I've known for so long that I wanted to transition. I want to leave only the biological sex behind. I love my life for the most part and I want to keep everything the same, except the way that outside world perceives me. I know how I perceive myself. Most see me as a biological male, but I want to transition in order for it to be no question, and for me to get over the dysphoria that I have with my chest and other areas of my body.
My parents are divorced now, and it was tough on me but I also saw it coming for years, but I know that I love them more than I can ever say - and I still want a relationship with them individually.
When I first came out they weren't happy, obviously, but they were accepting because they love ME - not my gender. My mom took it harder than my dad because she asked why I couldn't be a "normal lesbian" without doing anything to my body. It's fine that she's ignorant to it. I have tried to educate her, and it's been hard.. She's told me "whatever you are, I love you" so I thought she understood.
Yesterday I went to get the results back from my MMPI, and was over the moon that the psychologist said we could get to work on either A) getting a T letter or B) used informed consent for Dr. Gary Smith in Nashville to start HRT. I called my mom right away to tell her the results of the MMPI and to talk to her. She was fine. This morning, however, I wake up to a text that says "Before you were born, I knew you were a girl and I was right.. listen to your heart before making decisions"
Needless to say, my heart broke. It killed me. I told her that I wish I was happy with the biological sex I was born with; because it'd be the easier thing. I told her that it killed me to know that she was struggling with it.. and now even though I know I won't be happy this way, I am wondering if it's worth seeing my mother be hurt. She's had a lifetime of it, and I've been with her through cancer, my dad cheating, having no money, to being through countless surgeries, and then the divorce.. I can't stand to see her hurt anymore. I hate that she doesn't understand and I'm so comfortable with who I am now, and I've outed myself to so many people that DO understand, and I know that this is what I want and what I NEED in my life..
But Idk what to do at this point. Have you guys ever felt like there was one person in the world that you would sacrifice being happy for?
Ya know I've been through the same things with my mom except for the cancer and I have to point out that you're a very strong son. I can't even begin to imagine how tough it has been.
When I came out to my mom she too did not understand. She was in a tough place and shortly after telling her she found out she had to have spinal surgery or she might lose the use of one of her arms. At that point I questioned whether transitioning was selfish, if I should pretend so that she would be happy but in the end my choice was to tell her I love her and I want her support but I HAD to do this or I would not be comfortable or happy.
It's been a year and a half since. She has healed physically and has healed mentally when it comes to me. She prayed for a daughter when they told her she would be having a son. Now she calls me her son, is better at pronouns than almost anyone else and will be helping me fund my top surgery in the next year. You may choose to hold of transition and that is okay but be true to you man. And think, will she really be happy about you if she knows you are unhappy? Best of luck stiltsk
I had it somehow simular,
when I first came out I felt like taking a risk to sacrifise friend and famely,
specially last part.
but I felt like a sinner since my famely always wanted a daughter, and around the time my mom was also pretty sick and got surgery for risk of cancer and stuff like that. when my parrents are felling bad I feel selfish for putting up a focus to make them accept me, ex I where very unpleased about the fact I didnt got surgery in my vacation or even talked to a doctor,
I think my mother planed a long trip so I wouldnt, but as I got home to denmark and could complain and do so the terror in norway happent, and I didnt felt like putting up more negativ presure on her around that time, so I never got to talk to him during the vacation..
I guess its the same kind of felling.
I dont like trouble people, but I also hate to ignore them, in many caise I feel like being way to sweet to people and putting there needs higher than my own, and it usunally pay me bad.
No, there is no one I would sacrifice transitioning for. And you know why, because there is no one who would sacrifice their transition for me.
Also, as long as your family loves you for you, then really who cares?
I never bothering coming out to family, I just transitioned. I've been on T for 2 years and am post-op. I guess my family is more of the kind that if they don't have to talk about it then they accept it. They for the most part call me Jay and he. If they don't, well I honestly don't care.
Remember you are doing this for you, not anyone else. Even if it sucks that they call you a girl or your birth name, if it makes them feel better about holding on to that part of your life that wasn't you, then so be it. If they never wanna talk to you again, well then that's their problem, don't make it yours and stay strong.
Yes, I've felt like this, it's what kept me from transitioning for so long despite always knowing I'm trans (I'm now 26 and have been 4months on T). But really, if you give up transition just to not hurt someone, you're more than likely going to end up regretting it and feeling even worse down the line.
I've gone through similar stuff with my mother, except the cancer and surgeries. Always had a very close relation to her, and I hated to have to make her hurt even more, but looking back at it all, she wasn't worth all those worries. Of all the people I've come out to so far, she has hurt me the deepest with the way she reacted, she was downright cruel. I'll still be there for my family, and they'll be there for me, but we no longer have a "meaningful" relation. I truly turned to hate my mother, as all she cared about was that I should be quiet and stay a girl so that SHE could have her peace of mind.
