After my wife left I started going to a gay bar every saturday. I sat at the bar drinking and looking everyone see if thay where looking at me. There were a lot of drag queens. People kept asking me if I was a praformer. Of course I'm not, but looks like fun. I have found out that I'm not attracked to gay men. I seem to be attracked to lesbians manly type. I also seem to be attracking the drag queens. A lot of the gay men leave me alone after they found out I had been with a woman. I found a friend that I sit with an older gyrl that had been going there for some time. She knowjust about everyone there. Everyone seems to have a click. Not very friendly for the most part. I when this week end also just happen to be my friends birthday. They were throwing a party for her. Of course when she saw me there she want me to sit with her. Well, I have thought about doing drag shows but I don't want to be thought of as a drag queen. So what is everyone thinkn? Let me know.
Yes, love the short hair ones. Lol. It took about three weeks of saturdays to make one friend. I used to have anxiety. I just sat in the bar until closing time first two weeks drinkn my beer.
Can only speak for myself.
I found butch gay girls like cis-females. And they can get quite frisky about that: Go away I don't like you, you are confused (meaning you confuse me).
But as always YMMV.
Gay males as a rule IME are not attracted to "us" once they find we are not functional anymore (no more hardwood-erections) and in any case - that we females. They just not my cup of tea either. In fact they bore me with their ever present search for bigger and better penis.
Just my take, about this one-track-minded penis-oriented persuits, it seems somehow too pubescent, eh. YMMV
That's my 2 cents,
Axelle
Those places are very good places to get into trouble. It's your life.
I've found it quite easy to make friends in straight places. I go to a local hotel restaurant most Saturdays and I'm recognised and welcomed by the staff, and the 'regulars' are talking to me, both male and female. I'm just taking it slowly and being friendly, always smile and be polite.
Cindy
While I was trying to work out my gender and sexuality issues, I was in relationship with a gay guy.
Once I started transition, it rapidly became obvious that we had no future together.
As he was neither a straight man or a lesbian we realised we were wasting our time, and should look elsewhere.
The gay club is probably ok as a first foray into the outside world, but as Cindy says, it's limited.
Apart from straight venues, are there any lesbian friendly coffee shops etc where you are? Somewhere you can find out what local events are happening, and alcohol is not involved to cloud the issue.
I figure if I can find one, and am a regular, they will get used to me in time.
Karen.
Quote from: Francis Ann Burgett on August 09, 2011, 03:28:58 AM
Those places are very good places to get into trouble. It's your life.
How would you get in trouble in a gay bar? I am a Religious Divinity student and I frequent gay and lesbian bars all the time with my friends. Trust me, it's not as bad or evil as you think :)
Unless you identified as lesbian, the primary thing an M2F transsexual is going to find in a typical gay bar is a place where the staff and patrons won't look generally to harass you for being trans...it is not going to be the place for the het-identified M2F or F2M to find a partner.
It stands to reason that you would not be interested (and vice versa) in gay males. I would think the reasons are pretty self-explanatory :police:
The cliquish elements have always existed primarily because a lot of neighborhood gay bars have been there for years and everyone knows everyone...just as going to a new job or new town, it takes time to get to know people and be accepted. I run into that even just going to visit friends out of town...because I am the interloper, many will keep me at arms length for the first couple of visits even though I am staying with a mutual friend. Eventually the walls break down...the key is also not to exude your own airs that perhaps serve to put them off. Hell, its a bar- buy a round or two...tends to be the quickest way to break down those walls. And in the interest of disclosure: I have to admit that I am one of the worst about not exactly being welcoming to newcomers myself...it is a trust issue in some instances and in other cases it can be related to just not getting the right 'vibe' from someone.
As to doing performances...it isn't for everyone, but if you wanted to give it a go, then do so. I've known of some M2F's that did a few drag shows just for the hell of it and I know some who have also performed post-operatively as a drag king.
I honestly have never been to a gay club. Didn't see much point in it for me. I do have some guy friends who are gay and they are NOT interested in people like me, they are into men. I'm a woman (duh) so why would they be? I am very open about I am trans so it takes a pretty open minded het (mostly) guy to be interested in me, my current BF is :) I've personally found that some gays are not very accepting of trans people, more they "tolerate" us but YMMV. Many seem to believe we really are just gay, but are trying to hide it. Not sure how this applies to the original post but just my take on the subject YMMV
@justmeinoz
There is just two bars. No coffee shop.
