I haven't felt like killing myself in a long time, but my dysphoria was so horrible today.
I'm never going to look masculine. I'm never going to not look like a "girl who is pretending to be a boy". I'm never going to have facial hair.
I couldn't even move this afternoon after I got home from school because my dysphoria was so bad. If I moved my legs, I could feel nothing was there between them, but if I opened them, there was still nothing there.
My school wouldn't let me switch out of my unnecessary gym class so I'm going to be stuck in the girls locker room, but my mom is emailing them to get them to change my schedule but she doesn't think it's necessary because she doesn't believe I'm a guy.
I'm sick of people thinking that I'm making a "choice". Like **** is this a choice. I have being trans.
I'd rather be dead than deal with this bull->-bleeped-<- every moment of everyday of my life that other people seem to take for granted.
My mom won't let me start hormones because she refuses to let me be a man in her house because, to quote her, I "came out of her and she saw what I have, and I'm not a boy." I try to tell her what's wrong, but she just laughs it off and tells me I'm wasting my body because I'm a pretty girl with a great body.
I hate my life so much.
All of my friends have been slipping up with pronouns or refuse to call me a guy except for a few. So many of my "friends" walked up to me today and said "she" when referring to me. Some apologized and said "he", but one girl walked up to me and said "What's up, girl?"
I haven't felt this bad in almost a year. Today has been the first time in months that I have even thought of trying to kill myself again. I really try to be positive, but there really is no positive in my mind.
My mom keeps yelling at me that I'm a lesbian (despite the fact that I'm bi but prefer girls and actually have a boyfriend right now - of course, I never tell her when I date someone.) She constantly calls me by my girl name even though she knows I'd rather stab myself in the ears than hear it (because I've actually attempted that before so I wouldn't have to hear other people call me a girl). She saw that I was crying and barely worried if something was wrong. She asked if I was okay and I said I was fine and she walked away.
Ugh. I ****ing hate my life.
Hey man,
I'm not positive what to say to make you feel better but I want you to know that I totally get where you're coming from and I'm really sorry that things are so horrible for you right now. I know nothing about transitioning is easy. There are so many obstacles and some days you just want to give up. But don't give up. I truly believe that things will get better. I know it's difficult to be patient but it won't be like this forever. I just found out about a trans support group in my city and went to the first meeting and there was another guy who identified as an FTM. It was pretty cool to actually talk to another guy like me in person. I don't know where you live but do you know if there's anything like that in your city? Friends sometimes mean well but they can't always support you in the way you need it. It really helps to be able to talk to someone who understands. Anyways, I'm sorry, this has turned into a ramble. I really hope that things get better for you.
I think a lot of guys here can relate - at least during some time in their lives - with what you're going through.
The thing is, does someone using the wrong pronoun or your mom telling you you're a girl actually change who you are inside?
I went through a long phase of being pissed off about body issues and continually coming to the "realization" that I'd never have a perfect guy body did nothing in my favor. By that I mean that fixating on that ... on what's wrong ... or what's missing never helps. You say you try to be positive, but constantly fixating on negative things is not being positive.
I'm assuming you're still in high school (not college), so you're young - you have your whole life ahead of you, the majority of which you can live however you want to. A lot of us had to get through school as female and didn't have supportive families or were unable to transition for one reason or another, but it doesn't change who we are. No one can tell you who you are. As you live your life you manage to find things that work for you. You manage to find friends that see the real you and are supportive. You manage to continue to peruse things that make you happy and find things and experiences that are fulfilling.
What you're going through now sucks and is not helpful to who you are, but it doesn't change who you are either. No matter what your mom says.
What you want to change, is your perspective. Go to school with a smile on your face knowing how badly all these people around you are screwing up! They're thinking and treating you like a female, but it's not correct - and you know that. Think of it as an acting job or as just something you need to get through for the time being. Think of it as gaining life skills that you'll need in the future (the school/learning part). Start to plan your life after high school and after you move out of your parents house. Think of jobs you'd like to do and do research into doctors you can see who can help you transition, if that's what you want to do.
Make a list of things that make you happy or things you enjoy doing where gender doesn't come in to play at all. Fixate on that list rather than the negative mental list you've got of how everything is wrong and you'll never be or have what you want. You already ARE who you are, your outside appearance just doesn't reflect that, but it's not out of the realm of possibility for you to one day achieve that.
