My third attempt with the medical community to get this going was successful! I went to the doctor's the other day, and the new doctor was SOOO much better than the first one I saw. She was very blunt and to the point like the other, but in a nice and encouraging way. We talked for 10-15 minutes about everything and my past, and current times and what I'm facing. After we finished she told me I'm a good candidate for HRT, and despite the depression and anxiety problems I face, I have my act together as far as being serious about this. All she wants to do is speak briefly to my counselor on the phone, which I had intentionally an appointment with her later the same day. I talked with her, gave the number to reach the doctor, and I signed my consent forms to give her permission to do so, and she was willing to help me this time in getting where I needed to go. The doctor told me after she spoke with her she would call me next time with the results and what will happen next. She said she won't see me again in the office for about a month, or until we have my first blood work drawn, which will be after I start hormones she said. So basically, we're talking it could be DAYS left before I start!
I have begun taking steps towards name searching again, and making a list of possible names. I want to find one that I feel is really "me", as I feel that will really help to concrete this whole thing. It will take some time to find one, but I'm waiting for the moment when I find something that I will just say "that's the one!" to.
Additionally my mother and I were talking earlier, and I've been very sporadic in talking to her lately cause of all my depression problems, but she could tell I've had it rough lately. She tried to find out what's been wrong, but I dodged around the bush on it, only telling her small parts of irrelevant stuff, hiding the real reasons. I think it's time I tell her soon what's about to happen. It may be risky and scary, but after that I can do a full scale coming out to everyone else that does not know, and get this ball rolling.
But finally, after 3 years of really working on this and through some insane times of my life, it is happening for real now! It's scary, but also I was dressing earlier and realized I cannot freaking wait to finally LIVE as my gender, to finally wear clothes and FIT into them, to finally be out and HAPPY. It's a turning point of life. Scary but I can't freaking wait either. Last night after having a bad day even during the appointments, in the evening I had a strong feeling and knowing that everything is going to work out just fine, and to just keep doing what I'm doing. Dreams do come true, and after all the nights of pain, depression, angst, and many other horrible emotions and times, I'm pulling through it, I'm pulling out of it. It all was really worth something. It was necessary experiences that all together led to where I am right now, today, writing this.
Good on you Honey,
I know it has been a long trip, but it's a journey we take and at least you are young enough to accomplish and live a fine life.
Hugs
Cindy