i noticed that before transition, i was so desperate to become female, i set the bar very low. i said to myself "if i could just look like an ugly girl, it would be ok." i had no self esteem, but i still really wanted to be agknowledged as a female. i didn't care about looking like an attractive female for my age. i also had binge eating. i just ate and ate my problems away. many transsexual people say they've used drugs and alcohol to cope, but food was my thing. i didn't care how much weight i would've gained, because i didn't care at the time. i just wanted to be female, and that was it. has anyone else experienced this? anti depressants did get me out of binge eating and my complete withdrawal, but it wasn't until i transitioned that i actually saw myself as beautiful or deserve just as much as anyone else.
I'm on anti-depressants, and they work pretty well. It wasn't like the doc said, "Here's some pills, call me in the morning"....anti-depressants take about a month to work properly (if they're going to at all), and if they don't, then there's like 6 other "families" of AD that could be used....they start out all AD's lowest dose possible, then if "you're going in the right direction" they modify the dose.
Much better than alcohol (tried that), drugs (haven't), or eating (caught myself a few times "eating my cares away"), or sex (I WISH!! LOL)
I just don't want to hurt anymore, that's why I have to be F. Being male-bodied is hell on earth for me. I'm not expecting to be pretty, but I'm not going to do something that might make me not-pretty. (Beauty is hard enough to get without mucking it up, imho)
I like your bangs, btw.
ty, bangs are a trademark of mine :)
Quote from: FullMoon19 on August 21, 2011, 12:37:22 AM
it wasn't until i transitioned that i actually saw myself as beautiful or deserve just as much as anyone else.
this summons pretty much my experience. I didn't go on AD, I used alcohol but the HRT did the trick for me. The " E intoxication" as someone called it here happened over night for me, and I didn't drink any alcohol for over a month because I didn't need/feel like it. Now I can have again a drink just for pleasure and not as medication.
As the time progressed I felt more and more beautiful to the point that I now have to remind myself that not everyone might share my opinion about myself.
I didn't know that such a relationship to oneself even existed prior to the HRT.
With me personally, my lifestyle rule is that I absolutely will not do anything that wouldn't benefit me in the real world in less than 3 ways, and it's a rule that helps me make my choices. My name means three in a specific language, I'm the third person in my family to be born with my full name (I'm a 'third'), and generally, the number three is a number I incorporate to my decision making highly.
For example with transitioning, I want to become an actress, which is impossible without transitioning and being perceived as a woman. I also want to and am adamant that I can only romantically and sexually feel for a straight, non-queer, non-female man who does not perceive me as the man or dominant in the relationship. Third, I know that appearing and being perceived as a woman gives me confidence, as I was most confident in my appearance during my youth (when I was most able to look androgynous and female) and have a horrible confidence in my appearance now that I look very androgenic and masculine. As an added bonus, one of my last-resort careers is becoming a school teacher, and I never liked the idea of children and teens perceiving me as a man.
So really, I personally don't have a "tunnel-vision" approach to things; I said on another thread that if someone asked me "Would you rather be the President or a Woman?", that I would choose the first option, because in all honesty, I do live my life in the real world and my opinions and perceptions usually line up with what is, more or less, beneficial to my life. That's not to say I did not grow up with innate feelings toward certain identities or choices, but at the end of the day, I've never had a goal that didn't match up with what is scientifically pretty accurate and positive for whichever careers, romance lifestyles, and norms for what I naturally want to do with my life. I've never really wanted to do something out of complete impulse, but I've also never wanted to do anything that I could see a negative to.
But other than being President, I don't think there's anything else out there I would trade for transitioning. I once thought that I could at least start my acting career as a man, because it's such a a huge dream of mine that really equals my passion for transitioning, and transition later (and, like Chaz Bono, be brave enough to do it in the face of the media), but I now do not have the strength to do it as a natal man and I believe that I have to at least "soften up" my appearance before I can ever go on screen again. I may play roles as a man again, not sure, but it's going to have to be a man who's looks have been benefited by the early effects of transitioning into a woman! I just cannot stand being typecasted as the "haggard, caveman" actor and it's something that used to cause me such severe pain back when I attempted to follow my dreams.
Quote from: FullMoon19 on August 21, 2011, 12:37:22 AM
many transsexual people say they've used drugs and alcohol to cope
+1 I do, it is better than eat and eat... (I was a fat, now my body is like a model... (not anorexic))