Alot of the clothes I have are btweenmale and female. The tag says that they for women. A lot of stuff can be found for women that look like mens clothes. I work with all men they don't even know that it is womens clothes.
Quote from: jainie marlena on August 09, 2011, 01:31:07 AM
After my wife left I started going to a gay bar every saturday. I sat at the bar drinking and looking everyone see if thay where looking at me. There were a lot of drag queens. People kept asking me if I was a praformer. Of course I'm not, but looks like fun. I have found out that I'm not attracked to gay men. I seem to be attracked to lesbians manly type. I also seem to be attracking the drag queens. A lot of the gay men leave me alone after they found out I had been with a woman. I found a friend that I sit with an older gyrl that had been going there for some time. She knowjust about everyone there. Everyone seems to have a click. Not very friendly for the most part. I when this week end also just happen to be my friends birthday. They were throwing a party for her. Of course when she saw me there she want me to sit with her. Well, I have thought about doing drag shows but I don't want to be thought of as a drag queen. So what is everyone thinkn? Let me know.
One time I went to a gay bar a lesbian started hitting on me! not sure what you mean by dressed? I guess you are part time or something?
Quote from: Naturally Blonde on August 10, 2011, 05:20:32 AM
When I went to a gay bar a lesbian started hitting on me!
these things happen when women are sitting in a gay bar...not sure why it would be a surprise to anyone.
If I was closer I'd be asking just where this bar is! :laugh:
Quote from: Ann Onymous on August 10, 2011, 05:26:05 AM
these things happen when women are sitting in a gay bar...not sure why it would be a surprise to anyone.
It's a surprise because lesbians are very aware of transsexuals and have a high level of ability of being able to read them. If they assume you are a natural female that's good!
In the beginning I dated a few gay guys (I'm attracted to men), thinking they would be safe, NOT, I split the whole gay bar scene. I like real men with real hard dicks that knows how to satisfy a woman, my only issue now is explaining my birth defect, for the most part I have been lucky ;)
Quote from: Naturally Blonde on August 10, 2011, 05:29:57 AM
It's a surprise because lesbians are very aware of transsexuals and have a high level of ability of being able to read them. If they assume you are a natural female that's good!
That they are aware of the existence of transsexuals is not news. Not sure that lesbians 'read' someone at any greater rate than any other segment of the population though.
But those two components are neither here nor there...generally speaking, an M2F who goes to a gay bar (at least in the States) and who gets 'hit' on is far more apt to have it occur from a lesbian than a gay male. From personal experience, I have no idea if it is that I am presumed to be a 'natural female' or not, although I guess I could probably exude the right levels of lesbian confidence given that was the bar environment I have floated around for close to 30 years (yeah, I was bad...I was in the bars before I was of legal age). I do know that I don't 'out' myself as it relates to my past medical history...
i JUST LOVE WATCHING YOUR VIDEOS AND SEEING HOW OPEN YOU ARE TO HEARING FROM ABOVE. i THINK THAT YOU SHOULD TRY GOING TO A GAY CHURCH AND MEETING THE OTHER SIDE opps cap locks..
You should go to a gay church and share what God has shared to your heart.
Quote from: M2MtF2FtM on August 10, 2011, 11:10:37 AM
i JUST LOVE WATCHING YOUR VIDEOS AND SEEING HOW OPEN YOU ARE TO HEARING FROM ABOVE. i THINK THAT YOU SHOULD TRY GOING TO A GAY CHURCH AND MEETING THE OTHER SIDE opps cap locks..
You should go to a gay church and share what God has shared to your heart.
who was that comment for?
Quote from: Annah on August 10, 2011, 05:08:20 PM
who was that comment for?
That was for jainie marlena
who has these wonderful videos. They speak to me like a prophet.
http://www.youtube.com/user/jainiemarlena (http://www.youtube.com/user/jainiemarlena)
my old channel
http://www.youtube.com/user/laineyjain (http://www.youtube.com/user/laineyjain)
religious help
http://www.youtube.com/user/transspiritual (http://www.youtube.com/user/transspiritual)
Quote from: Ann Onymous on August 09, 2011, 09:46:04 AM
Unless you identified as lesbian, the primary thing an M2F transsexual is going to find in a typical gay bar is a place where the staff and patrons won't look generally to harass you for being trans...it is not going to be the place for the het-identified M2F or F2M to find a partner.
