What was/is your relationship with your father? As we say here in Scotland 'Tell the truth and shame the Devil.'
I get along very well with my dad. We have very similar personalities and hobbies, so we end up doing a lot of things together. I am not out to my parents yet, and my fear of our relationship changing is one of the main things holding me back.
My dad is the sweetest man I know. Once when I was hospitalized I called and crying asked him for a hug and he said "I'll give you one over the phone" He has been wonderful. I don't have to pretend to be something I'm not anymore and he still loves me.
I need a tissue :)
Emily
My relationship with my father is good, although it's never been as emotionally close as my relationship with my mother was (although that's probably typical for biological males growing up). He's a good father and a good person.
My dad was 70 years old when I was born. He got dementia and died before I was ten. Not good.
My dad was always the extremely stereotypical southern baptist farmhand who was strongly and abusively anti-expressionism, wether it was being gay, being Trans, or even about wearing just about anything other than a uniform. Tried to abuse me until I became Mr. Farmhand Jr., but I said "No, no, no." He was a very obviously repressed homosexual though, he only has had sex with my mom twice in a 40-year marriage, and he would always touch me creepily in near-private places and would get enraged when I tried to make him quit.
My father and I have incredibly similar personalities and interests and we go about things in almost identical ways. Basically the main difference personality-wise between us is that I have an enormous creative stripe (it's much bigger than a streak!) whereas he loves history.
Because of this, we've always been able to get along great and can happily co-exist without talking for days when my mother is gone.
Contact was sporadic. He was there a lot when I was younger, but by age 9 he began taking jobs out of state or country. He'd either be gone weeks or months at a time. This also caused us to move a lot, which had a fairly negative impact on my development, IMO. I later learned the moves were unnecessary, he just wanted to. We had to follow. By age 12 he was unfaithful to my mother, and that set off a lot of crap that caused me to distance myself from both of them. My relationship with him is almost non-existent, but he's slowly been gaining my trust and getting to know me. Lately, I've been feeling better about letting him get to know me. I'm not sure what will happen when I tell him about transitioning, so I keep putting it off. I don't know his opinion, but he is generally fairly conservative. Still, I consider him to be the more reasonable one when it comes to my parents.
My relationship with my mother, who suffered quite a bit because of his decisions in life, is much worse. She took to alcohol to deal with the stress him being away all the time caused. Once he cheated on her, she decided to stay with him. Still, she couldn't let it go. Her life is now in shambles, and I have a hard time talking to her because she's taken to lies and manipulation to disguise her problems. I never know if she's sober or telling the truth, and she is constantly getting angry. I know she's had a rough time of it, but if she doesn't change I don't see how she is going to survive much longer.
In general, I just have a very distant relationship with most of my immediate family members. I'm much closer to my SO and one of my friends than I've ever been with family. If I lost my family, I think it wouldn't be much different at this point. Less obligatory phone calls.
My dad was absent. He left my mom and us 4 kids after the 7 year itch. He was married/divorced before he met mom and had 2 kids with his ex. He married at least twice since my mom. I remember that he did not do much with me as a dad when I was little. I fared better with the uncles, there was only so much they can do. We brought my dad in when he had Alzheimer's, but he was lost by then. I have gotten no answers from him.
Joelene
My father was physically present but emotionally absent. My mother had to nag him to do anything with me. He died after a botched surgical operation.
If you have a good relationship with your father be thankful. If you father is still alive then go that extra mile to improve your relationship.
What relationship?
Jennifer
Quote from: Jennifer on September 23, 2011, 04:17:20 AM
What relationship?
Jennifer
I was tempted to post much the same response, except that is not entirely true.. I do have contact with him, he calls me twice a year and when he does I'm civil to him, but I do wish that he understood that, while he may be my father, he's not a person I wish to associate with in any way..
And I have no plans to tell him about the change in my life.. He
may get a visit from his daughter in a year or 2, but then again, he may not..
My, how things have changed. When I first came out to my dad, he was furious. He was 100% against what I was doing and even told me that I will never be/look like a woman. He told me he never wanted to see me in women's clothing, ever.
Now, after 5 years, our relationship is the best it's ever been. We are very close. He supports me 100%. To him, I'm his beautiful daughter. He will even be by my side when I have FFS and SRS. I love him to death.
I've recently come out to my parents. I was adopted, so I've never met my biological father. But I came out to Dad first (before Mom) and he knew what I was going to say. (see my first blog post)
My car broke down on my way to work yesterday and he happened to call me a I was pulling over to check it out. He knew exactly what was wrong with it and is coming over tonight with a new part and a spare one and is helping me change it out.
I live almost four hours away. That means he still loves me.
I think Dad has always seen me as his son. =\ it makes sense.
I wish I could say more good things about my dad, I can say good things about my dad, like he's loving and a good person but as any father I don't think he'd approve the fact that I'm transgendered so I never came out to him. I wear makeup and dress in androgynous unisex clothes and he's not even fully okay with that so I'm forced to save my wig and girl's clothes for when he's not around. But still he's my dad and I love him :)
disagreeing with my mother after their divorce was always more important to him than me, so i can't say i ever had a good relationship with him. it got so bad at a time that i broke off all contact with him. i only resumed contact after i had my daughter, and i'm keeping the relationship "ok" (pretty superficial) so that she can at least have a nice grandpa
Quote from: Princess of Hearts on September 22, 2011, 10:10:59 PM
My father was physically present but emotionally absent. My mother had to nag him to do anything with me. He died after a botched surgical operation.
If you have a good relationship with your father be thankful. If you father is still alive then go that extra mile to improve your relationship.
My Dad died 5-1/2 years ago, and I wrote the Eulogy for his funeral. It gave me a chance to use his death as a "teaching moment" for those in attendance. No, I didn't trash him, it was my public confession that far to late in life do we recognize that our parents were once like us, someones "kid", and from what I know of his life growing up it wasn't good all the time and he carried a burden of guilt throughout his about going to live with his father instead of his mother when they divorced. He used to refer to his father (my grandfather) as "Pap" for as long as I can remember, and one day it dawned on me who else called their father "Pap", Huckleberry Finn! When I asked him about it he looked at me and grinned..."Yep"...was all he said.
Our realtionship was not a close one but he put his family first no matter what he said, it was his actions that spoke. I realized that nothing would change from his end, so long before he died I reconciled myself to him so on the day that I got the call from my Mom he died I was at peace with him. Would he have accepted me now? I seriously don't think so, but I'll never really know, but I think I'm right on that, both my Mom and Sister agreed.
Once again into the breech my dear Princess! You did it again! :laugh: I think he subscribed to the theory of ...short...sharp...shock... :laugh:
I havn't spoken to my father for years, he's homophobic & narrow minded.
we used to see each other once a fortnight to play cards or chess but should one of his wifes family phone needing a favour he would tell me I had to go & he'd rush to their aid. One night my electric ran out & as he was a 5 minute drive away I phoned him & asked him to lend me one lousy, stinking pound so that the food in my freezer didn't defrost. He came round but was very angry that I dragged him out, did I mention that he's a selfish git as well?
I'm better off without him even though after 5 or 6 years it still hurts me when I think that i'll never see him again.
I don't have much of a relationship with my father.
My parents were never married and had already split up by the time I was conceived — I was the product of some exes fooling around. My mother decided to keep me and then they tried to get back together ~for the sake of the baby~ which didn't work at all. When I was still an infant she moved back to her home country and took me with her. I haven't been back to my country of birth yet so I haven't seen my father in person since then.
He kept in contact until I was five before he disappeared completely for about ten years, then sent us a postcard out of nowhere. Then there were a few phone calls... where he only talked about himself and didn't show much of an interest in me at all, followed by him disappearing for another ten years before adding me on Facebook. We don't really talk. He's sent me a few comments and messages but he's so arrogant I find him difficult to handle. Always claiming he could "restart civilization with his skills and knowledge" or otherwise going on about how great he is.
When I didn't message him instantly upon him adding me he left me a wall comment accusing me of being paranoid and cowardly and saying I was much more friendly as a baby. Well... I also shat my pants as a baby, what does that have to do with anything? And I didn't message him instantly because he hadn't contacted me in ten years and I hadn't even known if he was alive, I figured I'd wait and see what he wanted... but of course I must be "paranoid" because I'm not rushing to fawn over him for finally deigning to pay me the slightest bit of attention.
Despite all this, I don't really have a grudge against him or bear him ill will. I just don't feel like we have anything approaching a family relationship. I'd like to get to know him better but he does make it difficult.
He doesn't know I'm trans yet... neither does my mother, so nothing odd there. I'm not sure how he'll take it. I don't think he'll really agree or accept it but whether that translates into outright rejection or just "You're wrong, but it's your life", who knows. The main thing I worry about is I need a copy of his birth certificate to prove citizenship if I ever want to move back to where I was born — and I do — so I need to get that before I come out to him in case he cuts me off. However, my mother and I have both been asking for it for a year... he says he'll send it "soon"... it never happens.
My dad, along with my stepmom, disappeared from my life after my stepsister outed me to them. They may have reason to call me tomorrow but I hope they don't. I won't pick up the phone if they do.
Quote from: nogoodnik on September 23, 2011, 06:56:09 PM
The main thing I worry about is I need a copy of his birth certificate to prove citizenship if I ever want to move back to where I was born — and I do — so I need to get that before I come out to him in case he cuts me off. However, my mother and I have both been asking for it for a year... he says he'll send it "soon"... it never happens.
