You know ... what the hell. >:(
Okay so there is this girl I know and I like her as a friend. She's fun and funny to hang out with. I haven't seen her for awhile, so I invited her over last night to watch some tv and hang out.
As soon as she got there, she poured some absinthe, set some sugar cubes on fire and proceeded to tell me about all the guys she had slept with on her last vacation. This was fine, I have no problem with the fun people have. But the thing is the more she kept talking about it, the more it was clear she was trying for a reaction.
We moved to the couch and she sat very close and talked more about sex. Okay a couple of things here. This is my house. My partner was upstairs watching TV and there are pictures of our children on the wall. I'm not strictly monogamous but I do have common sense. So I let her do what she wanted, but made no move myself. Eventually we watched TV and drank and talked some more.
When the show was over I asked her if she wanted to sleep on the couch. As I didn't want her driving if she was drunk. She said, and I quote: "I want to do whatever it is you want me to do." There was purring involved. By the way she's 30 years old, so old enough to know better I would think. Also, not particularly a looker in the conventional sense. That doesn't seem to stop anyone. Including quite a few guys that I personally know.
The expectation was, even though I should know better, that because I am a guy I should sleep with her. Just because she was that available for me. Long story short, I didn't and not just because I didn't want her to know my secret.
I was perfectly happy to spend time with her. I told her, honestly, I was glad to have her over. Still when she left she seemed really disappointed. I never said that I would sleep with her. I never implied that I would, unless just asking her over was the implication. It was just to awkward, just no ... I don't think she's going to want to come back and that's a shame.
Was I in the wrong here? Can't people just hang out and be friends without screwing?
No you were not wrong. Contrary to popular belief, there's lots of guys who don't go for the, "low hanging fruit".
I've been in a number of situations like this - where a very forward female put the moves on me and I didn't reciprocate. Half of the time they end up being offended or cop a huge attitude and start calling me a ->-bleeped-<-. I'm not sure if it's kind of a universal trait for chicks like that but I've learned that for me, it's best to stay away from that type.
I can't think of a better way to handle the situation. :-\
I've been having this issue more and more with my female friends, and I've started just not hanging out alone with some of them. If she doesn't get the "just friends" thing, you could meet up somewhere she'd be less likely to expect more.
Maybe she thought you meant something more when you asked her over.
You weren't wrong. You handled the situation well.
Thanks you guys. I'm pretty sure I did the best I could in the situations. I suppose I'm not surprised to hear my situation is not unique.
I'm just disappointed that it was a situation at all. I hope I can still be friends with her.
Omg, I'm still presenting as male, and I hate when girls do that to me, it's so fricken awkward, and it seems kind of trashy. -.-
I wish girls would do that to me. I'm single :)
Wait.
She knows you have a partner (male).
She knows you have kids.
And she still wanted to get into your pants?!
Are you into girls, too? Are you in an open relationship with your partner? Very nervy on her part. Even if you were straight and single, she was a bit forward.
Jay
How she feels isn't your responsibility - she said what she wanted, you said what you wanted, they didn't match up. That's fine. I've weirdly found women (who like men) taking more of an interest in me since they found out I'm transitioning to a woman. Go figure. I think it's perhaps because a lot of men who like women are kind of off-putting once you get close to them ::). But maybe I'm just flattering myself :).
well, let me be honest
sure people, can be friends. guy x girls as straight and so on.. if not then we bisexual people shouldnt be able to have friends at all..
but I will say if i where in you shoes, and she where my type then I would feel temptated.
maybe not on the coach but you do have a room right? then I gues sin that cause I would go there.
but if you didnt had any thought for that then it would be all cool not to, people who have sex with people they dont really want to have sex with are just desperate.
-
heres another thing, you said the thing about you didnt want her to find out the thing about you being trans.
I think its always a good idea people know that before you sleeping with them, even if it can be a big taboo or a mood breaker, but it would also be if you started going around and she noticed out of sudden, and even if she didnt you would feel kinda tense and limited more than you probebly would if she knew.
---------
its kinda messy but what im trying to say is, of corse its okay not to do anything if you dont feel like, and if your just friends, but if you DO feel like doing something but are nervous about the part of you being trans or your parrents, then that the part to focusing about.
I hope you get this message, im not always so good to decribe exactly what I mean.
Wow, I've had almost the exact same thing happen to me except it was a guy who was over while my girlfriend was home and asleep.
It's so weird how people act like that when your partner is home. What's more weird is my girlfriend and this guy are friends too. I think since I am stealth and 'a bit off' it comes across as me looking like I am secretly gay.
What does this girl think your sexuality is?
Quote from: sneakersjay on September 23, 2011, 08:09:29 AM
Wait.
She knows you have a partner (male).
She knows you have kids.
And she still wanted to get into your pants?!
Are you into girls, too? Are you in an open relationship with your partner? Very nervy on her part. Even if you were straight and single, she was a bit forward.
Jay
I am interested in both boys and girls right about equally. She knows that I made out with a girl once. Who is a friend of us both. She knows that monogamy is not my thing. However what she apparently didn't know is that I respect my partner more than she clearly does.
Having an open relationship doesn't mean I just sleep with anyone I want to anywhere at all. My primary partner is the most important and if I wanted to do something I would talk to him about it First.
