So I am very, very drizzunk right now. It's cool. It's just that we had some bourbon and I drank it. Anyhow, so I've come to the realization that if I could have anything in the world (like if I really found a genie), I'd wish to be male (I'm female bodied for the new folk), but because my body is naturally female and the science isn't up to par, I plan to stay female, how do we deal?
I've no desire to transition because there is no amount of science to erase the fact that I'm female on a certain level. Some days, I even like to wear skirts. It's a tough situation, no doubt. Any thought? There's a certain thing inside me that says that so long as there is a female part (even if that part is just history), I can't bring myself to change my body unless male is all I ever was. (I don't know if that makes any sense...it could just be the whiskey talking)
That is a weird ass fish avatar.
I miss you being here, very much!...
Ativan
I had a jigger of Vecchia Romagna, a smooth Italian brandy, last night shortly before you posted so I feel as though we were drinking together. Too bad Susan's doesn't have a list of gender genies. We could go together.
I've been going to a monthly support group lately--and wonder if they understand my lack of desire to transition (and some of my reasons are the mirror image of yours). I toy with the idea of HRT lite, and have been practicing with a How to Develop a Female Voice tape. I only use my "female" voice when I'm alone in the car. We need an outlet to convince ourselves that we are not just living a lie, treading water, and denying our true gender (whatever it actually is).
Then we have to do things like work and try to make ends meet. Where do you stand with your education? Heres hoping one of these days we will be able to physically drink together and exchange hugs! Until then this virtual hug will have to suffice. :icon_hug:
S
What has been happening in your life, besides you?? I wish it didn't have to take a drunken moment for you to come back, but all in all, why not?
Please hang around more, life has settled down to far less than a roar. (Ithinksomebinariesarescaredofus!)
And all the new faces! They need guidance, and you are such a rock of knowledge! I for one wouldn't have lasted in the beginning with out your words of wisdom.
You are missed!
Ativan
Quote from: ~RoadToTrista~ on October 23, 2011, 12:38:35 AM
That is a weird ass fish avatar.
Yep! You totally see inside its head!
Although I haven't heard anyone mention just what kind of fish it is, just maybe it is really a
Weird Ass fish.
A rare type of being, much like Jaimey himself!
Is that enough groveling kind of behavior to get you to stick around now and then?
Ativan
Hi Jaimey
How are you the next day? Nice to see you again
Hugs
Cindy
It's more of a weird head fish. Its ass appears normal, not that I am an expert on fish asses.
Uh anyway, at least some of that makes sense to me. I'm male bodied and have long said that what stops me from thinking about transitioning was the technology. And by that what I really meant was it wasn't going to be instant wish fulfillment, cheap and reversible. I already have a fat, weird, balding male body; a fat, weird, balding female body surely wouldn't help me. Which was kind of a clue to me that I was not really destined to be MtF regardless of not really feeling male either. That was before learning that non-binary gender is even a thing.
What I was picturing wasn't a body so much as a spirit, I think; I have had dreams where I started off male and wound up female, or even where I was a pair of twins, one each. But dream-bodies are more not physical. I think I have already undergone the transition I needed: from a male confused about his feminine streak to a male-bodied androgyne.
I still want to be a shapeshifter, and I still think i'd spend more time with a female body than a male one if I were.
It really is nice to be missed. You all make me feel all warm and fuzzy. :-* Hugs all around!!!!
Someone really should take my computer away (well, my phone too), when I'm drinking. :D Not because of this post...I was drunk facebooking too. A lot. (I did drink lots of water, so no hangover, yay! But seriously, Jack Daniel's Honey...IT'S SO GOOD)
Anyway, it's good to see you all! Mostly, school just gets in the way. I don't do much outside of it. Oh, English department, why must you torment me so? I'll be done in May, assuming I get my work done. ;)
I haven't actually had much in the way of feelings about gender in the past few months, which is probably why I haven't been over here. I just haven't been thinking about it. I do go to a counselor now (for pretty much everything but gender...even if she wants to talk about it) and she invited me to a group session for LGBT people, but I declined, partly because of my non transitioning status, partly because of time, and partly because I am more than likely a lot older than the other people there. It's hard to have anything in common with teenagers when you aren't one. And on some level, I don't feel like I'd really be able to contribute much to a group session. I'm definitely the "I'm fine, there's absolutely nothing wrong with me ever," type, so it's not like I'd really open up to them anyway.
A big issue for me is dating too. If I don't want to be seen as a woman, how do I attract a man ('cause that's what I like, kids)? Every now and again I get to thinking about stuff like that. I'm glad I'm not the only one.
Ahhhhh.....hang around and at least read a few now and then. Some of what you say can be directly applied to the younger set.
They need to know there is the voice of different experiences. Some just need to settle down.....lol
Really do miss you,
Ativan
It's nice to be missed. :icon_love: