i would never ever use a sperm donor because it would just suck really bad to have my wife girlfriend or whoever pretty much knocked up by another guy also its expensive. i would much rather adopt a kid. also if i adopt a kid as aposed to sperm donor baby me and my wife girlfriend whoever will be in the same boat and not be related to our child. i feel it would be weird to have one of us be related to our child also it would suck to have to explain to people and deal with it in my own head that i cant make babies so my kid isnt related to me but he/she/it is related to my wife girlfriend or whoever. im just wondering does anyone share my views?
That's fine, but how does/would your wife/girlfriend feel about this? lolz
dont have one yet, it would be really weird if i did. most girls my age are not thinking about kids at all. plus its kinda a non negotiable thing for me.
I never had anyone ever ask me or my wife about the parentage of our kids, if you're passing as male, and your GF as female, then everyone just assumes. Most of the time that information gets out the people will tell you themselves.
And as Romeo Void told us all: Never say never.
I like the idea of putting one of my eggs inside my girlfriend, along with a random sperm donor, so that way I feel the child is biologically connected to both of us.
Yeah I feel the same way. I plan to adopt one.
The idea of kids is very far from my mind at this current point in my life. But like most people, it's crossed my mind once or twice. Good thing I have a brother and a turkey baster :) as crude as it sounds, if my girlfriend/wife is fertile, it will get the job done. The child will be biologically related to both parents. Now, just need to figure out a way to tell my brother about his task :P
I've thought about this. It does bother me that another man's sperm is impregnating my wife, but I figure I will get over it. At least it's half my wife.
i probly would adopt as there is so many kids out there need a home, if me and my gf agrees with it. but i dont plan to yet as i dont have a gf, if i do then we might pends on how she feels or think about it.
Quote from: anibioman on November 30, 2011, 12:55:16 AM
plus its kinda a non negotiable thing for me.
Me too. If I was your wife, I'd be very inclined to just do it anyway and hope you adjust. >.< I think about it a lot more than most girls, and if I have a working uterus, I'm gonna use it, lolz
the important things is the child itself. if you're going to look at a child and think its weird cos it isn't your flesh and blood you're not fit to be a parent.
I would prefer a sperm donor. It's a biological fact that I don't produce sperm and by the time I get around to having kids (and that's a maybe at this stage) I will no longer be producing eggs either.. Adoption is an option but I personally like the thought of taking the whole journey (pregnancy, cravings etc) with my wife. As for the brother thing - I couldn't do it. I could not look at him and my son/daughter in the same room knowing that he was his/her biological father. I'd rather not know as with a sperm donor etc...
As someone above said - the most important thing is a happy, healthy child! And at the end of the day any idiot with sperm can make a baby.. It takes a real man to be a father. To teach, love and support your child is the real reward once they're here - it's not overly important to me how that came about. Also FWIW from some of the conversations I've had if a woman is able, most prefer to experience carrying a child etc.
Don't write anything off when your young mate.. Your views will change many, many times before you're ready and at the point of having children!
Getting sperm costs more than an adoption?
Quote from: Nygeel on November 30, 2011, 07:05:01 AM
Getting sperm costs more than an adoption?
Pretty sure adoption costs more. It's also a really hard process.
so many people who think of adoption as such a blessing have never looked into the whole process. as a trans person, it's not all that likely you qualify at all (unless you'll choose to adopt a special needs child, where it seems authorities won't be too "choosy"). So that leaves you with adopting a special needs child, where the process is comparably cheap, but your other expenses may be really high. Or foreign adoption, and we're talking tens of thousands here.
Now I'm just waiting for someone to say if you can't afford 30000 for an adoption or can't afford making your home barrier-free, you're not fit to be a parent...
It's a good thing it's everyone's own decision and you can choose what's right for you. I just don't like the taste of the phrase "my girlfriend knocked up by another guy". That kinda reeks of marking imaginary territory to me....and making others feel bad because they do choose a donor.
Quote from: anibioman on November 30, 2011, 12:45:02 AM
i would never ever use a sperm donor because it would just suck really bad to have my wife girlfriend or whoever pretty much knocked up by another guy also its expensive. i would much rather adopt a kid. also if i adopt a kid as aposed to sperm donor baby me and my wife girlfriend whoever will be in the same boat and not be related to our child. i feel it would be weird to have one of us be related to our child also it would suck to have to explain to people and deal with it in my own head that i cant make babies so my kid isnt related to me but he/she/it is related to my wife girlfriend or whoever. im just wondering does anyone share my views?
transgender here cant adopt,
but if I where in your situation then donating or adoption would be fine for me either way.