She was way forward and took me off my guard. I just want to have people over because I'm friendly and like people around. I don't want to have to worry about them trying something like that.
NatKat - Don't worry, I understand you most of the time.
My partner was in our upstairs bedroom so there was nowhere else to go. Unless we went outside to the car or something. I am a little bit worried about her finding out I'm trans. Not because she would be turned off by it. Only because she's not the most discrete person and might tell someone else in our group of friends.
If I did have the proper parts would I have gone for it, anyway? I really don't think so because with the chance of my partner walking by it was out of the question. If I was over at her house would I have done it then? Maybe ... But probably not just because sex to me is more than just in and out, in and out. It can be so much more than that. But only when two people are willing to communicate.
This whole thing bothered me because it made me seem less like a guy because I didn't jump her bones. When she left she hugged me a bunch of times almost as if she felt sorry for me. That's just ridiculous to me. I don't like feeling less of a guy personally but this is one of those stereotypes that should be broken. I would like to think that a fair number of guys out there are not mindless sex machine. That they have standards and respect enough for the other person to not just whip it out at the drop of a hat.
Wow. You handled the situation very well but I can´t understand what kind of a female can do such a thing? I mean why did she try to seduce you when she knew you had a partner and children? Ok, if she was a teenager, I could understand, but an adult woman??? I´m not sure if I would like to have her as a friend :-\
Quote from: Squirrel698 on September 23, 2011, 12:11:50 PM
I am interested in both boys and girls right about equally. She knows that I made out with a girl once. Who is a friend of us both. She knows that monogamy is not my thing. However what she apparently didn't know is that I respect my partner more than she clearly does.
Having an open relationship doesn't mean I just sleep with anyone I want to anywhere at all. My primary partner is the most important and if I wanted to do something I would talk to him about it First.
She was way forward and took me off my guard. I just want to have people over because I'm friendly and like people around. I don't want to have to worry about them trying something like that.
NatKat - Don't worry, I understand you most of the time.
My partner was in our upstairs bedroom so there was nowhere else to go. Unless we went outside to the car or something. I am a little bit worried about her finding out I'm trans. Not because she would be turned off by it. Only because she's not the most discrete person and might tell someone else in our group of friends.
If I did have the proper parts would I have gone for it, anyway? I really don't think so because with the chance of my partner walking by it was out of the question. If I was over at her house would I have done it then? Maybe ... But probably not just because sex to me is more than just in and out, in and out. It can be so much more than that. But only when two people are willing to communicate.
This whole thing bothered me because it made me seem less like a guy because I didn't jump her bones. When she left she hugged me a bunch of times almost as if she felt sorry for me. That's just ridiculous to me. I don't like feeling less of a guy personally but this is one of those stereotypes that should be broken. I would like to think that a fair number of guys out there are not mindless sex machine. That they have standards and respect enough for the other person to not just whip it out at the drop of a hat.
Well it dosent sound like you really had the need if its only goess as a "maybe" when nothing could get in your way.
-
these gender steriotypes is something we got everywhere, I also got them however in alittle other way,
like if guys (manly guys) ask me about my surgery and stuff they usunally focusing on the penis part even when its top surgery im going to have, and then they get into the thing about how I will have sex, and its very steriotype kinda ways when they talk sex no matter in what contest.
I once scared one away because he asked if I where going to get ->-bleeped-<-ed by someone,
and I said "no I prepear f*** the guy" of corse he didnt like that answer, but if he had said he liked my answer then it would also ruin his "man pride". also when I seen as male then its also very steriotype way of thinking, its pretty annoying because im not a steriotype at all, most because I dont feel I wanna be tied down, most men just do because they need to prove to themself there real men, thats pretty stupid they need a prove so simple,
in general I think alot of men are sissys on that point.
a girl did something similar to me but she was a teenager (we both were) its just really annoying we are friends and it kinnda ruined it.
I have tons of time to mess around, and I'm single. How come I don't have sluts trying to throw themselves on me?
Go to Pattaya, Thailand on around the 13th to 15th of April and walk around the street, you'll have tons of drunk sluts throwing themselves on you. Careful, if you pass and you're pretty and you're white, they'll be mansluts.
I'm immune to their Jedi Mind tricks, Male or female.
Actually, I've spent so much of my life worrying about who I was that I was pretty clueless when it came to hints about dating. But I'm married now and if this relationship doesnt work out, I'm not dating anyone else or getting married again.
Squirrel, Bravo! I'd say that was perfectly handled. You were a gentleman about the whole thing.
Quote from: ~RoadToTrista~ on September 25, 2011, 12:40:38 PMCareful, if you pass and you're pretty and you're white, they'll be mansluts.
I doubt I would pass even if I dressed up. However, it is not particularly relevant. I'm bisexual ;)
You're not less of a guy because you didn't sleep with her. You are more of a gentleman though. That's a good, and exclusively male, thing to be.
You're absolutely in the right. There's nothing wrong with not dryhumping everything with a pulse and boobs that comes into your sphere of influence.
I permanently pissed off a girl I used to know due to a similar situation.
hey i say well done sir great job :) i know the situation as i am still presenting male girls do that to me quite awkward for me may i just add :) but ! it taught me one thing some ppl you just need to have with a crowd :) none of this fancy romantic one on one hehe :) lol just try not invite your lady friends by themselves :)