Bad Advice to Trans Student?
Posted by helenboyd – November 28, 2011
http://networkedblogs.com/qFixm (http://networkedblogs.com/qFixm)
The mom of a trans young adult wrote to Cary Tennis of Salon's "Since You Asked" column because her daughter is
away at college and underachieving in a major way. She says that she can't motivate herself to attend her less-than-full load of classes, can't think of what she wants to do with herself, even in a short-term way.
The mom clarifies that the family has been supportive of her transition, etc.
Cary responds with: do nothing. Really? Her parents are paying for college and she's doing so little she may fail all her classes and the advice columnest says "do nothing"? I think that's ridiculous, but I'm not a parent.
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Wednesday, Nov 16, 2011 8:00 PM EST
My son became a girl. What do I do?
Now that she's in college, she's really floundering. How can I help her?
By Cary Tennis
http://www.salon.com/2011/11/17/my_son_became_a_girl_what_do_i_do/ (http://www.salon.com/2011/11/17/my_son_became_a_girl_what_do_i_do/)
Your daughter is undergoing a miraculous transformation. It is taking all her strength. That is why she has no time for classes. This is an existential task. Think of her as pregnant with herself. Think of her as heavy and bloated with her own future, which she must assemble blindfolded.
Imagining her this way may make you even more desperate to do something. Of course as her protector you want to leap in and fix her skirt, tie her shoes, bundle her up, get her a job, set her on her way.
I suggest you do the opposite. I suggest that in the midst of this miraculous transformation your role is to do nothing.
Truthfully I agree with her that they should back off, to me at most what they should do is let her back off of college (and the wasted money) until she is ready. I was forced to go to college almost right out of highschool and technically pre-transition; did not know myself, let alone what B$ merrikan career pipe dream to run with. My parents did not have half the money needed to help me through a full education in California (without being saddled with debt, which I refuse), but what they did give allowed me the funds to be able to save for a full transition.
Her parents should back off and let her decide WHO SHE IS, then after a good bunch of years of self discovery (that most people get during childhood), then help her through higher education, that is if thats what the person wants. Many of us suffer from inherent depression due to life, we are delicate people but we can work hard and with passion known by few others. When others can accept that their measure of achievement is not everyones, then everyone can have a fair chance at happiness.