It stands to reason that you would not be interested (and vice versa) in gay males. I would think the reasons are pretty self-explanatory :police:
My friend keeps making and breaking plans to take me to a gay bar with her, but I'm of the mindset stated in the quote above: what would be the point? I've never been harassed in public so I don't need to go somewhere where I'll "fit in" a bit better. And as for hooking up with someone? I'm a hetero-identified MTF and so I'm sure nobody in there would be my type.
Quote from: Naturally Blonde on August 10, 2011, 05:20:32 AM
One time I went to a gay bar a lesbian started hitting on me! not sure what you mean by dressed? I guess you are part time or something?
yeah, I'm part time. I don't pass for the most part. But that not stop me from trying.
for me, i frequent a gay bar as much as a les bar and a straight bar. I do it because i like meeting new people. I do not necessarily go there to hook up so there is no sexual conflictions when going. I just go to have fun.
Same reason why cis women will go to a gay bar.
Quote from: Annah on August 11, 2011, 10:24:33 AM
for me, i frequent a gay bar as much as a les bar and a straight bar. I do it because i like meeting new people. I do not necessarily go there to hook up so there is no sexual conflictions when going. I just go to have fun.
Same reason why cis women will go to a gay bar.
The cis women I have talked to go to gay bars specifically because they know there will be no sexual tension/interest. Maybe that is the reason trans people go to them too? I'm not sure I agree with that statement.
I like the drag shows they have there.
Quote from: Stephe on August 12, 2011, 09:37:07 AM
The cis women I have talked to go to gay bars specifically because they know there will be no sexual tension/interest. Maybe that is the reason trans people go to them too? I'm not sure I agree with that statement.
well, i go there because gay men are just more fun to hang out with than lesbians. It's not a general thing but something I have personally experienced in my life. Also, there are bi men there too so it is possible to meet someone but I have no desire to pursue a relationship with anyone that originated from a bar.
I think trans people go to gay/lesbian/straight bars for the same reasons cis people do. Just to have fun. Plus, the parties at the gay bars in my city are so much better than the lesbian ones.
The gay bars here have awesome music, contests, and a dance floor. The lesbian bar here, everyone wears sleeveless cowboy tshirts, smokes a pack of cigs and hour and pop quarters in an old pizza hut juke box.
Again, I am not saying this is typical everywhere...but in my city it is.
Quote from: M2MtF2FtM on August 10, 2011, 11:10:37 AM
i JUST LOVE WATCHING YOUR VIDEOS AND SEEING HOW OPEN YOU ARE TO HEARING FROM ABOVE. i THINK THAT YOU SHOULD TRY GOING TO A GAY CHURCH AND MEETING THE OTHER SIDE opps cap locks..
You should go to a gay church and share what God has shared to your heart.
no need to go to any church already assimbled in Christ. What good is it to say, I am a spiritual person when everyone says the same thing? Everyone says they know jesus. I say which one do you know? It better to be known by Christ himself than to assimble with the flesh and worship their gold and siver images of Christ that have been set up in their hearts by the works of mens hands. Who want to be a slave to the body of sin("of sin because they do not believe on me")? Shall we contiue in sin the grace my abound? There are many like myself still among them and god will bring them out also in do time.
Quote from: jainie marlena on August 21, 2011, 01:13:38 PM
no need to go to any church already assimbled in Christ.
I used to feel the same way until I found the church I belong too now. When you find a place where you FEEL love when you walk in, you will understand. It's powerful to feel Gods love flooding out of people :)
I used to hang out with lesbian friends and went with them a lot to the local bars. I would dress like them. Generally, I had a good time. I enjoyed my friends' company.
I almost got into trouble once in Boston. I think that the place was called the Haystack or something like that. I was fortunate to have a friend get me out of a difficult situation and take me back to my hotel room.