I know many people who are adopted and never really thought it twice.
Quotemy girlfriend knocked up by another guy
I wonder how you feel about dating someone with a child? Its really no different. It is someone elses bio child but that isn't what makes you a parent. Loving and caring for a child is what makes a parent.
I had never really thought about it. I suppose if I wanted kids, I would adopt. But really, that is because I think there are way too many kids without homes.
But it's kinda moot since I don't want kids at all.
Quote from: Nygeel on November 30, 2011, 07:05:01 AM
Getting sperm costs more than an adoption?
Definitely not. That part made me lol. Plus you have to go through all kinds of background checks to adopt.
OP just sounds like territorial machismo to me. Quite a few people have already addressed it, though.
Don't really plan on having or adopting kids, but I don't think I'd care either way.
Ultimately, though, a day will come when transmen and women will be able to have their own children without using the reproductive system they were born with. The technology to create sperm from AFAB stem cells and eggs from AMAB stem cells is there, it just needs more funding.
hi people i just want to say some more things about this. i know adoption cost more i just was thinking about how the sperm and everything costs a bunch and it might not even workout. last time i checked being trans didnt automatically exclude you from adopting in the US and definitely not in the liberal state i live in. also i would totally date a girl who has a kid because she didnt get pregnant with another persons baby while being in love with me if you get what im saying. i prefer the idea of giving a child who is already here a home instead of making a new one that isnt even related to me.
Quote from: anibioman on November 30, 2011, 05:06:27 PMi prefer the idea of giving a child who is already here a home instead of making a new one that isnt even related to me.
What's to say that you wont feel like that with a child who is not related to EITHER of you? I would much rather the child be half my wife than not genetically connected to either of us.. And any child you raise WILL be related to you - family isn't all about blood connections mate. The kid you (eventually) parent is going to know no one but you as Daddy unless you tell it different..
I don't have a problem - its just sperm. I don't make it, so I need to find it elsewhere. Similar to taking testosterone if you think about it... The problem I would have is if she actually had (or god forbid wanted) to sleep with the other guy to get pregnant - that's a no go for sure - I don't share well with others!
Quote from: anibioman on November 30, 2011, 05:06:27 PM
hi people i just want to say some more things about this. i know adoption cost more i just was thinking about how the sperm and everything costs a bunch and it might not even workout. last time i checked being trans didnt automatically exclude you from adopting in the US and definitely not in the liberal state i live in. also i would totally date a girl who has a kid because she didnt get pregnant with another persons baby while being in love with me if you get what im saying. i prefer the idea of giving a child who is already here a home instead of making a new one that isnt even related to me.
I totally get what your saying/feel. I too would not want my girl pregnant by another including sperm donor. Territorial machismo or? I dunno maybe but its just part of loving someone and wanting to be special. I am very territorial, she's mine and I don't like to share! I agree with all that you have said.
I for one cannot believe that you just called your potential child a "he/she/it". "It" is NOT for people.
But I also do plan to adopt just because there are so many kids out there that need a home.
I don't see what's wrong with being "territorial." That seems perfectly normal and expected to me.
The idea of giving a home to a child that's already here is great, but I hear its so hard for anyone to adopt. I know a cis straight couple that pulls in 200k a year that's having a hard time adopting.
It's pretty common for people to use it for babies. It is a pronoun too, that's what I was taught in school.
I could love any child. I think it's cool when kids look like their parents though. Being able to see my wife in them would be great. There is definitely an extra special bond between a mother who carry and nurses her child. I would like it if my wife wanted that.
This is why I'm doing a 10 year deposit before I start E You know so I can have a kid with my GF. I do wounder how it's going to come over legally I mean like if we wanted to get married. Cause I will be legally female in the end xD
Quote from: Sam- on November 30, 2011, 12:59:13 AM
I like the idea of putting one of my eggs inside my girlfriend, along with a random sperm donor, so that way I feel the child is biologically connected to both of us.
While this may be something youre okay with, there is a chance your girlfriend will not be.
I would probably opt for a spermn dnonor. Ive had to accept I cant biologically father a child, a sperm donor is the next best thing. Many men are infertile, and I just think of myself like that. Plus, once you actually have the child, not being "biologically related" wont matter anymore.
Id spoken to my girlfriend about freezing eggs and then her using them, and she really did NOT like the idea, and it seems that that is a great potential for women, to have a child inside them that is not related to them at all.
Plus, if you were to harvest your eggs, you would have to come off T, take other hormones to induce a cycle (or whatever it is thats specifically needed). Plus, it would cost more to harvest eggs, keep them frozen and cared for each year and then to use a sperm donor.
