A few weeks ago I was explaining to my parents how being a transsexual makes me feel. I told them I really don't think non-trans people really understand how we feel. My dad replied with, "Yes, we all do, I'm bald. I wear a hat everytime I go out so others won't see it because it makes me feel uncomfortable."
Do you think that's a fair comparison?
No, not even close.
For me, the dysphoria feels more like mourning over a lost loved one, or like a broken heart. It really hurts inside.
I think I am mourning over the loss of the woman that I should have been, had I been born as a "normal" girl.
And it feels like my childhood and my youth were being taken from me.
Feeling uncomfortable because you are bald is no comparison at all to such a loss.
Totally the same. Baldphobia is everywhere and bald people have suicide rates off the charts.
oh wait
No it isn't the same.
Bald is ordinary discomfort due to being perceived as less attractive. It isn't like knowing there is something deeply broken about your body.
It's like my mum said that all girls feel there is something wrong with how they look. Yes, but not all girls think they look like a boy. Sooo not the same.
My best friend has muscular dystrophy; which means his body is permanently different from "standard" guys. He got the body dysphoria aspect of transsexualism instantly. I wouldn't say no non-trans folks get it.
Does he still feel uncomfortable even when it isn't possible for anyone to see him? Perhaps for some bald people it is similar, but for most don't feel continual pain because their body's don't match their minds, but rather only occasional embarrassment.
a bald 'male' doesn't sit at home in a deep depression about not being able to go out and socialise as he can do that by just putting the hat on. and once out among strangers he can take the hat off and no one will yell Disgusting Baldie with real hate in their voice as a prelude to beating him to death.
Quote from: Logan Erik on December 06, 2011, 12:26:53 PM
No. For me it's so incredibly deeply personal and humiliating and painful there's no comparison to not liking your unattractive features. It's not about looks AT ALL and there's no comparison.
That's kinda the discussion I get in with my girlfriend. She seems to think my GID is the same as her hating things about herself (weight, hair, etc.). And I can't really blame her for that. It really isn't something you can explain without going through it yourself.
It just frustrates me when people don't realize how deep this feeling goes. Something such as balding doesn't even come close.
I can go either way with this. I am both bald and trans. The hair lose started in HS and so did all the negative comments about it. Yes, it was just one more chink in my armor to attack me on.
Many of the feelings living with the two conditions are similar in nature but very different. Both deal with how you feel about your body image which is one very big common factor. Balding is perceived vastly different in society when compared to being trans. One is acceptable, the other mostly is not.
As a teaching/learning aide for your dad I say great. It may not be a perfect analogy but it is something others can personally relate to, feel part of the same pain, and hopefully open up further dialog.
Besides being trans, the chameleon part of me allowed me to not only be a great design engineer, I also did very well on sales calls and marketing. One great device I used to explain extremely complicated systems to non-technical types like our sales people and customers, was to use simple analogies they can relate to and then build on that. You know when a basic understanding is established when the obvious, to you, questions begin to get asked. My wife really deserves the credit for teaching me that. It worked great on her students too.
Normal cisgendered people really don't "get it" although some really do try to understand what we're going through. Whats really sad is that some cisgender people seem to think that GID is just someone who is couldn't hack it as their birth gender.
Next time I see a bald person, maybe I should ask them if they ever felt like they were born in the wrong body because of their baldness.
Seems like a good idea.
:icon_writers_block:
Quote from: Eve87 on December 06, 2011, 11:27:38 AM
Totally the same. Baldphobia is everywhere and bald people have suicide rates off the charts.
oh wait
I LOL'd. :laugh:
The closest thing I can think of that might be comparble to GID is being overweight/obese.
And i can only think of that because my best friend is overweight.
She hates her body and people hate on her and tease just because shes "fat".
So in someway she can understand dyshoria for transexuals.
But I do think that GID is one of the most ->-bleeped-<-ed up conditions to have, its tough.
But we all knew that :P
Quote from: JoeyD on December 08, 2011, 12:17:18 AM
The closest thing I can think of that might be comparble to GID is being overweight/obese.
And i can only think of that because my best friend is overweight.
She hates her body and people hate on her and tease just because shes "fat".
your friend probably made herself fat after being born as a normal weight baby
lolno.
I find people "get it" most easily when I tell them that gender dysphoria for me is like being in exile and incredibly homesick.
Quote from: Padma on December 08, 2011, 02:36:29 AM
I find people "get it" most easily when I tell them that gender dysphoria for me is like being in exile and incredibly homesick.
with the solution of being able to go back home if you spend lots of money altering your appearance.
and dealing with the fear of people realizing its you and lashing out at you for breaking the laws of the exile
yeah I can see it. I think thats a good comparison
Well, for me it's never a complete solution (though I'll welcome it if I get the opportunity). Because spending all your life in exile means that if you do get to make it home finally, you've not grown up there, people still treat you like a foreigner, and you don't know the rules. But I still want to make the journey.
With me SRS took care of that 'home sickness' - highly recommended from my personal experience.
Other then on this forum there's no more need to talk about it AT ALL.
For me it holds true what was found that SRS was the solution to GID.
Easy peasy, quite amazing and somewhat unexpected also.