Quote from: Devyn on August 24, 2011, 07:58:08 PM
All of my friends have been slipping up with pronouns or refuse to call me a guy except for a few. So many of my "friends" walked up to me today and said "she" when referring to me. Some apologized and said "he", but one girl walked up to me and said "What's up, girl?"
Stand up for yourself with this. When they say the wrong one such as "oh she just had math" repeat back "yeah HE just had math." that's what I do. I parrot it back to them with correct things. When they call me girl, ma'am, miss, etc I say no I'm a boy,sir,man,etc. You have to correct them.
I know that it can feel overwhelming, but it might help to pick one thing that makes you feel dysphoric and work to change that.
If it is the fact that your mother won't use your name then you could find extra activities to keep you out of the house more. If it's your friends, try reminding them every time they slip up. If it's the lack of a penis, try packing. If it's having a less masculine form, take up weight lifting.
Trying to fix everything at once can get maddening, but I know that for me at least working on just one aspect of what makes me uncomfortable can make me feel a little better about everything else.
Good luck man. I know you'll get there even if it seems far off now.
i know exactly how you feel my parents threaten to disown me and kick me out if i as to act upon my urge to become myself. they said id be better of dead than a guy because apparently i would make an ugly guy. things will get better in time bro. just remember your not alone. we are here regardless of what others may say. you are a male regardless of what others may think.
High school. Ah, I remember it well. Most of the time, I was just getting through the day. That seemed like both a failure--because I hadn't "done" anything that day except hang on--and a major accomplishment--because I had survived another 24 hours.
Not too long ago, someone asked me about my biggest accomplishment at that point. I had to say "Living this long." Now I'm starting to see that I have accomplished quite a few things that matter to me. But staying alive was a full-time job most of the time.
Devyn, you CAN get through this.
You've gotten some good advice here. I echo it. Taking control and correcting people, without rancor (if you can), is often very empowering. If someone in your life (apart from immediate family) refuses to address you as you prefer, then can you have a frank talk with that person and explain what it does to you? At some point, you might wind up letting some of these people go. It sucks, but what else can you do when you get to the point where people are hurting more than they're helping?
Finding an in-person support group can be a lifesaver.
You know that crappy old saying that you have your entire life ahead of you? Well, it's true. But only if you keep going.
Realizing young that you are trans and that you can transition must be very difficult. I had no such knowledge at your age. But there are also huge advantages, so you might make a list of them and keep it handy to make yourself feel better.
Regarding lists, I have found it helpful to make a list of things I can do (or say to myself) that tend to make me feel better. Packing. Doing tasks in small pieces so they don't overwhelm me. Writing out my frustration in a journal. Grooming the cat. Coming to Susan's. Thinking about the beard I'll eventually grow.
Finally knowing who I am. This may be the most powerful force in my life at present. It can give you strength, too. Other people do not define you. Tell yourself that the minute you wake up and say it throughout the day. Because it's true.
Devyn, we all go through this anxiety. We've all been assigned the improper pronouns, often on purpose. Many of us have had to deal with parents who can't come to terms with this birth defect. Many of us have also contemplated suicide.
You are a precious and wonderful person. You deserve happiness just like anyone else. You will get through this. Just think of the days to come when you will be the man you want to be. Think of it as a post it note stuck to your forehead. I know that it is in your mind, rolling around, taunting you. It is a never ending source of frustration... .but think of the note stuck to your forehead. Get those destructive thoughts out of your mind and on to that piece of paper. Turn them into a goal or your next step.
Keep sticking up for yourself too! I admire that. I never could. I'd just go hide in my room and feel sorry for myself. I still have a problem correcting my mother when she embarrasses me with the improper pronouns. I still can't get her to use my legal name either. She uses a shortened version that is also a non gender specific nick name. It's been more than twenty years and she still can't get it right!
Chin up!
Cindi
Hi Devyn,
Life is very tough particularly through school. Too much to deal with and you are with people ,fellow, students who do not have a clue what you are relating to. They have a poor concept of sexuality and no concept of gender identity.
