to remember that the unhappy people are usually more vocal than people who are happy. In the news, it's the tragic story that stands out enough to print. Happy people don't get much press. I work in customer service, and the one person that has an issue yells a whole lot louder than the 100 people who are content and happy with their transaction. Happy people don't generally get in your face and yell "I'm Happy! I'm Happy! Mwe-he-he-he-he!" They're just content to go on living their lives. You don't usually hear from them too much.
.
It's the same way with people like us. The majority never pop up on anyone's radar. They just live their lives.
If your dad is basing his opinions on what few news programs or gossip that he hears (or worse Jerry Springer or other trash talk shows, or hate filled religious sources), he won't get a very clear picture of "people like us". (Using the same sources, I would conclude that every human is miserable and leads unhappy lives :P ) So, consider the source of that opinion.
.
But yes, you can be Trans and Happy. :)
Happiness is doing the "right" things, it is a function of that. So far my knowing.
I did the right thing when I transitioned 1 1/2 years back and have never been more happy since. Now I finally can be who I am, a woman, girl, female!
This of COURSE includes snot and tears also. Yet never been happier even crying my heart out. :-)Girly thing that, hey. The difference is SO incredible it's hard to put in words, um.
Hug,
Axelle
Quote from: jillian on July 02, 2011, 07:03:31 AM
My dad says the majority of people like us lead very unhappy lives. Please tell me the truth, are you happy?
jillian,
Upon learning I would be transitioning to Dora, my close relatives seemed to always drop the assumption card that I would not be happy and/or I would not be safe if I transitioned. They are partly correct -- during my transition I have not always been happy and I couple of times I've found myself in a potentially unsafe situation. However, in my previous life and as a child I was constantly bullied to the point of dropping out of school in the 9th grade and much of my adult life was filled with depression and suicide attempts, which was followed by drugs, electro-shock treatments, and hospitalizations. So comparing my life then to now I am obviously much more happier and content now.
Knowing I had no choice in transitioning (the "Do or Die thing") I ignored their comments , started my transition and got on with my life. But one thing during this process I've learned is when it comes to family have patience. --
lots of patience. Our transitioning can be a tough thing to accept for many people, (and especially Dad's, I suspect.) I originally thought that my Dad would never come around. But I never gave up hope -- even when we stopped talking to one another for 2+ years. Fortunately my patience paid off and three years into my transition he finally accepts me as who I am. I do believe it is because he now sees that I am successfully living and accepted by others and I am definitely much happier then I was before. So my advice is to hang in there, have patience, and do what you have to do. Afterall, it is your life to live, not theirs.
If any of us lead unhappy lives, or at least less happy than before, we probably had unrealistic expectations to begin with. I imagine most of us are at least a bit happier than we were before. For the lack of dysphoria if nothing else. As Kay said, leading a life where you feel like you're just acting to make others happy is one of the surest ways to unhappiness there can be.
In my case, I'm not quite "full-time everywhere" yet, but that's only because I don't go back to work until Tuesday. I still have anxiety issues I need to get over (which will happen as I'm full-time longer) but the inner peace I feel now is far different from anything I ever felt before transition. Compared with before, I am absolutely happier.
Are you happy now?
I think partly it's not even the right question. My life after transitioning has had some major ups and downs, but if I hadn't transitioned what would my life be like? I believe that if I hadn't started dealing with my gender issues back in 1997, I would not be alive today. For those who have not heard the story, the crisis came in the doctors office when I passed out during a blood pressure test. The reading was 210/140. It was either deal with what I was stuffing inside myself or die. A lot of the problems I have had during transition have been linked to that old way of life of not dealing with my problems and stuffing them. I am slowly learning a new way of thinking and living, and I'm much happier for it. I would never have gotten here if I hadn't transitioned.
After saying that, transition is not a magic solution to your problems. Whatever problems you have before transition, whatever dysfunctional ways of thinking and acting, they will still be there after transition unless you work to change them too.
And transition is not for everyone. When I was living with ZZZ, she couldn't deal with how people might see her as "->-bleeped-<-," couldn't even stand to go walking in the neighborhood, thinking that people where "giving her the stink-eye." Unless you are strong enough to deal with the feelings of being seen as different, it may be a hard road. I have been lucky in that area, not caring what other people think and turning fairly passable after all.
And, yes, I'm very happy now.
Sorry didn't read the other answers.
Just came back from dinner
I', very very happy.
Sort of needing/wanting a boyfriend
So more happy than in the past..
Cindy
Quote from: jillian on July 02, 2011, 07:03:31 AM
My dad says the majority of people like us lead very unhappy lives. Please tell me the truth, are you happy?
PLease think about that very carefully. It's actually quite funny.
I'm not sure, there will always be days of both, I think maybe in the long run it might be are you satisfied or disappointed with your life. Even that will change as life goes on. I have spent much of my life with loss of ones I loved and loved me back, still feels at times like... well, things always change. I would have to say I'm hopefull. Hopefull that things will work out the way they should, even if it is not how I planed.
Never been more happy in my life since I took the plunge and went 24/7. There are always ups and downs in life but the person who said "People like us are rarely happy" wasn't talking about me :P
Stephe
Quote from: jillian on July 02, 2011, 07:03:31 AM
My dad says the majority of people like us lead very unhappy lives. Please tell me the truth, are you happy?