Don't know what countries are involved, but you may be able to get an official copy of his Birth Certificate from his country of birth's Health dept or Bureau of Statistic, etc. Full name, birthday date, location and whatever government identifier applies. Go online and check it out. Funny, yester day I was going through some of my Mom's stuff helping her to get it organize and found copies of both of their birth certificates, took one of each, with Mom's permission of course. :laugh:
Never met him.
I love my dad, but we've hardly talked since I was a kid.
He's a conservative southern baptist, and I think he knew I was different and he accepts it in some way, but his current family and community are a barrier to our really being open with one another.
I am incredibly grateful to him for teaching me to play sports and fight and chop firewood and such, even though I was a girl and not supposed to learn such things. He did love me, and he did try to do the right thing. He's just ignorant. I miss him, but I have no hard feelings.
I have a great relationship with my dad, a lot better than my mom. He doesn't know I'm trans but he's very open minded.
I wish I'd had a dad in the real sense. Maybe things would have been different, it wasn't his fault he was just very old. My family slag him off in public for being gay and illegitimate and that's just horrible and they have no factual proof it's just done to humiliate his memory and me.
my father was a piece of trash pedophile who did his best to get me killed it was because of his actions that i was homeless at 14 attacted by anouther pedophile and left for dead in a field his trail of wrecked and ruined lifes is a long one and i hold him responcible for my mothers death as well
may he rot in hell
jessi
I love my Daddy! We share alot of common interests and hobbies. He is a wonderful goodhearted man! I get most of my morals and values from him. He is kind loving and faithful to my mom. Always supported my brother,sister and me in whatever our hearts desired. He is the type of man that would give you the shirt off his back if you needed it! He is the most unselfish man I know, what his family wanted and needed came first before his own needs and wants. A true family man! Treats my mom like his princess! I am not out to either of my parents, but I'm sure he would be supportive and loving! He is a bit homophobic and sees trans under the same umbrella for now, but we have been talking and he is beginning to understand and see the differences. I still can't tell him though. I don't think my mom would understand, she's is extremely homophobic and wouldn't care to understand!My Daddy and I get along great and love spending time together when we can.(currently I live 5 hours away)
I like to describe any relationship I have with my father as tentative at best. He's a self serving, egotistical, chauvinistic pig who won't give anyone the time of day, unless they're the hookers off of Harry Hines.
He's an ex soldier, but neither a law abiding citizen nor an asset to this shaky nation. I'm told his excuse is that he was born and raised in the slums of Jamaica, but if that's his excuse for all the wrong he's done then he should be deported...Then perhaps stoned to death.
He's a cop, and used to spend his time harassing, arresting and publicly humiliating individuals of the LGBT community in the streets of Dallas, Texas. I know this, because when I was younger he brought me on ride alongs. He said the freaks were up to no good, I should watch 'daddy' in action.
Even if I wanted to, communication with this man on an intellectual level would be impossible. In one ear and out the other they say, but in this situation my words have no strength behind them to break the barrier through his first ear.
When I was thirteen I told him and my mother that I was gay. I told them that I was trapped in a body I couldn't leave. He sent me to a therapist. I ran away seven times, then he contemplated military school but never went through with it because that would mean spending some money.
After he cheated on my mother he lost any respect I had for him, which was minimal, I should mention. And after she left he fell so deep into a depression that he stopped doing everything. That I includes paying the bills to keep the house, feeding me, and making sure I went to school. After awhile he just stopped showing up altogether. He blamed me. So why not punish me, like I had 'punished' him.
I lived in my car for a year when the house flooded, and afterward moved into my own place. I don't see him much. And I'm glad I don't. I'd cut off his chubby, woman beating fingers and show him how a real man fights.
Aren't you just digging the love in this room?
I love my Dad and at the same time I'm a little aggravated by him. He's been a #1 supporter since I came out to him. However he doesnt communicate with me much anymore. I hear most of my news about him via his new wife on Facebook. He's seen me once in 11 years. And I feel replaced too because I have 3 step-sisters, all of them very pretty and he's been to see the one in Australia twice now. Why have a Daughter who used to be your son when you can have 3 lovely daughters I guess.
-_-
I was hammering on something today and remembered taking a forging class with my dad in my early teens. When we started he gave me this "I can't believe you" look and joked that I hammer like a girl before showing me how to properly hold and swing a hammer. I've been very appreciative that my brother and I got a very gender neutral upbringing.