I know this may be poor comfort but it does get better. Believe it or not you will be a stronger man for going through this; as Arch said we reflect back and see triumphs we never new. Getting out of bed. Being beaten for being different. None of it is nice or even justified.
I say this to girls who I counsel, I tell them to do girl things, paint their nails, shave their legs do as much as they can to make THEM feel good.
The same applies to you young men. DO guy things, don't shave your legs, cut your nails short, wear shirts instead of blouses, wear male shoes. Wear trousers whenever you can. Many school clothing codes are very bendable for, supposedly 'female' students. Use it too your advantage.
Don't worry too much about your Mum. She thinks you are going through 'teenage female rejection' which does happen I hear. I have no idea if it is true. Just let her drift. You need to start to feel comfy in your brain. The body will come later. Does your school have a counsellor you can talk to? Really good place to start. Or a good teacher, one you respect for his or her opinions. So you can talk about the situation.
You are also here now, so keep talking.
Cindy
hi i kinda understand where your coming from, although i think my family is more supportive. i stayed home from school for over a month because the disphoria was that bad. my dad broke one of my ribs because he was fed up with my "bull->-bleeped-<-." my parents wont let me get on T either because they think im too young to make major decisions even though i didnt choose this and i would never choose this. hold on a little bit longer before we know it we will be out of high school and get to live the rest of our lives the way we want.
Devyn, I believe in you. One day, you are going to be on T. One day, you are going to have had the surgery(ies) you need. One day, people will call you your correct name and pronouns. One day, all of this will happen. It may not be today, and maybe not tomorrow, but some day. Some day, you've moved away from your mother and you will be legally an adult. One day. Please, try to not lose hope, one day it will get better.
QuoteI know this may be poor comfort but it does get better. Believe it or not you will be a stronger man for going through this; as Arch said we reflect back and see triumphs we never new. Getting out of bed. Being beaten for being different. None of it is nice or even justified.
I say this to girls who I counsel, I tell them to do girl things, paint their nails, shave their legs do as much as they can to make THEM feel good.
Very wise words.
I am not so articulate as others, but want to encourage you to hang in there. That's the manliest thing you can do.
My story is very much like Arch. So I don't know what it would be like to know what "the problem" really is and have the solution dangling ahead of me like a carrot. I imagine lots of frustration and anxiety. But the bottom line is survival. We all had to do that in order to eventually get what we need. Just takes longer for some of us.
I will say one other thing about my first teenage years, hoping it might help somebody. Back then, doctors misdiagnosed some of us, focusing on behavior symptoms (suicide, cutting, burning, acting out, etc.) and labeling it mental illness. That can leave a powerful imprint on one's family and become all they ever think of us. Please don't allow this to happen to you (any of you). You have resources. Do your best to find constructive solutions. We are all in this together.
Quote from: Lee on August 24, 2011, 09:20:36 PM
I know that it can feel overwhelming, but it might help to pick one thing that makes you feel dysphoric and work to change that.
If it is the fact that your mother won't use your name then you could find extra activities to keep you out of the house more. If it's your friends, try reminding them every time they slip up. If it's the lack of a penis, try packing. If it's having a less masculine form, take up weight lifting.
Trying to fix everything at once can get maddening, but I know that for me at least working on just one aspect of what makes me uncomfortable can make me feel a little better about everything else.
Good luck man. I know you'll get there even if it seems far off now.
Can't agree with you more. If you focus on everything at once that you need to work on, you'll just overwhelm yourself and you won't get anywhere. One thing at a time. Slow and steady wins the race. Little by little you'll realize more and more people will pick up on your real gender identity. Something as small as changing your wardrobe over to male clothes over time, correcting people when using wrong pronouns, weightlifting (I highly recommend this, I've been weightlifting for the first time in my life and notice that it really helps define your body composition as more masculine), changing your name, etc. Transition doesn't happen spontaneously. It takes years of contemplation, self exploration, and small changes of physical outward appearance and confidence.
You can always pretend, when your friends walk up to you and say 'what is up girl?', pretend it is just some faddy saying, like walking up to a fellow non-African and yelling "WHATS UP MY NIG?!"
:( then again it is not good to pretend everything is a lie, you start to lose a grip on the meaning of things.
