What have you given up to pursue transition? What have you lost? What has been taken from you?
Cindi
My Children, my family and my career.
Buffy
My purpose.
I would and am very tempted to say Fiancée, but the way things work I really do not think lost is correct. I tend to think things worked out just as they should have.
So far the only thing I have lost is being able to go to my parents house, as they have said that I am nott welcome there at the moment but hopefully this will change. For me I have gained a lot more than I have lost since beginning my transition.
Hugs
Sharon
My marriage, but it was a welcome escape.
Dennis
Quote from: Buffy on February 24, 2007, 03:39:00 AM
My Children, my family and my career.
Buffy
All except my career, actually my career has flourished :)
I'm not sure I'd call this my sacrifice because in my mind that says I willingly gave these up to transition.
1. My three kids. I really thought they would remember that I was a good father and I raised them the best I could.
2. My marriage and all that went with it. I had seen my wife and I growing old together, having the kids over and watching my grandkids grow. I saw us taking trips together and getting to know each other again. I saw us being by each other's sides through thick and thin.
3. Some of my siblings. No longer am I included in the family functions.
4. My friends. This is because of me. I don't want to tell them because I know how they will react. And yes, I really do know. They will at the very best stop communication with me. So I broke it off instead without having to divulge who I really am.
5. To complete my transition I have to leave the job I've held for 33 years.
6. Casual acquaintances. The people I've met over the years who I used to run into, mostly parents I've met at school functions. I'll miss chatting and catching up on what's been going on in their lives.
I lost pretty much everything that's really important to me except my sanity and my life.
Julie
Initially I sacrificed my daughter, but happily we are back together again. I was very luck not to loose or sacrifice anything.
Steph
Nothing really, my relationship with my father is bad but it always has been.
edit: just remembered one thing my xbox live buddy, I don't play games anymore so i don't particularly care but soon after telling him he took me off his friends list.
I was prepared to sacrifice much in order to pursue transition.
In coming out to my sisters, I've noticed a bit of strain in our relationship, which I hope will resolve eventually.
My youngest sisters' husband won't refer to me by either old or new name, but by 'Hey...'
My father has ignored the obvious clues. I've not told him yet, which creates an additional strain with my sisters ("Have you told Dad yet?...")
There are those who avoid me at work now. But as Kimberly said, maybe this is for the best.
But at the support group meetings and TG gatherings I attend, I hear the tales of woe -- the sudden firings/dismissals, the family dissolutionments, the harassments--
My actual sacrifice thus far has been minor -- even insignificant compared to some of the previous posters.
Did I know what I was getting into? No, but I knew I didn't know, and I was scared. Clutching my fear tightly by the throat, I proceeded step by panicked step, afraid of discovery, ridicule, rejection -- and even grievous bodily harm.
You who have sacrificed have met those demons, and now like unwanted companions they accompany you on your lifes' journey.
I wish I could remove your pain
Karen
several members of my family
some [friends] ::)
my dog
my [former] job
not too bad, considering...
It's still early in the process for me.
I have lost / will lose my brother when I go full time.
I have lost my marriage. Which, as Dennis said, is a blessing in of itself.
I don't know about my mother & kids yet. THat is this summer.
I am treated like a pariah by people I used to spend time with. (The rumor is that there was another woman. THey don't yet know that the other woman is me!)
I am watched continuously by some at work who are looking for any reason to call my morality into question, thus giving them ethical grounds to have me removed as a teacher.
THe relationship I have with many members of the faculty and administration has changed as my future transition is slowly becomming an open secret.
I have given up being the "top dog" in the socio-ecconomic structure of this country to being the lowest rung of the ladder.
+++
What have I gained?
A sense of peace and harmony that has been missing for as long as I can remember.
I have gained my freedom - freedom to be who I truly am.
In this world of political correctness - where we are required to march in step lest we be deemed a terror to the community - we stand like Horatio at the Bridge. Our courage must be no less than that of the young man who stood before the Red Army tanks as they rolled into Tiannamin Square. We are bastions of freedom and self-determination. We claim that we will be who we were created to be, even if it goes against the norms of society.
We ask nothing more than to live our lives as we need to lead them.
Freedom comes with a terrible pricetag. And it is worth every penny and every tear.
No surrender!
Chaunte
Quote from: Chaunte on February 24, 2007, 01:12:34 PM
(The rumor is that there was another woman. THey don't yet know that the other woman is me!)
That's interesting! Nearly everyone I told at work apparently assumed my wife had been cheating me... as they knew SOMEthing was wrong, and that was the rampant rumour. Odd though, as my wife is a saint... you'd think the "man" would always be the accused. AND, they said what no one could figure out was why I seemed so incredibly HAPPY about it.
Loss?
