I've been on HRT for nearly two years now and thought I had control over the influx of emotion associated with it... But then there are days like today
I rode my bike to the store per usual and everything was going fine, most of it is single lane each way, but I do have to cross a few double lanes each way intersections
I was on my way home and came to the last double lanes crossing which has no traffic signal, only a two way stop for the single lanes... I would start across and cars would come going obviously way too fast and I would retreat back
Normally this wouldn't bother me and I'd just wait for a break in traffic, but there was no break and no-one would stop to let me across and I started crying... Finally, cars on the left two lanes and one car on the right stopped and waved me across
I was nearly across when a truck swerved around the car that had stopped to the last open lane and passed right in front barely missing me, I could feel the wind, my heart raced, I felt nauseous and burst into tears
Surprisingly, some of the people that had stopped pulled off to see if I was alright, one even followed to make sure I got home okay even though I'd told him I just lived one more block away
I did start to feel better knowing that someone cared, but then started crying over the whole thing as soon as I got home and set my groceries down
Sorry for the drama and being a cry baby
Share your experience
That was a close call, very scary indeed.
Hope you will be okay about riding your bike in the future. :)
Thank you Hermione
I've been an avid bicycle rider for years and have had plenty of close calls, even been hit in the past... I'm a very defensive rider... Not sure why today's experience affected me so much... Maybe it was the size of the truck and realizing it would have smashed me like a bug
I've never cried for such things before though... But it is a very dangerous intersection that I've had close calls at before... I'm blaming the hormones
Oh, and to everyone else that read this and didn't give a care that I nearly got killed today... Go catch a bus :P
I, too, am an avid cyclist and I care a great deal that you were nearly killed. Although, I didn't take my bike today. I walked to work and took the bus for some errands afterwards.
Last week, there was a day where I was just so hot and tired, I was very upset and nearly in tears from the sheer heat. I can't remember ever being close to tears just because of the heat.
Good thing I don't live in Texas.
Thank you Connie
Sorry about the comment about catching a bus... It was nothing personal towards people that ride bus lines, wish we had a bus line where I live sometimes... I'm just rather shaken up
Actually, I think it is the culmination of several things hitting me over the past few weeks and feeling overwhelmed and nearly getting run over by a lifted 4x4 was just the straw that broke the camel's back
If I wouldn't have noticed the truck and stopped and turned my wheel away at the last second, I would have continued across and got creamed... Then none of us would have known anything and probably not give a care
Anyway, I wanted to discuss the emotional effects of HRT, not nearly getting killed today... Although nearly getting killed did have a part to do with wanting to discuss things... Maybe the realization of my own mortality hit harder than usual
I'm glad you noticed the truck and are still here!
I've had times where that one event is the tipping point and I lose it. Not do to hormones just because I can't take anymore. It's harder when it's something scary. Hugs. ;D
Thank you Hannah Irene,
I have experienced much scarier things, but for some reason I was not so emotionally impacted... I wasn't allowed to have much in the way of emotions for several years and so being allowed to express such is still somewhat new to to me
Sure, the emotions were there, but they were suppressed... It is difficult to describe
That's awful Sis
I think you know how I would be treating the moron who nearly killed you.
Talk when you can.
Hugs
Cindy
Glad you're okay, hon. It's just easier to cry when you're upset, scared, relieved, etc on estrogen.
Glad you're still here - and my oestrogen must be kicking in, I got teary reading about the people who stopped to make sure you were okay...
Dont worry about the tears Padma. It comes with the territory and you have every right to shed them. I cycle pretty much every day back and forth to work. So, I'm out there peddling with you ^_^
*huggles tenderly*
Hey, I'm used to tears, my oestrogen's always been high :). I was just being silly there (and now here too...)
Thank you Sis, Nero, Padma and Keaira
I felt both surprised and glad for the folks that turned off to checked on me... They acted like they thought I was having a heart attack... But I was just frightened and a bit out of breath
I think a close brush with death is a valid reason for feeling emotion, oestrogen or no oestrogen :). It's good to know that some people out there are aware of others. I hope it doesn't stop you cycling xx
Hi Virginia;
I just saw your post. sorry this took so long.