Anyway, I hope you can get through this. Things are very difficult these days because the world is so knitted together and often tangled. As time progresses you will start your own thread and things will be much less complicated. You will get from point A, to point B, eventually, but you may have to go from point A to point Z first... Stay strong.
dude sometimes anger can be the best motivator. you CAN do things to improve your future RIGHT NOW. as someone else suggested, work out. let out your anger through weight training. then one day when you DO get top surgery, your results will be so much better. use this time to find good clothes for your body type so that when you are on hormones and passing completely you'll look even better. get healthy now so you reduce the complications you could have when you get on hormones. get into a good running or jogging routine to work away the feminine fat distribution you may have. start researching cities you may want to live in someday or universities you would want to go to and start saving up money. do your research on doctors, clinics, surgeons, therapists, legal documents. get things in order now so that when you can start your official transition things are a bit less overwhelming. make your friends use the right name and pronouns. who are they to tell you how you should be referred to?
there's so much you can do right now that is totally within your reach. you're only in high school. trust me, it's like a tiny insignificant speck compared to the rest of your life. but most of all, don't just sit around and sulk because not only is it good for nothing, but it gives the wrong impression to people. maybe if your friends and family saw how happy, confident, and motivated you are after coming out with your true identity, they'll be more likely to accept you. easier said than done, of course, but hang in there bro.
Quote from: Devyn on August 24, 2011, 07:58:08 PM
I haven't felt like killing myself in a long time, but my dysphoria was so horrible today.
I'm never going to look masculine. I'm never going to not look like a "girl who is pretending to be a boy". I'm never going to have facial hair.
I couldn't even move this afternoon after I got home from school because my dysphoria was so bad. If I moved my legs, I could feel nothing was there between them, but if I opened them, there was still nothing there.
My school wouldn't let me switch out of my unnecessary gym class so I'm going to be stuck in the girls locker room, but my mom is emailing them to get them to change my schedule but she doesn't think it's necessary because she doesn't believe I'm a guy.
I'm sick of people thinking that I'm making a "choice". Like **** is this a choice. I have being trans.
I'd rather be dead than deal with this bull->-bleeped-<- every moment of everyday of my life that other people seem to take for granted.
My mom won't let me start hormones because she refuses to let me be a man in her house because, to quote her, I "came out of her and she saw what I have, and I'm not a boy." I try to tell her what's wrong, but she just laughs it off and tells me I'm wasting my body because I'm a pretty girl with a great body.
I hate my life so much.
All of my friends have been slipping up with pronouns or refuse to call me a guy except for a few. So many of my "friends" walked up to me today and said "she" when referring to me. Some apologized and said "he", but one girl walked up to me and said "What's up, girl?"
I haven't felt this bad in almost a year. Today has been the first time in months that I have even thought of trying to kill myself again. I really try to be positive, but there really is no positive in my mind.
My mom keeps yelling at me that I'm a lesbian (despite the fact that I'm bi but prefer girls and actually have a boyfriend right now - of course, I never tell her when I date someone.) She constantly calls me by my girl name even though she knows I'd rather stab myself in the ears than hear it (because I've actually attempted that before so I wouldn't have to hear other people call me a girl). She saw that I was crying and barely worried if something was wrong. She asked if I was okay and I said I was fine and she walked away.
Ugh. I ****ing hate my life.
"Devyn—Please listen to me...First and foremost [Baby-Boi]<<--Please do NOT be offended by this term--I use it often, as a "term-of-endearment" when counseling young TG's como tu—"
"Secondly, Please—Whatever you do—Don't do anything drastically enough—that will/would cause you bodily harm—or bodily harm to your person!"
"Thirdly, Please listen to me—the time will come to pass—when you will 'morph' from an 'ugly-duckling' if-you-will—and into a handsome 'swan'! We here at Susan's have experienced everything if not more—the same which you are experiencing—trust me—just listen to the discussion board speak—you'll find like-minds—speaking about—like topics--"
"Fourthly, I have read your post for about 20mins—going over and over each topic which distresses you—I am empathetically sadden by your mishaps and the ignorance which is involved in your daily life of acceptance--"
"Devyn, people are purely ignorant because they refuse to listen to that which surrounds them 'openly'—you have said several times-that you have told everyone to please stop referring to you as a girl-because this is not whom or what you are—through ignorance---people tend to see with ''their eyes wide shut—always looking, but never fully comprehending, just what they are looking at—Entiendes? (Understand?)"
