Sorry, it's a long read, but maybe helpful to someone with writers block.
This is the letter I used for family, friends and close co-workers
Mum & Dad
As my Mum and Dad, you are everything to me. You have been there thru the high's and the low's. You have been the best parents anyone could every wish for, and I mean that. But I need to explain what is happening to me, my divorce and how it is impacting everyone I care for in my life.
What I'm about to share with you is something that has been a secret I have been carrying around for too long (over 20 years). Breaking point has come and now it's time to move forward. There is only a few people in my life that know what I'm about to share with you as to why XXXX & I are truly getting a divorce. No matter what anyone thinks about me, I have and will always love and care for XXXX.
So, here it is...
I have been suffering and diagnosed with Gender Identity Disorder (GID). This has been diagnosed by two separate licensed therapists and two separate licensed doctors that specialise in this field.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gender_identity_disorder (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gender_identity_disorder)
Gender identity disorder (GID) is the formal diagnosis used by psychologists and physicians to describe persons who experience significant gender dysphoria (discontent with the biological sex they were born with). It is a psychiatric classification and describes the attributes related to transsexuality and transgender identity. The earliest estimates of prevalence for transsexualism in adults were 1 in 37,000 males
This is very difficult to explain, so please bare with me.
Childhood:
Looking back, I had a fantastic childhood, fantastic family and fantastic friends, but I did feel something was different about me. Not knowing what these feelings were or how to deal with them, I just expected that everyone had the same feelings as I did or they would go away.
Teens:
It wasn't until my teens that I really felt that I was different, but once again I had no idea how to express these feelings or share them with anyone because I felt embarrassed and ashamed. The feeling of being trapped in the wrong body with no way out is very difficult to understand. During my teens was when I first discovered what Gender Identity and Transsexual, was, along with the differences between a cross-dresser, ->-bleeped-<- and transsexual. I had no idea which of these "labels" I fitted into, so over the years of self discovery I thought I would find my answers. I also thought these feels would just go away or it was a "phase".
Adult:
As an adult I went through living a life that I thought would make me happy. The same life as my peers. Don't get me wrong, I had a great life, but the underlying emotions regarding my gender identity was always in the back of my mind. This was the first time I really started to fully research the topic thru books, articles, web, etc. Over the years I have research 100s and 100s of hours on the topic Gender Identity Disorder. As my feeling longed to be expressed I had no way of showing, well I guess I dropped a few little hints – loved the colour pink, earrings (2004), long hair - twice!!!
Marriage:
My marriage to XXXX was not an escape from my gender identity disorder, I was in love with XXXX and wanted to have a partner to spend my rest of life with. While we had many great times together, we had low times too, just like any other marriage or partnership.
Health:
During the past say 6 years, health has suffered greatly. My sleeping patterns (many nights of only a couple hours of sleep), along with anxiety, which triggered a majority of my stomach issues), depressed and the feeling of self-worthlessness. Being able to identify these issues, I was able to seek medical assistance I needed. Living was everything to me, so I knew that I had to deal with my gender identity disorder before I had a complete breakdown or worse. Thru the research I have done, I knew what actions I needed to do, which was counseling.
The Breaking Point:
Well actually there have been two, the first in 2004 and the second in July of 2010. The first in 2004 was a difficult stage in my life, while I thought I was prepared I was not. Firstly telling XXXX and me getting my bags packed was a very emotional time. XXXX being the very strong willed person that she is, didn't want to lose me and was very concerned about what I was going to go thru. Being incredibly scared and a couple of days apart, I once again, thought counseling and anti-depressants we could live a happy life, and I put everything behind me. After a while on anti-depressants (tried a few different types) I found they were not helping at all, just making my "numb". I knew that the medication was not helping at all. After 6 months I thought I could continue to live a happy life with my assigned gender and continue the marriage
Over the years I continued to block out anything about gender identity and trans, etc. But over time I was having the snowball effect happening on the inside.
In the last 12 months of my marriage I started to drift apart from XXXX. Besides gender identity, pressure with work, promotion and the pressure of the world wanting to know when we were going to have children were too much. All of these issues compounded my underlying emotions which made me decide I'm not living the life I want. I'm living a life what other people expect from me. This was not fair to me, but also to XXXX and everyone else. I knew I had to change my gender on the outside to match how I feel on the inside.
What have I done already???