Ultimately, my boyfriend of 5 years was the hardest to "let go" of. The guilt and shame I felt, knowing I was taking that beautiful girl(which I tried to be when we first met) away from him, was and is still extremely heavy on me.
But looking at it realistically, no matter how perfect of a relationship it felt like we had, he would NOT have sacrificed the core of who he is for me, so I shouldn't either.
And to comment on your mother's text message; You ARE listening to your heart, that's why you want to transition. Parents do not realize how cruel it is of them to fill us with guilt like this, they just panic over the change.
I would never sacrifice my transition for anyone. This is something I need to do. I could't live my whole life trying to appease others. Yeah I wish I wasn't trans and had the body I should, but I don't. I don't care if my parents think it's selfish. I think it's selfish to expect your child not to transition because you don't what to have to deal with having a trans kid. I'm not sure if my step dad knows, but my mom does and for years she has said she will sever all ties with me if I do anything medical. I would like her in my life, but it's not going to stop me from transitioning. If she chooses she doesn't want to be a part of my life anymore then so be it, it's her loss. I don't really see how its feasible though. Who's going to dog and house sit for her? Is she never going to talk to her parents, who raised me, again since they wont kick me out? What is she going to tell my 2 year old sister? My sister loves both me and my grandparents. I wish my little sister wouldn't be bothered by this, but if her parents don't make it a big issue then she wont.
Quote from: Da Monkey on September 17, 2011, 02:55:34 PM
No, there is no one I would sacrifice transitioning for. And you know why, because there is no one who would sacrifice their transition for me.
Also, as long as your family loves you for you, then really who cares?
I never bothering coming out to family, I just transitioned. I've been on T for 2 years and am post-op. I guess my family is more of the kind that if they don't have to talk about it then they accept it. They for the most part call me Jay and he. If they don't, well I honestly don't care.
Remember you are doing this for you, not anyone else. Even if it sucks that they call you a girl or your birth name, if it makes them feel better about holding on to that part of your life that wasn't you, then so be it. If they never wanna talk to you again, well then that's their problem, don't make it yours and stay strong.
This is what I'm doing. I'm not telling anyone anything and I got my first appointment to start T in about a month. I assume my grandfather and step dad have some idea I'm trans. My mother and grandmother know for sure and they have chosen to ignore it and not talk about it at all. When I cut my hair my mom freaked out and said she didn't even want to look at me. She did this every time I got it cut, but she still did look at me and talk to me. I haven't had a hair cut in forever now. I'm going to let T change my face before cutting it again, I think it will make it easier for everyone to deal with / ignore the changes. My mom's biggest gripe is what her friends and everyone else on the planet will think. If she doesn't cut me out of her life she will eventually have to start using male pronouns. What will some stranger think if they hear her calling me she when I'm clearly a man?
Da Monkey, what did your fam say when the changes started to become obvious? Assuming they said something.
Quote from: Sharky on September 17, 2011, 07:51:30 PM
This is what I'm doing. I'm not telling anyone anything and I got my first appointment to start T in about a month. I assume my grandfather and step dad have some idea I'm trans. My mother and grandmother know for sure and they have chosen to ignore it and not talk about it at all. When I cut my hair my mom freaked out and said she didn't even want to look at me. She did this every time I got it cut, but she still did look at me and talk to me. I haven't had a hair cut in forever now. I'm going to let T change my face before cutting it again, I think it will make it easier for everyone to deal with / ignore the changes. My mom's biggest gripe is what her friends and everyone else on the planet will think. If she doesn't cut me out of her life she will eventually have to start using male pronouns. What will some stranger think if they hear her calling me she when I'm clearly a man?
Da Monkey, what did your fam say when the changes started to become obvious? Assuming they said something.
That sounds just like my mom. She cares so much on how it will make her look instead of what she actually feels about it. She noticed my hair cuts and even noticed my binding and kept asking questions but I shrugged it off like it was no big deal. Even now she still calls me by my birth name in public. Before I would get embarrassed but I like to think I look obviously male now so it doesn't bother me because she ends up looking insane. My stepdad calls me he and Jay though and treats me a lot better than he did when I was growing up actually.
As for starting T, honestly whenever I would visit aunts and uncles and whoever they would often look at me strange and sometimes horrified and then finally ask the questions. I just laughed and again, gave them
very short answers. I find once people start throwing in huge explanations to their family and listing all the small changes of T it really freaks them out so I always kept it simple. I make it my own business and my own life so that they are the ones dying to bring it up.
Plus, it's lame but, getting rid of my old Facebook and creating a brand new one and only accepting those who add me helps too.