I love my father because he's my dad. If he wasn't, though, I'm not so sure we would even have a relationship...He wasn't around often when I was a kid, and even when he was he was working and could hardly give me the time of day. We hardly shared interests. I loved video games, he loved reading, hiking, and watching movies. He also was and still is a very controlling person, but he's also incredibly lazy. He hasn't worked or even done bills or anything in the past 5 years or so, maybe a little less. He also has a tendency to treat people like crap, like he's always better than everyone else. It's no wonder my mother wanted a divorce from him. I honestly don't know how he has so many friends, since he treats them all like garbage.
That's another thing, my mother asked for a divorce a really long time ago. She can't exactly get her own money for it, because she stayed home to take care of the kids. She can't even work now that she has rheumatoid arthritis. Even when we had the money to afford a divorce, my dad didn't want to do it because it was "against his religion" or some such bull->-bleeped-<-. He instead spent money on things like cars and cameras. It's like he's a leech. Whenever anyone tries to get him to do anything he starts spouting ->-bleeped-<- about how he's being "abused" (like he even knows what it means to be abused). It doesn't help that he's bi-polar and refuses to take medicine for it.
All in all, my relationship with my dad is a rocky one. Sometimes we can get along, sometimes I want to murder him for the way he treats everyone. He's "tried" to have a relationship with me by putting me into things like Boyscouts (which I think he did more for himself than anything). I sometimes hate that I have a lot in common with him. We're both very savvy with technology and we both can get extremely focused on something, not to mention I can get easily angered like him which I hate.
I haven't come out to my dad yet, and I honestly have no clue how he would react. Sometimes I just don't care what he thinks. My mom recommended that I don't come out to him until I live in a different house than him, so I think I'll do that if I can last long enough.
My dad's ... ok. I guess.
We talk twice a year. He calls my on my birthday and I call him on his (which happens to be today!). I wouldn't say I dislike my dad, but we just don't have much of a relationship even though we do have a very similar personality, I guess we just grew apart over the years.
At the end of the day though, he is still my dad, and I do love him. I likely won't be putting off outing myself to him much longer either, but that's something I'd rather not do over the phone so I'm waiting until I get an opportunity to visit him.
My relationship with my father is okay...I feel really stifled around him because he's one of those presences that just imposes on you when he walks into a room. He's also very socially challenged? Like he says things that are thought f as socially unacceptable...not because he believes them or is trying to be hurtful, but because he doesn't see that what he's saying is really freaking weird. I have to act like his happy-go-lucky daughter when I'm around him because he always asks me what's wrong when I'm not that way...and when I get depressed he's really hard to deal with because he doesn't understand that you can't just "suck-iy-up" when you're depressed. I don't particularly like him, but we get along. My relationship with my mom is way worse though. She wasn't around a lot when I was a kid so I never really developed a relationship as a kid.
My dad and I use to talk all the time. Then I came out and that kind of fell apart last year. Told me I was out of the will, and leaving everything ot my sister and younger brother. Though he has been checking up on me more and more these past 3 months to make sure I am ok. But I love my dad still. He is just a tad stubborn with me now.
Me and my father never got along and don't have any good memories of each other. He would always put the blame on me for something I never even did. Regardless if it had nothing to do with me, I was his scapegoat to everything.. He always liked my older sister tons more.. He used to tell me that I was failure and that I was mistake. I was stupid back then and believed him because I was a child back then. I think that may have started my long battle with depression at that point in time. Its been five years since I last saw him or spoke to him after he disowned me and the rest of my family disowned me.. Gotta love old traditional Asian families.. I don't hate him or like him regardless of whats happened. He is my father, but that doesn't mean I love him or hate him.
Being a person with what some may call a very odd view of family, I have to ask, "Which father?" I was raised by my mom and her mother.
My stepdad (my mom's ex-husband) has always been a nice guy. I'm getting a tattoo that reflects the simpler part of my childhood and his presence in it. Granted, most may think "Hakuna Matata" is a little silly to get a tattoo of, but it holds meaning for me. I've always known he was a pill-popper, but I never saw him high until last year. Really freaked me out. He's still really nice, though. He told me I was going to Hell when I told him there was a girl at school I liked (a few months before I found out I was trans) -- he's never mentioned it again, but I'm scared to come out to him, now.
My adoptive dad (my sister's bio-dad) has been in and out for a while. My earliest memories have him behind six inches of glass and in an orange jumpsuit. He knows I'm trans, he doesn't care. He's offered to help with my name change, under my insisted grounds that I pay. He's not a BAD person, he's just very, very immature (in my opinion). He wants to be a preacher, and having two atheist children is fun for him. We get along pretty well -- we just have vastly different interests.
My bio-dad, I've never met. I don't really want to. Not sure how he'd take it. It would be nice to meet his kids, though; I've always held siblings in the highest degree.
My father left our family when I was four. Which subsequently made my childhood what it was... It would have been a lot better if he were around. I have contacted him recently, and he knows everything now, and would have been a great person to have in my life.
Ah well.