Im not trying to put anyone off who is leaning toward using their eggs, as Id considered it, but its just best to know all that needs to be considered. Plus, if youre having a hysterectomy, you would need to do it before then (I know thats an obvious statement :p, but just incase you are very eager to get your hysto done quick, youll be paying for this process soon and for a long time).
Also, as others have mentioned, adoption is a lengthy and expensive process :/
At first, I worried about the fact that I'd have to use another man's sperm to impregnate my partner. It didn't feel right and was quite the sore spot when mentioned; I just didn't like the idea that I had such a shortcoming. Now, though, I've gotten over it and wouldn't mind it because we as a couple want to go through that stage. The whole.. pregnancy thing. There's no doubt in my mind that the child will be 100% mind. Sperm doesn't make a child yours, love does.
Quote from: Make_It_Good on December 01, 2011, 08:02:06 AM
While this may be something youre okay with, there is a chance your girlfriend will not be.
I would probably opt for a spermn dnonor. Ive had to accept I cant biologically father a child, a sperm donor is the next best thing. Many men are infertile, and I just think of myself like that. Plus, once you actually have the child, not being "biologically related" wont matter anymore.
Id spoken to my girlfriend about freezing eggs and then her using them, and she really did NOT like the idea, and it seems that that is a great potential for women, to have a child inside them that is not related to them at all.
Plus, if you were to harvest your eggs, you would have to come off T, take other hormones to induce a cycle (or whatever it is thats specifically needed). Plus, it would cost more to harvest eggs, keep them frozen and cared for each year and then to use a sperm donor.
Im not trying to put anyone off who is leaning toward using their eggs, as Id considered it, but its just best to know all that needs to be considered. Plus, if youre having a hysterectomy, you would need to do it before then (I know thats an obvious statement :p, but just incase you are very eager to get your hysto done quick, youll be paying for this process soon and for a long time).
Also, as others have mentioned, adoption is a lengthy and expensive process :/
Plus eggs can't be frozen and stored like sperm. When you harvest the egg you have to fertilize it right then.
I have thought about this a lot. I've thought since I am not yet on T I can still freeze my eggs and then when the time comes, get a sperm donor and a surrogate mother. But I'm wondering exactly how much this would all cost and I'm also considering adoption.
Quote from: Cody Jensen on December 01, 2011, 12:42:17 PM
I have thought about this a lot. I've thought since I am not yet on T I can still freeze my eggs and then when the time comes, get a sperm donor and a surrogate mother. But I'm wondering exactly how much this would all cost and I'm also considering adoption.
For Egg "banking", it might not be that expensive, compared to Sperm "banking" which averages an initial $1000.00. I spoke with a major Lab that does egg and sperm "banking", storage,
Fairfax Cryobank, and here's the cost for sperm storage;
Pricing:
(some people just do the 1st visit, some want to have a second sample frozen. It's up to you, we recommend seeing how the first sample looks, then deciding).
Initial (1st) visit:
Consultation $150
Semen analysis/freezing $305
Total with blood drawn offsite $455 **see tests below
*If bloodwork is done at Fairfax Cryobank, there is an additional fee of $135
Additional samples frozen (if desired) $305 each
Storage Fees, once samples are frozen (per account, not per sample):
Monthly $40/month
Prepay 1 year $395
Prepay 2 year $670
Prepay 5 year $1340
Required Blood Tests:
HIV-1 Antibody/HIV-2 Antibody (cpt code 86703)
Hepatitis B surface Antigen (cpt code 87340)
Hepatitis C Antibody (cpt code 86803)
Fertility Clinics and Local Sperm banks more often contract the long term storage of egg and sperm storage to companies like
Fairfax Cryobank, and I was also told there was "paperwork" to fill out including documents pertaining to "custody" of the specimen. All in all I'd say it is cheaper than adoption, but how long do you store it? How long is long enough? One day you stop paying the bill and the sample is removed from storage...
I'm of the thought that others have posted also;
the important things is the child itself. if you're going to look at a child and think its weird cos it isn't your flesh and blood you're not fit to be a parent. -lilacwomanBeen married "thrice", no children, no plans to have any of my own at this point, I feel more inclined to help raise another's child, than to have my own.
Quote from: hexr on November 30, 2011, 02:34:32 AM
The idea of kids is very far from my mind at this current point in my life. But like most people, it's crossed my mind once or twice. Good thing I have a brother and a turkey baster :) as crude as it sounds, if my girlfriend/wife is fertile, it will get the job done. The child will be biologically related to both parents. Now, just need to figure out a way to tell my brother about his task :P
very off topic but hexr, sehnsucht?
