Hi, I have a question. I've found out that many transmen after some time on T turn out to be gay (or at least find out that they are not so exclusively into women). If there are such people here, I wonder if it's real change or rather simply earlier they supressed these feelings. And also, are there many guys who haven't shifted even a little bit into men after starting T, only attracted to women sexually?
Quote from: Ami87 on August 25, 2011, 07:20:36 PMAnd also, are there many guys who haven't shifted even a little bit into men after starting T, only attracted to women sexually?
I haven't shifted even a little bit into women...
I went from being bi with a preference for women to bi with a significant preference for men. I'd say it's dysphoria related. When I had a very feminine appearance, I was uncomfortable with the idea of being with a man, because I'd feel very female comparatively. Whereas with a woman I could at least be comparatively masculine. Now I'm less dysphoric and self conscious about femininity versus masculinity.
Quote from: Ami87 on August 25, 2011, 07:20:36 PM
Hi, I have a question. I've found out that many transmen after some time on T turn out to be gay (or at least find out that they are not so exclusively into women). If there are such people here, I wonder if it's real change or rather simply earlier they supressed these feelings. And also, are there many guys who haven't shifted even a little bit into men after starting T, only attracted to women sexually?
I was watching this documentary about transgenders where they said that somewhere between 1/2 to 3/4 of transsexuals who go HRT will find their sexual orientation changes. It just said "changes", whether it's from straight to gay, gay to straight, gay to bi, gay to pan, or whatever. It didn't say why, though. I could guess a few reasons.
Honestly that's one thing I'm worried about. I know it's a dumb thing to get worried about, and I'm definitely not homophobic, I just really enjoy liking girls and I'd be sad if it went away.
Quote from: x1x1 on August 26, 2011, 12:37:44 AM
Honestly that's one thing I'm worried about. I know it's a dumb thing to get worried about, and I'm definitely not homophobic, I just really enjoy liking girls and I'd be sad if it went away.
Oh I can totally relate here. Except I like guys. lol. I tend to think girls are a little confusing and complicated, and just not for me. lol. I don't want my sexual orientation to change, lol.
I have noticed that I'm more bi since starting on T. I never used to think of men in a sexual way but there is one guy I know who is bi that I wouldn't mind doing stuff with. I'm still hugely attracted to women though.
Troy
I've heard of this happening. I've also heard people say they didn't experience a change.
I'll be starting T in a couple months and I hope it doesn't happen to me. I'm straight and I like being straight.
I don't know that your sexual orientation changes. I think that when you finally understand who you are, your orientation is let out of the bottle.... you know, like a genie. Poof!
Cindi
" you know, like a genie. Poof" Good one! :laugh:
I experienced a re-orientation once I started HRT, and agree that being able to be your true self has a lot to do with it. There seems to be a fair bit of unconscious internal confusion between gender and sexuality going on, which finally dissipates, leaving your true orientation exposed.
Hormones are powerful and subtle, so I would be surprised if they didn't play some part in it.
I now find the thought of a relationship with a man totally incomprehensible. I know I tried it, and liked the experience at the time, but just can't get the concept to take shape in my mind now. Girls only for me now by the looks of things.
Karen.
Quote from: JohnAlex on August 26, 2011, 12:32:29 AM
I was watching this documentary about transgenders where they said that somewhere between 1/2 to 3/4 of transsexuals who go HRT will find their sexual orientation changes. It just said "changes", whether it's from straight to gay, gay to straight, gay to bi, gay to pan, or whatever.
Considering answers till now, it looks like transmen's orientations only shift into men...
My orientation hasn't shifted in the slightest, I'm still completely into men. >:-)
I dated a girl for about 5ish years, off and on. But I was always incredibly attracted to men, not really interested in women. I think I liked girls because they were easier to be friends with (and still are).
Now, I can't imagine myself ever dating a female again. I'm 20 months on T and have been (publicly) identifying as gay since I started living full-time. I briefly dated my ex in my junior year (while FT) because I was lonely. Broke it off with her as I realized we're much better friends than anything else.
T didn't change my orientation necessarily. It just gave me the confidence to come out of the closet and accept myself.
