If people who don't know you're trans ask about your scars, what do you tell them?
At my age, I don't go around shirtless anywhere but my own house and back yard. But you could say that you had extreme gynecomastia. You might go to some plastic surgery sites and see what gynecomastia scarring looks like in men who were really big.
Hmmm. Maybe I'll do that myself. I'm curious now.
I've not had top surgery, but I have heard people say that you can claim you had a collapsed lung. I tried to look up pictures of what a scar after surgery for a collapsed lung would look like, and I couldn't find any pictures at all. that could be a good thing, though. lol. I did read that there are TONS of different reasons for why one might have a collapsed lung. and some of those reasons are less embarrassing than gynecomastia. I least, personally, that would be embarrassing to me.
I had cosmetic surgery.
I had some large growths removed.
I had some benign tumors taken out.
Tell me about your scars, and I'll tell you about mine.
I used to be a topless dancer, but I decided to retire.
Somebody once mentioned a runin with an overly curious ER doc, and I think I remember he finally just told the guy that he'd had cysts or something.
I'm kinda just repeating what Arch said, I guess.
You can really say whatever you want; anybody seeing those scars is going to accept that they know far less about them than you do.
Especially if you pass well, the first thing someone will think when they see the scars won't be that you're trans. Most people wouldn't even suspect it because it's so unheard of in today's society. They are just genuinely curious what the scars are from, and will readily accept an answer like "gynecomastia", "collapsed lungs", or "benign tumors" without question.
I haven't had surgery yet, but there's a good change that I'd just tell them I'd rather not talk about it. People are rather rude in their questions when they know you're trans, but they tend to shut up immediately if you seem normal and it's a personal scar issue.
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2F28.media.tumblr.com%2Ftumblr_lo56vrdqwP1qkevm9o1_400.jpg&hash=1e70fa3d2ce46abd489356316d648111f941b2c4)
Gynomastia, its a good answer which technically you sorta had.
I had my top surgery at the job I still have that I am stealth in. I guess I am sort of lucky because I had the bottom of my right lung collapse during a surgery for no reason when I was younger. When I was talking about my top surgery I told people about my previous surgeries and how I don't like them then when they asked what I was having I just said 'I am getting fluid drained' and put my hands on my chest. They just assumed it was from my lungs and related to my other stuff. But I never actually said it myself so whatever. It seemed to work out.
I always thought no one would ever ask me about the scars. But I guess when I get top surgery I'll tell them I had lung surgery.
i will say gynocomastia if people ask after i get toop surgery but if some random person asks me or a really nosey person asks im just going to say cancer people tend to stop asking questions after you say cancer. this random kid i dont even know came up to me at a water park and asked why are you wearing a shirt? i replied cancer he made a surprised/sad face and walked away. of course i wouldnt tell anyone i would have prolonged contact with such a huge lie, but its useful for getting people to leave you alone.
Quote from: anibioman on November 21, 2011, 12:11:26 AM
i will say gynocomastia if people ask after i get toop surgery but if some random person asks me or a really nosey person asks im just going to say cancer people tend to stop asking questions after you say cancer. this random kid i dont even know came up to me at a water park and asked why are you wearing a shirt? i replied cancer he made a surprised/sad face and walked away. of course i wouldnt tell anyone i would have prolonged contact with such a huge lie, but its useful for getting people to leave you alone.
That is hilarious, dude. Good idea.
Ive not been shirtless yet (well, in the country I live in. I did once when on holiday with my girlfriend. I thought Id make my first time somewhere noone knew me as I knew Id be very self conscious!)
But I had to take time off work for surgery, and my friends at uni knew I would be away a couple days for surgery,so I had to make an excuse.
I briefly explained that I had a problem with the muscles in my chest, around the pectoral area, and it gets tight etc so I have to have an op to help with it etc.
Funnily enough, atleast 3 people I told, before Id finished my made up explanation, they said something along the lines of "Oh, I had a friend who had something similar to that. Is it (bla bla bla)?". I was just like yeah, something like that. (Thanks for filling in what I needed to say :p ).
I found telling my friends this, it helps me for if/when they do see me shirtless in the future, they already know I have the scars and what its from etc, so its no surprise.