"I will address each topic—and let's see if'n we can fix some-of-them Ok?"
1. I haven't felt like killing myself in a long time, but my dysphoria was so horrible today.
("Please—Whatever you do—Don't do anything drastically enough—that would/ will cause you bodily harm—or bodily harm to your person!").
2. I'm never going to look masculine. I'm never going to not look like a "girl who is pretending to be a boy". I'm never going to have facial hair.
("Baby-Boi) <<--again not meant to be offensive here—I am very Metro in appearance—I knew—that I was never going to fully look "Male"—even though I work-out, shave, and have a very masculine body (my genes just won't allow it---so I understand your pain totally). I don't have a full-on beard (actually I really don't want one) but I do have sideburns and a slight mustache—enough so—that shaving is required...you can achieve this little feature—by shaving either every day or every-other-day—perseverance is a must in the TG-world"). ;D
3. If I moved my legs, I could feel nothing was there between them, but if I opened them, there was still nothing there.
("Devyn, I can fully empathize with this one, because that was how I felt some many moons ago—I wanted to 'swing-it' like the Big-Boi's only I had nothing to 'swing-it with'—Soo I offer you my solution to this 'every day' problem in the f2M world—this may or may not be for everyone—but again this is what I do—I offer solutions to everyday TG issues—I purchased a soft penis—almost to the exact skin complexion as myself—then I purchased a 'strap-on' holder for the placid penis—and with super glue—I lightly lined the flat part of the penis & the slim leather piece of the strap with the super glue—happily—I can say that I wear my 'make-shift' penis as if it were something 'real' between my legs—I sleep with it--shower with it—and bath my penis as--if it were the 'real' deal—I am not afraid to wear boxer's—because I know—that it is not going anywhere/ falling out—it also fits snuggly in my briefs—no worries—I have been wearing like this for some time now—and it's really comfortable to wear 24/7—sometimes I literally forget that I have it on—and that's really what we strive for—right—a penis that feels 'al-natural' ").
4. My school wouldn't let me switch out of my unnecessary gym class so I'm going to be stuck in the girls locker room, but my mom is emailing them to get them to change my schedule but she doesn't think it's necessary because she doesn't believe I'm a guy.
I'm sick of people thinking that I'm making a "choice". Like **** is this a choice. I have being trans.
("Okay this is a TWO-part-er) First, Devyn—What guy wouldn't want to be in the gurls locker-room? ;D
(I'll get to your Mother in a second). There is really nothing anyone can do here—unless you get a medical order (Counseling Sheet) that says you are a TG individual, and if they (the school you attend)--could respect your Gender Identity. Worst case scenario—you receive an F for failing to pass gym with your 'so-called' correct gender classmates...You could also ask for counseling—with the hopes of the school granting you permission to take solo gym classes, or with a group of other individuals—who feel just as out-of-place—as you do Devyn—and this can be done after school—with any interference of school—or other student harassments").
("Secondly—TransGender is NOT A CHOICE—it is Who/Whom/What WE ARE—just as it is for a Gay/Lesbian-and both Male & Female Heterosexuals—to be Who-Whom-and What THEY ARE—WHICH IS ALL NATUARAL TO ALL). Not to knock the Bi-Sexually incline—but I didn't include this group of individuals—for the simple fact—I do-believe that theirs IS a choice").
5. I'd rather be dead than deal with this bull->-bleeped-<- every moment of everyday of my life that other people seem to take for granted.
My mom won't let me start hormones because she refuses to let me be a man in her house because, to quote her, I "came out of her and she saw what I have, and I'm not a boy." I try to tell her what's wrong, but she just laughs it off and tells me I'm wasting my body because I'm a pretty girl with a great body.
I hate my life so much.
(Okay this is a THREE-part-er) Firstly—see question No.1's answer (Okay I'll say IT AGAIN--) ("Please—Whatever you do—Don't do anything drastically enough—that would/ will cause you bodily harm—or bodily harm to your person!!!!!").("REPEAT THAT LINE AGAIN PLEASE—THANK YOU VERY MUCH").