I've forever lost relating to the Love Of My Life as husband and wife. True, it was forced in many ways, it created resentment in both of us, and yet... it had it's sweet moments. Some of the most cherished moments and shared feelings I'll EVER experience in this lifetime. That connection - flawed as it was - has been severed now. And I DEEPLY miss being that intimately connected with another human being. We may stay together and find a new way of relating to one another, but that connection is gone now.
Kate
So far I've lost:
My entire biological family with the exception of my kids.
My job, but I got a better one.
My marriage, but that too is welcome.
A lack of stress and excitement in my life :P
Melissa
I don't consider losses or doors closed. I keep having these dezavu senerios, which are elements telling me that I'm on the right track. Meaning that this is the path I have chosen in a prior life. Not that I chose to be trans, but fixing it is what is putting me back on my path. If that makes any sense.
I have been one of the very lucky ones who have lost nothing to speak of. I know my son won't talk to me, but that is unclear whether it is about my transition or not. I was prepared to lose everything though. I was ready to move on and be alone the rest of my life. All I have is my wife, mom and daughter who are close to me, all the rest I have fleeting conversations at the holidays, but they have accepted me. I don't have any friends that care about me. I have aquaintences at work and at my previous work ( they are not writing to me as much as they use to and when I go to visit they are conviently going someplace and forgot to tell me). I have tried to make friends at work, but get pushed aside. Someday we should have coffee, well if I was holding my breath, I would be dead now. I have been a loner for most of my life, so the rest will be a piece of cake.
Sheila
Lost nothing cause i am not transitioning, on the hand hand may very well have given up everything for not....
I'll find my cliff's edge one of these days!
Ricki
I'm still early in my coming out and I've lost my oldest friend. We've known each other for the past 16 years. We attended classes together in University. He invited me and my wife to his daughter's christening. His kids called us Uncle H**** and Aunt P******. I stayed with him at his parent's house when we hunted deer together.
He hardly acknowledges my existance anymore even though we work in the same place only a hundred or so feet apart.
He's a "Christian" and goes to a Baptist church. I think that's why.
I rather expected it, though, even though I hoped against hope I was wrong.
:'(
h
Hi everyone,
I don't see it as losing anything. Things come and go, friendships come and go, marriages break up for a whole host of reasons. I lost more relationships with family members over things that have nothing to do with being TS. The truth is, I have always felt alone. I have never felt like I was a part of anything. A real loner.
I always used to say that I am a loner that hates to be alone. In a way though, I like being alone. I don't like doing things I don't want to do, and with friends and family, one is always forced to do things one does not want to do, out of respect for the feelings of others.
It has always seemed to me that, that respect of feelings, is never reciprocated. When it comes time to do what I want, or care for my feelings, no one is around.
In the strictest sense, I have not really lost much. My marriage broke up, but it needed to anyway. I am now remarried to a wonder woman who totally accepts me how I am and understands that SRS is the endgame. I live my life totally as as woman and don't see myself ever going back. I live with my 15 year old and 20 year old sons, but also have acceptance from my oldest daughter and youngest son, ages 24 and 13 respectively, who do not live with me.
My brother disowned me, but he has issues of his own. I am not feeling a terrible sense of loss, although I did initially feel a deep sense of betrayal. My life long friends have all been ok with things and it has not affected my relationship with my best friend, at all.
I lost my desire to kill myself.
I lost my self loathing
I lost my lack of self esteem
I lost my feelings of worthlessness
I lost feeling like I was living a lie.
I lost the feeling of hopelessness
Those are the most important things I lost.
Love always,
Elizabeth
I lost my wife! We weren't compatible anyhow, so it's better this way. I lost a house, but a house is just a house. I lost a lot of "stuff" due to divorce (still ongoing) and could still lose my daughter (although I really doubt courts would take a child away from a good trans parent and put her with a neglectful abusive parent).
What I've gained is knowledge that I'm not alone, that I don't have to lie, and I don't have to be miserable. I know I'm still in the beginning stages, and a lot of the future is still big and scary... but nothing could stop me save for the safety of my child...
And I have a plan in action to make that a non-issue.
I had a couple of friends go away. However, I never really held onto people (except family) so it would have eventually happened anyway.
My sense of invulnerability. I faked guy pretty well and could be very intimidating. I never worried about being assaulted while out and about because most people were intimidated and even scared of me. I even had a full restaurant go silent once when I went in and it stayed that way until I sat down and someone leaned over to speak to me. Just like the movies. I am smaller and physically weaker now and although I can intimidate people (or so I have been told), it is nowhere near like before and now I do have to keep things like assault and rape in mind.
