Was it you were pushed into a corner by the trans-feelings? Was it that you could live with them.. but you knew you didn't want to waste your life away? Did you reach a point later in your life perhaps where it all just clicked and made sense?
I'm basically wondering what the turning point was in your life and how you came to the acceptance that you had to come out as trans. To make the transition and be true to yourself.
When was that moment for you?
I hope it's okay for me to ask!
Much love <3
I've come out a handful of times. It was always when I got over the denial that things could be okay without transitioning, because whenever I realized that, it just made no sense to waste my life living a lie.
I had to weigh things. Correcting My Dysphoria vs The Hassle of Coming Out and Transitioning.
It can come down to this really. If I didn't work towards correcting my body to rid the dysphoria, I'd probably have committed suicide; and struggling through a long and stressful transition is better than dying.
So I came out, so I could transition openly. It helped relieve some of the stress of transitioning because I didn't have to work to keep it private, and I had support.
Like Samantha, because I decided I wanted to live. That was a harder choice for me than you'd think, it was the right one though! If I had known how much transitioning would effect my state of emotions and that I would actually learn what sustained happiness felt like, it would have been a no-brainer.
I actually decided to come out after my last bout with prescription meds, which I was taking in a vain attempt to blot out the pain of not being myself. I told my brother as I was fighting withdrawal symptoms, and it almost brought me to tears. The first thing he told me was, "You know, the worst thing you could ever do in this family is not be yourself." It was exactly what I needed to hear.
If I hadn't started pursuing this, I'd probably be back on medication trying to cure the pain of living a lie.
Anyway, enough doom and gloom. Things are great now. :)
Just thought I'd share how it went for me.
I always was semi-out, if there is such a thing. It was more or less common knowledge about me that i dont like male roles and except for my little experiment in the last few years i never lived a really male life. My decision to "make the jump" came from two or three things: first, i have tried pretty much every other way of life apart from marriage and children and found out that they dont work enough for me. Secondly, i think i have taken all the heartbreak i can take and walked through all hells i had to walk through, so its time for a change for the better. The third reason is a complicated mix of personal growth and issues from my past that would make this post about ten miles long and that is the real reason i need a therapist for.
Well, when I first discovered hormones I had to consider things to make sure I wasn't just jumping into something that didn't fit me (so thought about things for a month or so on my own). But, then I began talking to my sister and a friend about what I was considering (nice to get some 2nd opinions)... I knew they wouldn't judge me.
Soon after I began hormones and gave it a couple months to see how things were going. Then I started coming out to more of my family (mainly to give them time to prepare themselves for when they see me again on holidays or visits).
And now I think I am in a stage of thinking of this as just an evolution of what I always was. A step forward in every way (physically and mentally)... which means I am very confident in what I am and don't feel as if I should have to hide this. So I tend to talk freely about trans stuff more often in chat rooms or on forums... but haven't had too much chance face to face yet (other than with friends).
For me, it is about being proud of what I am. Being trans isn't something dirty (even though some might think so), and I will happily discuss the issue with anyone who needs an education on it. I want others to see how beautiful it is, to realize that being trans can actually be BETTER than "normal" in many ways. So why would I try to hide it? Who is going to bother me because I am trans? I have lived 28 years facing head on anyone that has challenged me... anyone who tries to discriminate against me or talk trash is going to find I can be rather troublesome to deal with. Most people are cowards, they might whisper behind your back... but if you turn and face them with confidence they shrink like they are nothing.
Truth is, when the coming out news hit the stands, it wasn't I who published it. I had self-appointed agents who did the publishing for me. And I didn't even have to ask!
It was after reading a book that basically said "YOU'RE A WOMAN!." After that I started doing more research and the reason for my lifelong feeling this way.
So, I decided it was either a) continue to try fooling myself and have random points of crippling depression or b) do something about it, stop trying to fool myself and others, and try to live a more fulfilling and happy life.
I chose b. ;)
I'm in a semi out status. I had to come out in order to save my relationship or put the final nail in the coffin I had been spending the last year digging the hole for.
I had spent most of my life hiding it from everyone, and for the most part I wasn't close enough to any of my family members to make that a hard task.
But my SO was different. Her and I are close and hiding that was becoming bad for my health and was damaging our relationship. So on the brink of disaster for our relationship I told her about myself expecting her to leave me.
I haven't had the option yet to start a transition but telling her has made a large improvement in my life.
I decided to come out to those close to me, basically because that I realized I was never going to be happy any other way, I had tried so long to attempt to "beat" my feelings, but at the end of that long war against myself I realized that you can't win a war against who you are.
I came out to the people close to me, because it otherwise I wouldn't be able to take the steps I need to transition, at least not without a great deal of difficultly. For example, I have quite a few clothes, I am not sure where I would put them if weren't out.
Most people not close to me, don't know yet, the reasons are basically that it is none of their business and I don't have to yet, everyone is pretty content with me having long hair, wearing makeup, etc so I can go reasonably far with things before it starts to become really obvious that something larger is going on.