Honey... The short answer.... Yes, GOD YES! Unbelievably happy. No more depression, or confusion. I am able to live my life much more freely.
Do I get sad? Sure, when my cat died, when my boyfriend broke up with me, etc.
The only thing left of my past life that causes me any type of problems is: I have not had my surgery, and when people out me.
Yup. Life is pretty good with moments of very good and the occasional rubbish.
The good outweighs the bad...
The Paul Family: The Good Outweighs The Bad (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=74u7lFPCtyI#)
Unfortunately the song is bad.
Quote from: jillian on July 02, 2011, 07:03:31 AM
My dad says the majority of people like us lead very unhappy lives. Please tell me the truth, are you happy?
I guess I must be in the minority of the people your dad wants to reference because I would not define my life as one of unhappiness. Are there things in my life that cause me stress? Sure. But the past history of a birth defect is NOT the cause of that stress...
My guess is the greatest risk of 'unhappiness' for the transsexual will come from the inability to reach the necessary congruences between the mental mindset and the physical appearance. That group of people I could see being extremely unhappy...
As the risk of being a tad blunt...dad can go piss up a rope.
Happiness is a learned behavior. It is studied and practiced. You'll be about as happy going out as you were coming in. That's true about most things.
We all have our ups and downs like anybody else... There are aspects of my life I am very thankful and happy for, there are aspects I wish would have gone a bit differently
Am I happy about my decision to transition? Hellz yeah!!! Does the time, effort and money that goes into transitioning kinda bum me out? Sure, there's all kinds of wants that I do without because my needs have to be met first and transitioning is a definite need for me
Allot of wealthy people are miserably unhappy, should that detour me from trying to be successful?
37+ years ago I was ready to commit suicide - instead I transitioned and had SRS.
The 37 years haven't been all peaches & cream but they have been pretty darned good. Am I always happy? No. Am I happier than I would have been? OF COURSE! I would have been dead.
Started transition 30 years ago, srs 27 years ago.
Life had for me a mayor improvement, sure, what Jenny said, every life has ups and downs but if I didn't had gid life also had some ups and downs.
The answer is yes, happy
Hugs
Annette
Quote from: jillian on July 02, 2011, 07:03:31 AM
My dad says the majority of people like us lead very unhappy lives.
Rather than write an extended post to argue this, I'll make it simple.
Is your father a psychiatrist?
Has he studied extensively on gender identity?
Is he transsexual?
If not, then it sounds like an unreliable source to me.
Although what he could have meant is that transsexuals, who do not transition lead very unhappy lives, and in that case, I'd say he's pretty right.
Quote from: AmySmiles on July 02, 2011, 09:26:36 AM
If any of us lead unhappy lives, or at least less happy than before, we probably had unrealistic expectations to begin with. I imagine most of us are at least a bit happier than we were before. For the lack of dysphoria if nothing else. As Kay said, leading a life where you feel like you're just acting to make others happy is one of the surest ways to unhappiness there can be.
An excellent post Amy and I think it sums things up perfectly.
Quote from: V M on July 02, 2011, 05:05:23 PM
Allot of wealthy people are miserably unhappy, should that detour me from trying to be successful?
No, but maybe it should prompt a re-evaluation of what success is.
Kia Ora Jillian,
::) Might I suggest you read all the posts in the "post/non op" - "transitioning" and discrimination sections and if you find the vast majority continually "bitch and moan" about society and everyday life, then you will have your "truthful" answer...
Or you could just monitor the posts of some of the posters here...For example just select at random some prolific posters and just monitor theirs...
Happiness is just a "fluctuating" state of mind, but lasting happiness is when one understands that "life just is" and learns not to take "it" too seriously...
Happy mindfulness :)
Metta Zenda :)
No, but maybe it should prompt a re-evaluation of what success is.
True that PicaX2
Success can mean a variety of things to pretty well everyone at different times and so therefore I believe it is constantly evaluated and reevaluated
A student gets a passing grade in school, a shy person works up the courage to ask someone they fancy out for a date and finds true love, a person who suffers from social anxiety finds acceptance among others, a lonely person creates a lasting friendship, A trans person gains acceptance from there family and friends, an unemployed person lands a good paying job, a peace activist ends a war... The list is endless and could include simple and/or complicated issues
Most everyone is working on their idea of success and happiness... I am interested in becoming a therapist so I can help others find their happiness
Quote from: Zenda on July 02, 2011, 09:19:23 PM
Happiness is just a "fluctuating" state of mind, but lasting happiness is when one understands that "life just is" and learns not to take "it" too seriously...
This is very true. Life really -just is- and we have to accept our situation and make the best of it. I really do try to look at how lucky I am in MANY areas and just accept being born TG, as "well, it just is", accept it and get on with my life.
I can't know how anyone else feels so I will only speak for myself.
Simple answer is that Karen is very happy almost all the time, whereas G***** was rarely happy, and often severely Depressed.
If your father is not a qualified expert in the area, or is not himself TS his opinion is just that. Has he actually spent time conversing with the transgendered or transsexual?
If you are the only one of us he knows, and you are happy, then 100% of those he has met must logically be happy.
Karen.
I'm happy when I look in the mirror and see a women.
Sad when I see the hurt in my wife's eyes.
Happy when people call me miss.
Sad that my family think I'm crazy.
Happy when I am wear a dress.
Sad because all the years I have missed and years of denial.
In reality this is not an easy life but it is better then death which was the alternative for me.
Yes but not to happiness which is an emotion that can change minute by minute.
But to the fact that I am content with who I am now, have a inter-joy and a sense of well being.
Jillieann
Quote from: jillian on July 02, 2011, 07:03:31 AM
My dad says the majority of people like us lead very unhappy lives. Please tell me the truth, are you happy?
Jillian, I am the happiest i have ever been. I am happier than a kitten in a bowl of milk.
If you would like, he can email me at my Seminary address. I can talk with him (because it sounds like he may be a religious man) and tell him there are many of us who are leading healthy, happy lives as leaders in various religious institutions such as churches, chaplains in hospitals, etc.
Just pm me
Quote from: Zenda on July 02, 2011, 09:19:23 PM
Happiness is just a "fluctuating" state of mind, but lasting happiness is when one understands that "life just is" and learns not to take "it" too seriously...
It seems possible to learn habits to increase fluctuations up rather than down - if you treat the world with realistic expectations and take time out to fully enjoy and experience each happy time, I think it's possible to be happy far more than unhappy.
I would say I'm still not happy but more happier than I was a decade ago before I started transition. I'm happier I started transitioning but not happy that it hasn't facilitated the physical changes I hoped for.
Quote from: Lisbeth on July 02, 2011, 10:15:29 AM
I think partly it's not even the right question. My life after transitioning has had some major ups and downs, but if I hadn't transitioned what would my life be like? I believe that if I hadn't started dealing with my gender issues back in 1997, I would not be alive today. For those who have not heard the story, the crisis came in the doctors office when I passed out during a blood pressure test. The reading was 210/140. It was either deal with what I was stuffing inside myself or die. A lot of the problems I have had during transition have been linked to that old way of life of not dealing with my problems and stuffing them. I am slowly learning a new way of thinking and living, and I'm much happier for it. I would never have gotten here if I hadn't transitioned.
After saying that, transition is not a magic solution to your problems. Whatever problems you have before transition, whatever dysfunctional ways of thinking and acting, they will still be there after transition unless you work to change them too.
And transition is not for everyone. When I was living with Ell, she couldn't deal with how people might see her as "->-bleeped-<-," couldn't even stand to go walking in the neighborhood, thinking that people where "giving her the stink-eye." Unless you are strong enough to deal with the feelings of being seen as different, it may be a hard road. I have been lucky in that area, not caring what other people think and turning fairly passable after all.
And, yes, I'm very happy now.
I agree with this... I was a bit short in my answer... if I had not transitioned my life would be hell now... simple as that. Now it is less of a hell but there are days I am really tired of having to be a TS while my heart tells me I am a normal woman. And also living with the damage of the years I was not able to transition is hard.
Still, I can honestly say that I am happy sometimes now. And I could never have said that before my transition.
Oh and one more thing! If my life as a TS will eventually become the end of me... looking back from where I am now, It still was worth it....
Actually thinking about it, if G***** had not realised he was Transsexual he would probably not be.
Not, not be happy, just not be. Not by his own hand, but just because he would not have cared whether he survived or not. He probably wouldn't have.
Karen on the other hand is full of the joy of life.
Karen.
You are so LA girl. Your first thought is to produce (and star in I assume) and direct and distribute a video. Meghan Studios, right there past the kitchen, but before the bath. I swear that half the kitchen tables in LA turn into post-production facilities when everybody finishes the fish tacos for dinner.
Actually, no study on earth has ever recorded the opinion that Trans lead unhappy lives; the entire spectrum of depression in Trans results in either A. Discrimination, B. Medical Health (hormonal imbalances that have caused a man or woman to look too extreme to transition realistically), C. Discrimination in the Medical Health field that restricts a Trans' health improvments. Trans' have indeed been proven to commit suicide more than almost any group of people on Earth, but those suicidal thoughts are directly the result of Discrimination and not the Disorder itself; even the DSM says this.
Absolutely no other factors have been recorded in Trans mental health. Even the sometimes Mental Health conditions, such as BDD, Phobias, ect ect, all have been proven to have been caused by earlier Discrimination or Abuse in a trans' life. Quite frankly, this very same thing has been proved in people of all genders or orientations, the psychology of it is really no different. Discrimination and Abuse causes Depression, there's hardly ever been a recorded instance where a person is Depressed without an underlining physical reason (though oftentimes these physical reasons are denied by Religious-based Therapists who insist that Depression is a root of Sin or Chemical Imbalance, when it is not.)
For instance, some professionals will claim that Depression happens because of a chemical imbalance. This is fraudulent and untrue. The Chemical Imbalance that can be read using technological advances is actually caused by persistent Depression, the Chemical Imbalance is not the cause, but the result. This resulting Chemical Imbalance, the result of Abuse and Neglect, can actually go on further to cause many Health Issues, so it's quite literally an emergency to fix Depression in a Realistic way (Social, Realistic Transitioning, Proper Image/ Gender Treatments). Anti-Depressants really just do not do anything that a good old shot of Whiskey doesn't do; who wants to stay drunk and high all the time to forget a physical problem in life?
