On facebook I've become more "out" by changing my gender to male and addressing myself as male. My question is, people are asking me what's up. I hear a lot of "you're a girl" etc and it's pissing me off. I said of myself last night on facebook I was one lucky guy for not having all this damn drama in my life all the time and people asked questions. I don't know how to answer them. I thought about writing a note on facebook and "coming out" in a similar way I did as a lesbian. I don't know if it's a good idea, but I figured I'd reach as many people as I can in one swoop as opposed to coming out 1,000+x to everyone. I'm at a loss as what to do, but I want to do this. Any suggestions?
Why change your gender status and reference yourself as male on Facebook before you're ready to let everyone know? When someone asks, just reply that you're transgendered, and have started letting people know. Don't be surprised that people ask questions.
It's not that I'm not ready. I am ready, just want the best way to go about it.
Hey guys, I'm transgender and have wanted to be a male for a long time.
If you accept me, that's great and thanks for being a friend!
If you're disturbed and hate it, just unfriend me and go.
etc etc
Quote from: Nezhi on October 16, 2011, 05:38:13 PM
Hey guys, I'm transgender and have wanted to be a male for a long time.
If you accept me, that's great and thanks for being a friend!
If you're disturbed and hate it, just unfriend me and go.
etc etc
That's pretty much what I did. I wrote the longest note in the history of note writing (to bore unnecessary people like coworkers from previous jobs I've spoken to once or twice) and basically, in the end, just said something to the effect of what Nezhi said. That I'm going to do this, it's who I am, I'm so much happier now, if you're okay with it, add my new account. If you're not okay with it, then forget about me and move on.
I was amazed to have comments from people I did not expect saying they support me.
For important people like your parents, siblings, important friends, people you really wan to keep i your life, talk to them individually even after posting a big "I'm Trans" note. They deserve to hear it from you.
This is what I wrote
I will be going by the name Andy and male pronouns now. I know it will be hard to make the change but I am asking if you are a true friend and love me to please try, I will be understanding if you slip up for the first few weeks.
-Andy
I didn't explain that I was transgender or anything because I felt it was pretty obvious because I put a male name and specified male pronouns. Anyone with questions asked them after this note.
Change your status to something about you saying you are transgendered.
That's what I did. On national coming out day, the HRC had a custom post for you, and I just used theirs. I got a lot of people who "liked" it, and that made me feel good to know who the supporters were :)
And then I also added a lot of friends from like LGBT club and the like, so that way even if someone gave me a nasty comment, I'd have a lot of people back me up to gang up on that person. But mostly, the people who I know would be against it, didn't say a word to me at all.
Quote from: Andy8715 on October 16, 2011, 09:43:30 PM
This is what I wrote
I will be going by the name Andy and male pronouns now. I know it will be hard to make the change but I am asking if you are a true friend and love me to please try, I will be understanding if you slip up for the first few weeks.
-Andy
I didn't explain that I was transgender or anything because I felt it was pretty obvious because I put a male name and specified male pronouns. Anyone with questions asked them after this note.
That's a good idea Andy. I like that approach. I was wondering if I can use what you wrote.
I completely shut down my account and made a brand new one. Those who get it will add me and those who don't will think I just disappeared off Facebook.
Even 3 years later I have people adding me with messages like 'oh wow it took so long to find you, now I know why'. If they're worth your time they will find you, if not then who cares.
Quote from: Darrin on October 17, 2011, 07:53:38 AM
That's a good idea Andy. I like that approach. I was wondering if I can use what you wrote.
Of course that's fine.
Quote from: Da Monkey on October 17, 2011, 08:22:23 AM
I completely shut down my account and made a brand new one. Those who get it will add me and those who don't will think I just disappeared off Facebook.
Even 3 years later I have people adding me with messages like 'oh wow it took so long to find you, now I know why'. If they're worth your time they will find you, if not then who cares.
I did the same, but i did add people who already knew like my close friend and family. i had no plms they didnt ask any questions apart from one person who did, if they do just say "This is who i am, and im happy with it has been for a long time, if you don't like it then your lost"
Hey everyone,
Here is what I wrote.
"Hey, everyone. I know there is some confusion about some of my recent status' and for many of you (people at school) this will not be new, but I'm sure it will not be a surprise for many of you. I will be going by the name Darrin and male pronouns now (He, His, Him, etc). I know it will be hard to make the change but I am asking if you are a true friend and love me to please try, I will be understanding if you slip up. I know it will be confusing for many of you and you may not take me seriously. I ask that you please respect my wishes. Yes, I'm being serious. If you have any questions, please feel free to ask.
~Darrin"
I modified what Andy wrote a little bit, but I did it! I hope it all goes well.
Quote from: Nezhi on October 16, 2011, 05:38:13 PM
Hey guys, I'm transgender and have wanted to be a male for a long time.
If you accept me, that's great and thanks for being a friend!
If you're disturbed and hate it, just unfriend me and go.
etc etc
i did pretty much the same thing.
Wow, all this wants to make me come out on my facebook. :S
Congrats Darrin. ;D
Thanks all....
Well, I've gotten some responses and to my family I'm not a man because I don't have a dick and I'm not further along in my transition. I've been crying on and off all morning. :(
Darrin, that's awful.
Quote from: Darrin on October 18, 2011, 06:25:25 AMThanks all....
Well, I've gotten some responses and to my family I'm not a man because I don't have a dick and I'm not further along in my transition. I've been crying on and off all morning. :(
OMG, that's horrible. I know it's hard and it will hurt no matter what, but for me personally, I find I feel better when I go somewhere alone and scream "->-bleeped-<- THEM!"
Lol, idk, it just makes me feel better. because it is the truth. I can't help but care about them because they are my family and I have an emotionally connection to them. but they don't care about me. they think they do, but they don't really. If they really cared they wouldn't be like that to me. And so, they are not worthy of me caring about them. they don't deserve me. and I know that, but it still hurts.
but sometimes, the more I say, "->-bleeped-<- them" the more I start to believe it.
Quote from: Darrin on October 18, 2011, 06:25:25 AM
Thanks all....
Well, I've gotten some responses and to my family I'm not a man because I don't have a dick and I'm not further along in my transition. I've been crying on and off all morning. :(
Sorry to hear that Darrin. I hope things get better for you soon.
Thanks guys. I hope it will get better soon. I just deleted the entire post. Over 20 comments. Most of them by a family member being down right abusive. On the upside, I should be on T by the end of this year or the beginning of next.
Personally I would've deleted them instead of the post like Jayr suggested. Then again my fb is a family free zone nowadays other than two cousins who are cool and close to my age.
But I'm sorry Darrin. *hug* Hopefully they will come around in time.
Congrats on the upside!
Quote from: Darrin on October 19, 2011, 10:53:13 PM
Thanks guys. I hope it will get better soon. I just deleted the entire post. Over 20 comments. Most of them by a family member being down right abusive. On the upside, I should be on T by the end of this year or the beginning of next.
I would have just deleted the negative comments and the people who left them. I hope you at least deleted the people who were being hateful to you.
Repost the same message and put in a part about you not wanting to affiliate with people that are going to be jerkish to you. Maybe whoever was posting all the comments will get the hint.
That really sucks man. At least you'll be starting T relatively soon.
If you ever want to post something like that again, you can make it available only to certain people. So if you didn't want your family to see it, you could select all of your friends (either using a group or individuals) and leave off your family.
Thanks all.
Actually I wanted family to see it. That was the purpose of me coming out on facebook. Probably not the best way, but the way I chose. After the initial backlash, it's been quiet, but anymore and I will use the delete button.