I intend to basically keep things like this after transition too, i will never be able to be "stealth" to the people close to me, when you tell them you are trans, you can't untell them, but for people not close to me, I don't think it is really any of their business unless they are in some way affected by it.
Quote from: versuchsanordnung on August 21, 2011, 12:16:56 AM
I always was semi-out, if there is such a thing. It was more or less common knowledge about me that i dont like male roles and except for my little experiment in the last few years i never lived a really male life. My decision to "make the jump" came from two or three things: first, i have tried pretty much every other way of life apart from marriage and children and found out that they dont work enough for me. Secondly, i think i have taken all the heartbreak i can take and walked through all hells i had to walk through, so its time for a change for the better. The third reason is a complicated mix of personal growth and issues from my past that would make this post about ten miles long and that is the real reason i need a therapist for.
I have the same experiences and never lived a really male life. So I am more or less the same as I've always been. My transition raised no surprises from anyone, just the 'well I'm not surprised' comments.
i came out because i chose life.
I tried twice before I came out, the first when I was about 12, and just got laughed at, the second time was when I was 26, and everything went so badly I gave up before I really began. When I got to 35 I got to a point where it felt like it was a choice between just giving up on life or transitioning. I self med at first, which I knew was a bad idea but was so desperate I did not care. Soon afterwards I got propper help and started on HRT, I had to re-come out to my dad as it would have been very hard to get the time off work (I work for him) with out telling him. He was not best pleased, and my fiance finds it dificult too, but I got to a point where I felt like anything was better than way I was feeling. Everyone else I knew already knew from when I tried when I was 26 and is fine with it. The only people who dont know are the others at my work place, but I dont try to hide it, I dress in old battered clothes there as its a dirty enviroment (a car repair shop) but go in with nail varnish on and often bits of mascara I missed - when asked by one of them in a saracastic voice, "have you been wearing make up" (thinking no doubt it was oil) I just said yes, they did not expect that answer, so Im sure they have maybe a hint of an idea.
well h8 being treated as a male and when my school started sex education by the popes teaching . ??? like wtf! but anyways girls were told how boys are no matter how they seem which i agree are sex maniacs at my age and so i had make sure to a few close friends knew i wasn't a boy:)
When I finally come out permanently, I also wanted to live. Trying to slit ones wrist can wake one up.
I was sick of people not knowing the real me and me feeling trap. Sick of the depression. Not being about to express myself the way I wanted to.
I was on the verge of death because of anorexia when I realized that I had two choices: let myself die or transition. The thought of dying before I ever lived pushed me to transition. Same with the thought of dying before knowing who I was deep inside. But especially, the thought of dying before anybody else in my life knew who I truly was. It would have meant leaving this life with every one of my relationships structured around a lie. How could I ever die without feeling genuine and honest closeness with anyone?
And so I transitioned for myself and for the people in my life. Everybody knew me as a shell. Since I came out, they've told me that. My mom and stepdad said it. My brother and sister told me they always feared the day they'd get the phone call that I had killed myself (they concluded it wasn't a matter of "if" but "when"). My oldest friends say they remember me curling into an impenetrable ball somewhere around the age of 16 and they always worried about me when they wouldn't hear from me in 6 or 8 months. I knew these people loved me and I knew I had to open up to them if I'd survive. I'm just thankful that every one of them embraced me and have not only come along with me on my journey, but push me to greater things every day.
Quote from: Hikari on August 21, 2011, 08:01:55 AM
I decided to come out to those close to me, basically because that I realized I was never going to be happy any other way, I had tried so long to attempt to "beat" my feelings, but at the end of that long war against myself I realized that you can't win a war against who you are.
I came out to the people close to me, because it otherwise I wouldn't be able to take the steps I need to transition, at least not without a great deal of difficultly. For example, I have quite a few clothes, I am not sure where I would put them if weren't out.
Most people not close to me, don't know yet, the reasons are basically that it is none of their business and I don't have to yet, everyone is pretty content with me having long hair, wearing makeup, etc so I can go reasonably far with things before it starts to become really obvious that something larger is going on.
I intend to basically keep things like this after transition too, i will never be able to be "stealth" to the people close to me, when you tell them you are trans, you can't Intel them, but for people not close to me, I don't think it is really any of their business unless they are in some way affected by it.
Comming out is a dision that I feel will help a person to truly accept themself and slowly be able to live as one desires Billie
Quote from: Irish Janet on August 23, 2011, 05:46:00 PM
When I finally come out permanently, I also wanted to live. Trying to slit ones wrist can wake one up.
That is truly was the right thing for you to have done, Keep your self free from how others judge you Billie
The first time I came out, I basically wanted to get my mom to stop treating me like a boy. Second time I came out to help myself get out of the mental hospital, third time I came out I finally decided to transition.
I'm a newb when it comes to these things
but I came out fairly easily.
My mom is supportive, dad isn't in the picture but my mom told me he was a good guy(lol whatever that means!)
so he most likely wouldn't have minded either.
She had found out through my psychiatrist when I was done talking to him since he had given me numbers to endocrinologists he had recommended
and my mom kinda put two and two together.
Heh.