Quite frankly, modern Anti-Depressants and the like did not exist until just decades ago, yet humanity has survived thousands and thousands of years by gulping down booze, being brain-washed by churches, and having sex every 4 seconds. It works just as much as any medication has proven to. Yet they both are dangerous, detrimental alternatives in the face of having your physical health issues, such as physical image, gender image, and gender identity fixed in a hormonal or surgical manner. Studies overwhelmingly prove that physical alternations to a person's physical issues results in more happiness, both short term and long term, than therapedic, depressant, or religious alternatives ever could.
Quote from: tekla on July 10, 2011, 05:26:10 AM
You are so LA girl. Your first thought is to produce (and star in I assume) and direct and distribute a video. Meghan Studios, right there past the kitchen, but before the bath. I swear that half the kitchen tables in LA turn into post-production facilities when everybody finishes the fish tacos for dinner.
having just been out there a few weeks ago and due back again next week, that had me rolling on the floor :)
Yes, I am! I have yet to experience the mood swings caused by the HRT, as described by others here on Susan's. I guess I already had too much of those before starting HRT, it must also have been the cancer scare. Acceptance with my friends and family. A single train of thought instead of three at once! I'm like that antelope in my headlights at Bryce 2 weeks ago still. Still a bit stunned.
Joelene
Quote from: RhinoP on July 11, 2011, 08:26:34 PM
Actually, no study on earth has ever recorded the opinion that Trans lead unhappy lives;
Can you provide me an outside source stating this? Or is this your opinion?
Quote from: RhinoP on July 11, 2011, 08:26:34 PM
Actually, no study on earth has ever recorded the opinion that Trans lead unhappy lives; the entire spectrum of depression in Trans results in either A. Discrimination, B. Medical Health (hormonal imbalances that have caused a man or woman to look too extreme to transition realistically)
While I agree discrimination is the root of most if not all T problems, these two statements seem to be in contradiction. If there was no discrimination of someone being T, then why would B even exist or matter? t least for me, what makes me happy is people finally accept and treat me as a woman, NOT that I can make myself look like some ideal form of a woman. That I am socially accepted as a woman is what matters.
I know some people HAVE to be accepted/seen as a born female (pass) to be happy but I guess I wonder: if there was no discrimination whatsoever, would they still require being seen by the world as a born female to be happy or is this a result of being influenced by discrimination and them trying to hide from that?
Being a ts and not a woman physically can create such mental suffering that it can lead to suicide, not just that people dont accept you,...
And i find it odd i even have to mention this...... !!!
I am super unhappy when considered a boy so every time i am seen as a girl i am happy
Quote from: Birgitta on July 14, 2011, 11:25:19 AM
Being a ts and not a woman physically can create such mental suffering that it can lead to suicide, not just that people dont accept you,...
And i find it odd i even have to mention this...... !!!
I guess I find it odd when people ID themselves and set their own self worth by looking in their pants.... Maybe I'm the odd one, but my genitals aren't the focus of my life and never have been.
Quote from: Stephe on July 14, 2011, 09:11:04 AM
what makes me happy is people finally accept and treat me as a woman, NOT that I can make myself look like some ideal form of a woman. That I am socially accepted as a woman is what matters.
Quote from: Stephe on July 15, 2011, 10:34:07 AM
I guess I find it odd when people ID themselves and set their own self worth by looking in their pants.... Maybe I'm the odd one, but my genitals aren't the focus of my life and never have been.
.
I guess I find it odd for someone to make this all about society, and about hinging your self worth completely on the opinions of others. (sorry, couldn't resist the turnabout :P ) And while that's how you presented it, I have my doubts that you meant it completely in that way. If your body didn't bother you, then why bother changing it? ;)
.
I do admit that living socially as who I am is important. It's definitely part of it...but it's not 100% of it for me.
If it were, I'd just work to become a really convicing cross-dresser and forget HRT, electrolisys, surgery, etc...all of the costly, risky, and painful parts of this.
.
I'm not doing this for others...or even for their acceptance. I'm with Birgitta (BTW love the puppet, Birgitta :) ). But it's not primarily about self worth, it's about congruence. It's about not having to completely ignore your whole body to survive, much less attempt to live. About being able to look at yourself and feel connected to your own skin rather than crawling in it. If that sort of internal pain and dissonance isn't something you've experienced, then consider yourself lucky...it's not fun. Being a "woman physically" isn't *all* about what's in the pants...but those parts are as much a part of the dissonance as all of the rest. And as Birgitta noted, that dissonance can result in a fair amount of mental suffering, which if not alleviated only grows worse...leading to some pretty extreme ends for some.
i can only speak for myself: I began my transition in 2002. along the way, there has been ups and downs, just the same as everybody else. Overall, I am much much happier now than I was before and wouldnt trade my life for anyone elses
Quote from: Stephe on July 14, 2011, 09:11:04 AM
While I agree discrimination is the root of most if not all T problems, these two statements seem to be in contradiction. If there was no discrimination of someone being T, then why would B even exist or matter? t least for me, what makes me happy is people finally accept and treat me as a woman, NOT that I can make myself look like some ideal form of a woman. That I am socially accepted as a woman is what matters.