Cindi
Actually giving this a go next weekend with a bunch of friends. We're going to be barhopping around the local LGBT neighborhood. I've never truly gone out in public en femme before, so this'll be a trip. I guess it's a good sign that I'm all excited, no nervousness at all. I'm pretty relaxed about the whole thing. ;)
Quote from: Stephe on August 22, 2011, 12:19:22 AM
I used to feel the same way until I found the church I belong too now. When you find a place where you FEEL love when you walk in, you will understand. It's powerful to feel Gods love flooding out of people :)
What she (Jainie) is saying is that churchs all have preachers and God will speak to us and teach us if we stay away from churches. Preachers are people and they can't tell us what God will tell our heart. She also says that preachers can't help but tell us the wrong things. You have to see her video's in her signature to understand.
see = http://www.youtube.com/user/Transspiritual#p/u/4/GL13oSlqjBY (http://www.youtube.com/user/Transspiritual#p/u/4/GL13oSlqjBY)
and = http://www.youtube.com/user/Transspiritual#p/u/3/6X0Sq4PMVa0 (http://www.youtube.com/user/Transspiritual#p/u/3/6X0Sq4PMVa0)
Each type of church has us thinking in their box or their ideology but Jainie is saying we want to hear from God in our heart and not from any church or any man / woman
When we are taught directly from God in our heart we get the true God and not some churches ideology
All that we have learned about god from preacherss etc is not from God directly and well they can't speak to us like God can speak to our heart. Oh they try but each church has a different view.. wouldn't it be a shame if we were standing in front of God and God say i never knew you, because what you/I knew was what some preacher taught us or some religion but not directly from God to our heart
Quote from: M2MtF2FtM on August 22, 2011, 06:15:43 PM
What she (Jainie) is saying is that churchs all have preachers and God will speak to us and teach us if we stay away from churches. Preachers are people and they can't tell us what God will tell our heart. She also says that preachers can't help but tell us the wrong things. You have to see her video's in her signature to understand.
First you assume God won't speak to you in church. And in the videos you linked, they are saying we should listen and learn things from all sorts of various religions. And to accept people have different beliefs.
Nowhere did I say "believe what one preacher says". Of course they are just humans and what they say may or may not be -right-. I do think we should hear what others think the bible means to them, what God means to them etc. I try to learn the basic concepts of many religions. There is no harm in getting another point of view. Sometimes someone raises a question that I had never thought of. I don't agree with some of the things our "church" believes, but they are OK with that too. Everyone has their own ideas and feelings on God.
The last point I was trying to make is God is in every one of us. When a group of loving people gather, you can FEEL Gods love. Clearly some churches are filled with hate or other bad things. I didn't go to church for over 30 years myself. I was introduced to a loving/accepting church and now see what a good church can be like. Yes God will speak to you outside of church and you don't have to go to a church to be close to God. But I disagree that you need to stay away from church to understand Gods message to you.
God loves us and understands no matter how hard we try, we aren't going to "understand God". That isn't what He wants us to be doing. He wants us to love each other and it's easier to share that love when you are supported and are around people who feel the same way. I really was having a hard time loving people who are hostile towards me. Joining this church has helped me with this, I doubt I would have ever gotten through this on my own. God doesn't care WHAT we know, he only cares about how we treat other people..
The cool thing is I don't have to explain myself. Each person after is own calling. If you are called to go to a church then go, but if you know that God is able to teach you what need is their for a man to teach. Let not the person that learns at home hate the other because they learn in a church. Yes, the links are to people of diffrent views. I even have self proclaimed atheist on there. Why? Sometimes people say things that are true and they don't even realize what is being said.
If Paul can quote the writings of a Pagan poet in the book of acts and find the common truths between them than I can too. But I have found that somethings I was believing did not fit into the one truth and I had to lay them aside to go on. Some are easy to let go of others feel like I'm being pulled a part. Some even a year or so to let go of even after I knew it was not of the truth. But god patiant and long suffering. I prefer that we would stay on topic and watch how we word things to each others. The point of view could be I don't want your point of view then repect their point of view it is what you are wanting them to do. Is it not?
I went to the bar again this weekend. My friend granma Rose that I made friends with introdued me to a lot of people
My cell phone don't let me scroll in the box :embarrassed:
I forgot one other thing then I finish topic post.
Can I say that god does not speak to us in church? No because he was speaking through the preaching just what I was hearing with my fleshy ears was not getting me any closer to god.
Now back the bar. I met a lot of people and the wall of I don't know you came down. If you don't already I dance while I work topass the time. I was sitting there at the bar and this woman had a cute outfit that I liked and I told her that I liked it. Then granma Rose told her that I wanted to dance with her. Mind you I have not dance at the bar. I said, okay. We began to dance and she did something that I was not expecting. She turned around with her back facing me, bint over and grabbed my pants on each side. And pulled me into her. If alittle inbarest at first then it was a normal thing that she did there. I was not dressed. I forgot toadd that. Also about two people said I look like Bon Jovi. I guess I've made it to the rock star stage. Lol.
Quote from: jainie marlena on August 09, 2011, 08:04:26 PM
Alot of the clothes I have are btweenmale and female. The tag says that they for women. A lot of stuff can be found for women that look like mens clothes. I work with all men they don't even know that it is womens clothes.
I was wrong about them not notizing my clothes. Its what was reinforcing them thinking I was gay.
I when this weekend and some guy shoved a dollar in my bra. It was great. I had to put that thing in my momento box. Lol.
I still go to them...often. Since my 3 ex b/f's are gogo dancers and I am friends with a ton of drag queens. The only problem is my b/f won't let me go, because I always find that gay acting bi boy and yeah...you know the rest.
Quote from: jainie marlena on August 09, 2011, 01:31:07 AM
. Well, I have thought about doing drag shows but I don't want to be thought of as a drag queen.
I've been on HRT two years and I've considered doing it. All my friends are and it's fun to lip sync and dance. But there's a lot of drama and my boyfriend wants a normal girlfriend...not a performer queen. So I dress up at times as characters from Jem, etc..
Unfortunately, with a lot of gay males they aren't going to think of you as anything but a man doing drag. The gay world is very much a sausage fest, where masculinity is ironically praised and misogyny runs wild. It isn't a place where your female identity is going to be accepted unless you're a cisfemale. That is just how many gay men are.
@mahsa
I have been there enough to see these thing for myself. I want to be myself but sometimes who you are is reflected by where go. When I started this topic I wanted to dress as myself being the woman that I am. I don't pass but I knew going dressed in a gay bar would be okay because everyone else is used to it there. I used it to socialize with other, mannerisms,female voice and so on without worring about what they think. That is all I do around straight people. I think that I gained strength from them to wear what ever in the he** I want where ever in the he** I go. Lol. Made some friends not many just few. But yeah, I became stronger to dress in public around them. Straight people go to gay bars also. No reaction from them either. I began to realize that people here are more open than what I thought. I explore various clothes in front of them to see how they respond to them. Just stay away from what they are looking for and there no proble. The man in a dress thing. Men have long hair, men wear earings. Men don't wear what I got on but noone seems to care. Wlaking in the mall one person laughed out of all those people. Who cares about that one person the rest of the mall was okay with it. Anyway you have to start somewhere.
Gay bars/club (whatever) are not a monolith. They are like any other bunch of bars and clubs. They range from dives to places that are so hip, so happening, so up-to-date that it hurts.
I go to such places, for the same reason I go to another place, because I like the vibe/ambiance/company/event. I mean there are nights when I'm ready to paint the town red, and since I love to dance, I'll hit up one of the dance clubs (besides I like raising the average age by 8 years just by walking in). But - you'll have to trust me on this one - if you are not in the mood for Hi-NRG, 110db, bass thumping, volume pumping and fantastically repetitive 21st Century dance music it will be its own slice of hell. Just like that quite little place - so nice to grab a back table in and have long conversations into the wee hours - doesn't seem 'quite' when you want to rock out, it seems like death warmed over.
I've been in places where I've got that "What are you doing here look". I'm also sure I've been in places and given that look to others so it all evens out in the end.
And any really 'cool' gay bar is not even going to be all that gay sometimes - they have a bad tendency to get overrun by tourists.
I went again friday night this time I took my ex-wife with me. Lol. She like it and wants to go back next week. She got a lap dance from my friend Taco. It was funny to see her reaction. She motivatied me to dance more and open up. It felt good that she was not beating me with my transition. I hope it stays that why.