Firstly and most importantly, Therapy!!! This has been a life saver (too many of my online friends that are suffering from GID have taken their own lives). The relief in opening up and sharing my secret with someone and discussing what this means, how it will affect me, family, friends, work, finances, health, etc is helping me move forward in a positive direction. My therapist specialise in treating transgender individuals, which is very reassuring. My treatment is in accordance with "Standard of Care" by The Harry Benjamin International Gender Dysphoria Association's. My counselor has been very impressed at how prepared, organised and my understanding in the matter.
I even got a second opinion on my diagnosed disorder, per Fred's request.
So what does this mean???
Well, I have already started my transition from Male to Female (MTF). Please understand that it was not a decision that came brashly. There is no magic pill, no heading off to Hollywood for an Extreme Make-up Episode, instead I have a journey of up to 12 months before I will transition full-time. Along this journey I will be having highs and lows, joy and pain, happiness and sadness.
What's next after Therapy???
After three months, my therapist can provide a recommendation to my Doctor for a recommendation for Hormone Replacement Therapy (HRT). HRT medication is a very dangerous to your liver and needs constant supervision of the proscribing Doctor. While I could choose to self proscribe through online pharmacy's, I decided my health was too important for cutting corners. I searched the entire state of Wisconsin and Chicago looking for an experienced Doctor that had the knowledge and respect within the trans community. To my amazement, my New Doctor is located in McFarland. She treats patients that are local, from Milwaukee, Chicago, Iowa (Who would have know Madison had such a large trans population and support systems). HRT is typically three different forms of medication: 1) Testosterone Blocker, 2) Estrogen, 3) Second form of Estrogen that will assist in breast growth. I have already meet with my Doctor, preformed physical, blood panels and family history. Health wise, I'm in perfect health. I have now begun HRT now that I have received the letter of recommendation from my Therapist. The timeline effect of HRT is typical 6-12 months before "two" things might become noticeable on my chest. Note: HRT will not change my voice, remove facial hair, give me 36DD boobs, but it will soften/smooth skin, reduce muscle tone and definition, reposition body fat.
What about XXXX?
Firstly, XXXX was extremely upset, but over time she also has been amazing at helping me thru this transition. Since we have common friends and we realised that we had to get along together and help each other so our friends don't feel they need to choose sides.
So who knows???
After discussing with my therapist, she recommended that I start sharing my transition and gender identity disorder with family and close friends. At first I was very nervous about sharing with anyone, but after sharing with my close friends here is the States, the support has been overwhelming. I never thought that my friends would be as supportive as they have. Not only have they been supportive of me, but very supportive to XXXX as well. It is fabulous to have a support group such as my friends.
I have also been attending a transgender support group in Madison. At first I was very apprehensive on attending, but I thought I have nothing to lose. The first meeting (~18 transgender individuals) was amazing. Meeting people that are, have or experienced what I'm going through was a great place to talk, listen and learn. Well I think I done most of the talking since I have done so much research.
So how does this change me???
I'm still the same person that was created by two loving parents. I'm still family, I'm still a friend. My thoughts are the same, along with self beliefs, sense of humor, passion for my family and friends, most important my taste buds for fine wine, beer and liquor.
What else???
Well there is a lot more to my transition (yes, I have done a lot of research and developed a plan of attack), but I feel I need you to take your time to digest what I have written before I go into any further detail.
Support for you???
Firstly, what I'm sharing with you is a huge burden and will take a long time to understand. I have been doing research and found The Gender Center in Sydney that offers support groups and information to families with transgender family members. I would love for you to attend one of their sessions or more. I find the support groups very helpful.
The Gender Centre Inc.
7 Bent Street (P.O. Box 266)
Petersham N.S.W. 2049
Ph: (02) 9569 2366 Fax: (02) 9569 1176
Web: www.gendercentre.org.au (http://www.gendercentre.org.au)
Email: reception@gendercentre.org.au
Secondly, is discussing this with your friends when you feel the timing is right. I have shared my transition with my friends and the support you receive is amazing.
So now you know my secret!!!
While this may be totally confusing, hard to read, over whelming, disbelief, etc. you're my family and I'm asking for your support and understanding. Hopefully over time you will find acceptance too. I know you will have thousands of questions and I will have thousands of answers for you.
I promise you that I'm the happiest I have been in a long time. I can finally sleep, my stomach issues seem to have settled done. I have had no issues with my medication, my doctor is supervising and analyzing blood work every 6 weeks, and happy with my overall health. I'm truly looking after myself.
Love always,
Jamie
Hey this is a really beautiful letter!
I just wanted to say that. :) I'm so glad you shared it.
Very caring and patient in the explanation of GID. I think you covered all their likely questions very well.
Karen.