I have known for a long time who I am but have kept it bottled up. Awhile back I joined this board and confessed who I am and have found a great doctor to help me. With all this I still knew that I had to tell my wife and I was tired of sneaking around anyway.
Last night after all the kids were tucked in, I sat in the garage with my wife of ten years and told her everything. Her reaction... basically our marriage is over because she can't live with another woman. I proposed that we get a legal separation and that I move into a spare bedroom, which she agreed to.
Next day, she is depressed and upset with me and thinks it is something she did wrong. I reassured her that this is all my doing.
I can see this isn't going to be easy, and imagine that it will get worse as I eventually have to tell my parents, brother, my friends, and employer.
Breanne - It's okay. Even if she says it's over now, it might not be. She's reacting to something really overwhelming and it's going to take time for her to sort out her feelings. As far as other people, you never know. There have been people who took my coming out way worse than I expected and some people have become great sources of emotional support for me.
Take things at your own pace and talk to who you feel safe talking to about it. It is going to be difficult, but I think it's a lot scarier than it is difficult. The alternative is the really difficult (or impossible) option. It's makes for a more safe and calm environment, but it'll tear you up inside.
I'm sorry to hear things are going badly for you right now. I have actually been in a similar situation with my wife of 13 years and our children.
First thing you should remember is that she has had very very little time to come to terms with this. By no means am I saying she is going to eventually be ok with you as a woman, but she really hasn't had a chance to be ok with it either. You just flipped her world upside down and without warning and she's probably very confused and frustrated.
My wife and I have been dealing with my coming out to her for nearly a year. It was very difficult for us to deal with for a long time. The first month she was in shock and just didn't deal. The next month she spent trying to come to terms, still very confused and feeling very betrayed by me. My wife has been very supportive the last few months and she seems to want it for me almost has much as I do now. But it was a difficult and long road to get here, to the point she was happy with me the way I am (and the woman I am becoming).
I really hope that your wife will come around. Either way what you are going through is tough and I really feel for you.
Sophia
Maybe you could get some information from a glbt organization, or print something off of a credible trans website, so you have someone else's words to explain it as well as your own. I recently tried this - after having a hard time getting through to some certain healthcare professionals, I just dropped off a PFLAG pamphlet about being trans. The difference in the way they treated me the next day was amazing.
People closer to you often need awhile to get used to it. I wouldn't make any predictions if I were you.
Be strong, kay?
very few marriages survive the husband transitioning so better start thinking of the long term divorce and kids future.
Most important BreanneRose,
Whatever and how ever you and your wife work this out...
Don't try to put who you are aside, this never goes away, been there and now that.
Quote from: Maya Zimmerman on November 02, 2011, 09:45:39 PM
Take things at your own pace and talk to who you feel safe talking to about it. It is going to be difficult, but I think it's a lot scarier than it is difficult. The alternative is the really difficult (or impossible) option. It's makes for a more safe and calm environment, but it'll tear you up inside.
Are you seeing a Therapist? If not find one that is experienced in Gender Issues. You need one now and getting your wife to go will possibly help her. Here is a link to a listing of Therapists that specialize in Gender Issues;
http://www.lauras-playground.com/gender_therapists.htm (http://www.lauras-playground.com/gender_therapists.htm)
https://www.susans.org/Health/Therapists_and_Counselors/ (https://www.susans.org/Health/Therapists_and_Counselors/)
This is what I am most worried about. Losing those whom I love the most. I have set a plan in motion. First I have to get financially independent. Hopefully I can get my debts payed off within the year. I don't want to spring this upon her and leave major bills. I will leave her everything anyways... so I don't want to put her in a financial bind. Once this is done then I will tell her... I'm scared to death of this conversation, but it has to be done.
I lost friends and family, and it was awful but inevitable. I couldn't just keep pretending for the rest of my life. It is what it is.
You didn't do anything wrong, and neither did your loved ones.