Hello.
I've only really made one post here before when I found out that my husband of now 9 months was interested in crossdressing.
Recently we had a small falling out. We both came to a mutual conclusion that he did indeed have a pornography addiction and that he needed to stop. (Non-sequiter: the only porn he looks at is hentai-crossdressing). When I found out that he had gone behind my back and began looking at porn and lying directly to me about it, we had to talk. I felt betrayed and upset and like I wasnt enough. He explained to me that I have always been enough for him, but that he thinks the reason that he feels the strong need to look at that stuff is because since he was a young teenager, he has had the desire to look like a woman.
Needless to say, it blew me out of the water.
We have experimented with him wearing some of my lingerie in the bedroom before and I cannot express how much fun we have had. And one day it all of a sudden stopped. He didn't want to do it anymore. When he told me this new news, I brought this fact up to him and he said that he felt embarrassed. He says that he doesn't necessarily want to walk around the house in my thigh-highs...sometimes he just wants to feel the beauty that a woman does when we make love.
Luckily, it all worked out well and we have both reassured each other that things are better than ever and that his want to be a woman is something that we can incorporate into our life as a couple.
Anyways, what I am really here posting again for is some clarity. Though I feel that the talk we had and the things we will experience with each other (especially him feeling happier) were good and made me feel much better...I still feel as though I dont quite understand.
The long and short of it is that I will love my husband til the ends of the earth and will enjoy anything that makes him happy...but part of me is afraid that I'm going to lose the man that I married .
He has been very supportive and receptive of me asking him a few questions, but I'd like to hear more opinions on anyone who has gone through something similar.
And honestly, if not, it feels absolutely phenomenal just to be able to 'talk' and let it out.
Thank you all. Really.
Honestly?
In my experience here, people don't really change how they act from before and after transition.
So if you married someone masculine, you will probably still have someone masculine, just who dresses different. I wouldn't worry about it.
Like you, I was afraid I would lose some of the wonderful things about my spouse when she told me she wanted to become a woman (even though I went into the marriage knowing this was a possibility and am more-than-okay with her being a gal as I find females more of a turn-on than males). I thought I would lose characteristics of her personality that I wasn't sure I wanted gone. Well, even though she's still pre-op, pre-hormones, and even pre-going-out-in-public, the person that Dana is becoming is so much richer and fuller than I ever knew her to be before. There is something missing, but what has replaced it means so much more to me that I'm actually looking forward to the rest of her transition. She can only get better! :)
Best to you and your sweetie on your journey together.
~~E
Hello TNW,
Let me start by thanking you for your post. You didn't sign up for this, and I thank you for the love, support and understanding you have expressed so far.
To answer your question regarding clarity, I feel this can be achieved through your husband coming to terms with 'her' feelings. Whether she has had that opportunity or not, I feel it will answer your questions. This may require your husband seeing a TG therapists and exploring any areas of repression that may still exist.
My thoughts and wishes are with you both. And thank you very much for your understanding. You are truly remarkable
Be safe, well and happy
Lotsa luv
Catherine