Hello everyone! I've been skimming through this forum lately and decided to join, since you all seem like lovely people :)
Like my topic says, I'm trying to figure out my gender identity. Right now I would say I'm a cisgendered female. I'll first start off with some background information and see what your opinions are for what I should do. I'm a freshman in college and as I grew up, I had to move every few years because of a family member's job. For the past five years, I had been struggling with my sexual orientation and now identify as bisexual starting six months ago. My family always ended up in extremely conservative areas, which made it difficult to find resources to help me figure things out.
A month ago a student group on campus held a drag show, which I was a part of. I had never dressed in drag before, but I was surprised by how good I felt. A few weeks later, I dressed in drag again for a Halloween party. Ever since then, I've had a desire to dress in men's clothing to the point that I've been dealing with a lot of internal stress along with the stress of homework in general. Yesterday, I gave in and cross-dressed and adopted masculine mannerisms, which allowed me to relax a lot.
The problem is that I don't know where my gender identity fits. Even though I wouldn't call myself extremely feminine, I also love my curves and chest and dress in clothing that accentuates them. I feel partially female, but partially male too, I suppose. I wouldn't feel comfortable pushing away either of these qualities. When I was growing up, I loved to hang out with girls and guys, but especially with guys. Even though I am the listener for my group of friends, I also have a good sense of humor which has bonded me with my friends.
Which label would I likely fit into? Even though I do believe that labels are limiting to a certain extent, I personally find them to be extremely empowering, especially since it opens up the communities I can be a part of. When I came out as bisexual, I felt freed for the first time in five years and being a part of the bisexual community on campus brings me happiness and a peace of mind.
Perhaps you might be an androgyne?
Welcome to the board! :)
Thank you!
I think I should probably do some more research first, but I do think that's a possibility.
You could also be bi-gendered. My spouse is such; she identifies as female some times and as male at other times. She is perfectly happy keeping her cis-woman body, but sometimes wishes she also had the male anatomy.
Ultimately, gender is a fluid spectrum that can change from day to day or even hour to hour. There are so many labels for so many varieties, and yet there is always room for something new or for a blending of other things.
Take your time, feel out what is right for you (even if you don't know what to call it), and know that we'll be here to help you celebrate whatever may come of your inner search. :)
Heya! I'm the wife that Dana mentioned in the post right above this one! I'd be happy to answer any questions about my own journey into being comfy with my bi-gendered self. My Ellie side and my Ryan side have learned to get along well. For example, Ellie is allowed to wear nail polish, but Ryan INSISTS that no "pansy-ass" colors like pink are involved. I end up with a lot of blue and purple, but glitter is okay because, as Ryan says, "Glitter is just tiny pieces of metal, and metal is very dudely." :P
BTW, as you can tell, I generally refer to Ryan in the third person to help avoid confusion when I'm talking about which side of me is speaking up. I chose the female side for the first person because I am genetically female, and using Ryan as the first person might get tiresomely confusing in day-to-day conversation.
Best to you!
~~E