So, I sent the following to both my parents a few hours ago.
Quote"Mom and Dad,
I'm not really sure where to start with this. It may or may not be a shock. I remember some close calls when I was younger. Anyway, I've been really afraid to come to either of you with this, as I really need support. Please keep an open mind, and please remain discrete with others.
First, I need to explain that this is no one's fault. I have had this problem my entire life. I have been diagnosed with gender dysphoria. From my childhood until now, I have felt like my physical sex does not match my gender. I have always identified as female, but I have been too ashamed and afraid to admit it to anyone up until recently. Last November I came out to Jordan, and more recently I also told Alex, Beth, and her husband. All responses so far have been supportive, which I am thankful for.
I used to feel like there was something wrong with it, or that I must be delusional. Yet, after all these years nothing has changed. I was suffering then and I am suffering now. I used to cope by escaping reality via various games, novels, and shows; but, none of that seems to help much anymore.
I can't keep living my life trying to keep others happy (not even doing a great job) when it is causing me so many problems. This is the only life I'll have a chance to live, so I really need to do something about this for myself. I put in a lot of time and effort trying to live happily as a male, but nothing I or anyone else does will make that a viable option. The only known solution is transitioning.
Treatments have come a long way. It is quite possible for someone like me to go through everything and have a positive result that will give me the best chance at living a fulfilling life. To that end, I have been in therapy for the past several months. I will likely see a psychiatrist at some point for further assessment and treatment. For now, I have been cleared to begin hormone replacement therapy under a doctor's supervision. Most my age will also need electrolysis on facial hair, voice therapy, possibly facial surgery, and sex reassignment surgery. I can't afford a lot of these treatments now, but I hope to get to that point eventually. Without them I don't have much of a future.
Anyway, this isn't as informative as I wanted it to be, but it is a start. Feel free to ask questions.
Love,
Cory
P.S. I didn't focus much on Jordan and I in this letter, but our relationship is in good shape. She's been surprisingly o.k. with all of this due to her bisexuality, and we still plan on getting married whenever we are more self-sufficient."
After I sent it I left to spend some time with friends because I was kind of in a panic. When I got back, this was my father's response...
QuoteCory, I love you no matter how you feel about yourself and also supportive of you and Jordan.
I just want you to be happy and enjoy your life.
Assume nothing change with your school and living plans.
For me, you are still my son and I love you!
So relax....don't worry about what others think, only im$portant is to be true to yourself. Happiness is a choice no matter the situation.
Love. Dad
All in all, I think it went fairly well aside for the "son" comment, but I don't think he did that on purpose. We haven't been particularly close over the years due to his career and my tendency to push both of my parents away. I've always looked at the openness my SO has with her parents with amazement and envy, but I think this puts me at least one step closer to having that with mine.
I'm still waiting on a response from my mother.
Cory,
That sounds really good. I think your Dad just made a slip. He was telling you he loves you.
Hugs
Cindy
Well, my mom got back to me, but her responses haven't been very straightforward. I think she's kind of shocked. She wanted my therapist's info., but I'm not going to provide that until I have a better grasp on where she stands. I did offer to find her a therapist where she lives, so maybe that'll help.
My parents reacted the same way, my dad seemed to be much more understanding than my mom.
She called my general doctor trying to get him to tell her what we had talked about, but I revoked my consent to share information with her so he couldn't tell her anything.
I think she cried for two whole days afterwards, and didn't sleep. But now she seems fine, I told her September 1st.
Both of my parents were saying that they wanted to seek family counseling but I haven't heard anything about that since right after I told them. Maybe they just needed some time, and to do some research to see that I'm not making an irrational decision, and that this is something that really has been bothering me for a long time. Or they could just be thinking this is a phase, or that I'm not serious about it.
Either way, I think the hormones will prove to them, more than anything I can say, that I am in fact completely serious.
She didn't need a therapist, but I suggested it to her if she was having problems understanding or dealing with what I told her.
Either way, her response following that last one gave me a clearer idea of what she thinks. She doesn't accept my decision to transition and will not be supportive. I've been trying to be understanding, but I feel like that means she does not accept a core part of who I am.
Sorry. On second thought I felt kind of weird just throwing our continued e-mails up like that. There are already 20 total back and forth between the 3 of us. She responded with an implication that my father and I are both selfish and insane. Due to him leaving her two years ago, and me thinking transitioning is ok. She also said "I wish I would die really soon." I'm still not sure if I should take that seriously, or not. If I did every time she said it I'd be calling the police in Texas every few weeks, and that might just piss her off.
Yeah, I don't think I'll get anywhere unless she's willing to accept this as a valid problem. I just don't get that she seems to want me to feel guilty for being this way, like I am hurting her. I mean, it's hard to take what she has said to me in any other way.
So, for now things seem to be alright. She's researching it and actually trying to get a better understanding. Her reasoning was that while I've had all my life to know about this, it seemed like a rash decision from her point of view. Once I went into more details and explained why what she was saying was upsetting her attitude seemed to change drastically.
Next up is my SO's parents, but I think that really can afford to wait for a bit longer.