Quote from: Make_It_Good on December 01, 2011, 08:02:06 AM
While this may be something youre okay with, there is a chance your girlfriend will not be.
I would probably opt for a spermn dnonor. Ive had to accept I cant biologically father a child, a sperm donor is the next best thing. Many men are infertile, and I just think of myself like that. Plus, once you actually have the child, not being "biologically related" wont matter anymore.
Id spoken to my girlfriend about freezing eggs and then her using them, and she really did NOT like the idea, and it seems that that is a great potential for women, to have a child inside them that is not related to them at all.
Plus, if you were to harvest your eggs, you would have to come off T, take other hormones to induce a cycle (or whatever it is thats specifically needed). Plus, it would cost more to harvest eggs, keep them frozen and cared for each year and then to use a sperm donor.
Im not trying to put anyone off who is leaning toward using their eggs, as Id considered it, but its just best to know all that needs to be considered. Plus, if youre having a hysterectomy, you would need to do it before then (I know thats an obvious statement :p, but just incase you are very eager to get your hysto done quick, youll be paying for this process soon and for a long time).
Also, as others have mentioned, adoption is a lengthy and expensive process :/
I know, it was just an idea. I'm not on T nor do I know if/when I would be. And of course I would never do anything my future girlfriend wouldn't be comfortable with. I'm years away from having children, it was just a thought that sounded appealing so I wanted to share. I'm working on becoming okay with the fact that it's highly unlikely that I ever have biological children, or any at all really. It's hard when the two things I want most are so opposing.
Quote from: SandraJane on December 01, 2011, 02:14:07 PM
For Egg "banking", it might not be that expensive, compared to Sperm "banking" which averages an initial $1000.00. I spoke with a major Lab that does egg and sperm "banking", storage, Fairfax Cryobank, and here's the cost for sperm storage;
Pricing:
(some people just do the 1st visit, some want to have a second sample frozen. It's up to you, we recommend seeing how the first sample looks, then deciding).
Initial (1st) visit:
Consultation $150
Semen analysis/freezing $305
Total with blood drawn offsite $455 **see tests below
*If bloodwork is done at Fairfax Cryobank, there is an additional fee of $135
Additional samples frozen (if desired) $305 each
Storage Fees, once samples are frozen (per account, not per sample):
Monthly $40/month
Prepay 1 year $395
Prepay 2 year $670
Prepay 5 year $1340
Required Blood Tests:
HIV-1 Antibody/HIV-2 Antibody (cpt code 86703)
Hepatitis B surface Antigen (cpt code 87340)
Hepatitis C Antibody (cpt code 86803)
Fertility Clinics and Local Sperm banks more often contract the long term storage of egg and sperm storage to companies like Fairfax Cryobank, and I was also told there was "paperwork" to fill out including documents pertaining to "custody" of the specimen. All in all I'd say it is cheaper than adoption, but how long do you store it? How long is long enough? One day you stop paying the bill and the sample is removed from storage...
I'm of the thought that others have posted also;
the important things is the child itself. if you're going to look at a child and think its weird cos it isn't your flesh and blood you're not fit to be a parent. -lilacwoman
Been married "thrice", no children, no plans to have any of my own at this point, I feel more inclined to help raise another's child, than to have my own.
This was so helpful, a lot of info! Thanks!
Quote from: Cody Jensen on December 01, 2011, 09:20:59 PM
This was so helpful, a lot of info! Thanks!
:laugh: :laugh: Hope so, why do I feel there's a "little" sarcasm in there...somewhere :laugh:
But retrieving eggs are more involved than sperm;
How much does it cost to freeze eggs?
Extend Fertility's fees can be as low as $200 per month. Clients should be prepared to spend $9,000-$13,000 for one egg freezing treatment cycle which includes standard medical, science and service fees, egg transportation and the first year of storage. Subsequent treatments are priced between $5,000-$9,000.
In addition to these fees, clients should expect to pay $2,500-$4,000 per treatment cycle for medications that are ordered directly from ivpcare, our specialty pharmacy partner, and several hundred dollars in laboratory costs for required infectious disease screening.
Is egg freezing covered by insurance?
Extend Fertility is not aware of the availability of insurance coverage for elective fertility preservation. However, we encourage individuals to contact their insurance provider directly to understand their personal coverage plan and eligibility for reimbursement.
- Retrieved from the Extend Fertility website on December 1, 2011 by SJ
http://www.extendfertility.com/about-egg-freezing.htm (http://www.extendfertility.com/about-egg-freezing.htm)
Hmmm...maybe adoption is less expensive and painful....