I know some people HAVE to be accepted/seen as a born female (pass) to be happy but I guess I wonder: if there was no discrimination whatsoever, would they still require being seen by the world as a born female to be happy or is this a result of being influenced by discrimination and them trying to hide from that?
I'm going to elaborate on this thought.....discrimination itself is not the root cause of various issues related to being transgendered......the root cause is fear and a lack of understanding/education that leads to all the issues we face. Although I am fully integrated into society and pass fairly easy, I make no secrets about who I am or who I used to be. I often am invited to local colleges as a guest speaker to give insight and tell my story.
Quote from: Annah on July 11, 2011, 10:55:12 PM
Can you provide me an outside source stating this? Or is this your opinion?
Kunkle, Jonathan R. "
Gender Identity is Root Cause of Depression in Transsexuals "
New England Journal of Medicine, volume 132, issue 74 (2008): 46-72.
does this help?
i am definitely more happy than I was last year before I started to transition. I still have my off days but who doesn't.
Jen
As people know I have had some bad times.
A few weeks back I went to my local hotel where I go to the restaurant quite regularly.
There was a long queue to get to the reservation desk. The manager saw me and came straight up to me and said Cindy you are on table 4 and took me there. The staff as ever were really nice and friendly.
Walking home, I realized my life had changed.
I had accepted myself.
Yes I am happy.
Cindy
I'm as happy as I was before. This was not really about happiness, it was about shedding the cumbersome lies I kept near to my heart and opening up to the world around me. I'm sure I can be more open to happiness now, my friends all like me a lot better.
Transitioning is not a magic bullet...if you are an unhappy and negative person before transition, you won't magically become all sunshine and smiles. Yes you may have fixed a major problem in your life, but that doesn't equate to making you happy. It's also perfectly possible to be a happy and positive person and still be serverely depressed, it's just it's harder to be like that when you feel the weight of everything on your shoulders.
The question you should be asking is not "are we happy?" but "Am I Happy?" How do face the world around you when you subtract the gender issues.
And to answer you question, I am no happier than before, I merely feel free. People now get to see exactly who I am with out it being filtered through the construct of him.
Quote from: Neko on July 16, 2011, 03:21:29 AM
Transitioning is not a magic bullet...if you are an unhappy and negative person before transition, you won't magically become all sunshine and smiles. Yes you may have fixed a major problem in your life, but that doesn't equate to making you happy. It's also perfectly possible to be a happy and positive person and still be serverely depressed, it's just it's harder to be like that when you feel the weight of everything on your shoulders.
The question you should be asking is not "are we happy?" but "Am I Happy?" How do face the world around you when you subtract the gender issues.
And to answer you question, I am no happier than before, I merely feel free. People now get to see exactly who I am with out it being filtered through the construct of him.
true but i dont believe any is stating that its a magic bullet i believe they are all happy because they can be themselves and do what they want because they now look and are able to be who they are. I mean i get sad when used as a boy or called one and happy when called a girl not because transitioning is a magic bullet but rather the fact i am acknowledged who i am not for what i appear to be. Just saying transitioning does a lot to let us be who we are or was it the other around for you neko? if so i am sorry about that :-\
Quote from: Kay on July 15, 2011, 10:25:16 PM
.
I guess I find it odd for someone to make this all about society, and about hinging your self worth completely on the opinions of others. (sorry, couldn't resist the turnabout :P )
Well for ME this was the most important part. That I could be myself, a woman, full time and people see me as such. That I don't have people making rude comments and being hostile. Being a woman <> being female. And just because someone is female, doesn't mean they are a woman. Sure I would like to have a female body and am working towards that. But honestly, you can THINK you are a woman but if everywhere you go people call you sir and treat you as a man, that "I know I'm a woman" doesn't hold up very long..
Quote from: Stephe on July 16, 2011, 09:58:45 AM
Well for ME this was the most important part. That I could be myself, a woman, full time and people see me as such. That I don't have people making rude comments and being hostile. Being a woman <> being female. And just because someone is female, doesn't mean they are a woman. Sure I would like to have a female body and am working towards that. But honestly, you can THINK you are a woman but if everywhere you go people call you sir and treat you as a man, that "I know I'm a woman" doesn't hold up very long..
You stephe are a downer you are pretty much saying a few rotten words ruin who your are? from how i understand your post you are saying we arent girls because of how we were born yet you should no it was never our choice? or has something happened to regret those beliefs?
Happiness isn't really something you should expect in life, its a circumstance that changes constantly like the weather. I find that the events that made me happy will one day make me extremely unhappy. I'm not sure what the point of life is but I'm pretty confident being happy is not it. If your father is genuinely concerned about your happiness thats pretty cool but also pretty invalid reason to not do something like transition.
i havent started on trasnsion or hrt or anything but comeing out and telling ppl whom i trust has made me more happy then i was hidding it i have never really been a happy person in life(had a ruff childhood) but as for this whole thing right here i would say i am happy weither i am male or female i am happy with whom i am and who i have around me that support me
Kia Ora,
::) The universe is in a constant state of flux...
