When I went to an appointment with my endo, we were just discussing all the past changes and he said something that has been bothering me since. "So you're clothing style, it's unisex." - A statement, not a question. I looked at him and I wasn't sure whether I should be portraying anger or sadness, so I used my confused face and told him everything is from the mens department. Board shorts, a t-shirt and a light sweater. I only own ONE piece of clothing from the women's department - a pair of jeans but I'm only keeping them until I get my mens jeans tailored.
Now this really got to me and I don't know what I'm supposed to do about this. I'm still 20 so I don't exactly want to dress like an old man, but isn't pretty much all of men's clothing unisex? How am I supposed to make it 'guys' clothing? Is it because I'm short? Was I wearing it wrong? I mean yeah a girl could wear basically anything, but why did he say that? The only girls who would wear something like I was, are skater girls/tomboys... do I have to wear a suit to get him to say that my clothing style is male?
Why is it no matter what I do I get told that I am dressing androgynous? I can't freaking win... I mean when I look into the mirror I see a guy... a guy who happens to have somewhat curvy hips and other unmentionables, but when binding and wearing my clothes I see a guy, in guys clothes. My clothes don't look like they could be girls clothes to me. I know this is something I shouldn't be obsessing over but I just feel like I'm forever stuck in a place of appearing androgynous no matter how much I do to appear male, even if I am only shopping in mens stores!
I've heard people say they dress androgynous, but never really understood how someone does that. Maybe he ment that you look androgynous?
Jay, I think it might be a generational divide. Has your endo been to men's sections of even department stores lately? It's all more androgynous than men's fashion used to be, it isn't just the more boutique-ish stores like Hollister, Abercrombie, Pacsun, ect. Even Kohls and JCPenny's are full of bright colored, close-fitting plaid button-ups, slim fit or skinny jeans, and hoodies with ornate designs and strange colors and finishes. Purple, teal, baby blue, pinkish red, neon green: these are the colors I keep seeing in young men's fashion, and it's not just for the gay boys either, or even skate/scene kids, most young men wear them. It sounds like what you were wearing was probably far from the most 'unisex' looking you could have selected from said men's departments.
Like Caseyy said, with things like shirts and jeans, you'd be hard pressed to tell whether they came from the men's or women's sections sometimes.
Anyways, you're 20, what the hell else should you wear? Also worth noting is that it's really hard for a lot of transguys to find sizes that work for them, I'm damn glad for newer, tighter fitting trends. I resent the notion that because we're in transition we should try extra hard to select the most masculine clothing we can with no regard to whether we like it or it's flattering or not.
Trust me, this guy's just out of touch. You know what I wore to my first appointment with my GP who prescribes me T? Slim fit, indigo wash jeans and a v-neck black t-shirt under a navy blue and dark grey plaid Hurley button-up shirt; the longer, fitted kind. I think that's more 'metrosexual' than what you were wearing, and my doctor asked me 'so, how long have you been dressing male?', when asking me about time lines with binding, coming out and such. It's really such a subjective thing, but I'm sure it's obnoxious and tempting to 'educate him'. What does he wear anyways? Loafers, high-waisted tapered-leg khaki's, and ugly golf shirts? Seriously, don't sweat it, he just doesn't appreciate your sense of style. ;)
Quote from: Bahzi on July 06, 2011, 06:20:14 PM
Loafers, high-waisted tapered-leg khaki's, and ugly golf shirts?
LOL Sounds like my wardrobe. :laugh:
I agree that your endo seems out of touch with today's fashion trends. However, I can see where he's coming from based on your description (board shirts, t-shirt, sweater). Especially if the colors were brighter and if the board shorts had a floral pattern. Plus a "light sweater"? lol Sorry, but for some reason I found that funny.
What was his response when you said all the clothing was from the men's department?
Quote from: Bahzi on July 06, 2011, 06:20:14 PM
Loafers, high-waisted tapered-leg khaki's, and ugly golf shirts?