Thank You Guys for letting me post here, I'm having to deal with this issue prior to starting HRT.
SandraJane
I used a sperm donor. I certainly didn't mean to. :laugh:
I don't see the big deal with a sperm donor. I would not feel weird if my girlfriend was pregnant with donated sperm because that's all it is.
Then again I've talked about using my identical twin's sister's eggs though instead of my girlfriends (she wants to experience pregnancy but doesn't really care if it's biologically hers or not) or having two kids and using one of each since my sister and I are identical it won't be weird since she's not an ordinary sibling.
Either way I was raised by my dad who I found out later in life isn't really my biological father. But that never changed how I feel about him. He stepped up to the responsibilities when my mom told him she was pregnant when he could have said 'they're not mine bitch' and walked out on her but he didn't. He was excited to have kids and has always been my dad.
All in all I think its a bold statement from someone who isn't old enough to be having kids yet to say never use a donor. You have plenty of time later to decide on kids or not and how to go about that. Be young and enjoy it now cause this whole grown up thing sucks at times. Looking back I'm glad I was 25 when I had mine. If you had asked me even at 20 if I wanted kids I would have said hell no. Things change over time. Just be young while you can and don't worry about something thats not going to happen for many many years.
Quote from: SandraJane on December 01, 2011, 11:25:50 PM
:laugh: :laugh: Hope so, why do I feel there's a "little" sarcasm in there...somewhere :laugh:
But retrieving eggs are more involved than sperm;
How much does it cost to freeze eggs?
Extend Fertility's fees can be as low as $200 per month. Clients should be prepared to spend $9,000-$13,000 for one egg freezing treatment cycle which includes standard medical, science and service fees, egg transportation and the first year of storage. Subsequent treatments are priced between $5,000-$9,000.
In addition to these fees, clients should expect to pay $2,500-$4,000 per treatment cycle for medications that are ordered directly from ivpcare, our specialty pharmacy partner, and several hundred dollars in laboratory costs for required infectious disease screening.
Is egg freezing covered by insurance?
Extend Fertility is not aware of the availability of insurance coverage for elective fertility preservation. However, we encourage individuals to contact their insurance provider directly to understand their personal coverage plan and eligibility for reimbursement.
- Retrieved from the Extend Fertility website on December 1, 2011 by SJ
http://www.extendfertility.com/about-egg-freezing.htm (http://www.extendfertility.com/about-egg-freezing.htm)
Hmmm...maybe adoption is less expensive and painful....
Thank You Guys for letting me post here, I'm having to deal with this issue prior to starting HRT.
SandraJane
? oh sorry I honestly didnt mean to make it sound like there was sarcasm :P
I am still considering adoption just letting you all know!
I'm not too sure what I'd do....I'd like to have a biological connection to at least 1 child in a long term relationship. I'd like to use one of my eggs with my gf/wife if I had one. I wouldn't mind even being pregnant myself for my girl if she wanted to have children together and she couldn't carry. Maybe 1 from me, 1 from her eggs? But I wouldn't feel comfortable leaving the house pregnant if I was on T with facial hair and stuff. Way to out myself all over the place. So idk there. Haven't come to that bridge yet.
I like the idea of adopting, but yeah...expensive and lengthy process.
And I agree that sperm doesn't make a father, love does. I have referred to my biological father as a "sperm donor" a lot in the last few years. He had nothing to do with my brother and myself. He only raised his other child. I had never even talked to him. Then he died just about 2 years ago.
So, in short...there's options, its all just a matter of comfort.
Quote from: Kyle_S on December 02, 2011, 11:13:35 PM
I'm not too sure what I'd do....
I like the idea of adopting, but yeah...expensive and lengthy process.
And I agree that sperm doesn't make a father, love does.
So, in short...there's options, its all just a matter of comfort.
There are options, even then its not an easy decision. Once again the question of cost of adoption versus egg/sperm donor route can be surprising;
Adopting from the U.S. foster care system is generally the least expensive type of adoption, usually involving little or no cost, and states often provide subsidies to adoptive parents. Stepparent and kinship adoptions are often not very costly. Agency and private adoptions can range from $5,000 to $40,000 or more depending on a variety of factors including services provided, travel expenses, birthmother expenses, requirements in the state, and other factors. International adoptions can range from $7,000 to $30,000. -Retrieved from the adoptions.com website on December 3, 2011 by SJ http://costs.adoption.com/ (http://costs.adoption.com/)
Quote from: Felix on December 02, 2011, 02:37:00 AM
I used a sperm donor. I certainly didn't mean to. :laugh:
rofl, + 1 to this :D