Hey guys; so today my therapist and I were talking about names, about what I liked and was thinking of and introducing myself to strangers by a male name (she discouraged all but new friends since no one is going to believe I'm male when I open my mouth and so I don't have to deal withbeing challenged) anywho she was saying that my name has to mean something to me since I was kinda conflicted on my name.
Originally I was just going to go with a masculine version of my birth name cause I didn't want to possibly offend my parents, but now I'm kind of doubting that thinking. I don't particularly like any masculine version of my name, but I can't think of any name that has particular significance or meaning for me. I was thinking maybe taking both my grandfathers' names for first and middle? I really don't know...how did you guys choose your names, if you have already, were they just ones you liked or ones that had significant meaning for you?
Nobody is going to believe you're male when you open your mouth? Your therapist is talking crap.
Introducing yourself as male to strangers is a good way to build confidence and get a feel for living a new role. But whether your voice has broken or not, people need to respect that you are a man. Your identity is not their decision to make.
I avoided the masculine version of my birth name because I was bullied with it as a kid. I didn't want to choose a random name so I chose the name my parents would have given me. Failing that, I could have gone named myself after a grandparent or even taken the middle name of my dad. If you're comfortable enough with your parents, you might want to ask them for ideas.
I chose Raphael as my name. Partially because it's the name of one of my favorite Ninja Turtles. I would've preferred being named Michelangelo, but I doubt there's a Mexican parent out there that would name their kid that :'P. It also doesn't help that my boyfriend's youngest brother is named Michael, so we'd both be Mike or Mikey XP. Yeah, too creepy xD. So I went with Raphael, but with the original spelling rather than the Spanish spelling (Rafael). The name also has some non-nerdy meaning to me. Raphael is suppose to be Hebrew for "God has healed". As a Christian, that means a lot to me.
Then there's my middle name. I want to have two, as revenge for my parents not giving me one and giving me two last names instead! D:< One I want is Link. There's no special meaning, I just love Legend of Zelda :'P. I want my boyfriend to choose the other one. He's still working on it. Kind of a risky decision since we're young and no one knows what the future hold, but we've been going good for 3 years already so screw it.
Nothing wrong with using the masculine form of your birth name. If you hate it then choose something else. I'm not overly fond of my male name, though it is one I used to think about as a child. My nickname now is one that has a long history on my stepmom's side, which is why I almost did NOT choose it (and the nickname isn't one I'd ever choose). But then I didn't really like my F name either, and most people are stuck with what our parents named us. It wasn't overly complicated for me. But then I am older with a longer history, and keeping my initials and using the male version of my name was much easier than choosing something else.
I disagree that your new name needs to have some significant meaning. If you like it, that's all that matters.
Jay
I would have been called Matt by my parents, but in the past I've known two Matt's, they've both been a bit weird and we never got on. I'd not want to share a name which I can't even spell the full version of it confidently. I chose my name with my boyfriend, we both came across the name Adam at the same time and liked it. I felt like Luke just fitted with it, and just last night I remembered that when I was 7 or so I used to use it as my middle name then. I always thought I'd end up being called Alex, I was going to change my name to that at one point a few years ago, but I know that it meant a lot to my boyfriend to be able to choose my name. I also realised just how many Alex's I know already.
So the actual name Adam doesn't have a real meaning or significance to it, but the fact that my boyfriend chose it and was able to be comfortable with the whole situation to do has given it a meaning. I think names grow on you, and if you've chosen one, even if it's just because you like it, it'll feel special. Because it's yours instead of some girls name.
I was really conflicted on my name. I originally liked Gregory Danger (the middle name because of Austin Powers and Billie Joe Armstrong's son ^_^) but that changed to Greggory Dean (Much more professional and I like the double g better). But then I didn't like that name at all.
So I asked the FtM community on my blog site and one of them suggested Troy, which I fell in love with immediately. My middle name (Freeman) comes from my great-grandfather on my mom's side, and my chosen last name is my mom's maiden name.
