This morning, I woke up late, didn't dress for ROTC, and got to school at 8:30. When I went to go fill out my late slip in the office, the female assistant principal made me fill it out on the wall. I did not have a pen, told her so, and she told me to keep looking, when I already knew I did not have one. A teacher walked by, and gave me a pen. I was embarrassed, and after I filled out my slip, the principal was like "Welcome to high school, you're late." Then, I had to go through the metal detector.
It didn't go off, so I didn't have to forgo my cell phone, so I went to ELA. I found out from my friend that I could not join the GSA, because all the spots were full. No one told me I needed to formally join, although I had showed up for every meeting. Then, I had gym, where I got dressed in my gym clothes (this makes me feel really bad anxiety) and was sweaty before even hitting the gym.
There's this kid who uses a wheelchair, but he's super hot, so I was staring at him, and he caught me, and he's a senior, so I felt more embarrassed, and kind of slunk into the corner like a doofus. Fast forward to ROTC.
I go in there, all the cadets give me looks, because I'm a laughing stock. This one girl didn't like me and has been a jerk for me. Everyone knows she's an ->-bleeped-<-, and only the senior AS4 who runs the class has tried to do anything about it. I'll look at her, and she'll say "I don't like girls, turn around!" and everyone laughs. Stuff like that, ya know? I didn't have my uniform on, so I went to be checked out in the hallway. And they all laughed at me, despite me outranking them.
I went into the hall, and my eyes were all burning, and Shayla, the senior was like "Why didn't you wear your uniform, Secor?" And I told her that it was because I've been going through some weird stuff lately, and I wanted to quit ROTC. Then, I couldn't look at her anymore and looked down. I got this super lump in my throat and started crying.
I felt like such a pussy, out there in the hall, with 3 of my cadets looking at me. I couldn't even handle it. I went to the school counselor after switching to another flight, talking with Sergent Sykes. I so badly wanted to come out to her, because I feel like I'm going to explode. Instead I told her about the whole ROTC thing, and how I'd been having a few issues in other classes.
I got a perfect score on a standardized test, and she was like "Wow I've never seen this before" blah blah blah. But the entire time I'm just sitting there on my hands with a lump in my throat. Everything lately is just too much to handle, even excluding school.
So that was my day. I just needed to type it all out.
:icon_hug:
Sorry to hear you had a crap day. Hopefully tomorrow will be a bit better.
If you do leave do you have an exit interview? That would give you a chance to let your superiors know what things are really like. Plenty of people end up in cadet type organisations who would never be accepted by the real armed forces unfortunately.
Karen.