Sevan and I facilitate the local trans support group in Spokane every other week.
Sometimes there will be only a few of us and other days it will be a room full.
Occasionally one gets to wondering why do we bother with this.
Well today I had a wonderful moment that paid me in full for all these meetings we have gone to to help the newbies.
There was a girl that we met back in June. She was transsexual and intersexed but she was never going to transition because she had a very prominent Adams apple. She just wanted to come to the group and meet like minds and find some coping mechanisms to deal with not transitioning.
After she told us her story I told her 'there is an operation called a trach shave, they can get rid of that Adams apple and that would not be an issue.'
Well after a couple of weeks of doing some looking around she discovered I was telling the truth and it could be done. So she asked me for a lead on a surgeon to do her trach shave. I referred her to Dr Nguyen in Lake Oswego, Oregon. The same dr who did my breasts and who was going to do Sevans breast reduction. Turns out she had her trach shave the same week that Sevan had hir breast reduction.
Anyways...
Today this girl was able to make the support group. when she showed up I was still in the parking lot so she walked up to hug me and say hello. When I saw her I was stunned. Before today I have only seen her dressed as a man and with a very prominent Adams apple and a 5o'clock shadow that was brutal.
Today she had no trace of an Adams apple, the trach scar was negligible and I had to have her point it out. She was dressed as a woman. Instead of walking slumped and mousey she was standing tall and there was a spark in her eyes. Instead of a sad man I saw a confidant happy woman. (and cute to boot!) She walked up and gave me a big warm hug and as we hugged she whispered into my ear 'thank you, you have been a life saver.' The look in her eyes was a look of total sincerity. I know how she feels, because there were women who were there for me when I came out and I needed the help and guidance, and that is how I feel about those women.
I can not even hope to explain the deep sense of accomplishment and connection to humanity I had in that moment.
She is now full time, has her letters for srs in hand and she is scheduled with Dr Nguyen next year.
This is why I do this. All the boring hours of answering newbie questions for the 20Th time and sitting in the LGBT center waiting for another newbie to walk through the door. The timid phone calls from those who are seeking support. The pervs that have to be sent away...
Most the time it is tedious and it can seem like we are just banging our heads against the wall. But every once and awhile we are reminded that our work has dividends, and when the pay off comes, it is in the warmest most sincere hugs and a level of appreciation that can not be riveled.
I implore those of you who are actively involved in supporting other trans folks to stay the course and keep it up. We do make a difference in lives. We really are saving lives when we are there for those who are newly out of the closet looking for guidance.
Thanks for sharing this, Cynthia. Stories like this are a joy to read.
Well so hey I was going to comment something about "cuz we have to" or "cuz no one else will," but I need to ask you about Dr. Nguyen. All I've heard about him was bad. Should I disregard that? I know that rumors and gossip can be pretty inaccurate sometimes. Do you think I could trust him for top surgery?
I spent 3 months searching for information on Dr Nguyen and I couldn't find one person who would tell me anything bad.
I was able to track down 3 girls who had breast augmentation with him and all three gave me glowing reports and 1 girl who had SRS with him and she was very happy with his work.
He did my boobs and I am very happy. He did Sevans breast reduction, although Sevan is still on the fence over the whole thing I think he did a good job and Sevans breasts are looking good. Then he did the trachea shave for one of my friends and I am very much impressed with his work again.
Yes I would recomend him. He does not have you stay in a hospital setting after surgery and some think his after care is lacking but personally I would rather sit at my inlaws or a hotel room recovering than I would in an institutional setting as I get stir crazy fast. He was available when we needed him. Sevan wanted hir drains removed a day early as they were driving hir nuts and he met us at his office within 45 minutes of calling him.
Some surgeries that put a person completely out of comision he will do house calls if you are within 40 miles of him. There is a hotel near his office that offers a discount to trans women who are in town for surgery. I don't remember the name, but my friend who got the trach shave mentioned to the desk lady that she was getting surgery with Dr Nguyen and the lady was like 'oh so you are trans then, we have a discount for that...'. So that is a bonus also. I could ask her what place she stayed at next time she calls. (which is about 3 times a week...lol)
Oh yeah....yes he does chest reconstruction but I haven't talked to anyone who has had that done with him as I was looking for trans gals who had the surgeries I am interested in.
:)
Thank you for the info Cynthia. As an ftm, I feel like I'm flying blind. Everybody I've talked to about surgery had theirs elsewhere, but my options for traveling and such are kinda limited. I want very much for Nguyen to be decent and safe.
You and Sevan are special.
There are many of us who know that.
Hugs my sister and my brother
Cindy
And I should have mentioned that by the way those support groups saved my life in the beginning of my transition. The work you do is very very important.