Right now I'm like, wired on to women. I can't help it. I just got out of a relationship and am desperately trying to avoid being in another one because I need to have some time to myself, but I can't help but flirt and the temptation is so bloody strong.
But I somehow feel that when I start T, I might become more open to being with men... which terrifies me because now that it is socially acceptable to ogle women, I really, really enjoy doing so. While I can get off on gay porn, I think for me it's more an envy thing because picturing myself sucking a guy off or even making out with a guy just doesn't do it for me... But who knows. I'm pretty sure I'll have my first shot by the end of September so I'll update in a few months :P
From what I've heard, it's something that people just 'Admire' in another's body.
This is where I heard where it happened to a guy named Aidan.
He's not gay xD But it just kinda helped me
FTM Trans.Code: 4 Months of Powerpuffness (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yGkQrblSe9E&feature=channel_video_title#)
I've always been more attracted to women, and a little attracted to men. Since being on T, my attraction to women has increased, and my attraction to men has decreased, although I am still attracted to the latter, just not as intensely.
my affection has not changed except there's a lot more of it.
All for women.
Honestly, I don't think its suppressed feelings at all. I've ALWAYS been attracted to women my whole life and I'm 6 months on T now with a pretty signification attraction to men. I don't find women repulsiveness or anything but suddenly the idea of being with a guy sexually is a turn on. I can't really explain it but I've never been into guys, ever. You can't call it suppressed because you know who you are attracted to and you can't help what gets you turn on , right?
Anyway, I don't know if I could ever actually "date" a guy... but I'm starting to see that there is a REALLY big difference between getting your rocks off an your sexual "orientation" ...
Basically at this point I'm just super sexual... I wouldn't call myself "bi" because I'm into butt-sex with a dude, but I wouldn't call myself "straight" because I'm married to a cis-woman. I feel like when you put those labels on things it makes people WANT to be one thing or the other, instead of just being who you are.
Just love who you love and screw who you wanna screw in my opinion, there are plenty of other stuff in this world to be scared of and worried about and this just doesn't seem like that big of a deal.
Just my two cents...
I have to say that mine did change. I am more into guys now. As far as women are concerned its female bodybuilders rather than 'regular women'....which was usually the case with me anyway.
My only concern has been the fact that a lot of guys want very crazy things sexually from FTM's which is not good!
I wouldn't necessarily say my orientation changed. I dated women pre-t and now I prefer dating men. However I feel that it's more attributed to feeling comfortable in my body and within society. I've always been interested more in men than women. But I wasn't ok with dating men before because I didn't want to be treated like the woman in the relationship. Now, I don't mind being the less dominate one of the relationship since I don't feel like I have to overcompensate my gender identity.
Starting T didn't change anything for me. However, I did notice a slight shift in my attractions as I started socially transitioning, which was about 2 years before I started T. Prior to identifying as trans, I had identified as a lesbian and never really paid any attention to men in that way, but now I would say that I am definitely attracted to men, though still more so to women. I don't think my sexual orientation changed, though; really, it was more a matter of me not being comfortable dating or being attracted to men as a woman, but once I became more comfortable with my gender I in turn felt more comfortable with the idea of being attracted to men, and so allowed myself to open up to that possibility a bit more.
Quote from: jqual on August 26, 2011, 05:21:45 PM
Honestly, I don't think its suppressed feelings at all. I've ALWAYS been attracted to women my whole life and I'm 6 months on T now with a pretty signification attraction to men. I don't find women repulsiveness or anything but suddenly the idea of being with a guy sexually is a turn on. I can't really explain it but I've never been into guys, ever. You can't call it suppressed because you know who you are attracted to and you can't help what gets you turn on , right?
I have a question - were you more attracted to women sexually during ovulation before, or it stayed generally in the same range?
My preference has not changed at all pre T was into women post T still the same.
Myles
I haven't started T... But it seems like the shifting tends to lean towards my preference anyhow.. (to males) so I am not all that worried. ;)
I start T this month(as soon as I get my letter. She's already said she'd write one, and this week I have an appt so it should be only a week or so later before actually getting it XD).
