Me and Jessica have been together for 3 1/2 years now. I knew from when we first got together that she was MtF. We told my mom within a few days of being together that Jessica was trans and after about two years we told Jessica's parents. Almost everyone knows and Jessica wants to be living full time, but there is one person we havent told.
My dad.
Both of us are afraid how he will react. Add to that the fact that we are living in the house that my grandparents left to him that he owns and we can barely afford the bills, so if it goes very bad we're homeless. We are terriffied. I love my dad. He is a very good guy, but I know this will at least make him uneasy. I want to make the situation as easy as possible, but Jessica hidding who she is is not nor should it be an answer. We do not plan to say anything untill after the holidays, but are working on what we plan untill then.
Vanisa
What is the problem with your Dad?
Cindy
He is a bit homophobic and we are worried that no matter what we say he'll just see Jessica as a gay man and kick us out of the house. He lives in a seperate house, but owns the one we live in.
Moral support and a few thoughts:
(1) Most (sane) parents want you to be happy. Once they deal with the shock, they might eventually take their cue from you. If you seem happy for Jessica and perfectly calm, I hope your dad will eventually become more calm about it.
(2) I'd tell him without Jessica there. So if he says something ignorant Jessica won't have her feelings hurt. He can see her again when he's dealt with it a bit.
Good luck! / Maddie
PS My dad believes that gay people can't go to heaven, and this bugs him. So weirdly he is HAPPY that my beloved female partner was long ago born with a male body by mistake. Because he thinks maybe that being with her makes me a little less gay than I was before.
I'm happy that he likes my partner, but I hate one of the reasons why (because she IS female to me GAH). However, the OTHER reason he likes her is that he sees how happy I am. So that's what I'd do - radiate happiness rather than fear.
Does your dad know Jessica as a man or a woman?
I wound up busy with holidays and start of new semester at college so been away for a bit.
Maddie- Thanks for the advice. I think he will come around. I've just got to get to telling him. He just got work again after being out of work for quite awhile, so am letting him get back into working and a routine. We will tell him, but with talking to the therapist she said I need to stop thinking about me and Jessica being homeless in a box and get my mind calm before i tell him.
fionabell- Dad knows Jessica as a man.
Would he be more worried because he would see Jessica as a gay man, or worried because you would become a lesbian couple?
I think your therapist's advice is very helpful. As long as you have that fear looming over your head it'll be hard to come up with any way of approaching the topic. Do you have any way to form a backup plan in case he does kick you out?