I started with Jordan. It sounds like my birth name when I mumble so every time I went to starbucks they'd write Jordan on my cup, then I just started saying Jordan. But I realized I didn't like it so I started searching around. I found Kameron, which means crooked nose (my nose is a little crooked, more so before I had it broken in 07). But after a while I realized I wasn't down to introduce myself as Kameron and so I went back to another K name I'd been playing with, Kaleb, meaning the devoted one. I thought that was romantic, so I took that on but after talking to my mom yesterday I've changed my mind again. She didn't like how christian of a name it sounded and suggested Kyle (as it's also kind of unisex) and I loved it expecially since I've been watching Kyle XY reruns lately. Therefore, I am Kyle XX :)
Quote from: Ryan on August 09, 2011, 04:33:58 AM
I avoided the masculine version of my birth name because I was bullied with it as a kid.
This happened to me too, so I decided to choose a name that was close to the masculine version of my first name because I still wanted something that was kind of close to my birth name.
I lucked out and went with the male version of my name. Everyone's called me Nick or Nix for years, and I like it. I'll probably legally change it to Nikolai (Because my mom and everyone else likes it, and I've always secretly wanted someone to call me that) and still have everyone call me Nick. The middle name I finally settled on is a double-homage, to my best friend and a character that I've always really, really liked from one of my favorite books.
After using my preferred name for years I met somebody and we became friends. Over time she suggested that I use a "male version" of my birth name even though I had already used my chosen name for a really long time (she was a bit of a pain). It took me a long time to pick my name. The first name I chose I started using at places like Panera...'cept they would mispronounce my name and make it a clearly female name. So, I went back to the books. I looked at baby name books, came up with a few names, asked people "if I were male what name do I look like." Then I took this list of maybe 50 or so names, said them out loud with my last name and stared at a mirror. Odd, I know but it ended up helping. I would look at myself in the mirror while "introducing myself" by my first and last name. From that I started crossing off names that didn't sound right, that I thought didn't fit how I looked, or just didn't seem quite right until I was down to maybe 5 names. I'd do this process for those 5 names (looking in a mirror, saying the name out loud, asking friends and family about their thoughts) until I was down to one name that fit.
Quote from: N.Chaos on August 09, 2011, 01:01:28 PM
I'll probably legally change it to Nikolai (Because my mom and everyone else likes it, and I've always secretly wanted someone to call me that) and still have everyone call me Nick.
Nikolai is totally the best name ever. Biased, me? Haha. ;D Yeah, I went with Nik, short for Nikolai... and there wasn't much of a deeper reason than the fact that it had always been my absolute favourite name.
There isn't really a male version of my birth name, and the closest commonly used male name to it is my half brother's name, so that was out. I tried for years to find something similar either in sound or in meaning to my birth name before it suddenly struck me that I could just use my favourite name. I don't know why I didn't think of that earlier. My birth name is going to be my surname, so I'm not entirely getting rid of it. I like the idea that if someone calls me by my old name accidentally, it's not "wrong" per se, just a bit formal perhaps. ;)
Sorry to jump in with the boys here, But I couldn't resist. ^_^
I started going by my chosen name about 2 months ago at work, and it is so much easier getting strangers to call you by your chosen name than with your friends, co-workers, etc. And Ryan is right about it building self confidence. I mean who is going to question that your name is Nickolai? they just met you and have no reference from the past to give them conflicting information. I still get called by my male name by co-workers who knew me by that name and it's kind of aggravating. But a good example to share is my Manager. I introduced myself as Keaira to him from the start. I explained that he might hear someone call me by another name and it was because of my transition. He has never used my male name or male pronouns. And it felt great! At first you will kind of feel like everyone knows your dirty little secret. Everyone is calling you by a secret name only a few have used before. You eventually get used to it and it's as normal as your old name. But it doesn't sound like nails on a chalk board to you. And that's another aggravation that melts away.
BTW, I like Nickolai too :P
EDIT: I chose Keaira because my Father and I are both Scottish. it means 'Little Dark One' in Gaelic. My middle name, Elisabeth, is the German version of Elisabeth and that's for my Mother. They both mean a lot to me and I thought this was a good way of honoring them. my male name was John David. Both are really common male names too.
I'm still working on legally changing my name, filling out the paperwork and getting documents together.
But I kept my middle and last names. Actually, I've always been fond of my middle name, Jo. Simple, two letters, and also for the obvious reason that it's a masculine name. But for my name, I chose Orion.
Before coming up with my name, I always took nicknames of characters I cosplayed, (current nicknames are Grell, Akaito, Ludwig, West, Gil, Prussia, and in one case "Bruder"). So that's how all my friends knew me. But upon coming out to family I decided it was time to change my real name. It was almost surprising how instantly I just...knew. From the time I was 8 I'd always loved the name Orion. It was my favorite constellation, and I always wanted to be as strong as the great Hunter. It just, stuck with me all these years as the one name I associated with myself, but didn't share with anyone else.