Some nice clothing that I got during my last few years as trying to pass myself off as male. Really nice suit that was pretty unique in cut and always got compliments. Around the house I still throw my (now way too big) Dragonball Z baseball jersey on. ;)
For me, transition has been difficult. I've lost my mate, my lover. Strained family relations. What is really hard is reading about this new life that she has. Being left behind I guess is really hard.
Gill
My marriage and my family, to date.
So far, I have not only not lost any friends, but actually gained them, so I suppose 'all in all', I've 'broke even'.
A relationship with my family. They couldnt accept that I was a woman.
Quote from: Tink on April 09, 2007, 05:41:15 PM
Quote from: Tink on February 24, 2007, 09:12:37 PM
I have been really fortunate, for I haven't lost anything really but gained everything! :)
tinkerbell :icon_chick:
Right! what dope I was! my sacrifice? everything! :'(
tink :icon_chick:
[emotionally dead, fried from crying all day......]
What the hell was I thinking, Tink?
I've only lost one thing, one person, one relationship............and it's just killing me.......
crying again; wonderful.
I had finally found that special human being to marry and it was wonderful...............
and my accursed TS destroyed it, "Broken Dreams" indeed.
And today I was cleaning and discarding stuff.........and I kept finding mementos of times spent together, laughing and loving....
and we thought that it would last a million years, it was so right.
And now we shall never share love and laughter ever again.
I keep wanting to go back to the way things used to be, but I just cannot; there is no going back...
I cannot be who she needs and wants me to be, and she deserves to have that.
"Broken Dreams" and I am fighting to get through this intact. :'(
Thirteen days ago I sent a letter to my step-son and his wife. You know, THE letter?
Today they came to visit my wife while I was at work.
I think they will be my sacrifice, unless daughter in law moves her position a long way. :'( I hoped for the best and expected the worst. I got what I expected.
tears,
helen
Quote from: HelenW on April 09, 2007, 08:51:10 PM
Thirteen days ago I sent a letter to my step-son and his wife. You know, THE letter?
Today they came to visit my wife while I was at work.
I think they will be my sacrifice, unless daughter in law moves her position a long way. :'( I hoped for the best and expected the worst. I got what I expected.
tears,
helen
That's so sad Helen but don't give up the ship just yet. Concentrate on your step son if for no other reason but to show him that you are the same person on the inside. It took my daughter a while to get her head around this thing of ours, but she did come round.
Steph
Quote from: Tink on April 09, 2007, 05:41:15 PM
Quote from: Tink on February 24, 2007, 09:12:37 PM
I have been really fortunate, for I haven't lost anything really but gained everything! :)
tinkerbell :icon_chick:
Right! what dope I was! my sacrifice? everything! :'(
tink :icon_chick:
are you ok? :(
I live with a kitty. I will not lose my job because of the nature of the position and DC law.
I never married.
The only thing I sacraficed was 10 years of my life struggling while my gender identity issues grew harder and harder to bear. I sacraficed not dealing with these issues for an education, and finding the right job, and lost some hair along the way. Much of what I sacraficed was from ignoring these issues or not dealing with them even though they were effecting every aspect of my life (my previous job, my health and my mental well being).
I am lucky I never got married.
My relationship with my parents is strained by they still love me. But the relationship was always strained, and it is not solely based on my transition.
The thing is I have very little to lose from transition, and so much to gain. My life has very few strings.
The 39 years of my life prior to SRS are sacraficed and down the drain. The severe depression that I had prior to going fulltime is sacrificed and gone and that is a good thing. I was ostracized at my work place and eventually had my job position eliminated. So my job was sacrificed, which means that financial security is an ongoing issue still. I lost just about all the aquaintences I had, and ended up with only two close friendships surviving my transitioning. I haven't actually seen my little brother in years and have to wonder if my transitioning played a part in that though it is denied. I lost my oldest nephew for awhile but he's coming to terms with it.
I went into transitioning with my eyes wide open. I would still do the whole thing all over again without hesitation.
Rashelle
I can't see my step dad anymore... but that doesn't bother me.
I stopped my studies. I was too shy and I couldn't afford it anymore because I had to move and all those new clothes and epiderma were pretty expensive!
I don't know if it was a good idea though.. i kinda regret that decision but i just couldn't go on like that... i was getting a little bit too depressive.
I lost any kind of emotional relationship with my wife. After ten years of being told that she's no longer attracted to me, and I don't care anymore. If there's anything I miss, it's being touched and feeling the love behind it. No more touching. No more holding hands. Just emptiness left. We're friends. We are companions. But the only emotion we share is the kids. :(
Ya, I lost my church, but that was no great loss. I have another one.
Quote from: Lisbeth on April 22, 2007, 03:58:28 PM
I lost any kind of emotional relationship with my wife.
(((hug)))
If I did my Wife and home. If I dont happiness