::) "The purpose of life is the "pursuit" of happiness !" Think about it....
::) And I've found my true calling in life [contentment] being a "happiness bounty hunter" ! ;)
Metta Zenda :)
I can say my life is definitely more exciting... and happier for the most part. However, I'm not completely happy. I've been living full time for over 2 years now and I still have days that I wonder if I should have done this. The truth is that I wish I could go back to being a guy and not still want to be a girl... but I don't think that's possible... especially since I've gotten to experience my life as a woman for so long.
I tend to worry about the future a lot.. what will I be doing, who will I be with, will I always feel some ambivalence and so on.
I remember when I first started transitioning thinking that Oh if I can pass then I'll be so happy and content and everything will be perfect. However, that's not completely the case. I wake up passing, and would actually have a lot of trouble to not pass as female... and everything isn't fine and perfect like I thought. I miss a lot of freedoms I had as a guy, and I also feel restricted as a girl because I haven't had my SRS yet. I keep telling myself that once I get SRS then everything will be fine, and I suspect there is a lot of truth to that, but still... what if it's not? I guess that's my biggest worry.
Still, my life as a girl is exciting. I like how people treat me, especially boys. I like how I look in the mirror, how my body feels, how I can wear the cloths I want to wear, how I don't have to feel like I'm hiding anything anymore (especially in conversation, I was very restricting with my emotions and facial expressions as a guy). If ever I were to go back, I would never be the person I was before I transitioned... I would be a much more feminine, pretty/androgynous guy. I realize that who I once was is never coming back, and at times I feel sad or guilty for that.
Sorry to be depressing but I wanted to be truthful. However, knowing what I know now... I would have still transitioned.
Quote from: VannaSiamese on July 17, 2011, 12:35:23 PM
I can say my life is definitely more exciting... and happier for the most part. However, I'm not completely happy. I've been living full time for over 2 years now and I still have days that I wonder if I should have done this. The truth is that I wish I could go back to being a guy and not still want to be a girl... but I don't think that's possible... especially since I've gotten to experience my life as a woman for so long.
I tend to worry about the future a lot.. what will I be doing, who will I be with, will I always feel some ambivalence and so on.
I remember when I first started transitioning thinking that Oh if I can pass then I'll be so happy and content and everything will be perfect. However, that's not completely the case. I wake up passing, and would actually have a lot of trouble to not pass as female... and everything isn't fine and perfect like I thought. I miss a lot of freedoms I had as a guy, and I also feel restricted as a girl because I haven't had my SRS yet. I keep telling myself that once I get SRS then everything will be fine, and I suspect there is a lot of truth to that, but still... what if it's not? I guess that's my biggest worry.
Still, my life as a girl is exciting. I like how people treat me, especially boys. I like how I look in the mirror, how my body feels, how I can wear the cloths I want to wear, how I don't have to feel like I'm hiding anything anymore (especially in conversation, I was very restricting with my emotions and facial expressions as a guy). If ever I were to go back, I would never be the person I was before I transitioned... I would be a much more feminine, pretty/androgynous guy. I realize that who I once was is never coming back, and at times I feel sad or guilty for that.
Sorry to be depressing but I wanted to be truthful. However, knowing what I know now... I would have still transitioned.
sorry may i ask what other restrictions you have?
Well, I can't go swimming or go to the beach. I always feel a need to wear tights or leggings with skirts and dresses because I'm scared of things showing. I can't have sex as a girl. I can't take yoga like I want to because I'm scared of things showing. I can't really wear little shorts and stuff because I'm too worried about things popping out. Really my whole wardrobe it centered around 1. having a penis 2. having hardly any boobs at all.
It's all mainly just social restrictions... I feel like I can't do a lot of things that I use to be able to do because I am hiding parts of my body. I have to limit my wardrobe and I also limit how well I get to know people, especially boys. Usually it goes like this, I get to know a guy, we start becoming good friends, he asks me out and then I never talk to him again. It's because I'm fearful of rejection and I don't want to tell him about me. I'm dating a girl now as of 2 months ago, but still I find myself limiting myself in social settings with strangers, boys especially. I feel like SRS and BA would solve a lot of these issues. At least I hope it will. =)
Quote from: VannaSiamese on July 17, 2011, 12:57:34 PM
Well, I can't go swimming or go to the beach. I always feel a need to wear tights or leggings with skirts and dresses because I'm scared of things showing. I can't have sex as a girl. I can't take yoga like I want to because I'm scared of things showing. I can't really wear little shorts and stuff because I'm too worried about things popping out. Really my whole wardrobe it centered around 1. having a penis 2. having hardly any boobs at all.
It's all mainly just social restrictions... I feel like I can't do a lot of things that I use to be able to do because I am hiding parts of my body. I have to limit my wardrobe and I also limit how well I get to know people, especially boys. Usually it goes like this, I get to know a guy, we start becoming good friends, he asks me out and then I never talk to him again. It's because I'm fearful of rejection and I don't want to tell him about me. I'm dating a girl now as of 2 months ago, but still I find myself limiting myself in social settings with strangers, boys especially. I feel like SRS and BA would solve a lot of these issues. At least I hope it will. =)
Mind if i give advice?
