I had a family meal the other day for my mums birthday, after the meal my brother & his wife gave me a lift home & I informed them that i've had approval for funding for my sex change.
The only question he had for me was "am I afraid that i'll spend the rest of my life being seen as a man in drag?"
I told him that there will be certain subtle changes in my face due to HRT & that i've been mistaken for a woman a couple of times when i've gone out as female. I told him about the time a taxi driver mistook me for female until I got my change & forgot to change my voice (he had a good chuckle about that)
I also told him that the important thing for me is not what others see me as but what I see myself as, also that after a lifetime of scaring children (& some adults) by going outdoors with very bad excema i'm long past caring what strangers think of me.
He took all of this without batting an eyelid but then I told him that whenever I look in the mirror the first thing I see is a woman staring back at me, after a second or two I start to see a male when I notice the stubble, the eyebrow (single, not plural) & my large hooter. I told him that when i've had my eyebrows done & my facial hair removed then i'll pass for female easier. (I didn't mention that i'm willing to have FFS in the distant future as this may have been too much for him to take in this early)
He didn't comment on this but the look on his face was one of someone struggling to believe what he'd been told.
This got me wondering if other people seee their desired gender in the mirror (even if only briefly) or is this rare?
Sometimes if I'm feeling really feminine at the time, I can look into the mirror and see a woman staring back, either right away or after looking for a while. All other times I see my male face, which is usually not a face I want to see. I'll start to criticize my face in every way about how masculine it is, how big my nose is, how much my jaw juts, how bushy my eyebrows are, not to mention the stubble. This is all keeping in mind that I'm pre-everything.
I'd say about 75% of the time I look in the mirror and see a person I don't want to be, about 10% of the time I'll see a woman, and the other 15% I'll be apathetic either way.
a really nice girl to be.
It is almost like an illusion, I glance and there she is and sometimes she remains, soft sensual, unmistakable. And then I look yet another time and he occupies now the place where she once was. I am starting to believe that self Delusion seems to be a culprit but such is always on, it is a part of perception which interprets world we interact with. Obviously our face does not change that much within days, hours or even minutes but our ability to see one or the other does.
And if that is correct then our vision of the world would be subject to the same, so that world seems different on a good day then that observed on a bad day.
I realize this is the MTF board, but I figured I'd chime in anyways. I see a male in the mirror 95% of the time, even though I'm pre-hormones and even pre-coming out. I rarely pass, so I know it's just a matter of perception. I only begin to see female when I analyze my features, which I try not to do.
I'm also pre everything so I fully understand what you say about criticizing your face, when my skin clears up enough to wear makeup I often place a mirror so that I can constantly see the female me but without makeup I try to avoid mirrors & I avoid having my picture taken whenever possible.
Unfortunately I went into my local asda last year & saw my face on the front cover of the Telegraph from me being on a demo the day before, this is one of the few pictures in existance of me & had I known that my picture was being taken then i'd have hid, i'm not ashamed of being with this group, just my face.
This is the picture http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/uknews/7905178/Right-wing-group-clashes-with-Muslims-in-Luton.html (http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/uknews/7905178/Right-wing-group-clashes-with-Muslims-in-Luton.html) i'm the one holding the flag.
I've taken a break from this group for a year or so until i've completed my transition but the support i've recieved from my fellow members has been overwhelming, everyone in my division is behind me 100%
Quote from: x1x1 on September 14, 2011, 02:31:05 PM
I realize this is the MTF board, but I figured I'd chime in anyways. I see a male in the mirror 95% of the time, even though I'm pre-hormones and even pre-coming out. I rarely pass, so I know it's just a matter of perception. I only begin to see female when I analyze my features, which I try not to do.
I only put this in the MTF section because that's what I am, I always welcome comments from any section of our community as regardless of our gender we are all struggling up the same big hill
A smexy lady! :)
A girl with a mustache. o.O
The first thing I see is messy hair, puffy eyes and... :-\ But, like any other woman, spend a little time on hair, makeup and attire, and I'm ready to go out into the world.
Sometimes I see a girl that has nothing wrong with her, other times if i get gender dysphoria attacks bad (which is 80% of the time) I see all my ->-bleeped-<-ty features (jaw, etc)
QuoteI glance and there she is and sometimes she remains, soft sensual, unmistakable. And then I look yet another time and he occupies now the place where she once was.
That sums it up for me too. She is often there when I just glance in the mirror and don't take time to really look.
One time I went into the bathroom and was startled by a strange women staring back then I said to myself "Oh silly it's only your reflection".