If by any chance I do get the surgery and go shirtless and is asked that question I would say "crazy ex" or "bar fight in 97" even though I was only 5 at the time. :D
No one has ever asked me up front. I lived with 2 guys for a few months who didn't know I was trans, saw me shirtless quite a bit and never asked or figured it out. I go shirtless kind of a lot in the summer and it's not been an issue.
I had one incident, I used to have a pic of me shirtless only 5 weeks out of surgery as my fb pic, and someone I had just met added me. He asked me about it so I told him and he was shocked - he said he thought I had cancer or something and had surgery to remove it. Most people really are clueless about this stuff. You could really tell them anything, but I doubt most will ask at all.
It's no secret I'm severely asthmatic so I'll likely say something related to my lungs. That or "it was a baaaaad night of binge drinking. At least that's what they told me in the ER." Everyone knows I black out :'P.
If I get over my fear of surgery-- I'll probably say something to do with fatty tissue, or something. I dunno, I have this sort of karmatic fear of claiming things to not be true and having it happen to me.
I may just leave it at "Alligator wrestling in Australia. Good ol' days."
This has been mentioned in other ways on this thread, but it's pretty easy to fold things into other unrelated but real surgeries/illnesses/events/whatever. You could probably answer almost any question with "car accident." Sometimes I do this when I don't want to give long explanations to strangers.
Quote from: Apollo on February 22, 2012, 10:15:47 PM
I may just leave it at "Alligator wrestling in Australia. Good ol' days."
I'm going to have to use this. Beats my usual "chest muscle repair" bit.
I know a cis guy who lost a ton of weight after a gastric bypass, and he had a surgery (im guessing to remove extra skin) and he has 2 scars on his chest that look exactly like top surgery scars, and he gets people (who are trans knowledgeable) asking him if he is trans a lot.
Quote from: Elijah on February 28, 2012, 10:57:45 PM
I know a cis guy who lost a ton of weight after a gastric bypass, and he had a surgery (im guessing to remove extra skin) and he has 2 scars on his chest that look exactly like top surgery scars, and he gets people (who are trans knowledgeable) asking him if he is trans a lot.
wow, how rude of those people.
I'm fat and after I finish losing weight and get the skin cut off, I'm just gonna say I was really fat and had skin cut off lol
now I got keyhole so I have more or less no scars, but if people where to ask about my cheast and I woudlnt mention me being trans I would say I had lung problems and needed surgery, since it also sort of true,
binding for so long had my my lungs very bad, so I couldnt do exersices ex.
Quote from: Logan Erik on February 29, 2012, 06:26:45 PM
If you just say, 'I don't want to talk about it,' are people willing to leave you alone? Generally speaking?
Most reasonable people will. If you say it's personal or something similar about a certain thing a reasonable person would drop it.
Quote from: Logan Erik on February 29, 2012, 06:26:45 PM
If you just say, 'I don't want to talk about it,' are people willing to leave you alone? Generally speaking?
I don't have top surgery scars but I have other visible things I don't like talking about, and yes that does usually work. People aren't (usually) trying to offend.
Quote from: Malachite on February 22, 2012, 07:53:35 PM
If by any chance I do get the surgery and go shirtless and is asked that question I would say "crazy ex" or "bar fight in 97" even though I was only 5 at the time. :D
bar fight in 97 actually killed me. i logged in just to reply to this. i was also only five in 97 and i will definitely be saying bar fight in 97 when i get top surgery
I was brutally attacked by a ->-bleeped-<-saurus rex (sorry no italics--the system isn't offering me that option today).
Quote from: Jude on March 01, 2012, 08:01:43 AM
bar fight in 97 actually killed me. i logged in just to reply to this. i was also only five in 97 and i will definitely be saying bar fight in 97 when i get top surgery
*thumbs up* thats right! :D
Person: "Malachite how did you get your scars"
Me: "Bar fight-97"
Person: "But you were too young to drink in 97"
*long pause*
Me:.....SHUT UP *walks away*
Quote from: Malachite on March 01, 2012, 02:57:26 PM
Person: "But you were too young to drink in 97"
I was drinking alcohol when I was six.
But not in a bar.
Quote from: Arch on March 01, 2012, 03:02:11 PM
I was drinking alcohol when I was six.
But not in a bar.
I was in a barfight in 98, when I was a stupid gutterpunk and knew a lot of bartenders. But my god, drinking at six? I'm impressed that you aren't living under a bridge or something, Arch.
Quote from: Felix on March 01, 2012, 09:06:21 PM
I was in a barfight in 98, when I was a stupid gutterpunk and knew a lot of bartenders. But my god, drinking at six? I'm impressed that you aren't living under a bridge or something, Arch.
It wasn't as bad as it sounds. I did it maybe eight or ten times in eighteen months. I knew that booze was forbidden for kids, but I didn't really understand what alcohol was.
My brother was no help, though. When I was thirteen, he introduced me to apricot brandy. It's pretty sticky stuff, but I always craved it after that. It was my drink of choice in college.
You should have seen the look on his face when I took that first swig--I took a big, healthy gulp and wasn't fazed at all. He was afraid I would choke on it, but apricot brandy isn't that strong. And maybe I had some good training from my earlier years. :P
I have a scar on my face (nothing grotesque lol) and people used to constantly ask about it! STRANGERS would ask! I always thought that was a little rude. Once I started getting tattooed (my arms are pretty heavily inked), people started noticing those instead.
I'm shocked no one has asked me yet about my top surgery scars; they're pretty skinny but still visible. I've thought about what I would say if asked and I haven't come up with a good answer. I've got no problem with my being Trans; I just don't feel like I want to tell a stranger, ya know?
I've recently started on a tattoo--a chestpiece--so soon my scars will be out of sight. Mmm ink......
I really doubt a total stranger would ask. That would be terribly inappropriate for those scars or any scars. I imagine someone would have to be at least a little friendly with you before that space bubble should be broached.
When I get mine, I'm just gonna say I had bad gynecomastia. It's technically true, after all ;P If I even get asked - I have been reassured by other trans-guys that it rarely happens.
But damn, some of these responses are awesome ;D Made me LOL ^_^
I'm just going to say I had breast cancer or lost a lot of weight.
I was also allowed to drink when I was a little kid. I have no substance abuse problems, but a lot of people in my family do. I also have a high tolerance to everything. It take a lot for me to just get a buzz going. Never get hangovers.
Quote from: Apollo on February 22, 2012, 10:15:47 PM
I may just leave it at "Alligator wrestling in Australia. Good ol' days."
Actually yeaa, I think I'll just use this :P
Don't they only have crocodiles in Australia?
Haven't had surgery yet, but I am so using "bar fight in '97." XD I was two. I did technically have my first and last taste of alcohol a year later -- open containers near children = bad idea.
That or gyno. Gyno to be polite.
Quote from: Silas on March 11, 2012, 11:02:32 PM
Haven't had surgery yet, but I am so using "bar fight in '97." XD I was two. I did technically have my first and last taste of alcohol a year later -- open containers near children = bad idea.
That or gyno. Gyno to be polite.
A friend of mine has told me a couple of times about how he came upon a container of vodka when he was little and thought it was water. Lol it made quite an impression on him.
Quote from: Felix on March 12, 2012, 02:33:37 AM
A friend of mine has told me a couple of times about how he came upon a container of vodka when he was little and thought it was water. Lol it made quite an impression on him.
I did that a few times with my dad's gin and tonic. Don't know why it took me so long to learn that lesson because it really did taste awful, especially to a thirsty kid expecting a big gulp of water. :o
Really, truly, honestly, NO ONE is going to comment on the 'heart surgery-time lord' pic? I... I... :'( I don't know what to say... I thought that was genius, bravo sir. I'm absolutely using that one if anyone ever asks, haha!
I have yet to have top surgery. I doubt many people will ask.
I do have a rather large scar already, 8 inches in length from another surgery that I don't talk about due to strangers creating a pity party, seeing me different after hearing of my medical history, etc.
People haven't asked me about it directly though I've heard they have asked other people about it...my sister would tell her friends who seen it that I was bit by a shark, lol. Another relative had said I was in a sword fight :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: