I came out to my parents as an FTM transgender a couple of weeks ago, and now school is starting next week.
Problem is, the admin. doesn't know about me being trans. (I plan to tell them sooner, rather than later)
But. My mom, who I believe thinks she's doing good by this, is trying to stop me from binding, which I have been doing for nearly three months, because she says, "You have to conform, even if it's not what you want to do. You ARE a girl, even if it's just on the outside, and you're going to make your own life hell if you don't start acting like one. So conform and be happy, or do what you're doing now and let people hate you and be scared of you."
I told her I couldn't stop, because it's who I am, and I don't give a damn what other people think.
She said I should it's not who I am and that it's a disguise and that I have to "accept who you really are"
I said that that was exactly why I was binding in the first place, and if a disguise is showing the world who you are on the inside, then everybody is disguised.
Advice? Comments? Questions? I'm hiding from her and hiding my bandages and stuff.
Do you have a good Gender Therapist who can explain things to her? If not maybe a copy of a book like "True Selves", if you can get her to promise to read it.
Karen.
I am on the way to get a therapist/counsellor type person this year, but not so far.
and I'll see if I can get the book. I can probably talk to her, but...it's hard.
THanks for the suggestions.
If you wind up with a boring, miserable life because you listened to your mom, your dad, your teacher, your priest or some guy on TV telling you how to do your ->-bleeped-<-, then YOU DESERVE IT.
Frank Zappa, and I concur.
Unless it is advice that is obvious to a blind, deaf idiot, Tekla and Frank have pretty much nailed it.
Karen.
I can really identify with how you feel right now. You know what you need yet are being treated like a fanciful child, pushed into a category that just isn't you.
I recall, when I was younger having my feelings demeaned as teenage rebellion. 'You'll think differently in 20 years', they would say. I did. 20 years later I was miserable and thinking back on what a lousey 20 years I'd just had. (Though I can't really blame others for all of that).
It seem to me you have three choices.
You could simply go along with your mother. Dress as she says, act as she says, look forward to a life of medoricrity, trying to please some man and win the approval of society. Getting your kicks from the flag and the latest politician in the political beauty contest. (Women like that are usually called Republicans).
You could stand up for yourself, sneeking behind bushes to put on a binder, being continually dismissed as a rebellious teenager and a problem. Like all negative labels that will stick of course.
Or you could try a more gradual approach.
Accepting that boobs don't mean anything that you don't want them to. You can deal with them later. For now, you need to deal with how people treat you.
Start by telling that teacher. Then your friends. But you really need to get one thing sorted in your mind, your sexuality. If you make this a sexual issue then you will simply attract sexual attention, or worse, not.
The point is, what your mother is actually saying is that she wants you to be a normal teenage girl, meeting boys, never having sex, (of course), then bringing some nice boy hom, marryiing him and so on. Those around you will tend toward seeing you either as a potential for conquest or a competitor for the best ones.
If your need to transision becomes a sexual issue, it will be treated as a tactic to attract boys. Whatever your sexual preferences are, your needs are about life and life isn't about sex.