It wasn't until later that I realize it has a similar rhythm to my given name, "Moriah", so it's easier for people to get used to.
Quote from: nogoodnik on August 10, 2011, 02:36:23 AM
Nikolai is totally the best name ever. Biased, me? Haha. ;D Yeah, I went with Nik, short for Nikolai... and there wasn't much of a deeper reason than the fact that it had always been my absolute favourite name.
That's 'cause Russian names are always awesome.
If it wasn't so unisex, and if I wasn't attached to my N, I probably would've gone with Alexi or something.
My S.O. wanted me to go by Artemis because she said she cant spell or pronounce my name and because I own a bow. Artemis is seen as a guys name these days, but it was the name of the Greek Goddess of forests and hunting. She had a golden bow. Later, she became known as Diana, Goddess of the moon.
Once you find that special name, I dont think you will ever let go of it. I didnt.
Quote from: N.Chaos on August 10, 2011, 12:24:12 PM
That's 'cause Russian names are always awesome.
True fact.
I too like the name Nikolai (in general, that is) and am working on getting over the association to a guy I went to school with who was kind of a dick and who I didn't really like. Almost there. But, yea, Russian names are very awesome.
Quote from: N.Chaos on August 10, 2011, 12:24:12 PM
That's 'cause Russian names are always awesome.
And I think you're awesome for saying that! ;D Granted, Natasha is my middle name and I didn't choose it specifically because it was Russian, but I've fallen in love with the fact that it's of Russian origin.
Hey I just wanted to thank all of you guys for replying. I'm taking some of your advice :) Haha and I totally ended up picking a name (that I really love) from Jane Eyre cause I'm a huge freaking dork, but it's not Rochester, that's just a mouthful of a name. :P
Quote from: N.Chaos on August 10, 2011, 12:24:12 PM
That's 'cause Russian names are always awesome.
If it wasn't so unisex, and if I wasn't attached to my N, I probably would've gone with Alexi or something.
Haha, when I was picking a middle name, I was tossing up between names like Alexi, Alexei, Alexander etc. for a long time. In the end I chose Felix, though, and that's stuck for a couple of years now so I figure that's "it".
My birth name is Jacqueline, but I'm not sure if I really like Jacq. It sounds kinda plain to me, but people have always called me it. I like the name Aleksandr, and I'm surely going to change my last name but I can't really decide on a middle name. It's leah (like lee), from my uncle and I'd like to keep it. I was thinking for a middle name Jaylee to keep some sort of the name my parents gave me. Any thoughts?
Quote from: nogoodnik on August 10, 2011, 10:41:35 PM
Haha, when I was picking a middle name, I was tossing up between names like Alexi, Alexei, Alexander etc. for a long time. In the end I chose Felix, though, and that's stuck for a couple of years now so I figure that's "it".
Felix is such a cool name, I can't blame you.
My chosen name is Dante (I'm very back-and-forth about names; I hope I decide to keep this one ::) ). I went through a lot of names, until I settled on Will for awhile, because I liked the idea of "the will to survive". I liked that it had a meaning, which is probably why I settled on it for awhile (longer than any name I had thought of before). Then I decided it didn't quite suit me (this was about the time my friend told me she was fed up with calling me by my birth name, and told me I had to pick a proper name for myself). So my friends and I were throwing names around, and I suggested Dante, and we all agreed it was the best choice (although, the name is always associated with badass characters, which my dad pointed out when he heard my friend calling me that, which makes me feel like it doesn't quite work. But on the other hand, I met a guy named Dante once, and he wasn't really badass, which makes me feel better about the choice. :P)
Anyway, after beating around the bush with my story, I chose the name for a few reasons:
1) I'm a bit of a spelling nerd, and I love words that have light E's on the end, where they don't affect the pronunciation of the rest of the word. I love the way the name looks when it's written, and the sound of the light E when it's spoken. :P
2) I like the meaning: the name it originally comes from (Durans) is Latin for "enduring". It fits with my theme of surviving, although not as obviously. (this is the thing that "sold" the name to me)
I haven't yet picked a middle name. I'm having considerably more trouble with that. I'll get it eventually. :D
Glad you found something that works for you.
