Does anyone else struggle with the idea that they're deceiving people when they pass? I get giddy when I pass, but I can't help but feel terrible at the same time because when I take off my clothes at night, I'm female bodied. Pre-T and Pre-Op. How do you guys handle this and what do you think about it?
I can relate to this because for years I had convinced myself I was "living a lie" no matter how I looked at it (being female was a lie, but being just a regular male was a lie as well). Only in more recent history have I started to stop thinking like that and thinking more along the lines of just being myself - whatever that self is or however people perceive me. It's not easy either but I no longer believe I'm lying to the world no matter which way they're seeing me.
I can relate, too. I am passing without question to some people I have known for years (yay internet) at first it didn't matter to me but now that we are friends and we do have video conversations, I feel like quite the lair because I'm not what they perceive me to be. In many of these cases, I will come out in time. In others cases, I won't, because they are people who matter less.
My advice to handling this for you, since to me it seems to be more of an issue people you meet casually, is to know they see you exactly how it "should be" if not "what it is" and if they really and truly matter, you'll tell them the truth in time. Random people do not go up to other random people and say "Hi, I'm Bob, and I am 30" or "I'm Maddie, and I have six toes" even if the public assumes Maddie has five toes and Bob is actually 23. Neither is lying by not saying these things - people just have preconceptions about people. If you want to shatter them or alter them, go ahead. Most of the time, though, there isn't a need to go up to people and announce that you might have six toes.
The only time I feel bad is when a girl is flirting with me and I flirt back. And really, that's mostly because I wonder if they would oppose dating me due to my being polyamorous. But the pre-T and pre-Op parts bug me as well. I don't tend to just tell them or explain it unless they ask/already know.
I don't feel very much I'm deceiving them. More like I'm being a little misleading. But as for everyday passing, I don't feel guilty or deceptive. I love it.
For some reason I only feel guilty if I know the girl is straight. But two people, a bisexual guy and girl, have flirted with me even knowing, and for some reason I love that. Feels right. I'm not sure whether I'd like for straight girls that flirt to know. -shrug-
Just remember, it's your personal medical condition, and no one needs to know it unless they're your doctor or are about to rip your pants off in a consensual sexual frenzy. ;D So you're not lying, you're being true to yourself in your heart.
No, because I'm not deceiving people. I look like a man because I am one. If they assume I have the standard issued body for a man, that's fine with me.
To me I don't see it as deceiving anyone. I'm not telling anyone a lie, I'm just not disclosing things to them that are not their business. People I deal with everyday don't need to know what is and what isn't in my pants. Anyone that would be interested in sleeping with me that I would want to be sleeping with I fully disclose before anything gets to far. So far things haven't been too bad. My current partner had no idea about me the first year we knew each other. He just thought I was just a regular guy like anyone else. Heck he didn't even know I was gay until he finally decided to make a move and take the chance of me rejecting him. My sexual orientation like my being trans isn't something I share with everyone I deal with everyday. If they want to perceive me as male thats their choice.
Nope. I was deceiving people (and myself) for all those years I presented as female.
Quote from: Luc on August 20, 2011, 12:15:22 AM
Nope. I was deceiving people (and myself) for all those years I presented as female.
That's exactly how I feel as well... just switch it to MTF. ;) Now that I'm honest and true to myself, I'm also honest and true to others. Far from feeling like a deceiver, I feel like I'm more free to love and enjoy other people and their company. In becoming the real me, my compassion for others and my genuine concern for their feelings has blossomed far beyond what it was previously. I now connect with others on a human level rather than feeling like I'm dissociated from the entire human race.
Yeah, i don't feel guilty or like i'm deceiving people.
If anything, i'm deceiving people when they think i'm female =p
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,3362.msg28182.html#msg28182 (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,3362.msg28182.html#msg28182)
Feeling like I was deceiving those around me was a primary motive for me to start transition.
Feeling like I was deceiving those around me was a primary motive for me to end transition.
I'm me now, and am not really deceiving anyone anymore - I'm very open about my condition and life experiences.
my entire life as female was one huge lie after another. i'm finally NOT deceiving people by looking, acting, and being treated like a man. i have no shame at all for being who i am. if people expect something else, they can go take a hike and try to find it.
I feel like this to. Many of my online friends don't know I'm a trans man even after seeing my pictures. And I am really afraid of telling them because of 2 bad experiences I had in which people I thought to be accepting, were actually not. I am trying not to feel guilty of "telling a lie" because I feel more like a man now and I'm accepting myself.