I'm sooooo glad you're okay and that there are still caring people in this world.
Be safe sis. Just happy you got home ok.
Hugs
Beth
Hi Virginia,
I'm glad you're well and safe now. You don't have to be on HRT just to have the emotional moment you had. It comes with being - the woman - you are. I'm not even on HRT yet, but the stuff I'm on does pretty well the same thing. If I go to a movie with less than a box of tissue, you can expect trouble. Don't be concerned about it, it is a very natural reaction. In fact, if men gave themselves permission to cry under the same or similar circumstances; society in general; would be in a far better place.
Having now experienced this event, how do you feel about yourself, and the possibility of it happening again?
Be safe, well and happy
Lotsa luv
Catherine
Quote from: V M on September 29, 2011, 02:55:15 AM
I have experienced much scarier things...
You've "experienced much scarier things" than near-death experiences? Then you are allowed to be emotionally impacted.
Quote from: Padma on September 29, 2011, 04:53:12 AM
I think a close brush with death is a valid reason for feeling emotion, oestrogen or no oestrogen :). It's good to know that some people out there are aware of others. I hope it doesn't stop you cycling xx
I couldn't have said it better.
Male or female, you need to ride in a highly aggressive manner if you are riding on public streets. Glad you are OK. You should have reported the driver of the offending car.
Quote from: Shades O'Grey on September 28, 2011, 11:52:31 PM
I, too, am an avid cyclist and I care a great deal that you were nearly killed. Although, I didn't take my bike today. I walked to work and took the bus for some errands afterwards.
Last week, there was a day where I was just so hot and tired, I was very upset and nearly in tears from the sheer heat. I can't remember ever being close to tears just because of the heat.
Good thing I don't live in Texas.
Well some of us do! It depends on which part you live in, humidity is worse than heat! Glad U R ok VM, its probably the trauma of the incident, the hormones made the emotions easier.
Hugs,
SJ
Sorry to hear about you nearly getting run over, VM. Scary stuff and I'm not surprised it had that effect on you. Tekla has a point in that it's important to always be assertive on two wheels especially so when in big cities. Don't overdo it though as they may well react violently, I've been chased just for giving the finger. He didn't catch me though, just doubled back down the pavement!
Been crying myself all afternoon watching videos on YouTube of the failed 'Italian Spring' of many years ago, fills me with sadness remembering the hopes and loves we had back then.
Thank you all for your kind words :) Feeling better today although a bit stiff and sore... I think I strained a few things from tensing up
You bet I'll be back out there riding the next time I have to go to the store :) A friend gave me a ride today and I notice there is one of those things that post your speed on a lit sign put out near the intersection so I think someone must have reported what happened... I'm hoping the city will put one of those flashing crossing lights like they have at a few other intersections
Well let's move forward :) How many of you have noticed an uptick in your emotional status? Are you happier? Angrier? cry more/less than usual?
what kind of experiences can you share?
Quote from: V M on September 29, 2011, 05:14:34 PM
How many of you have noticed an uptick in your emotional status? Are you happier? Angrier? cry more/less than usual?
what kind of experiences can you share?
I can honestly say there are times when I haven't felt this consistently happy since before puberty.
I'm also finding that I don't get furious the way I used to. Now, I'm more likely to be close to tears or actually start crying when I get angry. And yes, I'm crying much more than I used to. I've probably cried more since June than I have in the previous ten years combined.
Turns out I'm not immune to uncontrolled bursts of tears either. my friend picked me up for work today and she was listening to this song by a band called Jamestown Story and it was about suicide. And it was like someone had suddenly turned my life from going fine to sucks in 0.1 seconds. She had to change the song and was asking me to please not cry, and here I am saying "I'm trying not to!" Thing is, She had just lost her younger brother to suicide. And that was one of his favorite songs. And she's there calm as can be and I'm the blubbering mess. On top of that, what happens when you hear a song and you dont hear the ending? It's been stuck in my head all night!!
