Hello!
I'm Andris (András/Dris), from Hungary. Somebody sent the link of Forums on Yahoo! Answers. :)
Being 20, still trying to define myself - that's a bit complicated.
I'm the leader of a new-born university LGBTQI group where I'm called mostly a tomboy lesbian girl. Yes, I'm surrounded by gay, lesbian and bisexual people. It's comfortable somehow. Anyway, erm.. to be honest, it feels like I'm a teenage boy stuck in pre/middle-puberty. I do not see myself as a girl when standing alone in front of the mirror.
I don't like to be called a lesbian girl or woman (like my friends and others do), it's simply weird - I've always given myself the label "gay/queer" without noun... May "queer anybody"?!
Had several coming outs in the last year and by saying only "I'm attracted to girls" and they got it if I may label myself as a dyke! But I never meant that. :(
For instance when I came out to my mother declaring I had a girlfriend - she asked back (sounded like being worried and ignorant): "Do you consider yourself being a girl, don't you?" As totally shocked because I've never used labels for identity, neither a woman, nor a complete man I tried to skip it by mumbling "Well... mm.. I have a vagina and I have period, so biologically, erm.. yeah?".
That's it. I feel my body is definitely female and it doesn't bother me after all (gotta admit that my hips can make me disappointed sometimes). I got used to it or what. But do bother the fact that I'm hairy (thick and black), more than a girl's body should be. I used to depilate but I'm not really into it, it's like laziness..? I feel better with hair until somebody says something rude. I'm confused.
Being hairy as a woman gives me damn depressed days, I was also insulted in high school because of my soft/wannabe moustache - and! - I don't hide/shave/depilate them. My voice is also semi-deep, like a boy in the middle of his voice change.
I would do T, just to have some cool facial hair and deep voice. And lesser fat on hips, maybe lesser women-lines. Legally. Maybe a chest surgery also, but I'll leave that for the future. I'm pre-everything. I prefer stay at FTM, but not radically.
((Did bother me also when my ex-girlfriend made me feel I'm a woman (by my biological reactions) in bed. She was patient, sometimes I liked it but when she told me "you're such a woman", my blood was like frozen, I cannot do anything. By the way with other girls I was active, creative, content becuase they let me show only my affection that I like their women-minds. These girls could not touch me after all, and my body "helped me" by having a period regardless of time. Weird, isn't it?))
Somebody calls me by original name by knowing the facts, I accept it, I like her, it's okay. Somebody calls me by orig. name too but when it comes together with an attitude "you're a girl", I don't like that.
New friends mostly call me Andris, I like it but I got used to those female roles and also turn my head if orig. name heard. Recently I'll try to balance by acting this or that with unknown people: I'm not a woman for myself. For another people, I'm a freak/emotional teenage boy/sissy ->-bleeped-<-.
Slowly, I'm collecting memories... one is about, being about 7-8-years-old my classmates finally came to me if I would join them. (I was an outsider, non-wanted there.) They were playing "family" and a girl asked me to choose role. I couldn't say anything, so she angrily asked again "Naaah, male or female?!". I replied "I really don't know. Maybe some none-sex person?" She both laughed and was angry, pulling down my pants to see "what you have". You know, I really liked those humanoid UFO-figures because of non-genitalia.
Last spring when I held hands with my very butch ex-girlfriend, somebody beat me on face for being a sissy ->-bleeped-<-. Androgynous, yeah. ???
Sorry about looong story/intro. I just cannot keep my mouth shut sometimes. :-/
I'm quite confused, I gotta admit. :(
Hi Andris, welcome to Susans! I live near Boston. Thanks for telling us a little about yourself. I'll be seeing you around the site, hugs, Tracey
Hi Andris,it's nice to meet you.There's lots of info and lots of nice people here.Hugs,Rachael.
Thank you'all both for warm welcome. I hope I'll find the place to "sit down" somewhere. :)
Hi Andris :icon_wave: Welcome to Susan's Place!
Jennifer