Background: Transitioned years ago, not clocked for 5+, not out to anyone but my wife, doctor, family.
A couple months ago I picked up a second job to help fill up my travel fund. I wasn't aware at the time-nor would I have probably cared- but I ended up getting a job at a queer company. There are a couple other straight guys that work there, but we're the minority. Since I've been working with my coworkers and customers, I haven't been clocked or questioned at all. If I were, I'd have heard about it- this place tends to be big on gossip and no one is very shy. A few weeks ago, a coworker of mine came out to me as MTF (which is no big secret and something I knew immediately upon meeting her) and also mentioned being interested in me. I thanked her for telling/trusting me, told her I was married, and everything was fine. While our massive language barrier makes most things hard to communicate, she is one of the people I work best with. Now that she's made the effort to come out to me when she assumed I had no idea, I feel guilty for not reciprocating. Should I tell her? If I did, I'm not 100% sure she'd keep it private. If she didn't, I'm not sure how comfortable I am with it spreading around work-- i'm stealth for a reason, after all.
She's great and the whole thing has me feeling ->-bleeped-<-ty. Somehow this lie by omission feels worse when doing it to her.
Quote from: Mister on November 05, 2011, 04:07:09 PM
Background: Transitioned years ago, not clocked for 5+, not out to anyone but my wife, doctor, family.
A couple months ago I picked up a second job to help fill up my travel fund. I wasn't aware at the time-nor would I have probably cared- but I ended up getting a job at a queer company. There are a couple other straight guys that work there, but we're the minority. Since I've been working with my coworkers and customers, I haven't been clocked or questioned at all. If I were, I'd have heard about it- this place tends to be big on gossip and no one is very shy. A few weeks ago, a coworker of mine came out to me as MTF (which is no big secret and something I knew immediately upon meeting her) and also mentioned being interested in me. I thanked her for telling/trusting me, told her I was married, and everything was fine. While our massive language barrier makes most things hard to communicate, she is one of the people I work best with. Now that she's made the effort to come out to me when she assumed I had no idea, I feel guilty for not reciprocating. Should I tell her? If I did, I'm not 100% sure she'd keep it private. If she didn't, I'm not sure how comfortable I am with it spreading around work-- i'm stealth for a reason, after all.
She's great and the whole thing has me feeling ->-bleeped-<-ty. Somehow this lie by omission feels worse when doing it to her.
If you don't feel comfortable and don't want it spreading around like wildfire, I wouldn't tell her. If she wanted to come out to you, that was on her. You don't have to reciprocate and you shouldn't feel bad for not doing so.
Quote from: JenJen2011 on November 05, 2011, 04:12:12 PM
If you don't feel comfortable and don't want it spreading around like wildfire, I wouldn't tell her. If she wanted to come out to you, that was on her. You don't have to reciprocate and you shouldn't feel bad for not doing so.
this