That's exactly what he was wearing. LOL
LMAO! Right now I'm wearing a golf shirt, jeans, and loafers.
I can see how wearing feminine colors ,skinny jeans, and what not would come off androgynous. If you need something from him maybe you could try dressing a little older. I just turned 22 and a few years ago my mom was complaining that I dressed too young by wearing t shirts and jeans everyday. Maybe your doctor thinks along the same lines.
Ahem, whoops! Didn't mean to offend anyone with that description! I realize of course that I sounded snarky and gay as all get out with that, my bad. "Oooh my lawd, what on earth is he wearing?!" ^^;
I'm mixing it up with khaki shorts and an ugly golf shirt ;)
Seriously though, I can't think of many items of clothing that are really "male."
I would say this is some generational or age gap thing too. Him saying it as a statement though is off-putting. It's like he's adding an underlying meaning to it of, "So you really don't know which way you're going yet if you're clothing is unisex". Yeah he may be some old dude or something but you need to speak up and tell him, uh no dude have you checked the young mens department lately?
You should have asked him to explain what he meant. You should get a leather jacket with 'hunk' in diamonds across the back or something.
I agree, just look at what the younger guys are wearing. I wear what the other guys do at my school.
If he didn't take your T away, don't sweat it.
Am not understanding why the endo would care?
I don't dress like an older guy unless I have a reason to. I like feeling young.
As a polo shirt, khaki wearing 30-something year old guy, I want to remind everyone that what you wear actually does matter when you are seeing health professionals, especially the "older generation" or "stodgy" types. It's not so much about unisex vs. clothing that seems more gendered.
There is nothing wrong with wearing t-shirts and board shorts or jeans and dressing the way you like & feel comfortable. However, most trans men don't think through all the consequences of just how young they look to other people, especially when they have not had an extended period of time on HRT. Your therapist or endocrinologist or GP or whomever, KNOWS how old you are. But when they see you, they are still only human, and they can't help but be influenced by how old you look - no matter how trans friendly they are.
It is up to you, especially when you're attempting to demonstrate that you are a mature, adult capable of making decisions about your own health care, to be mindful of ways that you can dress or present yourself that make you seem older or younger. In an ideal world, a doctor who sees a 21 year old who looks 14 & dresses "young" & talks "young" won't judge you. This is not an ideal world, though. Just as you can look older and seem more responsible when dressing for a job interview, you can do the same when you are visiting doctors and other health care providers. Wear a button-down shirt instead of a T shirt. You can wear nicer jeans rather than ripped ones or board shorts. Say "yes," not "yeah." And so on. You don't have to come across as old and stodgy. Just be aware that some personal styles *will* make you seem younger and that when you combine that with the additional amount of "youthfulness" that FTMs project, it can influence how you will be treated even by the friendliest doctor.
Quote from: Lee on July 06, 2011, 11:23:04 PM
I'm mixing it up with khaki shorts and an ugly golf shirt ;)
Seriously though, I can't think of many items of clothing that are really "male."
dressing to fit an "image" is impossible. yes you can wear traditional, pretty old-fashioned mens clothing from adult department stores. "but that's usually what butch lesbians wear". you can wear girls' pants if you want. "but some gay men wear those." (i'm not trying to be rude or stereotypical, just making observations)
yes, it's true that some butch women wear suits and some flamboyant men wear womens-styled clothing, but you don't look at that 50 year old man in a suit and say, "you know what, he shouldn't wear that, that's what lesbians wear."
the identity of the clothing is based on the identity of the wearer. if you're in it, it's men's clothing. the signs at the stores are just suggestions :)
Quote from: JayValentine on July 06, 2011, 06:55:22 PM
That's exactly what he was wearing. LOL
BAHZI YOU'RE A PSYCHIC!
Sorry, couldn't help it.
I agree with everyone else, though. Male fashion seems to have loosened up a helluva lot in the past decade or so (Or longer maybe, hell if I know, I've got no concept of time).