I'm already pansexual with a LARGE preference towards females. I have always loved females. It was noticed when I was about 6 years old and had crushes on my babysitters lol. It's just always been who I am. I definitely could fall for a guy, if I met the right one. Gender doesn't matter to me; it's the person. I just find myself being drawn to female bodies(as long as it's not on me). If it does shift, then it's oh well... like I said, gender doesn't really mean anything to me.
But most therapists say that once you're on Testosterone, and you find yourself being drawn to men, and you weren't drawn to men before, then it could be just your bodys voice to your minds obvious want/need to presume the role that he has in life; and the want/need for a body like his?
I have noticed an increased attraction to guys when I figured out I was trans. I've always considered myself to be bisexual but I sort of ignored the guy part of it cause I just never figured I could be with one. Now that I know that I can be 'like them' one day I look different at guys and knowing that I won't be the 'girl in the relationship' makes me more open to the attraction.
On the other hand I still can't imagine that I'd ever be with a cis guy, which I fortunately (hopefully) won't have to. Considering that my current boyfriend is ftm. ;)
That said, everything is still possible for me, since T is still a long way off.
someone directed me here, the nature of the problem is similar but im not really sure if we deal with the same chemicals and stuff that my case applies to yours but if it helps well...
me, i almost always lived as a guy. i felt disgusted by the thought of even hugging a guy. ive always been into women. but i was very open to the idea and interest in me being a woman. all of this stayed even when i started my hormone theraphy and im only just a few months in.
something different is new. it started with me jsut... liking interacting with men in a setting of a male-female sort. then lately i just... all of sudden am interested in them more and more even sexually. its wreaking my head off trying to figure what is going on with me. this is NOT a case of just style or want its... you cant just sleep one day wanting blue then waking up another and wanting red do you???
ive been talking to people... some people say it could be the hormones coz they control a lot of stuff in women... at this point all i know is its just happening to me. and im slowly... ok rapidly losing more and more interest in women. i dont want that to go away... like one of you said who didnt like to be attracted to women... i dont want to be attracted to men. i know what theyre like i mean come on i used to be one.
anyway, this matter is just really putting a lot of stress and pressure on me lately. i find it harder and harder to resist you know. i dont know... its getting harder to control myself
Posting on my phone with swype while driving out to jump creek with my friends so I apologize now for any odd words lol!
Ok sweetie, I honestly can't tell you if all of us change our preference but it does happen more often y then not.
You enjoy your attraction to women right now, but perhaps if you open yourself up to the possibility you can enjoy your attraction to men?!
I know for me the attraction I still have towards women is fueled by my desire to be one of them.Personally I've always found men attractive but never sexually. After a few months on e I found not only sexual thought suddenly popping up in my mind about men, but dreams as well.
I wondered if that makes me straight, gay, bi or just confused...
Now I realize that it just makes me, me!
Each and everyone of us have spent countless years trying to be someone, and something, that we are not. We made plans for our lives based upon these lies and even tried to not only convince the world, but also ourselves that who we appeared to be is who we are.
When I first discovered that all of the desires I had to change into a woman and live as a lesbian were changing I took a serious look at why I wanted to remain attracted to women, and realized that I really didn't care who I was attracted to.i just want to be me and live my life with as much happiness with someone, regardless of their gender, for as long as possible.
I enjoy my attraction to men just as much as I did my attraction to women, perhaps more so even because the thoughts and ideas are honestly my own, and no longer ones super imposed upon me by friends, family, society and even myself.
I've said it many times but I cannot express how true it is, the physical changes we all endure pale in comparison to the ways we change inside!
I wish you nothing but the best and hope you enjoy discovering who you truly are as much as I have been!
See you soon on the other side,
Sammy
Samantha_Marie, thanks for your post, I have a question about that line:
Quote from: Samantha_Marie on August 28, 2011, 12:17:22 PM
I know for me the attraction I still have towards women is fueled by my desire to be one of them.
Was it the same before? In other words, were you attracted sexually to women before or you were technically asexual?
Sammy it sounds like you just plain horny!! >:-)
I met someone in passing yesterday and as I have no idea how to operate the Gaydar, can't tell if she fancied me or not. There is a very good chance I will meet her again at a gallery opening this weekend and will find out. Fingers crossed.
Karen.
Quote from: justmeinoz on August 28, 2011, 09:51:33 PM
Sammy it sounds like you just plain horny!! >:-)
I met someone in passing yesterday and as I have no idea how to operate the Gaydar, can't tell if she fancied me or not. There is a very good chance I will meet her again at a gallery opening this weekend and will find out. Fingers crossed.
Karen.
Haha that's terrible I love it!
I have an amazing "Gaydar" and pick up quickly when a girl is interested in me. I love the attention and enjoy flirting! I actually am not sexually active tho, I have WAY to much on my plate as it is, couldn't imagine trying to fit a sex life in right now :P
Quote from: Ami87 on August 28, 2011, 03:38:47 PM
Samantha_Marie, thanks for your post, I have a question about that line:
Was it the same before? In other words, were you attracted sexually to women before or you were technically asexual?
Tough question. I still AM attracted to women but it's... different. It's not really a sexual attraction but more of a desire to want to cuddle with a girl or just talk or explore her body. Before I think testosterone fueled any further desires since actual penetration has vanished from my thoughts.
But honestly I just don't know, I was so confused about everything before and never allowed myself to fully analyze my feelings for fear of not "beating this". I laugh about it now since things have gotten SO much better in so many ways I really don't know what I was so scared of. I mean sure, some things were tough, there has been many awkward moments where some guy talking to me a few months ago would suddenly click in that I wasn't quite there yet but that has vanished completely now and for once I am finally free! What I find extremely fascinating is the lesbian community absolutely adore me and I get hit on by girls much more aggressively then guys and it always makes me laugh at how things have changed so drastically, so much beyond my wildest dreams! I can't wait for the next year to pass!
Interesting how your attitude has changed Samantha. I now have a completely different feeling about women too. Before, I certainly wasn't a Neanderthal, but the physical desire was much stronger. Now I want to snuggle and cuddle as well, or even more so. I find that is what I am missing most now.
Karen.
Quote from: Samantha_Marie on August 28, 2011, 12:17:22 PM
Posting on my phone with swype while driving out to jump creek with my friends so I apologize now for any odd words lol!
I hope you're not the one in the driver's seat...
Hmm, this kind of worries me. I'm thinking about starting hormones but I most definitely don't want to start liking guys...
I think that in my case it was confusion between sexuality and gender that caused me to feel I was bi or possibly gay. Being lonely will cause you to clutch at any passing life raft too.
Now that I am feeling truly "me", I find that my teenage preference for the female body is back, but with slightly different set of feelings. I am much more attuned to an emotional connection now.
I think it is not so much a question of "gay" or "straight", because transition changes the perspective, but of what body you find attractive in any potential partners.
If you are not at all attracted to guys Preston, I think it likely you will still find them strongly unattractive after HRT.
Karen
My tuppence-worth: I guess there's how you feel (i.e. who you're attracted to), and then there's how you feel about how you feel.
For me, one of the main things that was getting in the way of being ready to transition was not accepting my sexuality (largely due to an abuse history - which was the other "main thing" I needed to sort out). Letting yourself be attracted to whoever you're attracted to and feeling fine about that attraction is just part of the larger project of self-acceptance, I think. Once that's more sorted out, then the possibility that transition will affect which kind of people you find attractive is much less of a big deal, just something that may or may not happen to you, but which you're able to accept because it's you that it's happening to.
It's alright to be who you are, it's alright to like who you like. Discovering that has led to me transitioning (at bloody last!), and has also led to me being very comfortable with being attracted to a whole range of people, including people I wouldn't previously have found attractive. Then the question becomes more "do I want to act on this attraction?" instead of "is it okay to have this attraction?" and life becomes emotionally a lot simpler (well, until you act on it...) :).
Quote from: Preston on August 31, 2011, 12:54:32 AM
Hmm, this kind of worries me. I'm thinking about starting hormones but I most definitely don't want to start liking guys...
Yea I hope you don't either :P
But on a serious note hun, if it does happen and you find yourself being attracted to guys then take it all a day at a time. You thought maybe you were Bi when we met, now you know you're a lesbian, and today you told me that you might be transexual.
This time in our life, this whole transition is confusing, scary, exciting and completely amazing all at the same time. I didn't expect to wind up preferring men over women, but it happened. The thought for the first while made me rather upset simply because of how much I thought I enjoyed women and their touch. Now I find that I like that with guys instead. While I still enjoy women they have to be masculine in order for me to consider dating them, or at least more masculine then me haha!
After coming to terms with this tho I realize I'm ok with it.
And it's not a guarantee, it's one of those ymmv things and I honestly believe it's not hormones that cause the change but rather your own acceptance of your true self. It's like waking up from a bad dream, parts of the nightmare cling on but as you wake up more and reality sets back in the memories fade and you forget all about it!
It is 4am and I have to get up in... 4 hours omg I better get my lil butt into my bed asap. Hurry and get back home so I can see you!!
It can get 'confusing' for us (MtF) just as well.
So I started off as a 'male-lesbian' and some 4 month into HRT saw males in a different light. Feeling female (and visa versa) will tend to open up new emotional paths/possibilities?
I guess I'm BI now, I like to touch and feel men, muscles, um --- being pre-op that's about as far as it goes (for me).
YET, seeing a couple from the rear walk next to each other my FIRST attention still goes to the female butt :-). So?!?
For females is mostly the admiration of the female shape, the one I envy, admire.
Want to fully and completely be like this myself - and am not. Maybe never will?
It gets back to using one's partner as a proxy to keep GID in check --- but NOW at least I know what's happening!!
With men it's being flirty and wanting their attention, wanting them to WANT me! Want them to drool some :-), um. No proxy issue there, hell... got the cap and the t-shirt --- well some will go in 3 weeks. Touch wood :-)
Reflections from the other side of the fence,
Axelle
Quote from: Axélle on August 31, 2011, 10:58:50 AM
It can get 'confusing' for us (MtF) just as well.
But not for everyone...and I still hold firmly to the opinion that for most, it has nothing to do with the HRT but rather is related to the internal loosening up that comes for some people with transition itself.
If it were an HRT thing, then would not see the number of transsexuals who are interested in same-sex relationships following HRT (M2F lesbians and F2M gays). And certanly if it were an HRT thing, one would expect people like me who have been dealing with components of the transition for multiple decades to at least have had an interest in
attempting to explore whether relationships with someone of the opposite sex were worthwhile. In 30-ish years of romantic interests though, I have never deviated from a lesbian state of mind...and I don't expect to ever give up that gold-star...
Ann,
and what about the "proxy" issue??
I have a theory - if you may forgive me here - that the more we resemble our 'gender of choice' the less we are in need for that 'proxy'.
It really makes no difference as such, no 'goody two shoes' girly needs a male thing going (for me), but we always seem to look for something in a partner to compliment us --- something we perceive we do not really have. Right?
The rest then is - 'uncomplicated' deduction,
Axelle
Quote from: Axélle on August 31, 2011, 11:24:11 AM
Ann,
and what about the "proxy" issue??
cannot speak to that because I never identified with anyone as a 'proxy.' I can only guess that is something dealt with by the later-in-life peeps. I knew I was transsexual at an early age. I socialized AS a female in the lesbian bars by the time I was in my mid-teens (thankfully back when the drinking age was still 18 so nobody cared about carding people as they entered). And I was well into HRT by my early 20's. Never had any interest in guys, straight or otherwise. Also never sought to marry someone as a means of dealing with the transsexuality so there was never any seeking to live through someone else...
QuoteI have a theory - if you may forgive me here - that the more we resemble our 'gender of choice' the less we are in need for that 'proxy'.
It really makes no difference as such, no 'goody two shoes' girly needs a male thing going (for me), but we always seem to look for something in a partner to compliment us --- something we perceive we do not really have. Right?
I don't look for someone as a complement or balance...I look for someone I am compatible with, who I can carry a conversation on with and who can be self-sufficient in their own right. Ideally they ALSO possess gold-star status and don't have any real interest in kids...I certainly am not looking for someone to effectively live vicariously through or to augment some component of my identity or appearance. And nothing of what I look for in a partner was the product of HRT given that we know my sexual orientation was etched into place and acted upon more than five years before taking my first tablet of estrogen...
ETA: Damn, despite a couple of other posts in this thread, I just realized it was on the F2M board...hope nobody felt like I was stepping on toes. Although I am guessing that theories of change would be consistent no matter which direction one was going...