The main differences I noticed pre vs. post-transition, being on HRT, etc. were not being able to control emotions once they were felt. They move from the head to the heart to expression and there's not really much of a filter. Pre-transition thoughts could control emotion, stress, feelings, etc. fairly well. I was emoTIVE but not overly emotIONAL. I could make myself not cry if I needed to. The other thing is stress. Pre-transition I had a super stressful job. I'm in a busy health Clinic now, post-transition, and probably in just as stressful of an environment. When I was stressed before, I could scoff at things or get angry, sarcastic, walk around the building, etc. One thing I NEVER EVER did at work pre-transition was CRY. There's no crying in the workplace!
I was mortified the first time I cried at work. I was thinking "oh no, this isn't going to work!" but now, I dunno, I know it's going to happen if it's going to happen. Today this patient I saw was raped and she was getting hiv tested. How do you NOT share in her sorrow and loss? How do you not cry with her, you know? So I think that's a big difference.
If you are going to emote, you are going to emote, on E and low T. It just seems like that's the way it is. I dunno, it doesn't bother me, it just is. It feels like me. I'm not holding anything back anymore.
I agree with Megan. My child had been in the ICU for over 90 days. It was a rollercoaster of emotions. To this day we do not know what she has. I found it very very hard to hold back the tears and even got to the point that everytime the Docs would walk in, I was in tears. It's very weird for me since I never cried before HRT. Now, it's just how I deal I guess. It can also be somewhat liberating to me just to let go.
Virginia,
I've been in and out of Susan's this past week but somehow missed your thread. I am so glad you weren't hurt-or killed! Bad things happen quickly and people in general just don't care about others anymore as evidenced by the behavior of the truck driver who almost hit you. Please be careful there are people here who would definitely miss you-myself included.
As for being more emotional-Oh Yeah I'm with you on this one! I cry at movies, sad things I see on the news-especially bad things that happen to children. I can't stand it when children suffer so I cry. Crying makes me feel better in a way that is difficult for me to explain. It's like I release the negative emotional response and afterwards balance is established once again. Not sure if that makes much sense but it sorta feels that way. My family is now used to seeing it-I have noticed my dad and my son just shaking their heads in disbelief but my mom understands.
I too would miss you if something bad happened and you didn't come back.
Brandi
I agree, since starting HRT I have felt more emotional, mostly I feel like crying in sad situations or even happy ones, but I have noticed it is easy to cry when I watch movies. I like it.
I too am happy that you missed the truck and you are doing fine now, I see some cyclists on the roads here in Hawaii and some of them seem like they want to get hit, I mean there is a big wide paved shoulder for them to ride on but some of them like to see how close to the line they can get or even riding on the line, I don't mind too much if I was not driving a big truck (Ford F-600) I just go slow and move on to the side away from them.
Stay safe and aloha.
Jennie
Being able to properly cry is one of the things I look most forward to in my transition. I think I've cried about 5 times in the past 10 years, if even that much ... but I have FELT like crying so many more times than that. I get emotional at pretty much everything (especially movies and music).
When the day comes that I will be able to just cry my heart out, without that conditioned mental barrier that "men don't cry!" stopping me from doing so, I will feel truly free.
Lillium, Just let them come. Just let them come!! Don't worry about anyone else; just let them come. Any time, any where. Don't even worry if you run out of tears ....... just keep crying. You've embarked on a journey, whose hallmark is laughter and tears; and genuine good friends that are impossible to find anywhere else.
Be safe, well and happy
Lotsa luv
Catherine
Well I'm glad you're okay!!
I have a couple experiences. My emotions are much more troublesome to keep on a leash than they were pre hrt... I can go from happy to bitchy without even thinking about it. But an almost cry moment happened today at school
I'm going to school for cosmetology and the teacher kept having to help me cut layers. I got into this mood like "OMG I wish I didn't hold up the whole class. I feel awful and stupid"... and it took alot to keep from crying in front of everybody. I'm glad I didn't cry because I think it would've seemed obnoxious as I would've been the only one to get sad or anything. But when I got to my car I did cry a lil.
It seems my highs and lows are definitely further apart now. Because earlier I was so excited about going to school that I could've broken out in dance, lol!