Ok well first swimming wear a bikini but just wear those board shorts that are meant to be put over bikini's as long as you tuck it should be fine. You are very beautiful and you dont need large breasts for boys to like you. Hmmm boys try make them think you lesbian so they dont ask you out. And yea SRS and BA so will :) just be glad you wont need to get your A apple shaved like me :D :D :D trust me your really beautiful and you really are just fearing rejection but i think you need to be rejected once just to get over that fear :D :D
Jillian, what your Dad doesn't know is he is gaining a beautiful daughter who is much more happier now. I hope that you both have a great Father-Daughter relationship as you did as a Father-Son relationship. I know it has to hurt your Dad deep down inside over losing a son, but he is gaining an awesome Daughter. Hugs, Chloe
Quote from: chloe23 on July 17, 2011, 01:42:36 PM
Jillian, what your Dad doesn't know is he is gaining a beautiful daughter who is much more happier now. I hope that you both have a great Father-Daughter relationship as you did as a Father-Son relationship. I know it has to hurt your Dad deep down inside over losing a son, but he is gaining an awesome Daughter. Hugs, Chloe
I always wonder if i will feel as my mothers daughter
Quote from: LilKittyCatZoey on July 17, 2011, 01:07:47 PM
Mind if i give advice?
Ok well first swimming wear a bikini but just wear those board shorts that are meant to be put over bikini's as long as you tuck it should be fine. You are very beautiful and you dont need large breasts for boys to like you. Hmmm boys try make them think you lesbian so they dont ask you out. And yea SRS and BA so will :) just be glad you wont need to get your A apple shaved like me :D :D :D trust me your really beautiful and you really are just fearing rejection but i think you need to be rejected once just to get over that fear :D :D
lol girl, I already had my adam's apple shaved =P So I did need it. Honestly, you can still sorta see something in my neck, but it's not really very noticeable... it's just because I am so skinny that you can see all the cartilage in my neck from the front.
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi56.tinypic.com%2F2h6fvv6.jpg&hash=90246ea9d3210549c379f90b4a395e57c4d566ba) <-- now you see it (https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi54.tinypic.com%2Fwwgg1c.jpg&hash=1c8173d8234b2bd83bb9fd87d62ae81d05530bca) <-- now you don't
You can also see my scar in a lot of my pictures, I make no attempt to cover it up. And I do need BA... I have a condition called Pectus Excavatum where my chest sinks down in the middle. Although my case is very small, I still have it, and it causes my ribs to sorta bow outward, masking my boobs. They can correct it with BA. So, even though my boobs are the same size as my gfs, they look half the size because they are obscured by my protruding rib cage.
Quote from: chloe23 on July 17, 2011, 01:42:36 PM
Jillian, what your Dad doesn't know is he is gaining a beautiful daughter who is much more happier now. I hope that you both have a great Father-Daughter relationship as you did as a Father-Son relationship. I know it has to hurt your Dad deep down inside over losing a son, but he is gaining an awesome Daughter. Hugs, Chloe
My biological father decided to run, but it's not like I wasn't on the outs with him and my stepmom because of political issues (they had a problem with me, not me with them). My oldest stepsister, the tattle-tale, decided not to allow me the chance to personally come out to my dad and stepmom because she thought I was doing it all wrong by not telling them first. So she outed me and I haven't spoken to my dad or stepmom since. I called on Mother's Day and left a message, they didn't return my call. Same on my stepmom's birthday. Then three more attempts went unanswered and calls unreturned. Then Father's Day, same story.
I've tried calling their house phone (which has talking caller ID) and both of their cell phones, but they won't pick up if it's me. So I guess it's over for good. I only knew that they found out about me (and how they found out about me) because my ex-wife told me what went down.
It's okay, though. I have a wonderful dad in the man my mom married 24 years ago, and whose last name I now share. :) Who needs people who don't want me anyway?
Girl
Quote from: VannaSiamese on July 17, 2011, 01:51:24 PM
lol girl, I already had my adam's apple shaved =P So I did need it. Honestly, you can still sorta see something in my neck, but it's not really very noticeable... it's just because I am so skinny that you can see all the cartilage in my neck from the front.
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi56.tinypic.com%2F2h6fvv6.jpg&hash=90246ea9d3210549c379f90b4a395e57c4d566ba) <-- now you see it (https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi54.tinypic.com%2Fwwgg1c.jpg&hash=1c8173d8234b2bd83bb9fd87d62ae81d05530bca) <-- now you don't
You can also see my scar in a lot of my pictures, I make no attempt to cover it up. And I do need BA... I have a condition called Pectus Excavatum where my chest sinks down in the middle. Although my case is very small, I still have it, and it causes my ribs to sorta bow outward, masking my boobs. They can correct it with BA. So, even though my boobs are the same size as my gfs, they look half the size because they are obscured by my protruding rib cage.
girl your super pretty and does the shave hurt?
Quote from: jillian on July 02, 2011, 07:03:31 AM
My dad says the majority of people like us lead very unhappy lives. Please tell me the truth, are you happy?
That sounds like a garbled version of Thoreau's quote:
"Most people live
lives of quiet
desperation..."
They say that you are as happy or unhappy as you want to be. I think that there is a lot of truth in that.
