I won't go into details because I don't feel like it.
Today my therapist asked me what new characteristic I'd want as a guy.
Not physically but personality wise. He thinks my personality is not masculine enough.
I told him, I didn't want new traits. I was fine with my personality.
That I didn't want to change who I was inside. I tried to convince him,
being sweet, caring, etc could apply to guys too, but...
He flat out told me he doesn't think I'm ftm because I'm too submissive, and feminine.
And on top of that he doesn't stop critiquing the fact that I'm 17 and a virgin.
Apparently I should be going out having sex, that's what guys are supposed to do; he said.
I can't change therapist because he's the only one close to my house.
The next closest is an hour and 30 minutes from my house. That's too far for my family to drive me.
I feel like crap.
some therapists are wrapped too tight in their stereotypes to know that TS aren't stereotypes .
he says you're too fem and a virgin...so he can't understand that being TS makes us have difficulty in living the proper life so we don't.
when he was 17 he was slobbering over Playboy centrefolds and smoking and drinking so thats his idea of what male life is.
stick with it and one day you'll be living the life you want.
wow Jayr, that therapist sounds like a...well...a horrible therapist!!
Is there another gender therapist in your area? If there is, I would fire him and get another.
Yeah, my suggestion is to get a new therapist, if you can. If this one is constantly making such ridiculous judgments and making you feel like crap, it seems like it might be better to not be in therapy at all. Bad therapy can do more harm than no therapy at all.
I am with Annah, this guy sounds horrible.
I am far from your typical guy plus there is a big generational gap between us but I was a virgin until I was 20, as well as being a caring empathic guy for a good 50+ years. And pretty successful both personally and professionally. Plenty of guys are caring, not interested in being top dog. There would be no human race if every male was interested in dominating all the others.
In other words every male is not your stereotypical knuckle dragging macho idiot that is way overcompensating for his inadequacies.
Have you considered going with an online gender therapist?
Quote from: Jayr on October 30, 2011, 04:03:15 PM
Can they give you, your T letter?
How would that work?
Unfortunately I don't know much about the process, as I haven't spoken to an online therapist myself. It seems like they are generally run through Skype or a similar program. Most have the ability to write a T letter, but I would check what your doctor would require beforehand. It seems worth looking into at least.
Why is some creepy old guy telling that to a 17 yr old?
JayR there are alot of very sweet, caring, nice guys out there. Not all men are loud horny and rude, just be yourself. I'm personally really attracted to guys with your personality. :P
Oh this therapist sounds exactly or very similar like my first therapist, that's why I dumped him ;)
Very similar as in he said I don't act anything like a female and I need to change that if I want to go on hormones because that is what people want.
And the list goes on of dreadful remarks and comments.
It may take a while to find another good therapist, I am in a similar situation, in a remote part of Australia and looking at therapy through skype. I do have one therapist where I am but, she is not taking any more clients just yet.
So stay strong, help is out there, it just may take time but, be worth it in the end.
With my first psychiatrist (recommended by my GP) I had a similar setback - much angst. Five sessions (over 3 months) followed. Regardless of the problems I was having - feeling very female and all - he kept pointing out my masculine demeanour and presence, right up until the end of the third session when he said he was working with the hypothesis of late-onset psychosis... The last sessions amounted to me trying to challenge his hypothesis, even going over the small print of the DSM 4 in his office.
The thing is, I knew this wouldn't have happened with someone who was a bit more trained in gender issues - especially when assessing certain physical symptoms. But for some reason I felt I had to convince him. Even though I was sure I was transsexual, something kept pushing me to pursue my own intuition on the matter. Still, he really shook me up, and I knew that his approach was actually causing me to become further frustrated, depressed. I left after the 5th session (after he prescribed anti-psychotic meds)...
About a half year later I was jetted off (via State government health department funds) to a bigger city in Australia every month to see someone who was experienced in these matters. The distance and other expenses incurred was a real headache - but at least I felt I was in better hands. Looking back now, often I felt that first "run in" was tantamount to abuse - especially in light of the latter treatment.
Some advice: do some research first, regarding a therapist's or psyche's experience in these matters - use the internet, do some email enquiries. Don't, for the sake of good will, agree to anything "off the bat" with your GP, or go somewhere because it's closer - or because it's funded through medicare..
Regarding online therapists - I have one, and she deals with a variety of issues. She has been wonderful to me so far, and I hope it keeps up. We don't even have a gender therapist within four hundred miles of me, so its really my only option. She does skype calls, and at the end of our session she said that even though she adheres to the WPATH standards, she does view TG as a medical condition with the body, not mind. She doesn't cost too much either, and seems like a nice lady. I don't think I have ever laughed so hard about some of my own experiences until I was talking with her. If you want her info, PM me and I will give it to you.