Thought I ought to introduce myself to the general masses, so here it goes :) (I'll try not to make it too lengthy, ha)
I'm exploring my gender identity, and feel rather strongly that I might be FTM transsexual. But I feel self-conscious saying it, because I feel like if this was really the case, I should have known from a younger age. I feel like I should have been more... defiant of being considered a girl, all this time.
The earliest memory I have regarding my gender identity is... early. And reoccurring. I remember when I was very little (kindergarten age, probably,) I would often just stare at myself in the bathroom mirror, usually from the nose up, for a very, very long time, until I slowly became certain that the reflection looking back at me was undeniably male. Not because I wanted it to be; it just was. And every single time I did it, I scared myself near to death, because I was born a girl; obviously, I was a girl, right? Those moments staring in the mirror challenged what I thought should have been a simple fact.
I've never been exceptionally discontent with being considered a girl. I mean, I've always just expected it. But being mistaken for a boy, or being affectionately dubbed a gentleman by my friends, or being called to help my dad in the garage because he knows I'm the toughest kid in the family... those moments have been the proudest of my short life.
I played the boy characters in every imagination game my sisters and I played, growing up. And it's always made me sick that I can't audition for school plays with realistic hopes of getting the male lead. Little things like that, where looking back, I realize just how much I've been quietly pining. And I have to believe that I've always been quietly pining over this hidden wish to be male.
So. That's about the gist of it. I can't deny that I'm very self-conscious about all of this, because (while I was always raised to be accepting of everyone,) it was sort of instilled upon me at a young age that no one had any reason to be unhappy in the body/gender they were born with. I really think that shuttered viewpoint is what's kept me from exploring this until recently. But you have to face this stuff eventually, right?
But enough of that. It's very nice to meet you all. :) I'm hoping this site will help me convince myself that it's okay if I'm transsexual.
You can call me Nic. :)
Hi Nic, and welcome aboard. The place is full of lots of great people to help you on your journey.
It is certainly okay to be transsexual, it means you have looked deep within yourself and asked a lot of hard questions. Most people have no real idea who they are because they have never bothered to consider the question in depth. It sounds like you have already worked out the difference between gender and sexuality, something which takes a lot of us a long time.
I'm not saying it's easy, but then most of life isn't. If you need to rant about anything feel free, that's what these boards are for.
Karen.
Hey Nic. :)
Your experience sounds a lot like mine. Not all of us protest being called "she" or "girl" adamantly from the time we can talk onward. Sometimes it takes a little longer to be comfortable with ourselves. What I find most valuable, when trying to figure out this whole gender mess, is not focusing on what makes me uncomfortable or neutral or just confused. I focus on what makes me happy, even if it's that almost-shameful, can't-share-this-with-anyone happy that I think no one else will understand. For me, those things include being "mistaken" for male, seeing a man in my mirror, or being included as "one of the guys." That's why I identify as a FtM, because having my maleness recognized makes me all warm and fuzzy inside.
Hey Nic, welcome to susans. :D
Hi Nic, welcome to Susans! On this site, it's OK to be a transsexual, and it's OK to not be a transsexual. You can identify as a sack of potatoes if you like! But if you do that, I'll chase you around with a peeler! See you around, hugs, Tracey
I could never top Tracey's comment that made me chuckle, so I'll just leave it at "welcome!".
Heh, I must say, I feel summarily warmly welcomed. :]
I really look forward to seeing you all on the forums. It's great that this site is so accepting.
Welcome. :)
Hi Nic,
Welcome to the boards.
As for Tracey, well a chip off the old block.
Did you do KP peeling spuds?
:laugh: :laugh:
Hugs
Cindy
Cindy, you only get KP if you're in serious trouble.........yeah, I can peel spuds with my eyes closed!!! Hugs, Tracey