Kia Ora,
::) " One person's joy ;D is another's sadness :'( !"
::) It all depends on how one chooses to define "Happiness" ?
Metta Zenda :)
I am far happier then I used to be but the road to finish all this? Still stresses me out something fierce so I do get down in the dumps fairly easy but... still happier then I used to be. So that has to count for something right?
seeing that I fly out tomorrow morning for a 23 hour flight to Bangkok and surgery scheduled for Wednesday.........I'm freaking ecstatic right now!!!! ;)
Quote from: LilKittyCatZoey on July 17, 2011, 01:58:24 PM
Girlgirl your super pretty and does the shave hurt?
It wasn't very pleasant =) Mainly just because my throat was so sore from the shave and the tube they put down my throat during surgery. I had a lot of trouble speaking for about a week and then he pulled the stitches out and everything came back to normal over the next few weeks. I had my scar revised less than a year ago though... that's why it's still sorta noticeable. I suspect it'll fade completely over the next 2 years... I could put makeup on it but I don't care, nobody knows what the scar means anyway.
Quote from: Jamie Nicole on July 17, 2011, 06:27:45 PM
seeing that I fly out tomorrow morning for a 23 hour flight to Bangkok and surgery scheduled for Wednesday.........I'm freaking ecstatic right now!!!! ;)
Congrats! You are sooo lucky =)
Quote from: VannaSiamese on July 17, 2011, 07:41:43 PM
Congrats! You are sooo lucky =)
getting SRS, replacing the saline implants with silicone...and bigger, and getting the tracheal shave.....gonna be hurtin immediately post op! but whats the ole saying, no pain no gain? lol ;)
Jamie,
I wish you the best out come and little pain.
Hugs,
Jillieann
Quote from: Jamie Nicole on July 17, 2011, 08:10:12 PM
getting SRS, replacing the saline implants with silicone...and bigger, and getting the tracheal shave.....gonna be hurtin immediately post op! but whats the ole saying, no pain no gain? lol ;)
Congrats Jamie. Heal well and quickly
Cindy
Heal well and quickly Jamie, and be Even More Happy!! :) :) :)
Quote from: Jamie Nicole on July 17, 2011, 08:10:12 PM
getting SRS, replacing the saline implants with silicone...and bigger, and getting the tracheal shave.....gonna be hurtin immediately post op! but whats the ole saying, no pain no gain? lol ;)
best of luck!!
thanks....didnt sleep a wink last night
are you going today Jamie?
Quote from: Jamie Nicole on July 18, 2011, 05:55:46 AM
thanks....didnt sleep a wink last night
awww hehe cant blame you nothing could excite me more!!!!!!!!!!! plus you will sleep while you get your SRS :D :D :D :D
Quote from: Stephe on July 15, 2011, 10:34:07 AM
I guess I find it odd when people ID themselves and set their own self worth by looking in their pants.... Maybe I'm the odd one, but my genitals aren't the focus of my life and never have been.
Try and read more carefully.
I am a non op TS.
I dont let whats in my pants define me.
The biggest dysforia I have over my looks...
Quote from: Kay on July 15, 2011, 10:25:16 PM
.
I guess I find it odd for someone to make this all about society, and about hinging your self worth completely on the opinions of others. (sorry, couldn't resist the turnabout :P ) And while that's how you presented it, I have my doubts that you meant it completely in that way. If your body didn't bother you, then why bother changing it? ;)
.
I do admit that living socially as who I am is important. It's definitely part of it...but it's not 100% of it for me.
If it were, I'd just work to become a really convicing cross-dresser and forget HRT, electrolisys, surgery, etc...all of the costly, risky, and painful parts of this.
.
I'm not doing this for others...or even for their acceptance. I'm with Birgitta (BTW love the puppet, Birgitta :) ). But it's not primarily about self worth, it's about congruence. It's about not having to completely ignore your whole body to survive, much less attempt to live. About being able to look at yourself and feel connected to your own skin rather than crawling in it. If that sort of internal pain and dissonance isn't something you've experienced, then consider yourself lucky...it's not fun. Being a "woman physically" isn't *all* about what's in the pants...but those parts are as much a part of the dissonance as all of the rest. And as Birgitta noted, that dissonance can result in a fair amount of mental suffering, which if not alleviated only grows worse...leading to some pretty extreme ends for some.
Hi Kay!
I agree with you. I have not had surgery though yet and still have doubts...
the fact is I will have a post op TS body... not a female body... and im not sure if I will become more happy/unhappy then I am now. I never saw SRS as a solution of my genderdysforia. Im trapped in this body. Wether its pre op or post op. Im not sure either way, and whats best. Fact is that I just would have wanted to be a real woman. I dont like being a TS.l
Im glad im on hormones though!!! It improved my life drastically. So perhaps SRS will too. Yet i think its a brute surgery and I want it done right and dont trust the surgeons I have acces too. Btw every surgery creates riscs.
As for dating men, its even an advantage for tgirls to be pre op. Its not like men only want you post op. And that you will then have the life of a normal woman. You will always be a TS. And the more passable one is, the more you will experience life as a woman. Im passable but not stealth by far. So i have to be deadly realistic about myself and my situation.
Love
Birgitta