Nowadays I almost always see my true self at first glance...until the shadow ruins it X_X
Wow I'm amazed that you have revived such support from that group though I did see they had a lgbt wing so they really are an inclusive group I just would not want to meet some of the other parts of the ESL on the way to rallys when u start your transition you might now find them as supportive.
As long as I have my hairpiece on covering the thin patch at the front I am ok. Otherwise it's a depressingly male sight. I have started putting my hair on before shaving, and tieing it back. Makes me feel like woman with facial hair rather than a bloke.
Karen.
As goes for today, this morning --- one smashing girl/woman I see.
If I was me (formerly) I would go nuts over me (presently) if that makes sense? :-)
Looking GOOD, sexy, not overdressed, just great. And I didn't even have a good night sleep - due to being off E before "the knife comes out" soon. :-)
Ain't it great to have some 'good hair day' once in a while? Yippy :-)
Axelle
PS: Get all horny just looking at myself - now ain't THAT something, he he
Interesting that I managed to find a butcher here who sells Biltong, earlier today. Looks a bit like a dried-up thing!
Karen :laugh:
I see a guy :P Rarely I glimps female for a second... but that is probably just from going crazy and dilusional :P Oh well, maybe with more hormones or something :|
Quote from: inna on September 14, 2011, 02:24:51 PM
It is almost like an illusion, I glance and there she is and sometimes she remains, soft sensual, unmistakable. And then I look yet another time and he occupies now the place where she once was.
I have this happen.. A glimpse and she is there, look back and she's gone.. Thankfully, the difference between that first glimpse and reality seems to get a little smaller each day. :)
More and more I see me.
And Kelly you are looking terrific and I can vouch that her avatar is true to life as we had coffee last week.
Cindy
Very occasionally I look in the mirror and see Jamie staring back like some sort of ghost and I think "Hang on a sec, you're dead!" He just smiles and waves and wishes me luck and happiness...then I go back to bemoaning the state of my hair.
Karen,
* ...managed to find a butcher here who sells Biltong, earlier today. Looks a bit like a dried-up thing! *
Wow hell, but it moa better taste LOTS better than it looks to you, hon :-)
I like eating the stuff for a protein quickie - it also doesn't look too good in the mirror though, I have to say...
He he,
Axelle
Quote from: sparkles on September 14, 2011, 11:58:09 PM
Wow I'm amazed that you have revived such support from that group though I did see they had a lgbt wing so they really are an inclusive group I just would not want to meet some of the other parts of the ESL on the way to rallys when u start your transition you might now find them as supportive.
When I came out I put a message on their forum for all the people that I couldn't contact in person, I had over 200 replies from around 100 people, only 3 were negative, 2 people objected to me having it done on the NHS & 1 just objected to me having it done.
The only person who had a real problem with it started a facebook group targeting me, for this act among others he's been told by the leadership that he's not welcome anymore.
I went to my last demo a few weeks ago in London & was overwhelmed with the amount of people who came up to me to offer support, when we got back to Bristol one of the blokes who has a reputation for being a hard man shook everyone elses hand as we said goodbye, I offered my hand & he pulled me towards him & gave me a kiss on the cheek & wished me all the best even though I was in bloke mode, you could have knocked me down with a feather!!
We should all understand better than most people that you can't judge a book by its cover
Quote from: Axélle on September 15, 2011, 05:23:16 AM
Karen,
* ...managed to find a butcher here who sells Biltong, earlier today. Looks a bit like a dried-up thing! *
Wow hell, but it moa better taste LOTS better than it looks to you, hon :-)
I like eating the stuff for a protein quickie - it also doesn't look too good in the mirror though, I have to say...
He he,
Axelle
Biltong rocks.. and it does taste much better than it looks.. and makes jerky look and taste very second rate..
I see the product of mutated genes...
A pair of mischievous eyes...
The proof that life isn't meant for everyone...
i'm pre everything also and i see a woman everytime i look in the mirror, make up or not, i do have beard blackness which make up covers up but sometimes i do see a woman behind my eyes even when i see a male apearance, but if i wear make up and save all the time then i only ever see the girl i am, and whats also good is so does everyone else see a girl, i have been lucky enough to have had it easy upto this point, even people who know i;m trans tell me i pass for a cis girl so while i know what others think shouldn't matter it helps boost the confidence a hell of a lot, so i think 95% of the time i see a girl and 5% when i need to shave....but lazor and HRT will soon hopefuly sort that out :)
The first thing I see in the mirror is either the "chicken neck" I inherited from my mother or how badly I need to redye my hair. ...Oh, the male or female thing... It took me six to nine months to start seeing a woman in the mirror. That's all I've seen there now for several years.