Axélle
Quote from: JenJen2011 on December 06, 2011, 11:01:35 AM
A few weeks ago I was explaining to my parents how being a transsexual makes me feel. I told them I really don't think non-trans people really understand how we feel. My dad replied with, "Yes, we all do, I'm bald. I wear a hat everytime I go out so others won't see it because it makes me feel uncomfortable."
Do you think that's a fair comparison?
Absolutely NOT.. Non trans people are completely incapable of understanding how it is to be trans and the HELL we go through.
Just to give him a taste of it, take an entire day and give him a female name and use female pronouns and talk to him as if he were born female and lived his entire life as female.
Don't let up, pour it on thick. Let him know what it's like to be addressed wrongly, treated as something you're not, etc.. But his little treatment thing will be over in a day and he can go back to feeling normal and being treated normal. We have to put up with that for a whole friggin lifetime. At least until we can take the very painful and expensive steps to correct our problems.
I don't try to explain it to anyone as its kind of unexplainable in terms they can get. Either they can come to accept me or not, I really couldn't care less if they understood what it was actually like, just as I doubt I could understand many things about them.
Quote from: lilacwoman on December 08, 2011, 02:11:00 AM
your friend probably made herself fat after being born as a normal weight baby
Jesus Christ, really? Even if you're fat yourself I'm not sure you should say something like this. That's just mean. A person's weight is the result of a lot of factors, many of which are difficult to understand or control. I'm thin, I've almost always been thin, and I've never in my life been on a diet, never had a gym membership, never had to put any work into not "making [myself] fat," as you put it.
My daughter is slightly overweight because of antipsychotic medications. The drugs drove away a lot of her fears and hallucinations, but she gained 20 pounds her first month on them (for a 6th grader, that's crazy). She struggles and feels bad about her weight. We exercise a lot, we have no TV, and I've never kept meat, eggs, milk, butter, margarine, or cheese in the house. She's not lazy or greedy or doing anything wrong.
Please please try to get past your reactive social instincts on this issue. None of us know exactly where other people are coming from.
we never had fat people until all the processed food replaced natural stuff in our diets.
all those additives in it are intended to make us guzzle more of it than is good for us.
the people in all the old dustbowl photos were slim because they did not have access to rich foods.
obesity is soaking up far too much medical money that would be better spent on other things like SRS.
your daughter may be overweight because of lack of protein - some reasonable quality minced meat aka groundbeef might make a big difference.
do I look fat?
Quote from: lilacwoman on December 16, 2011, 01:57:17 AM
we never had fat people until all the processed food replaced natural stuff in our diets.
all those additives in it are intended to make us guzzle more of it than is good for us.
the people in all the old dustbowl photos were slim because they did not have access to rich foods.
obesity is soaking up far too much medical money that would be better spent on other things like SRS.
your daughter may be overweight because of lack of protein - some reasonable quality minced meat aka groundbeef might make a big difference.
do I look fat?
My daughter's an omnivore. She eats meat at least 5 days a week (at school, usually), I just don't allow animal bits in the house when I can avoid it. If you want to talk about old dustbowl photos, those people did not eat meat as often as my kid does. Meat is expensive.
Nobody is missing SRS because of money spent on obesity. Though some people are prevented from getting it for themselves because of their own obesity.
And I can't tell if you're fat or not, and I only mentioned it because people in a category get a little more freedom to speak about that category.
I know why I care about this topic, but why do you? You don't seem like a food crusader. Do fat people just gross you out, or is it modern life in general that you find offensive?
modern fat people
Um, no.
I describe it to my parents in comparison to depression or other mental illness, which they're familiar with. It hurts a lot, invisibly, for reasons no one really understands. There are medications (hormones) that can really help ease the pain for some people. Sometimes you need to be hospitalized for it (surgery), which jump-starts the feeling-better process and helps point you in the right direction.
I can't think of a way to describe how it feels though. I guess that's part of the analogy. It's hard to help someone who's never been depressed to understand what paralyzing depression feels like.
A friend once told me, when I came out: "It is not like you were born without an arm anyway". I replied it was worse than that, and if I could pick that one over GID, I would.
Quote from: Bird on December 25, 2011, 07:48:06 AM
A friend once told me, when I came out: "It is not like you were born without an arm anyway". I replied it was worse than that, and if I could pick that one over GID, I would.
Ditto.
Jen, what I like about your story is that at least he's trying to understand. That's a whole lot more than most TG people's fathers are willing to do, I think. Consider yourself lucky in that respect.
Lyric ~
I always tell people it's like that nagging feeling that you left the oven on, and no way to be sure you didn't. Some days that feeling is just a quiet whisper Like someone telling you gently in your mind "something is wrong, something is wrong, can you feel it?, your not like the other girls." Other days and you're wondering if at this very moment your house is burning down and someone in your mind is screaming at you with "ARE YOU STUPID? LOOK IN THAT MIRROR! YOU'RE NOT A GUY. SO STOP TRYING TO BE ONE. BY THE WAY, I THINK YOU LEFT THE OVEN ON."
I know it's a bit over the top but to me, it's been that nagging feeling constantly for as long as I can remember.
Far from fair. That is like trying to compare Rosie O' Donnell and Stone Cold Steve Austin....