("Secondly—I told you I would address your Mother—first Devyn—while it may seem as though your Mother is against you-it does—however--seem that she is also in acceptance of your gender—somewhat—while she says things like 'I knew what you were at birth—because I was there—she is also recognizing your 'so-called' Lesbian' tendencies—which you stated later—how many individuals--wish that their parents--were 'just' in acceptance of whatever they choose is NOT high in numbers—especially when it comes to the LGBT status of parents—they are both—few-and-a far! "). (Stay awhile and read some postings—you are somewhat at an advantage—this section—also lets me know Devyn—that you are at home—and depend on your Mother for both Moral/Ethical & monetary support—wait it out—concentrate on doing well in school—to include—the-Gym class –as well—and then once you have graduated—and are about to leave the nest—prepare yourself for transitioning—the old proverbial rule stands in most house-holds—My Home-My Rules—you don't like it—you can leave—soo-soo-many—Devyn—leave home—with nowhere to go—eat—or—sleep—find something to do—to release yourself—NOT HURT YOURSELF—BUT RELEASE YOURSELF—there IS a lot of programs out there for you—you WILL find—Devyn—that YOU are NOT alone").
("Thirdly—and I quote 'I hate my life so much.' NO—YOU DON"T—you just may think you DO—you are probably by now—thinking—who-tha-hell-is-he-to-tell-me-how-i-feel-you-don't-know-me!). ("Yes I do—we have ALL been there at some point in time—in our life—and I have seen sooo many young adult's—too-many—who feel the same way as you do—they all feel—that there is no way out for them—but harming themselves—justifies whatever it is they are feeling—THIS IS NOT THE WAY!!!"). ("REPITEN") ("THIS IS NOT THE WAY!!!") ("I took the chicken way out—I joined the Marines--to be—ALL that I could BE")! ("—and you know what—it literally made a –man—out-of--me"). ("Find that which takes your mind off of harming yourself Devyn—it's out there—trust me—because I know IT is").
6. All of my friends have been slipping up with pronouns or refuse to call me a guy except for a few. So many of my "friends" walked up to me today and said "she" when referring to me. Some apologized and said "he", but one girl walked up to me and said "What's up, girl?"
I haven't felt this bad in almost a year. Today has been the first time in months that I have even thought of trying to kill myself again. I really try to be positive, but there really is no positive in my mind.
("Okay here's tha thing—regardless of what you have been told: 'Ignorance--IS NOT A BLISS'—again REPITEN: IGNORANCE—is NOT blissfulness!") ("IT'S just what IT is--IGNORANT" plain-and-simple). ("Let me be clear on something—I am NOT calling your friends ignorant—that's just rude—however—what I am saying to you—is that their actions toward your being accepted—as a guy—is ignorant—on their behalf"). ("but this can be easily fixed—quite simply-as-a-matter-of-fact"). ("Another one of my tricks-of-acceptance—I might add"). ("I have a lot of Gay/Lesbian friends—and when I first told them—that I wasn't a Lesbian—they were like-yeah right—if it walks & talks like a duck—then it must be a duck—well-"Honk-Honk" –cause I am NOT a duck—Ah'ma a Handsome-Metro Male-Swan—it took some late night—Martini's—and a couple of explanations about the whole TG-thang—but now I 'swing-it' like tha 'Big-Boi's'—and they respect my Gender as a Metro-male—than as-a 'butchy-Lesbian'—I am known to my Gay/Lesbian peers—as either a 'Stud' or a 'Pretty-Boi'—of which I find—not offensive at all—and this is—due-to-the-fact—that I will never possess a down-right male-appearance—my face is actually—very—very—Androgynous—and my style is Metro—and not—far—from—the appearance—of my Avatar—here at Susan's Place"). ("If you find the right pee-poles—you Devyn—will have no problem—in hearing the pronoun—you so deserve—again all this will come—REMEMBER: PATIENCE is a Virtue!").
("See both One & Five—Okay I'll REPEAT IT AGAIN HERE"). ("Please—Whatever you do—Don't do anything drastically enough—that would/ will cause you bodily harm—or bodily harm to your person!!!!!").("REPEAT THAT LINE AGAIN PLEASE—THANK YOU VERY MUCH").