I never see a female in the mirror, even when I am fully naked.
Sometimes, I see a less then happy male, or a less normal male, or male with boobs. But no, I never see a girl. Maybe its total denial, I dunno.
(I am FTM)
oh, sorry this is the wrong thread, hope you dont mind
Before my transition began, I was surprised to see this man looking back at me. Shortly after it started and my wife fell out of love with me, I saw an in-between-genders monster. Now, I see potential.
I see a woman who's breasts are just starting to grow and who has an odd growth between her legs. While out at lunch with my wife a short while back, the manager just walking through the restaurant asked, "How is every thing for you ladies," and I wasn't even en femme.
So, while I'm having difficulty imagining what my body will look like unclothed, I feel like she's in there, somewhere.
Quote from: Elijah on September 15, 2011, 01:42:59 PM
I never see a female in the mirror, even when I am fully naked.
Sometimes, I see a less then happy male, or a less normal male, or male with boobs. But no, I never see a girl. Maybe its total denial, I dunno.
(I am FTM)
oh, sorry this is the wrong thread, hope you dont mind
This topic is open to anyone on the forum, we may be travelling in different directions but we are all on the same journey to our true selves
It really varies with me, there's days I can see ME, even in guy mode I see the beautiful girl that I am inside. But they are just small glimpses the outer guy layer can be really thick to see through sometimes. There's days I find myself handsome in guy mode but the majority of the time I don't like him!
I've always seen a woman in the mirror, even before HRT. But if I cut my hair short I saw a feminine looking guy. These days I see a sweet, beautiful young woman who has just began to blossom.
Quote from: Keaira on September 17, 2011, 10:30:01 AM
I've always seen a woman in the mirror, even before HRT. But if I cut my hair short I saw a feminine looking guy. These days I see a sweet, beautiful young woman who has just began to blossom.
As always Keaira, you are a beacon of hope. :)
I see potential when I look in the mirror, the potential for a pretty girl. If my hair was long now (why did I get into short hair cuts?) I'd probably see a slightly masculine girl.
Quote from: Futura on September 15, 2011, 08:39:30 AM
I see the product of mutated genes...
A pair of mischievous eyes...
The proof that life isn't meant for everyone...
You have the choice to be you, not someone who lives by others expectations, and the mischievous eyes say as much. There's countless people willing to love you if given the chance :)
It's not our past that chains us, we chain ourselves by not letting go, the idea of mutated genes is just something you thought was true when it's not true at all.
Life is for all. Someone could live the hardest life and have lived the truest life, the converse is true as well, a life of no hardship and fake.
Quote from: Keaira on September 17, 2011, 10:30:01 AM
I've always seen a woman in the mirror, even before HRT. But if I cut my hair short I saw a feminine looking guy. These days I see a sweet, beautiful young woman who has just began to blossom.
As I said in another topic, I totally feel that way too, even though I haven't started transition and am quite ugly. :-\
So first thing I look at when I look in the mirror is my eyes. Because the depths of my soul is where my true self lies. I do this first so that I can deal with my physical self.
I understand this seeing a woman but then shifting to seeing a man thing, it's why I had some fairly minor FFS done. Now I just see a woman :) At least for me getting my face "corrected" was WAY higher up on my list of things to do than getting what's in my pants altered.
Quote from: 30kps on September 17, 2011, 10:48:34 AM
As always Keaira, you are a beacon of hope. :)
I see potential when I look in the mirror, the potential for a pretty girl. If my hair was long now (why did I get into short hair cuts?) I'd probably see a slightly masculine girl.
Dont let a haircut define you. there are so many options in regards to styles and cuts for women, plus wigs can also be really useful! if your not full time a wig is perfect for that first trip out of the house, or going to the store. Besides, passing is 10% looks and 90% attitude. From your avatar I think you'll do just fine ^_^
depends on my frame of mind
sometimes i see a carefree me, whose beauty shines through her facade
sometimes i see a delusional crazy beard mustache shadow at 5
the mirror knows what im thinking
This afternoon, a lot of streaks, I think I need to do some housework :laugh:
Depends at the time of the day, the mood, and everything else. Sometimes I see myself as beautiful...other days, I think "wtf, why is my makeup turning snooki orange?"
It depends really... I take pics to send to my man everyday in my mirror.
Quote from: Cindy James on September 18, 2011, 02:12:58 AM
This afternoon, a lot of streaks, I think I need to do some housework :laugh:
When I see a lot of streaking in the mirror, it reminds me to put some clothes on. :icon_redface: