??? ??? ::)
So people who identify as androgynous....please help me out....
I am an omisexual but I greatly prefer women, either femme or androgynous women BUT if I fall in love with someones SOUL it does not matter to me how they identify.... it just matters what is on the inside...
I usually dress femme and wear makeup but i don't like the way I dress...I do it because i feel more accepted that way... people say I look better with red lipstick, eye liner ect. and that i look better girly...I am comfy in heels, combat boots, barefoot or my converse. My hair is shoulder length with about 1/3 of it shaved off (undercut) I really love the shaved part but I get lots of heat for it. I love to use/wear mens products such as deodorant, face wash, ect.. and i actually never use girls products anymore besides makeup... I have a small chest (A) and would love it if it was flatter.. I don't wear bras just layer shirts or if needed a tight sports bra. I like to fix things myself like cars or do any handy work. I feel like I tend to take on masculine roles. My friend say I am a femme because I wear dresses, so i guess yah that makes me look femme but i don't like being called a femme because I feel like I have many masculine qualities. I think I might start dressing a bit more masculine but I am scared of what ppl will think. I used to dress that way in 9th grade and people made fun of me so i became more femme. i don't want to eliminate all of my female qualities. I like my hair with 2/3 of it long and I would like to occasional wear a bit of makeup like a tinted moisturizer, maybe some light eyeliner with nude lips instead of red. I also have never had many female friends, all my friends are guys.
I am a femme? i just don't know. =[ all of these labels I just feel like I fit in no where.. also I am confused about what I should call my sexuality... when I say I am omisexual 1st ppl don't know what I am talking about, if I say I am bi instead to make it easier girls get turned off by it majorly. They assume I prefer mean and will leave them for a man...but I actually do prefer women I just have been with all types of people and what really matters to me is the soul and really getting to know someone...I have felt like an out cast my whole life and what sucks is that when I try to relate to any gay people no matter male or female they hate me because I don't like to say that I am one or the other... ughhhh
any insight?
It sounds to me like you know exactly who you are, what traits you hold, and how you like to behave and who you are sexually/romantically attracted to.
From reading hour post I hear a person who's been hurt by the labels others have tried to impose upon you, and name calling and judgements that have been passed onto you by others.
I don't know that "femme" "butch/masculine" apply very well...it paints a person as flat and people aren't one demential. People are colorful and multi-demential and capable of so much!
It sounds to me...in my humble opinion that you don't need a label (sounds like you have a few that suit you just fine) you need to be able to shake off the pain of judgmental people and no let them influence who you are. Easier said than done...I know. I don't even have that bit nailed down myself yet!!
Hope that helps. *hugs*
Sounds like you got a load of different strands of spaghetti and put them in a bowl. Either accept all the spaghetti as one, or unpick each strand one by one.
lol thank you for the replies they do help, it's hard I just want some kind of group of people to talk to and i just dont fit in anywhere so no one accepts me..... it's just so cold out here by myself! like I don't know where to identify with my sexual orientation, gender, or expression/ or sense of style...it's like i relate to everyone but no one at the same time! I just want to fit in some where lol but I guess that is asking too much....
I really appreciate the replies **hugs back**
On the plus side, the more you untangle/accept, the more you feel you are connecting with folk and the less alone you feel.
lol i just don't know how to untangle lol I would like to identify as third gender or gender queer or Androgyn because I feel like in some ways I fit but I guess maybe I don't... how do i unpick said extra spaghetti strands? i dont even know which to un pick. I guess I should come up with my own name for my self it will be "impares-ony" Latin for odd
Any insight? You sound perfectly normal to me and very similar to myself although our birth sex is different. Am surprised gay people have an issue with you tbh, have had that problem in a very major way with gay males but hardly ever with lesbians. Thought it was only me.
Taking it to the spaghetti analogy one has to remember things get stuck together when using poor quality pasta, if one uses a decent brand such as Voiello or De Cecco and adds a teaspoon of olive oil just before draining these problems do not occur. Moral of the story, go for quality not quantity.
thank you for your reply... I just i dont know if it would be ok to call my self as third gender or gender queer or Androgyn ...I dont want this community of people to also reject me if they feel that i don't fit in.. =[ I don't want people to hate me for what I feel i am. even if i dont quite fit in idk i just dont fit in anywhere.. I just want to be loved for who i am. I have properties of all different types so when i try and talk with a type they hate me because i am different then them. The only stands i want to weed out would be the heavy makeup and the girls clothing but I still want to wear button downs with a feminine cut just because it looks better on my body type.. but i love dark colors I dont wear light colours..and on occasion I might wear heals...idk =[
Well, that might be part of it, you're only talking of what you are wearing/could wear, you could wear a clown costume, that don't make you a clown.
(Not sure why I'm being so gnomic today, must be sleepy).