Still not sure if it'll stick, but I chose mine because it's an ordinary name, shares an initial, and I don't know anyone else with it. I think it has kind of a cheeky ring to it too. I was (am) very tempted to go with Han, since it's half my birth name, and some people (family mostly) call me that as a nickname. Plus, Han Solo! But I'm not looking for anything with meaning.
PS Russian names are awesome, but native English speakers sound silly when saying them. Besides, every single man in Moscow is called only Sergei. I never met anyone with one of the badass Russian names.
JPurcell, how about the name Jackson? If I had a son, I'd want to name him that, not as plain as Jack, but a solid masculine name.
My favorite professional wrestler is Stone Cold Steve Austin, yeah it was a simple as that. Plus when the crowd chants "Austin Austin" I can secretly pretend they are chanting for me :P
Some people called me Eric for a while just sort of as a nickname, so I considered that because it's also very close to my birth name, but it just didn't fit quite right. I settled on the name Vincent because I just sort of realized that I had been calling myself that in my head since I was little, and I've always liked the name. I am keeping Erik (viking spelling, yeah!) as a middle name, though.
Just wanted to throw out there that I love how everyone here agrees that Russian names are awesome. I met an awesome Russian immigrant in Berlin who was named Valentine (val en teen). He said every Russian name has a nickname (there's a specific Russian word for it, but this is the closest English word I can come up with). For his name, it's Valek. For our Russian friend Valeria, it would be Valeri.
When it came to picking my name, my therapist made a good point: "when choosing a name, pick something that you like and will like for the rest of your life but refrain from using exotic names no one has really heard before. It can be hard enough blending into society with your gender identity, you do not want to compound it with a name no one has ever heard before or only heard in a movie or a dungeons and dragons novel."
I got a kick out of. Asked if she could email it to me so I could get her quote just right. When I first came about to pick a name, I choose Kareal. The issues with Kareal is
1. No one could ever pronounce it (some would say Kur-real, Kar-real, etc) when I pronounced it (Kerry-L)
2. The name is so unique that it was just something I would rather not have to explain whenever I introduced myself "Kareal, huh? hmmm." While it is not really the same, using a very unique name as a trans is kinda in the same ballpark as a trans naming herself "Candy" or "Sindy."
So, I asked my mom one day "when you found out I was born intersex, what name were you gonna call me if Dad was not all bent out of shape for having a son for his firstborn." She replied "We had chosen Tammy and Annah." I really loved the name Annah so I picked it. Mom was pretty touched as well.
Orion, some of those names are even better than the names they come from. It can take some real searching -- without knowing it all yourself, or having someone who does to ask -- to find some of them though.
I have to admit, I also kind of find it neat the practice of using the first and then the patronymic name, opposed to the first and the surname like a lot of other countries. Not sure why I do though...
Quote from: TheAwesomePrussia on August 15, 2011, 02:46:37 PM
Just wanted to throw out there that I love how everyone here agrees that Russian names are awesome. I met an awesome Russian immigrant in Berlin who was named Valentine (val en teen). He said every Russian name has a nickname (there's a specific Russian word for it, but this is the closest English word I can come up with). For his name, it's Valek. For our Russian friend Valeria, it would be Valeri.
Yeah, my stepmom's Russian and her name's the same; her name is Natalia but her nickname is Natasha
Quote from: Windmill on August 15, 2011, 07:14:14 PM
Yeah, my stepmom's Russian and her name's the same; her name is Natalia but her nickname is Natasha
Normal conventions for diminutives (that's what they're called) would have her called Nastya, if you ever heard that. The Russian diminutive system is very cute <3
Quote from: Solobear on August 16, 2011, 05:25:47 AM
Normal conventions for diminutives (that's what they're called) would have her called Nastya, if you ever heard that. The Russian diminutive system is very cute <3
That's cool, thanks for the info :) I actually haven't; her son's name is Alex, but I'm not sure what his full name is, but I assume it's Russian. That's a pretty awesome system, though; I kinda wish there was something like that in the U.S. I think I actually vaguely remember my dad telling me something about it once, just in the context of why my stepmom has two "different" names. Haha, what's more awesome than the name thing though is getting to hear her really fast Russian when speaking to her son cause I assume it's usually of the threatening nature, since it's only spoken when he's acting up :P