7. ("Okay-- we are almost there—but I felt tha need to address this issue in its entirety—because WE lose—sooo—sooo-many of our young L/G-B-T's" to the –ignorance that surrounds them—and it is OUR job—as—Seniors/Veterans—to make sure that their 'transition' is one that is smooth—and—without hindrance—with that being said—please allow me to continue—").
My mom keeps yelling at me that I'm a lesbian (despite the fact that I'm bi but prefer girls and actually have a boyfriend right now - of course, I never tell her when I date someone.) She constantly calls me by my girl name even though she knows I'd rather stab myself in the ears than hear it (because I've actually attempted that before so I wouldn't have to hear other people call me a girl). She saw that I was crying and barely worried if something was wrong. She asked if I was okay and I said I was fine and she walked away.
("Devyn you are upset, because you feel that no-one is listening to you—right—wrong—we are here—to guide you—to get you—over this 'hump' so-to-speak...Again—Mothers are a 'Bad-habit' to break—but if yours IS involved in your life—be thankful—just learn to –Grin-and-bear-her---She loves you—no doubt of this—her only fault her—is that She KNEW—that She gave birth to a girl—that IS her ONLY defense toward you—don't be hard on—yourself—or on her—for that matter...it's how one would say-- 'Beating a wooden monkey' –no-one else feels it but YOU--"). ("And this is what you have been doing—beating yourself—their world is still going to continue—no matter how miserable you become—MyFriend Devyn tis not worth it...") ("You will 'Morph' into what you soo desire—in this I believe—it just takes time...I do know this—to be true—because I did!")
("Thank-you for allowing me this time to share with you—my thoughts on your plight"—I am here if you need me—Seriously Dude—you can email me anytime—and I will answer—for my door shall always be open to you—") ("I saw as your tag-line you have Chamillionaire's" 'Ridin' Dirty'—They see me Rollin—They Haten"). ("Devyn—what I usually tell youths, young adults & adults—is to practice what they preach"---Let'em hate—it's a waste of your time—let'em see yaH Roll'in—and smile brightly when doing so—never let'em 'ghet yer goat' so-to-speak"—or know what's on your mind—because in the end—they're not worth it—ONLY what matters to you---is worth ALL of your time and effort").
("Okay—I think I have said enough—no—really I have...i would like to leave you with something—not sure if you listen to these artist—but they are basically saying—and sending out the same message—which is—'You are Beautiful'")
And don't let anyone tell you that you are not—even if you don't think that you are—remember this—inner-beauty is a beautiful thang...!!!")
Christina Aguilera: Beautiful
Chris Brown: Beautiful People
Eminem: Beautiful
TLC: UnPretty
And a bonus by: DeadMau5: I Remember (One of my favorite lines from this song is: Remember, You don't have to give up-to let go...)
I encourage everyone to pull together and let's help a like-soul—and if you need some encouragement—please listen—to the words—in each one of these songs...Everyone has a message--that will hit--each--and--everyone--of us
Again thanks for Reading my response,
LaPapito
Quote from: -Ryan- on August 26, 2011, 07:01:02 PM
dude sometimes anger can be the best motivator.
I can't stress how true this is.
Devyn, I've been crawling my way out of that point lately, trying to find reasons not to kill myself, and the one I've always gone back to is that.
When there's nothing left to live on, live on hate. Live for revenge, live to prove a point, live to spit in everyones' face who told you you would fail. It may not be the healthiest way, or the nicest way, but it works. Believe me, it works. I lived through 6 years of constant abuse on hate, lived through sexual assaults and backstabbing and addiction on hate, and I'm living through being born like this on it, too.
"It gets better" seems so trite, so convenient, but it's true. Things
have to get better. Whether it happens naturally, by circumstance, or you claw and beat your way to that change, things
will change.
"It gets better" seems so trite, so convenient, but it's true.
I agree, but ONLY if you work on it.
Quote from: tekla on August 27, 2011, 02:22:45 AM
"It gets better" seems so trite, so convenient, but it's true.
I agree, but ONLY if you work on it.
Oh, absolutely. I've tried the whole sitting-on-my-ass-waiting-for-miracles ->-bleeped-<-, and nothing's going to come except for bedsores and extra weight that you don't want.
It's just digging out the motivation that's the hard part. On practically anything. Finishing projects, doing homework, living.