Quote from: sparticl3 on September 25, 2011, 05:32:18 PM
thank you for your reply... I just i dont know if it would be ok to call my self as third gender or gender queer or Androgyn ...I dont want this community of people to also reject me if they feel that i don't fit in.. =[ I don't want people to hate me for what I feel i am. even if i dont quite fit in idk i just dont fit in anywhere.. I just want to be loved for who i am. I have properties of all different types so when i try and talk with a type they hate me because i am different then them. The only stands i want to weed out would be the heavy makeup and the girls clothing but I still want to wear button downs with a feminine cut just because it looks better on my body type.. but i love dark colors I dont wear light colours..and on occasion I might wear heals...idk =[
Don't worry, we won't reject you. Of all parts of this site this is the most accommodating in my opinion. Be yourself, anything else is a wate of time literally, trust me.
ok I will be myself... just as long as I am not rejected! =] today I stopped wearing makeup....and i am wearing str8 leg jeans with converse and a v neck and a red sports bra (my chest is so small it disappears with one and it just looks like a shirt under it. I feel so comfy! =] finally! I don't feel strange in what i am wearing! I am also going to cut my shair into a pixi with the side shaved. I think it will look great I am excited! I will post a before and after if anyone is interested in seeing a mini transformation! =] I am happy that you said I wont be rejected. I do really like who i am i am just confused with who i am because people dont accept me... well really i am not confused with who i am i am confused with why ppl reject me in the gay community.... I mean I kinda fit in the LGBT community even tho I am not really any of those... blah you guys did make me feel better tho!
Sounds like a good look to me. If you like it and it's what you want go for it. You'll be yourself and happier. It's a win, win...
Instead of it being OK to be here, I think you belong here. Before and after pics are always welcome.
Ativan
yay I feel so welcome =] I am getting my hair cut off today at 2 15! I am so excited! here is a before!
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this is what I am wearing today. you can still kinda see my chest tho =/ idk why I hate my boobs so much... I am happy with my other girl parts but I wish i didn't have a chest
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welcome! not belonging anywhere else is probably one of the most certain signs that you belong here. and you look really nice in those pics
you could wear a clown costume, that don't make you a clown
Maybe, but its not a leap of faith to know that most people will treat you as one. People are not going to approach you the same way they would approach a cop or a nun in full Catholic regalia. Which is not always a bad thing. I know a clown, he's been a clown for many decades. He stated off doing it at anti-Vietnam War protests because the cops were reluctant to beat the crap out of a clown least their kids would watch and ask daddy why he was beating the crap out of clowns. But it suited him, and he grew to become that clown. Perhaps the suit makes you. I don't think you could wear a clown suit day in and day out and still be Maggie Thatcher or Dick Cheney. The suit it doesn't grow on you, it grows you.
i don't like being called a femme because I feel like I have many masculine qualities
Yeah, I feel 'ya on that. I know that I always had - and prized, and developed - lots of 'qualities traditionally associated with femininity', but I've been pretty good with being 'one of the boys' most of my life too. I have (also prized and developed) lot's of 'qualities traditionally associated with men'. Perhaps there are times when I went one way when I should have been going the other - my GF tells me 'you need to channel tekla on that' for things she wishes I'd be a little bit less male about. And my guy pals have been known to roll their eyes a lot on things I do, say, and wear - but they never doubt (I'm guessing) the essential 'male' stuff like my work ethic and skills, my 'team player'/loyalty deal, my ability to manage myself and others, that I don't take myself all that seriously, the ability to make a real contribution (being smart), and that I have their back in every way. So sure, I like pink lace underwear, and at times kind be kinda swish, or just an outright bitch - all that 'girl' stuff that guys hate. But my male side took hard-core martial arts for 15 years, and spend 40 years in a pretty highly volatile situations (concerts/clubs) doing security among other duties so I can, and have, handle myself like that. And though I don't like resorting to violence, if pushed (or when you're 'in the group' and one of the group is pushed) I'll be happy to inflict it and brutally too, because that works - if you've gone all the way to violence, then it's no time to stop at halfway measures. But I know many women, who over the years have been part of the 'boys club.' They have those same qualities (they get a pass for fighting - but not for defending) and 'the boys' are down with that.
And, needless to say, there are lots, and lots of males who never make it to 'one of the boys' because they lack that stuff.
But - and 'yet' - despite that male stuff I've always been able to be very comfortable (which is not the critical thing) with women in groups, and women are pretty comfortable with me (which is the important part). I like lots and lots of girls stuff, and female group dynamics. I've never understood why men hate shopping? Shopping with the girls rocks! While it might not be as good as like actually doing sports and drinking, it's better than just hanging out, doing nothing and drinking - and besides all the girls I know have a couple of cocktails or glasses of wine on shopping expeditions. I understand, and really like, the feminine idea of making emotional connections to things as opposed to creating an intellectual and practical knowledge of things, which is the basis for male conversations. Heck, I even know that feminine conversations consist of real conversation and 'sharing' and not a series of grunts, pronouncements, witty bon-mots and crude sexual references and innuendo that men prefer - with sports references and stats blurted out like some Tourette syndrome thing. I understand the female notion of consensus, as opposed to 'leadership,' and work well in that conversation environment. I loved hanging out with my girl friends (not sexual, real friends) in HS and college as they did their nails, and all that make-up, hair, you know, grooming behavior for a better society. Hell, I even got pretty good at doing their nails for them. The difference between men's groups and women's groups is found in very different group dynamic and I never felt like I had to choose, so long as I could do both.
Needless to say, there are/were a lot of females who never get into those clicks/sets deal because they lack some of those key qualities.
So, if you have both, well then its a very happy thing for you to be able to do both. If any of it confuses other people, take comfort in the fact that no matter what you would have done it would have confused those people. And, if you really don't fit in anywhere, then your pretty much free to go everywhere because it's all going to be the same for you. That's a visionary gift if you learn to use it right.
I am confused about what I should call my sexuality... when I say I am omisexual 1st ppl don't know what I am talking about, if I say I am bi instead to make it easier girls get turned off by it majorly. They assume I prefer mean and will leave them for a man...but I actually do prefer women I just have been with all types of people and what really matters to me is the soul and really getting to know someone...
When you say that you are an omnisexual I think beyond human, because that's what it really refers to. I think 'pan' is the new term for bi people who like/love a wider variation of humans. Personally when people inquire about my sexuality (because they always do) I always reply: "I don't know, what did you have in mind?" If they persist beyond that - and believe me, not many do - I say 'Fetish", if they want to know which ones, I tell them "all of them." Either they go away, or you have a new friend - it's a win/win. Although I have to say that when I read "what to call my sexuality" my first thought was 'Ed.'
Quote from: tekla on September 26, 2011, 02:01:43 PMthe essential 'male' stuff like my work ethic and skills, my 'team player'/loyalty deal, my ability to manage myself and others, that I don't take myself all that seriously, the ability to make a real contribution (being smart), and that I have their back in every way.
It is extremely sexist to say that is "male" stuff.
I dont think tekla was trying to be sexist and it is not so much what tekla considers as male stuff but more of what society does with the way they love to lump things into one category.
tekla thank you for your reply I am happy to see I am not alone, it feels lonely because where i live at least if there are others like me I have never met one...
Thank you so much everyone for making me feel welcome!!!! I got my hair cut today and i REALLY love it. I do look kinda sleepy with no makeup tho lol
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I love it =] It's a pixie, fo-hawk, undercut haha (http://imageshack.us)
Taka thank you also for welcoming me =] and thanks for saying i look nice =]
Quote from: sparticl3 on September 26, 2011, 04:49:38 PM
I dont think tekla was trying to be sexist and it is not so much what tekla considers as male stuff but more of what society does with the way they love to lump things into one category.
Even carefully rereading it I still find it offensive. Yes there is a reference to "tradition" but Tekla said she related to having masculine qualities then detailed that with intelligence, skill, loyalty and being a good worker. 1. It's still sounds like Tekla personally considers those characteristics masculine, even if in part due to old social prejudice. 2. That kind of sexism is old social prejudice that generations of women have been fighting to refute and do away with. There is no need to reinforce and validate it the way Tekla did.
I am sorry I do not mean to offend and I do AGREE with you... I just don't think that telka ment to offend... and it is hard to keep as this str8 and it is hard not to offend anyone...I am trying my best to tread lightly... I do actually agree with you tho! I am just saying that I dont think it was ment to be offensive and that it is just confusion as to how to put things i guess...? :embarrassed: ::)
I think you're overreacting to a conversation here in the Androgyn Forest.
Ativan
Quote from: tekla on September 26, 2011, 02:01:43 PM
you could wear a clown costume, that don't make you a clown
Maybe, but its not a leap of faith to know that most people will treat you as one. People are not going to approach you the same way they would approach a cop or a nun in full Catholic regalia. Which is not always a bad thing. I know a clown, he's been a clown for many decades. He stated off doing it at anti-Vietnam War protests because the cops were reluctant to beat the crap out of a clown least their kids would watch and ask daddy why he was beating the crap out of clowns. But it suited him, and he grew to become that clown. Perhaps the suit makes you. I don't think you could wear a clown suit day in and day out and still be Maggie Thatcher or Dick Cheney. The suit it doesn't grow on you, it grows you.
Good point, well made. As always.
You shouldn't need to tread lightly in the androgyne forest, you should be able to play and explore ideas. Offence is a two way process and unless I am tired/ grumpy, I refuse to be offended.
Also the use of scare quotes e.g 'male' make it completely clear to me that it is not the regarded as actual male qualities as much as perceived ones. Go seek to be offended somewhere else.
yah the quotes on male made me read it in a way as to not offend as well. I mean by common society standards those are "male" qualities. But to people who actually think more deeply about such things they are not "male" only qualities. idk I am so new to all of this lol ;D
tekla wrote 'intellectual' not 'intelligence'. they are very different things, and according to my own observations men really do tend to show off their intellectuality more than women in conversations. also there's no need to call people sexist without getting confirmation that it was meant in the way you interpreted it
and nice new haircut, sparticl!
yay! thanks Taka I LOVE IT! so much hahahaI can't stop looking at it and messing with it!
Damn !!! Love the hair cut.
I used quote marks for a reason.